You seem very trans to me. I can definitely relate to most of your post, and I’m trans, so there’s that. I would maybe question if you’re non-binary, based on your reaction to having to live as a girl for the rest of your life. Boy and girl are not the only options, and I’m sure you already know that, but it’s still worth looking into more deeply if you haven’t before.
A friend of mine shared this article with me, which helped me clear up a lot of my doubts about being trans. I’m going to leave it here, and if you’re interested, check it out, and see if it hits home for you at all. It did for me.
https://buttondown.email/dylanthyme/archive/all-my-current-answers-to-all-the-questions-i/
Also, just gonna leave this at the end, the fact that you’re worried you’re faking it is a really good sign that you’re not cis. People who are faking things tend to know that they’re faking them