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Why not both?
Asexual is lack of either sex drive or attraction.
Stone Butch is a lesbian that prefers to give rather than receive, experiencing greater pleasure by giving to their partner.
May do you some good to go researching both terms to figure out what exactly you identify with about them and why. I know similar searches brought me better understanding of myself.
I'd also recommend reading Stone Butch Blues, I suspect you may find some things you resonate within its pages. Just TW on police brutality, r*ape, homophobia/transphobia, etc
You might want to look into compression tanks. They're less constricting than a regular binder. I use Underworks compression tanks and love them.
It's a misconception that shaving makes your hair thicker. It comes from a combination of two things;
Most people's leg hair doesn't reach its full, adult thickness until you're in your 20s and most women have been shaving for years by then, having started when they had finer, adolescent growth.
Older hair has tapered ends which makes it softer. Hair that has been shaved and then grown back more recently has blunt ends from being cut, this makes if feel more wirey.
If you don't believe me, here are a couple of links I quickly found from Google:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/hair-removal/faq-20058427
I think it would be good to go to Dick's (lolz) or an outdoor store and just kinda look through their selection and see what 'calls' to you. It's very much a hobby to collect knives but also practical if you use a multi tool or a similar tool daily. If you don't use one now, you can always get something cheap and see what you make of it.
Personally, I keep a small everyday carry knife and I have some other various multi tools in the car with a flashlight n stuff.
I'll second this option! I also recently picked up this belt clip as an alternative to clipping into the belt loop and I'm loving it already. My key fob is so huge I sometimes worry that it'll eventually rip right through the belt loop if I keep wearing it that way.
Hello! I don't have any advice for you, mostly because I'm bad at giving it, but I am sharing the link of the Am I A Lesbian document here. It helped me a lot when I was trying to figure out if I'm ace or a lesbian, I hope it helps you too!
https://www.docdroid.net/N46Ea3o/copy-of-am-i-a-lesbian-masterdoc-pdf
Along with Stone Butch Blues (which is available as a free PDF) I would also recommend Female Masculinity by Jack Halberstam.
I’m only one year older than you hahah so I’ll leave my advice at pointing to other work.
Herban Cowboy Men's Cologne, Forest, 1.7 Ounce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00N3K1NXW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_5CyJE26JGuRKG
This is my cologne. It’s a pine forest granola-crunchy musk. If you’re into smelling like you’re from Vermont this is the way to go 😅
Same! I wear a size 6 in women's, so it's pretty much impossible to find masculine shoes. These are actually women's shoes I got on Amazon: U-lite Women's Perforated Lace-up Wingtip Leather Flat Oxfords Vintage Oxford Shoes Brogues (5, Brownblue) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074DWD5CG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_62zYBbN6BZ4F1
Target has a brand called “Harry’s” (I think you can get it online and possibly elsewhere) and the one with the green lid is the one my fiancée uses. It lingers on her skin just long enough and it’s pleasantly masc without being overly “manly” or whatever.
I got this cheapie on Amazon a few years ago and I'm surprised at how many times I reach for it in the drawer.
dongjing Invisible Brassie Tape (1 Pairs) New (Beige, 3.15 inch) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QGS9PHM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_AEU5CbFEFE5ZY There are way better priced choices but amazon is a start. If you try it let me know how if goes. Us Tomb Raiders got to keep the nips tamed I guess
If you have Android, Cube Call Recorder is the best. I use the modded premium version. https://dlandroid.com/cube-call-recorder-acr-apk/
Here's the safe/free version https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.catalinagroup.callrecorder
If you don't know how to sharpen a knife, try buying something that you can switch out the blade when it gets dull, like this.
These. I share your feelings about regular bras being out of my comfort zone, and I have issues with the feelings of clasps and buckles on my skin, so these are a lifesaver for me.
i bought this sports bra bikini from amazon and it's been great!! my sports bras always ended up full of sand or changed color etc. if you do buy something like that top, keep in mind the sizes are all like chinese sizes. so for example i'm like a 40DD, usually wear XL shirts, and i bought an XXL top. read the reviews! i hope you find something <3
also, you can swim in a binder. gc2b says if you're going to swim in a binder, buy a binder one size larger than you usually wear. but, i wouldn't recommend it since wet binders don't feel good.
