This is a book that we read to our daughter once in a while that kind of reinforces the point of some families being different and having different structures, but still that it's a perfect family just the way we are.
This book is also on Libby if you have a library card!
Not all Christians are anti-abortion, it can be a moral good. Trust yourself and get counseling/pastoral counseling if you need help processing.
Your feelings are legit. This book helped me to cope with that primary caregiver feeling of wanting to toss my husband out of a window when baby was new.
Thank you for this wonderful reply. I really do want this to be the case. I keep driving my fiancee crazy because I keep flip flopping when I hear a testimonial like this and think it sounds like the perfect life and then I read an article like this and I think holy shit sleep 4 days with no sleep sounds like torture and I don't want that at all.
Can you attest to any of that? I think I really do want one later down the line, but the horror stories complicate that decision...
Here's the link for the book. It was recommended to me by my doctor and while I often didn't feel like doing it or like it was helping in the moment, I did feel better equipped by the time I was done :) I used the meditations frequently even after the 8 weeks, choosing whichever one seemed to fit my needs that day. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1609618955/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_B6SB0JB52SRE0CYE6S1Y?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
A climbing dome. I put it in my living room.
Eezy Peezy Monkey Bars Climbing Tower - Active Outdoor Fun for Kids Ages 3 to 8 Years Old, Green/Blue https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007GQ0YKC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_CepLFbXTTRCAE?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
This seems like a group who could benefit from these: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01MQGPQQA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_SUZjFbG0TMBYE
They run smaller than you’d expect. My son wears 3T in pants but we had to order size Large. BUT these were wonderful for night training when we finally got to it. They’re great for daytime too if you’d like to move away from Pull Ups since those are basically diapers and your kid knows it.
My daughter is turning one on Christmas, so I got her several things for both occasions. I got her a little red car to be pushed around in that she'll eventually be able to "drive" herself: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Cozy-Coupe-Anniversary/dp/B001NQHN7S. I also got her some blocks (connecting ones and squishy ones), a bucket with shape cut outs that blocks can be shoved into, some big egg-shaped crayons and finger paints and construction paper, and several squishmallows lol.
one of the kids at our daycare is a biter (since about the same age) rather than a paci/dummy they have a chew necklace (They have the kid wearing it like a crossbody purse so it isn't a choking hazard) that they have been teaching the kid to bite when they get frustrated. (something like this).
my kid was on the receiving end of bites a couple of times before they started with the necklace but we haven't had too many incidents since then. (and I wasn't upset, aside from having known the family for a while before we were expecting, kids are little chaos gremlins and shit happens) It was the same thing when they would send home accident reports "your child fell" me: gee I'm shocked that my 10 month old who has been walking for a few weeks is falling over and you didn't catch him in time. Sometimes we can't catch him in time and it's 2-1 instead of 1-3.
what about one of those wooden activity cubes? always a hit in dr's offices with kids and my daughter absolutely loved hers. plus they're sturdy enough for little ones to pull themselves up. now our friends pass it around as people have babies. they hold up really well!!
I was going to get my, life’s Burt and Ernie 2 year old this cup this year. It looks like it has space for a straw, and who doesn’t love a lid.
Burt and Ernie cup
There's a OAD family I follow on YT and they just released a kids book
Not even a pack and play with a proper mattress?
Or if you want to spend a boatload...Guava)
When we lived in an apartment we put carpets in our LO room and bought her this type of sandal to wear indoors. They have cushioning from the sole being a soft, almost squishy material so it wouldn’t make so much noise if she was running or stomping.
Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684033888/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GM0F5RRHBKWQESRF5HGH
There is also a podcast! Sending positive vibes your way!
She was in her car seat on the plane up to age 5. Look up the airline policies but the FAA "encourages" children to be in car seats for safety. We had a Britax Advocate, fairly wide as far as car seats go. It fit.
Car Seat Wheels
We liked this book because it covered all kinds of strategies with some guidelines based on your kid’s personality. It covers the oh crap bare bottom too but isn’t nearly as rigid or regimented, which drove us all crazy and tanked our attempts.
Stress-Free Potty Training: A... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01019D3PI?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Our son is still having accidents 6 months later (just turned 3) but at school they take all the kids to the bathroom regularly. He’s been in underwear during the day the entire time. We send 2 backup outfits daily. At the beginning that wasn’t enough, but pretty soon he was staying dry at school save perhaps 1 accident.
