I saw your OP and you are getting some honest and useful feedback here.
I just wanted to recommend that you read Why Men Love Bitches this will definitely help you in your dating life (especially if you like the guy a little bit too much).
Hey, just want to share these apps: ( I am) https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hrd.iam
and
Motivation https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.hrd.motivation
I downloaded these and have them as widgets on my phone. I'm really good and beating myself up over stupid crap because of my childhood upbringing but these give me daily little affirmations to muster on and become my greatest version. Self love is oddly hard, as it's easy to make room/spread love to everybody else but yourself. Put yourself first, I'm serious. Everyone else can wait.
The book is called The Rules It’s literally a book that was first written years ago and there are probably a have dozen updates versions. It seems silly and archaic at first read but there’s definitely value in reading it and knowing the general theory to win a high value male.