I had a ton of penetration troubles until very recently so you are absolutely not alone. I went through trauma myself and therapy + a pelvic floor PT who was trauma informed helped me a LOT. There are a couple of books around this - the one that helped me the most was Call of the Wild: How we heal from trauma. Something to remember is that sex is still sex, penetration or not! Many couples do not penetrate and their love is still valid and their sex is still sex! Another good book if you want to deconstruct your shame is Come as You Are
I'd love to but I live outside North America so Idk if they sell the same one there. What I found really similar to mine is these. Looks same tbh especially the second ones. Anything looking like these will work imo. And def remove the bra cups.
https://www.amazon.com/Calvin-Klein-Invisibles-Lightly-Bralette/dp/B07791WR7C/
https://www.amazon.com/Bali-Revolution-EasyLite-Seamless-Wireless/dp/B08MWS9K3D
They may not flatten a lot but still better than other bras in many ways I believe. For the size, tighter the better. But not as tight as the bras go explode.
you can be butch with big boobs. Female masculinity is not about being male. Whatever you feel, that's your female masculinity.
Great book on the subject: "Female Masculinity" by Halberstam. On Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Female-Masculinity-Jack-Halberstam/dp/0822322439
You need to be kinder to yourself and learn to talk gently to yourself. Lack of confidence is something you "download" from your parents either through verbal abuse, gaslighting, picking up on the self-hate your parents have for themselves. This book helped me a lot to overcome negative self talk. I'd also take time to do some meditation for healing your inner child and/or shame. There are many good ones on YouTube. Be kind to yourself.
I'm the same way. Just the other day I was telling my therapist ... "I don't want to be a MAN. But I want to be a boy person." I have dysphoria, and work to build my physique to me masculine (shoulders) but I don't want body hair. I am just going to socially transition. It's ok to land where you feel most comfortable. There's a great book called You and Your Gender Identity - it has helped me and might help you.
Take your time. You have all the time in the world to explore your identity. There's a great book - You and Your Gender Identity - I highly recommend it for sorting through your feelings.
I too am AFAB and historically more "straight" than lesbian which made my youth in the 90s mad confusing. Upon discovering I am transmasc, I think in my head that I'm a gay man without the parts which reassures me.
Don't feel pressured to move quickly with physical changes. It's good to remember that you can have different levels of satisfaction with your gender alone, in public, and with a lover. FTM trans folks on Reddit would have you think we all go on T immediately and get top surgery ASAP but that isn't so. Plenty of us don't. Plenty of us identify as simply non-binary or genderqueer or butch and make a life from presenting in a way that validates us.
I am still early in the process. I changed my work pronouns to she/them which made me feel great and in certain circles I am going my "M" instead of my full name. You are allowed to try things out. You are allowed to discard what doesn't feel good. There is no timeline. You have all the time in the world to explore. In the end, what makes your feel good is the winning thing. Do not let anyone else dictate your transition or lack of transition. 👍
I like the OG straight leg jeans from Old Navy - I’m between a 26 and a 28 so I usually buy the 28 and add a no-show elastic belt like this. They also have stretchy chinos in the same cut.
I bought this like 6 months ago. I hate feeling so restricted so I never want a binder but this only feels kinda “tight”. I can take in deep breaths comfortably. I wear a medium and it compresses better than my “sports bras” they’re technically bralettes but they compress me way more than a sports bra AND are more comfortable than the compression top so I usually wear those all the time (think they’re on Amazon too). Both happen to be on sale right now. But the Hanes does compress more and is comfortable. Neither completely flatten me but but it’s enough that I look flat in jackets and hoodies. Im pretty small (not in the chest, but in everything else lol) so I’m not sure how well the compression will hold up for bigger sizes. I know only the first is a compression bra but that bralette was a surprisingly good find for me. Seriously, WAY better than sports bras.
Here's an excellent queertheory book on butches: "Female Masculinity" by Jack Halberstam. Written back in 1998, but goddam it's validating! Guess what, folks: masculine females are real, yes, we take up our space, and yes, you'll be just fine around us. No, we don't want to be men- we want to be exactly what we are: BUTCH. Surprise! LOL
https://www.amazon.com/Female-Masculinity-Jack-Halberstam/dp/0822322439
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085BR5MBB?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details is what I got. It's a very light compression but I find it more comfortable than a sports bra at least.
I am the mother of a toddler I carried. During my years of pregnancy, I found myself attempting to fit into the femme box. Now that my son is older, I'm reverting back to the butchness of my youth and I feel great about it! I never wanted a kid but the desire struck me when I was in my late 20s.
