What are /r/AmItheButtface's favorite Products & Services?

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NBH but tbh, I do lean towards encouraging curtains (they can be thin/translucent to still let light in) or those window blur decal things (example).

NTB still. And I'm glad you got out of that relationship. There's absolutely nothing unnatural about exes staying friends if things ended on good enough terms (especially if kids are involved). That kind of absolutist thinking is super toxic. You're a good person for sticking by your husband through all of this, and your kids will think of you very highly for doing the right thing here.

Best of luck to you and your family - it sounds like an incredibly tough situation, but you sound like a great person and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful presence in your husband's life during this upsetting time.

Also, look into those books called A Father's Legacy or something along those lines for your husband. He can fill them out and leave them for your kids once he's gone. Speaking from experience, getting a book full of anecdotes and advice from my father after he passed didn't make the situation even close to ok, but it really helped a lot and I still turn to that book all the time when I miss him.

ETA: this is the kind of book I'm talking about https://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Legacy-Your-Story-Words/dp/B00FDYSWI0 (if it's the same as the one my dad left me, it was a bit too Christian-centric for my taste considering we aren't a Christian family, but it was still good. I'm sure there are non-religious ones if that's what would suit your family best)

Want to add a plug for some cheap pregnancy tests too! https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01H7P9Q5A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_C4NF37WM1CV0CMJ6E07Z?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I'm not actually sure they would help in this situation because then the excuse "I'm not buying another expensive test!" would help. But if anyone else wants that info or to hoard them at a friend's...

NTB- Just in case you need to hear another voice tell you that this is abuse, here I am; This is abuse. Abusers excel at making you feel inadequate and as if everything is your fault. It's not. Going no contact as soon as you can will lift a huge weight from you. This book helped me tremendously with similar issues; also /r/raisedbynarcissists will help connect you with a tribe who can support you and advise you on how to get free. Finally, you will probably need therapy to help heal from this abuse. It's nothing to be ashamed of any more than getting a broken arm set is shameful. This is 100% on your abusive parent. Please hear us.

Or a spray bottle. You can get one of those travelsize bottle sprays like these

I think you should definitely try talking about it in a level-headed, compassionate way. As another poster here said - using "I feel" statements instead of "You" are very strong and useful tools of communication. If I may: I invite you to check out this book: it is a great spiritual manual for dealing with these types of conflicts: https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Mindfulness-Essentials-Thich-Nhat/dp/1941529860

NTB- Your mom is continually kicking your feet out from under you and then demanding an apology when you try to set appropriate boundaries. Continue to work with your therapist with an eye to creating a healthy distance between you and your abusive mom. I found this book extremely helpful. It would be better to live with four or five roommates who aren't constantly tearing you down than to live in a home with someone who does.

I really liked this book and would often recommend it for people to read (it is older book).

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/0802776795/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I learned a lot of things that I sorta thought was just me, turned out to be common with people with ADD/ADHD and it was comforting. I got an organizer who specialized (someone who took classes and was certified) with working with people with ADD/ADHD. What I learned from her was eyeopening as well.

There are some really nice bamboo fiber boxer-briefs (and also just straight up men’s briefs) on amazon! They’re super soft and comfy, and don’t have a ton of extra room either. These are really comfy boxer-briefs, and these are briefs that I now SWEAR by — more or less the coverage of boyshorts, but don’t ride up and are super soft.

These briefs also don’t roll up at the bottoms, so they’re also fine under leggings! (A couple lines in front from the seams if the leggings are thin, but not too noticeable if they’re a dark color).

There's no polite way to ask your friends to stop bringing Cee to group events.

You don't like Cee, fair enough, you find them annoying, also fair enough. You don't have to invite them to your events. Again, fair enough.

But you don't really get to say "You can come but don't bring your 'pseudo surrogate kid' along" without dealing with a certain amount of awkwardness, and also the possibility that your friends won't care to come to your event.

None of this is about crepes, or strawberries. Your friends are going through some real life shit which is awkward and difficult to deal with, and requires you to make some compromises if you want to continue to hang out.

