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I didn't really experience much (probably like most of us). Lots of vague claims, lots of people seeming to feel a little better, not much actually tangible. Seems like all of the significant claims came when missionaries were visiting (and asking for donations, naturally) - and they were all in places that were completely remote to us (Africa, Asia, etc).
I've been pretty heavily involved in the skeptical and atheist movement for the past few years. One thing I've heard is that 'healing' evangelists will try to avoid people with obvious big-time issues. I've heard stories about how people like Benny Hinn has all of these handlers that are managing who can get up towards the front of the church for Benny to pray for them - he wants people who are feeling a bit sickly, but he doesn't want people bringing up their profoundly disabled children and such. He knows there's nothing he can do for them, so it makes for crappy TV.
You might want to check out James Randi's book "The Faith Healers" - https://www.amazon.com/Faith-Healers-James-Randi-ebook/dp/B00508VPYW/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=faith+healers&qid=1619565976&s=books&sr=1-4
Also, Tim Minchin has a fun take on faith healing that y'all might enjoy. https://youtu.be/IZeWPScnolo
This is a good resource:
As well as “the body keeps the score”
I put it in my Amazon cart, along with this one: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sw_img_pd_ewc_fbt_0?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1492871842&pd_rd_w=jbGGH&content-id=amzn1.sym.38487190-8d5e-4a51-a5fb-ff1dd87ce511&pf_rd_p=38487190-8d5e-4a51-a5fb-ff1dd87ce511&pf_rd_r=5FX9YGYKCC33SBNMCS0C&pd_rd_wg=G4dey&pd_rd_r=3767745d-77d2-40be-a6a4-702bc96c40e3
And yes, the body DOES keep score even if the mind thinks it has to forget. I'm going to check into that book also. Appreciate you!
Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. And I do need to keep on reminding myself of that. In a rough place of transition lately, which makes me doubt my certainty. I'm also reading this book called You are your own. It's about evangelicals but religious trauma is across the board.
Your situation is almost identical to mine when I was growing up. We were always taught that the decision to believe was up to each of us individually, but as I've gotten older I learned that when you are surrounded by family who all believe the same, each "decision" you make like receiving the gifts of the holy spirit including speaking in tongues, accepting Jesus into your heart, and deciding to get baptized, are rather milestones than decisions. The real decisions that you make are whether to stay or go, once you are able. If you are having doubts about everything, the natural thing to do is use the rationalization that you were taught from birth to supress your doubts and keep on "believing". The real strength of character and understanding your self is when you are able to break free of the indoctrination. Not many can do that especially when they attend church regularly. It took me 10 years to completely break free, but I was much older than you and my decision involved my kids and spouse, you only have to decide for you. I highly recommend the book, Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_N61RYGJ7TWS0XTN447H9 I wish I had this kind of book when I decided to leave. It's a good read though for anyone regardless of the stage in their journey of true freedom from religion. Take care and good luck on finding your real people. It can be lonely at times but there's a whole wotlrld out there to discover and without fear or guilt.
https://www.amazon.com/Charismatic-Control-Witchcraft-Neo-Pentecostal-Churches/dp/188791501X
Multitudes of sincere and trusting believers are caught unawares in the virtually invisible web of religious captivation in certain Charismatic/Neo-Pentecostal churches. They are unwitting victims of spiritual abuse, psychological enslavement, and various forms of exploitation perpetrated under the heavy-hand of hyper-authoritarianism. That is to say, the leadership of the church-group of which they are a part is dominating, controlling, manipulating, and exploiting their followers for personal gain and private kingdom-building.
Tell your parants you want to help them with their spirital journey and tell them you want to buy them this book:
When people did that to me I told them I really cared about them too and I wanted to buy them a book to help them with their spirital search. Then I send them this link...
https://www.amazon.ca/Pagan-Pentecostalism-Its-Roots-Slavery/dp/1500858080
Yeah, there’s actually a book on this - The Parousia: A Critical Inquiry into the New Testament Doctrine of Our Lord Christ's Second Coming https://www.amazon.com/dp/1789870712/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_JECN06SV32H35CPAXY2Y
The problem of course is that much of the history has been written by Pentes themselves or by others with a religious agenda. There is a new book written by a journalist (not religious) that deals with the past and present from a secular standpoint. You can find the book here: https://www.amazon.com.au/Beyond-Belief-Pentecostal-Christianity-Taking-ebook/dp/B09MFS7QS8/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Have you seen Cults and Extreme Belief on Amazon? I was a bit distraught after the NXIVM episode. I felt like that was something I would have joined not long ago.
Have you read Gabor Mate's (say "Mah-TAYs") Scattered Minds It might prove to be *very helpful in a number of ways.
I'm a broken record on The Revelation topic, but I always recommend Elaine Pagels' book "Revelations: Visions, Prophecy, and Politics in the Book of Revelation" and this NPR interview between Pagels and Terry Gross. Great place to start.
tldr: Revelation is anti-roman propaganda likely written in response to the sacking of Jerusalem by the Romans
If possible -given your home situation- I would recommend picking up this book called Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving Their Religion by Marlene Winell. I've only read a bit so far and it has been a comfort. It really gets at the root of the things you're struggling with.
I'm not sure if you want to leave the religion entirely or not so you may choose to ignore this suggestion but reading the exchristian subreddit helped me feel less crazy and alone as well.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1933993235/ref=nav_timeline_asin?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Not me so much, but I took my brand new teenage dollface to the Big Youth Service at Sister Aimee's Angelus Temple in El Lay one Sunday night. And she said, "NEVER take me there again."
There's a documentary about these events (aptly titled "Hell House") on Amazon Prime. It's pretty solid. My church didn't put on one of these (though I did visit one elsewhere once), but the documentary was still uncomfortably close to my youth group.
Also, it’s kind of kitschy writing style, but I read the book Post Traumatic Church Syndrome at a critical time of breaking away from everything, and it really spoke to me and challenged my thinking about Christianity in general: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VBW3P44/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1