There's an excellent graphic novel called Pregnant Butch: Nine Long Months Spent in Drag - it is excellent and really reflects my experiences as a butch mom. Thankfully, I live in a progressive city and I've met others just like me through my LGBTQIA+ community chorus.
The only funky thing I'm left with from pregnancy is poor feelings around my breasts and some dysphoria, but I'm working through it with my therapist. I was a small chested young butch, but having a child changed my body in various ways.
Beyond the Binary might be a good one!
It's the difference between Female Masculinity and male masculinity. They're very different indeed.
The whole book is definitely worth a read.
Not sure if that's masculine enough for you - I tried to replace my old Adidas bikini, but couln't find that cut any more, but found one by arena in a sports store
My mom was abusive to me growing up and obsessed with me being her little feminine doll when all I wanted to do was play in the mud outside. I only really had male friends and was really close with my grandfather. I also got molested a lot, increasingly after I hit puberty, so I blamed my female body and femininity on it, since bad things were more likely to happen to me the more feminine I was dressed. Once I realized I like girls it was even more difficult for me to talk to them and be their friends. I was mostly friends with neckbeards, which made my view of women even worse. On top of that I have ASD, which makes it even harder to relate to other women because I have trouble understanding all the weird social cues I'm expected to know instinctively from a childhood around girls.
Luckily I got an awesome girlfriend who is a badass butch herself. We both went through some gender issues and settled on our birth genders and got some awesome female friends who are smart and weird and don't give a fuck. In particular, I have recently looked back on some artists, musicians, and authors I was really into as a kid and I realized how creepy some of their messages about women were. I was really into Piers Anthony and it turns out he's a weird pedo and I'm pretty sure his books are designed to groom little girls. Now that I'm reading books written by queer women I'm feeling so much better about myself and my place in the world. This book in particular was really good.
I am a big fan of black tunstein rings, stuff like this: https://www.amazon.com/King-Will-Classic-Tungsten-Polished/dp/B00LFIMMMU/ref=mp_s_a_1_omk_4
Also stainless steel chain bracelets: https://www.amazon.com/GuoShuang-Stainless-Bracelet-Bracelets-Jewelry/dp/B08Z7Z7GHW/ref=mp_s_a_1_8
I have an everyday knapsack I use that doesn't at all look feminine. I have too much crap to haul around to not have a bag, lol. Here is the one I bought: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0824VGJ2H/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_RMK2VRW5TGDH5458M4V5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
When I first went back to swimming, I was really self conscious. I had gained some weight after an injury and despite being generally femme, would go to the pool in board shorts and a tank over a bikini top. Not the greatest for laps and when you get out it all clings to your body anyways. After a while I got more comfy and realized, no one can see me in the water and no one’s looking at me out of it (except that I probly look out of place wearing something other than a suit lol). Pool time is like, euphoric for me. I have my music player and I’m in my world. ☺️
Now after 4 yrs of full time swimming I am mostly back to my pre injury shape (fu Covid for slowing that down with closures lol) and exposure has made me comfy with my body again but I still prefer the shorts. (Who the hell wants to deal with a bikini line 4x a week. Screw that lol)
If you’re using a chlorine pool I def suggest investing in some neutralizing wash for your suit. It’ll last you way longer.
Here’s the links.
hey! I totally feel you on this post, and while I haven’t found a perfect solution yet, I’ve been leaning into more one-piece/worker type outfits as it’s easy to find baggier styles and lots of neutral designs. I was in Chicago a few years back and found some rad ones at Target I still wear often, otherwise I’d maybe look at Old Navy/American Eagle/Gap as they offer ‘tall’ sizing and have frequent sales! (Never buy anything at Gap at full price hahah) I really want to get a Dickie’s one but they’re on the pricier side (like this: https://www.amazon.ca/Dickies-Womens-Sleeve-Cotton-Coverall/dp/B07S5GRFLB/ref=asc_df_B07S5GRFLB/?tag=googlemobshop-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=341843811005&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16506594490085165327&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqm...)
Best of luck to you!
I'm annoying and like attention lmfao. I don't think that's something that can be learned one way or another or even if it should be.
I saw someone else mention the book Staring: How We Look and said it helped them deal with it. Might be worth a shot for you!
As a writer, I feel the same sentiment. There are very few books (if any) that are a safe space for queer women. That was the thought process behind my book: Evermore Queer Anthology. It's a bunch of stories that are all queer in nature and there are pretty much no men in the story, except for one, which still pans to a queer audience. You should check it out!