To specifics;

You offered to make a dessert. Cee asked for a specific dessert. That irks you because you'd rather that Cee wasn't there but at the end of the day, you offered.

https://www.amazon.com/Melissas-Ready-to-Use-Crepes-3-Packages/dp/B0000TL5WS

Is the top response from Google to "Pre made crepes".

They are also incredibly easy to make if you own a frying pan;

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/classic-crepes

Ask yourself - Why is Cee always included? Why did they move away from wherever they were living when they were 18? Why do your friends feel so protective of them? These are questions you might want know the answers to before you tank your relationship with all three of them.

(Incidentally, literally everyone has picked up on your dislike of Cee, especially Cee. That's probably a huge chunk of the reason why Cee is sat there with headphones on ignoring you.)

NTB. The level of entitlement is unbelievable.

As a compromise, maybe Amy would be okay with you getting one of these and setting it to your ADHD time zone. Then she could buy your old clock off you to use for the common area.

Ntbf. Stick by your VERY smart decision. Laugh at this silly sexist who needs to trick and bully a woman to own a house - and with the help of his mother (several gigantic red flags here). I applaud you for not falling for it. Buy yourself one of these badboys and don’t date seriously until you find someone who is better than it.

You can buy bed pads and put them on his bed. I believe Goodnites makes them and you put them on the bed. https://www.amazon.com/GoodNites-Disposable-Bed-Mats-Count/dp/B00I9R6W0S

I would also recommend you get waterproof sheets to put on the mattress.

I don't think it's terrible to have him do his own laundry to show him how much work this is so he can decide to use pull ups again to avoid this. Sometimes children need to clean up the mess themselves to get them to stop. This won't stop his bed wetting but he will decide to go back to wearing pull ups again.

Here's a nice choice.

I would probably bring it up again and try and stress that it is important to you. Though to cover your bases, maybe invest in a pantry lock box like this (https://www.amazon.com/Safe-Medicine-Lock-Box-Refrigerator/dp/B09BBBLVYK/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=3QAQF3E2IX88U&keywords=pantry+lock+box&qid=1638414577&sprefix=pantry+lock+box%2Caps%2C87&sr=8-4) to keep food in

Oh, NTB also

Have you heard of the book Codependent No More?

It was life changing for me and helped me recognize and overcome behaviors I had due to growing up in an alcoholic household.

I’d highly recommend buying yourself a copy, or getting it from the library.

How about training the dog (or even both dogs) to use puppy pads when no one is available to take them outside. Much easier to clean up after them.

In addition to standard disposable pads, there are washable pads like this or fake grass you hose off like this

It may be that they're concerned about the electrical bill, or they're just fussing around. Get yourself a nightlight--the ones for little kids are usually super soothing. Or, a light like this that projects stars. I got this one for my son when he was little, but nowadays I use it myself when I'm feeling anxious and it's incredibly soothing, also goes out after 30 minutes. Cheap and just takes a battery--give it a try!

Also, there are a lot of smoke filters to avoid leaving odor and smoke (ie smoke buddy https://www.amazon.com/-/es/Smoke-Buddy-0159-BLU-Filtro-personal/dp/B00478UIB2)

So, if they want to smoke inside, tbey can be at least considerate

Wheelchairs actually are cheap, at least the kind that needs someone to push you. Especially if you buy used.

I have this one from Amazon, which cost $100, and folds up. My illness involves crushing fatigue, so I need someone to push me around when we go out, and this one fits in the car. https://smile.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-Streak-Wheelchair-Footrests/dp/B002VWK1TA/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Wheelchairs&qid=1573260237&sr=8-4

Yeah, a melatonin and an anti-histamine sleep aid like this has worked wonders in keeping me asleep.

I prefer Doxylamine as the sleep aid that works best for me and doesn't leave me groggy in the morning, but there are other types of anti-histamines like Diphenhydramine that are used. They're all basically the same thing but if you're sensitive to different types of drugs, you may find like I did that you prefer one type to another.