We were banned with no explanation about what we were doing wrong. We were given no notice. /r/suicidenotes has just been banned as well, under false pretenses, which I have outlined here.
Communities like this can't survive on Reddit anymore. Hopefully Saidit.net will take off and become the free speech website Reddit purported to be in the beginning, and www.sanctioned-suicide.com is an active community. I doubt we're ever going to get an adequate explanation for all this.
To me it seems to be about bad optics for advertisers and investors, but the application of the rules is still seemingly based on the whims of the admins rather than any consistent policy.
All the good ones are banned. There's /r/ChooseToGo but there are hardly any members, and I'm guessing as soon as the admins see it they'll also ban it.
There's also this but it's pretty inactive. It would be a great alternative since it's almost exactly like Reddit except without the censorship, but again, there's pretty much no activity. Reddit really fucked over a lot of people by splitting up the communities like this.
Certainly, more/better counseling and medication might help and you should seek out the right people. You know how much your suicide will hurt loved ones, and so you have an obligation to take whatever steps you can to prevent that outcome.
But I agree with those who suggest existential depression may be a factor here. Some works you can read that might also help: Viktor E. Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and Kazimierz Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration.
And remember that it isn't the thoughts themselves that are really harmful--thoughts come and go. It's when you take them seriously that they become a problem. It's possible that insight meditation (mindfulness) might help you--it's made an enormous difference in my life, though improvements haven't always been linear.
Also, "about to finish up my PhD" sounds to me like a reason why you might be so tired that you want to stop existing :) You might take a close look at your diet, sleep, and exercise habits. I found higher education to be absolutely terrible for my mental health because I had deficits in all those departments, not to mention a lack of sunshine that led to some seasonal depression. Simple things like that are easy to overlook, but they can make an enormous difference in one's mood.
Good luck! And feel free to PM me.
Okay, triedmybest, I need you to listen to me please. I don't care how many down votes this gets me; I'm not here to please anyone.
Usually, I refrain from telling people not to commit suicide, especially if they feel like that's truly the only way out. In your case, however, I feel like I have to make an exception and tell you not to do it. So here: Don't do it.
The reason why I'm making an exception is simple: I truly believe that things can change for you. And I also get a feeling that you know you can survive. Perhaps living has just become way too painful. But I still see strength in you.
Ask yourself this honestly before you do anything - are you a 100 percent sure that your feelings won't change over time?
I'm sorry for everything that you are going through. What your counselor did to you was terrible. Believe me when I say this ... I understand exactly where you're coming from.
I can't type too much right now because I'm in a bit of a funk myself. I'm on this site for a reason too, a reason that's very similar to yours. Except ... deep down ... I know I can still survive, no matter how bad it is. So I'm still hanging on. I'm not sure for how long though.
Please try to hang on too. You're not done yet. I believe that with all my heart. Trust me.
Even if your situation doesn't change, your feelings about it will. In the meantime, maybe try some other way of coping. Try deep breathing, try exercising, try reading. Have you read Man's Search for Meaning? That's an excellent book.
Good luck. I hope you'll stay. It's not your time yet.
The main 'post link' (above) goes to the article, 'Changing the Conversation around Suicide,' by Lisa Klein, the director of the upcoming film, 'THE S WORD,' a documentary about suicide that's now in post-production (editing).
The filmmakers behind 'THE S WORD' also produced 'OF TWO MINDS,' the excellent documentary on bipolar disorder that was released in 2012, which you can watch online here: https://www.amazon.com/Two-Minds-Terri-Cheney/dp/B00CMUXO54/
I emailed the filmmakers and asked if they had considered putting 'Of Two Minds' on YouTube, since I think it would help a lot of people. They said that for legal reasons, they couldn't, but that they might be able to sometime in the future.
They also said they were looking for writers to contribute articles to their site: www.TheSWordMovie.com. In case anyone is interested, you can contact them through this page: http://theswordmovie.com/contact/
The release date for 'THE S WORD' documentary hasn't been set yet.
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