This may not be the right fit for her, but Timex recently put out a digital watch with a rainbow stripe that's on my wishlist. I'm loath to link Amazon but in the interest of clarity here's a link
Really sorry you have to deal with ogling. You may not have much time to read, but a book really helped me with this: Staring: How We Look by Rosemarie Garland Thomson. It comes more from a disability perspective, as folks with visible disabilities are othered and ogled a lot and have developed some great strategies for dealing with it, but the types of staring and many of the response strategies apply equally to GNC folks, too.
Just know that among the starers are probably some baby butches that want to be like you, some thinking you are the sexiest thing they have ever seen and others of all stripes that admire your bravery for being full-on yourself. Come back here and vent anytime if you need to. We feel you.
I used to work 14+ hours a day on my feet and honestly, trainers were the way to go. I tried all the different types of boots but nothing ever felt good like my Asics. In my warehouse now I have something close to these Timbs.
Going to a barber and explaining what you would prefer might be your best option. I use Layrite Matte Pomade. I put it in when my hair is towel dried and that has helped with it not clumping together and after it’s mostly dried I run my fingers through it a bunch and that helps to keep it not looking slick backed and wetish but keeps the hold I am looking for. Good luck OP!
Layrite Natural Matte Cream, Basic, White, Mild Cream Soda, 4.25 Oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01GIW9842/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_E96DMK04T8VF095EJ531
I got this https://www.amazon.de/dp/B07KMQ9RFB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_BZYGXSCC70479Y4XV2AG and then just wear trunks on top. It's literally like a bikini in the style of a high-collared plain black Adidas sports bra.
I got this https://www.amazon.de/dp/B07KMQ9RFB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_i_BZYGXSCC70479Y4XV2AG and then just wear trunks on top. It's literally like a bikini in the style of a high-collared plain black Adidas sports bra.
I’ve carried a Victorinox Swiss Army classic SD for several years. It has just the right useful tools for everyday without overdoing it: knife, screwdriver, tiny scissors (I use these more than anything else which was surprising at first), tweezers, toothpick. It also has a ring so you can add it to your keychain, but I prefer mine in my pocket.
Victorinox Swiss Army Classic SD Pocket Knife, Yellow, 58mm https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000FNDV8K/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_WQ3CHJAP8VVWGZ9ZEYWW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
my go-to solution is nippies, they’re by far the best adhesive nipple covers i’ve tried. a pair will hold up through a few months of daily use before the adhesive wears out, so unfortunately they do still need occasional replacing. but the outline doesn’t show through shirts at all and they’re super comfortable, so i think they’re worth a try!
Fruit of the Loom Men's Tag-Free... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08GZL3J73?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share the “Woven 6 Pack” are the ones I have. They’re super comfy aside from the weird space it might leave on your butt because of the hip accommodation and the slangin’ pocket, but otherwise they’re great
Yeah definitely try a better fitting harness... for me I can feel everything, it feels like I actually have a dick. I use this one (ignore the weird dick they have in it in this picture): https://www.amazon.com/Aslan-Leather-Cherry-Strap-Harness/dp/B00K6BL6GK
UPDATE! This is what I got. I did NOT pay $250 for it btw, I bought the last one and paid $58. (I know, it's a lot for a chair, but it folds up which I love and honestly am I gonna care that it was $58 when I'm face-deep in the snooch? Hell no I am not!) I guess they were waiting to raise the price on the next batch or something bc it changed right after my order went through.
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I measured my neck (LMAO) and the hole is big enough. And she def won't have any trouble putting her legs through the arm rest holes if necessary bc we're both clinical-level hypermobile. Although... I def won't mind if I get smothered to death by her NOT doing that...
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https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CKXHMPD/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
This...
https://www.amazon.com/Le%C3%B3n-Jewelry-Pattern-Stainless-Necklace/dp/B07VFVM59H
It is said that onyx allows the wearer to better control his/her sexual energy. I use it to ward off baddies who only want attention :) Not that I believe in it, but it serves as a reminder.
I bought an awesome pair of men style boxers/trunks on Amazon by a brand called Everybody Undies. Similar to tomboyx trunks only much more affordable. I had been buying tomboyx but couldn't keep buying them due to price! (my dog keeps eating my underwear haha!).
they are super duper soft, good fit for my wider hips. no opening or bulge in front.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DF54CFB
Hope this helps!!
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Workspaces are neat! Have you met any other fellow leathercrafters at the workspace? And I envisioned some kind of burning process for etching. :) Have you ever made your own stamps?
