20th century called and it wants its banking mindset back.
Get an account with Simple and you can deposit your checks on your phone (or use direct deposit). There are many fee-free ATMs in New Haven if you have a Simple account, but I just use cash back at Stop and Shop when I need cash, which is like once every three months.
Okay, here's my very awkward roundabout manner of connecting to games online (Super Smash, I presume?):
I have a USB to ethernet adapter that I bought to connect my Wii U (big Nintendo fan) to Yale's internet. The adapter has its own MAC address. I contacted Yale's IT department and asked them if they could route it through a public network (i.e., not through Yale's firewall), and they did.
Now for the interesting part. I hook my laptop up to the internet with the ethernet adapter (silly I know), and then run the program mHotspot. There may be other programs that can utilize your computer's wireless adapter to provide a network, but that's the one I use. I then set up a network with mHotspot, connect to my 3DS, and I'm able to play online just fine!
I was having similar issues to you with Mario Kart 8 before doing this. The matchmaking servers that Nintendo uses are apparently blocked by Yale's firewall. I assume that they use a similar system for Super Smash and other games. Good luck!