“Must be potty trained” usually means they don’t want to change diapers. It also usually means they’re used to kids having accidents sometimes. We are required to send 2 extra outfits for context, it’s not because our kid is new to toileting. The classroom also has backup outfits if it’s a rough day, and last summer we sent extra extra outfits.
Recommended this book:
Her approach and opinions aren't for everyone, but we followed this as my son approached 3 and it's worked. He's 3 years, 2 months now, still not night trained and it's 50/50 for the poops, but I keep on referring back to this book, her articles and podcasts... Has worked well.
Hatch is a good option for this. You can set the color as well as the sound of different schedules.
I tell my daughter she isn’t allowed to get up until it turns pink. Let say your your daughter gets up at 5:30. Have the light come on at 5:45. Once she gets used to that time move it to 6. We did this with my daughter and she now sleeps until 7.
Hatch Rest+ Baby Sound Machine, Night Light, Time-to-Rise Plus Audio Monitor, White Noise Soother, Toddler Sleep Trainer, Kids Alarm Clock, Nightlight https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WFXGNGF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_N52RHR6GG4YJXKNH6MBE
I bought my mom the book "I'm Dead, Now What?: Important Information About My Belongings, Business Affairs, and Wishes" and she loves it. We are a morbid bunch.
You may also want to check out "Get It Together: Organize Your Records So Your Family Won't Have To "
It's good that you were very clear with her. That should help some with the conversations to come. Your feelings are very natural and valid. So long as you don't take it out on the child, whose not at fault, naturally, then you have the right to feel how you feel and to work through it at your own pace.
As for the literature, there's a good deal out there! I'm sure you will find more if you have a moment to look, but I know at the moment it will likely take all the energy you have just to digest any information given to you. So, first, this book, One and Only, comes highly recommended and covers both sides, as a parent of a singleton and as a child growing up a singleton.
Then there's this article that really goes through the nitty gritty of different effects of having an only child and does a fair job of covering most people's concerns, including many stereotypes. Those two should be a good jumping off point and I'd be happy to do some light research for you, if you have any specific concerns (as I know you must be exhausted!).
Peaceful parenting sounds like it might be a good fit for you. I am a gentle soul who was yelled at and hit as a child so I find that to be the style that suits me. I still have gentle FIRM boundaries. I never yell, it’s just not in my personality. I hope your girlfriend can learn another way.
This book helped some of the families I nannied for. I hope she reads it. If not, just keep being calm and kind so your son will always have that foundation from you.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting (The Peaceful Parent Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399160280/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_X8PRPJ8KG8E64BWTB5C0
Rebecca Eanes Peaceful Parenting Workbook is also a great resource. And “How to Talk So Little Kids Listen” is pretty much the holy grail of toddlers. Maybe she wouldn’t need to yell and shame if her communication skills were better.
I don’t know if it’s still in print but there was a book growing up called ‘the lonely only mouse’ which admittedly sounds sad but it’s actually super cute about an only mouse who thinks he wants brothers and sisters then has a cousin to come sleep over who has loads of siblings and then he realises how much he loves his set up. found it! https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lonely-Only-Mouse-Smith-Wendy/dp/067081251X
Yes!! I am a former educator who worked with young kids and this book is a serious Life Hack!
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1451663889/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_X00CRTE3FKN66A0E2QX6
I put a link to make it easy, most libraries have it and digital to download to your kindle app on your phone so you can access instantly!
The other book I highly recommend for all parents is
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060930438/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_JE4GPV89BZ3N83TG3W3X
When I go to thrift stores I buy any copies I see and give them to parents with young kids. It can really change relationships for the better.
My wife swears by The Wonder Weeks. It was kind of spooky how often our daughter would start doing some new thing and then she'd read a chapter and it would predict it perfectly.
This is a great overall book: Ages and Stages: A Parent's Guide to Normal Childhood Development
I agree with the child psychologist recoomendation. In the meantime,this book is a great resource https://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Connecting/dp/0399160280 .
It seems like I'm going to go a bit against the grain here, but it sounds like a lot of this is normal 6yo behaviour. She doesn't know how to regulate her emotions yet, and she may be trying to make bids for connection with you any way she can right now, even if that's by misbehaving. The book "Your Six Year Old" by Louise Bates Ames might shed some light on her behaviour: https://www.amazon.ca/Your-Six-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506743/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=your+six+year+old&qid=1621038212&sr=8-1. The excerpt alone seems to describe a lot of what you're seeing with your daughter. From what I've seen about this series of books, some of the advice and gender norms are dated, but the behaviour descriptions are spot on.