You can find models on Amazon! Here are a couple (I think the color is awesome on Iron Man): Iron Man and War Machine Sometimes the models are a little tricky or patience-trying to put together. For example, rolling a rectangle into a cylinder. Not my favorite thing to do, because it's difficult to form smooth rounds. T_T Lol.
I bought some simple suede looking Navy blue addidas casual sneakers from Amazon for about $30 recently. They are Stiller comfy for my wide feet, and look more masculine.
adidas Women's Shoes | Courtset... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G9L7CIQ?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I came here to say the exact same thing. Amazon fake gauges. I got these and they are great quality : Stainless Steel Mens Womens Stud Earrings Set Ear Piercing Plugs Tunnel Punk Style (1 Pairs (Black)) https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01N3CQSP7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_5OcUt7EcoaP4N
The answer is "Yes." Check out Ty Bo Yule's memoir, "Chemically Enhanced Butch," currently available as an ebook (https://smile.amazon.com/Chemically-Enhanced-Butch-Ty-Yule-ebook/dp/B088B4LZZ4/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Ty+Bo+Yule&qid=1597807947&sr=8-1), and coming out soon in print, to read about someone who ended up identifying as a butch lesbian taking T. BTW, she's had an interesting life.
BALEAF Women's 7 Inches Long... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZFV3LLF?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I just got these and I love them, perfect length, not too feminine looking but they account for hips and a butt so they don’t ride up!
I have B cup tits and when I wear a binder it’s like it makes my chest TOO flat. Maybe this is also because I’m fairly muscular and it just squishes everything so my chest is nearly concave, when what I want is pecs!
Since I’m so small I found a sports bra that works for me — tight but a good fit, no padding, and hides my nipples (which are always up). I think it’s about finding a bra/binder that works for your shape and achieves the affect you want. They are not all the same and they are very much an engineering problem waiting to be solved — different structures reshape my body in different ways.
Edit: this is the bra I have now. It makes my chest look masculine and I love it so much I bought three. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GZN9WBL?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
I used to wear traditional boxers, but the lack of mobility in them and the butt seems aggravated me when I was wearing jeans. One of my siblings ended up getting me these ones from amazon that were like biker shorts and like a spandex material. They don’t have a butt seem, except for in the middle like pants, but they’re incredibly comfy and soft. I wear them around the house and it legit feels like I’m not clothed. They’re called “sexy basics” underwear. The only thing is you have to size up in them. I wear a 12 in women’s pants and had to get a triple xl in them. You can even get some without a wasteband. They’re also nice to workout in https://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Basics-Womens-Panties-Pack-NEON/dp/B07RR9G5M2/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=sexy%2Bbasics%2Bunderwear%2Bwomen&qid=1597356551&sprefix=sexy%2Bbas&sr=8-3&th=1&psc=1
My 5’2” self realized that 5” inseam men’s shorts are the best thing around last summer. I have several pairs of Chubbies brand and love them but they are $50 ish a pair.
I bought two different pairs from Amazon last year at $25 and they are awesome. I didn’t even have to have them shortened so that saved me $$ (I have to get everything tailored!).
Try these: Goodthreads Men's 5" Inseam Flat-Front Stretch Chino Shorts, -navy, 32 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DZVGD6S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_LT6hEb8SVZR2H
If you’re into green, you can get these for $13! Goodthreads Men's 5" Inseam Lightweight Oxford Short, olive, 30 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DZWZ3Z1/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_8V6hEb5BF68Q7
The Oxford ones are soooo light and breezy. Best I’ve found for southern humid summers.
Oh awesome idea! So, the globe opens to house said whiskey?
edit: Like this?
I’ve had good luck with Billabong and O’Neill brand boardshorts. They both have stretchy models that seem to be big enough to get over my thicc thighs and booty, but then taper a bit towards the knee for a non-gaping opening.
Here’s a couple links: O’Neill Hyperfreak
For reference: I’m 5’4”, wear men’s 36ish waist or women’s 14-16.
Edit: included a pic first time around. Removed per rules.
try wildfang they have a good selection of men's clothing for women and are meant to also fit curvier female bodies.
I found an awesome pair of men style boxers/trunks made for a curvier female frame on Amazon by a brand called Everybody Undies.
they are super duper soft, good fit for my wider hips. no opening or bulge in front.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07DF54CFB
Hope this helps!!
Seriously. I love them.
I also have really been feeling these lapel pins.
They feel fun and quirky.
I am greatly considering getting 5+ of them in different colors and wearing them basically daily.