I appreciate it my guy, ill check it when I can during/after work. It was actually incredibly helpful to just make a post semi-publicly instead of keeping it all up in my head. I talked to my gaming friends and removed myself from contact with them during the weekdays now after work, as well as leaving the main discord server we game on. Ive set myself a goal of 1 hour a night over the next 2 weeks, even with the holiday, and see how well I can stick to that, trying to keep a positive attitude through it all. Temptations are still there but doing my best to set myself up to succeed.
I also found this article incredibly helpful - https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-beat-procrastination-1365427856
Sounds like you have a lot of toxic people in your life. You should probably start phasing them out and replacing them with positive people who make you feel better and support your goals. A strong support group is vital to any human being and should be your top priority given your context above.
As for dreaming, go for it! But you need to take action. Pick something important to you and work on it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Try to pick a project with someone you like working with.
I've built an app to help with goal setting, especially the social side of it here. It might help but will work best when you've gathered the positive people in your life.