Oh, honey. You ARE sick, even if you don't present with a horribly underweight body. Talk to your GP. They CAN help. Use your access to therapy. It CAN help. Stop worrying about eating healthy, and just worry about nurishing your body and KEEPING IT DOWN until you've reset your B/P habits. Brain over Binge is a book that may help you. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984481702/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_.m1rCb9PR318M
I’d suggest reading the book Intuitive Eating. It has some really useful guidelines about identifying your hunger cues and respecting them.
In the meaning, definitely don’t wait until your stomach is growling! Most people don’t do that, and it could risk under-nourishment. I think in recovery if you’re thinking you might be hungry, you probably are. You should feel free to eat as much as you want at any time.
Hi there,
it's really hard to find any information about fitness without the calorie counting stuff. I also looked into that a while ago. At the time I found one book in the library about bodyweight fitness. It was in the mens gym section, so a bit hard to find for me. I know two fitness related apps without calorie counting.
The first one is a game where one levels little monsters by step counting. Its called Wokamon (a little warning: I got an intense walking urge from that, up to 30 km a day, also i used that a while ago and i am not sure whether they added an calorie counting "feature" in the meantime)
The other one is this: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.davor.thirtydayfit
It is actually not discontinued even though the internet says it is. You can get it on amazon here
Hey, you're doing great. I hope the sundae was delicious.
I feel you on the clothes front... my size hadn't changed in probably way too long tbh, and I finally made what was a huge move for me and bought the next size up... only for them to not fit within literally like 8 weeks. The sheer panic. But, like, I'm so exhausted by panicking over a freaking pair of pants. Are you? Try to focus on that exhaustion. Imagine all of the things you could dedicate your energy to, all of the ways you could grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually if you could free up the space in your brain that is currently occupied by thoughts of twig arms and tiny pants.
It's so hard. I just started the book "fearing the black body" which talks about the direct connection between white supremacy and fatphobia. I'm using that as fuel to reframe my thinking, since willing myself to not care is proving to be extremely difficult. Maybe something like that could help you?
Keep it up, you're a champ.
i use zenwise from amazon. think i started right in the beginning of 2022 (probably haven’t taken since 2019 or 2020) and i think it does help a bit. less acid reflux and heart burn than i used to have. still get nauseous and bloated but i do recommend this
Zenwise Digestive Enzymes... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091DBMLMV?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Zenwise Digestive Enzymes... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091DBMLMV?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
i use this one. they offer a variety of sizes for different prices. and amazon also has their own brand for a cheaper price, too
Zenwise Digestive Enzymes Probiotics and Prebiotics - Digestion and Bloating Relief for Women and Men, Lactose Absorption with Amylase & Bromelain, 100 Count https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091DBMLMV/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_ZAZ8W6GMND1V44JZM91S
I'm so sorry that this has been your experience and I can relate to this post and your confusion around what's real/what's overreacting/what's not as a child of a narcissist.
Based on this post alone, I feel confident in saying that, no, you are not overreacting.
Yes, your disorder is real.
No, it is not your fault and you are not irrevocably fucked up.
You are making changes now, and that is enough.
Not sure if you like reading, but the book Running on Empty was a helpful one for me. It pertains more to emotional neglect, but it might still resonate - https://www.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional/dp/161448242X
Ahahaha, egg on chopsticks!!
For soreness, get epsom lotion!! I SWEAR it helps SOOOOOO freaking much.
Not sure if you're in the US but this is the brand I use: https://www.amazon.com/Relief-Epsom-Calming-Relaxing-Lavender/dp/B01BRL766Q/ref=sr_1_15?keywords=epsom+salt+lotion&qid=1639496955&sr=8-15
Btw I love your updates, your earnest spirit really comes across. Rooting for you!
I did a lot of treatment (OP, IOP, PHP, and residential) but I did not actually get better until I did the work on my own outside of a treatment setting. The book 8 Keys To Recovering From An Eating Disorder helped me more than anything else.
My time has come - this is literally an issue I've suffered with so tremendously and have had great luck with the right supplements that I'm always gushing about to others. I *highly* recommend Natrol's 10,000mcg biotin tablets, they made my nails grow crazy strong and healthy after years of brittle nails due to malnourishment. I personally prefer the chewable ones that are strawberry flavored bc they taste like strawberry ice cream, but even the regular ones that you just swallow are good. I'm sure other brands would be just as good too, but whatever brand you choose, I'd recommend a dosage between 5,000 - 10,000 mcg. Jsyk though some people experience acne on biotin supplements, but this is usually only if you're already acne prone, I personally never experienced it. This is the one I use:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00JKK3MAG/ref=ox_sc_saved_title_1?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1
The Body Image Workbook - this is a good step by step therapy book for if you have BDD or generally have issues with that stem from hating a part of your appearance.
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Full disclosure, I am still working through it, I am really slow on my roll to do it though cause it requires setting 20 mins daily for 3 days to journal and I am v noncommittal, but skimming through, I think I would be an excellent resource for people who's ED are affected by horrible body image.
I am also working through intuitive eating 3rd edition, I'm holding my recommendation until I finish tho
read "never binge again" it has some great tools for managing binge eating.
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Delete credit card info from Google accounts, delete food delivery app accounts, and don't try to remember numbers. To answer your original question here's an app that blocks other apps. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.stayfocused
Of course! I wish you and your family all the best. Recovery is possible! Also, an additional note. If you want to research all-in recovery more and find more scientific backing try searching “intuitive eating” and looking at results related to eating disorders. This should help with finding more clear answers to any questions you may have. I also highly recommend you read this book my nutritionist had me read that delves into the ideas behind intuitive eating: https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-Revolutionary-Program-Works/dp/1250004047/ref=nodl_
It’s almost like radiation damage from the sun. Some people are affected greatly by just a bit. Some people it takes more. Some have symptoms show early, and some have symptoms show decades later.
My personal issues have been varied. The biggest issue was that not getting help early let my disorder grow deeper and root itself deeper into my psyche. In the first two years of being in this (varying from 2x a day to 1x per week) I had slowed digestion, uncontrollable food cravings, puffy cheeks. After ten years, I had dental problems: weakened enamel, cavities, and two root canals despite having “nice white teeth”. The lack consistent nourishment led to a big tummy and stick like limbs, poor posture and lack of strength in my joints- knee pain and eventual ACL tear. The dopamine highs and lows led to alcoholism, drugs, and nicotine addiction. The low self esteem led to degrading, abusive relationships with controlling men. At fifteen years into this, my stomach hurts almost all the time despite purging rarely. I get heartburn easily. I have heart palpitations daily, despite being overweight. I have rhenods disease, and probably POTS. I struggle and think about food constantly, likely from the years of malnourishment. Even the slightest restrictive behaviors will lead to serious stomach bloat, the opposite of what it used to do for me.
Eventually your body will compensate (good news, because that means life!). Purging will get even less effective, not that it is effective to begin with. Your food cravings will increase, you fullness signals will disappear.
As far as other physical ailments, I suggest getting the book “Sick Enough”.
That being said, I’m still all fucked up so maybe don’t listen to me.
the book never binge again, i know lofty goal, helped me with some great tools and insight. sure, nothing is a silver bullet for ED, but it opened my head to some new things.
it's free with amazon prime on kindle.
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Normal-Eating-Commonsense-Undereaters/dp/0936077212
I LOVE this book. It helped me immensely. Even if you don't have all the same issues or have more/less than she did, it is a great way to help you think about things.