When I worked as a preschool teacher these blocks along with the cards it came with really kept the children’s attention and they were able to quietly created buildings like the cards and even made their own creations!
KEVA Structures 200 Plank Set https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004P5PD9O/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_FTNHMA17RP5HS71TSXS7?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Ooof, this is a tough one just because of the logistics (i.e. they can see/watch/interact with you when you are outside). Which strikes me as is being super creepy, btw...
Definitely stick to an info diet, where you limit the amount of contact as much as possible, and don't tell them anything. You don't have to justify your choice, period. When you are outside, give a short, respectful answer and then just ignore. Neighbor talks, you say something like, "Thanks for your thoughts! We just want to play alone right now, we appreciate you giving us some space!" Repeat once if she won't leave you alone, and then just IGNORE.
A few other options. Have you thought about, or would you want to, put up some visual barrier that would prevent them from seeing into your yard? Something like these: https://www.amazon.com/SunShade-Triangle-Sail-Shade-Cover/dp/B004VWXL22 I know that a lot of restaurants will put several of them up over patio seating to block the sun, and it might be a tactful way to just block out the neighbors.
Also, I'm not sure what your options would be to pack your daughter up and head to a park or somewhere else that you can play without being bothered. I know it's an inconvenience, but it may go a long way in saving your sanity in this situation.
Honestly, this would piss me off so much. But, we are a very private family and it would infuriate me to have someone be this nosy. I'd probably go with the rude, nuclear option, just to be able to end the contact. But, I also don't think that's a wise option either...
HABAs line of kids game is next level as far as I'm concerned (as a board game collector). Introducing games as cooperative activities is really exciting for me. I can't wait to try My First Orchard with our son when he turns two.
I have an almost 28-month old and I felt horrible today that I lost my patience with her. She's going through the two's and I do my absolute best to not be snappy, but it's hard. Like you, we've adhered to the guidelines and haven't done much but go to the beach (early, on a weekday, and traveled farther for an empty one) for my birthday in September. I could have written your post. We haven't gotten one break in terms of childcare since March.
Some things that have helped me: Unwinding with a glass of wine after she goes to bed. Connecting with my SO whether it be an at-home date night, or a movie, or just talking. Making 15 minutes for myself every night to do my exercise app - it's not much, but it really helps. Writing one thing in my day that I'm grateful for - my favorite moment; usually it's her doing something adorable or sweet or loving before or after a total meltdown.
Also, this book is really helping.
The part about your post I really resonated with was the sleep. I am exhausted all day but CANNOT get to sleep. I'd love to hear what others have to say on this subject, because I haven't found the magic bullet. Lunesta, maybe.
All I can say is, you are NOT alone. Thank you for posting this.
I recently got this introductory cooperative board game for my niece who just turned 2. She likes to try to catch the fish (on her own or when playing the game with her parents) and has apparently decided the sea creature shapes make great "cupcakes" when playing pretend. 😂
Some of these ideas from The Wirecutter might also be useful!
It’s the fisher price little people sit n stand skyway. We got it in 2016 and ordered two by mistake (one went to my mom’s house). They were closer to $50 then. If you search amazon for “little people ramp” you’ll see more that are probably newer versions of this concept and better priced. We also bought extra cars because it only came with two. And to think I said to my husband last week “we should probably give this away since he doesn’t play with it anymore.” Glad it’s still here!
Fisher-Price Little People Sit 'n Stand Skyway https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01ASVCW1U/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_n8hpDbR0HX25A
How annoying when renting prevents you from any proofing. Seems wrong 🤨
We had the same problem with the bannister and ended up zip tying (the kind that’s a foot long and 1/2 in wide and doesn’t rip easily) a section of a play yard to our bannisters.
I got something like this for my daughter and she sleeps like a dream all through the night.
Hopefully you find something that works, when they just won't sleep, it's the worst.
I read this book for my own peace of mind. And then I gave it to my mom (and she hasn’t said a word since).
Yes! You can adjust their age content filter on their profile to be whatever age setting you would like and there’s tons of them!
Fire HD 8 Kids Edition Tablet, 8" HD Display, 32 GB, Blue Kid-Proof Case https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078HQBS21/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_yNbREbS350J6E
We have this one, but amazon also also allows you to trade in older models for newer ones when they come out. We ended up getting this one for $40 last year with trade in. They’ve been a great investment.