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I stumbled upon this exact same point as I was writing my reply to u/thetremulant, and then refreshed the thread and was pleasantly surprised to find your reply. I think it's a bit of both: like the Daoists conceive of it, your inner world and the outer world are like partners in a dance, that find, lead, and gently push against each other. Knowing where you have freedom to exert force upon the outer world is important, but at least equally as important is knowing when it's time to yield, and let the outer world exert force upon you.

I seek God, but I'm a lot warier about organized religion. I seem to find myself among people who are the exact opposite. (My experience with Unitarian Universalism, for example, felt strikingly similar to dating a person who is a sensible choice of partner, but whom I'm not at all attracted to.) I think I must be putting out vibes and doing things with a certain intention, that attracts these sorts. I wonder if maybe I'm working this mojo inadvertently, by insisting on using my logical mind as the tool for a job more properly done with intuition / heart.

I found the book <em>Rational Mysticism: Spirituality Meets Science in the Search for Enlightenment</em> by John Horgan an emotionally gory read. I relate deeply to the desire to see beyond the veil. I relate deeply to wariness about claims that are impossible to prove, as well. And I relate most of all to the struggle to balance following my head and following my heart. But this book gave me a strong feeling of "Don't be this guy."

Huh, that's interesting. I just listened to an excellent podcast interview with a folk scholar of indigenous mushroom rituals, and he made a similar comparison to a metronome.

Great essay you've written, thank you for sharing!

I would highly recommend The Future Testament.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984079262/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_H3B7D0WGNDQTBMM4VPDY

Keep in mind, the authors approach the subject matter from a Biblical perspective. That said, there is still great value in their words. They urge us all to open our hearts and minds and explore religion, existence, and consciousness in any way we see fit. So, essentially, it is about broadening your horizons and seeking Truth beyond dogma and faith, placing emphasis on spiritual Knowledge over simple belief. I found it to be a valuable read.

Here’s an Amazon link, but I encourage you to try your local library first. They might have it in paper and digital format. Good luck!

They're books that didn't make it into the later Jewish and Christian canonizations of the Bible. Basically they are scriptures written before there was canonization, that were left out of the later canons. They are often quite interesting, lots of oddities to be found as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Apocrypha-Enoch-Jasher-Jubilees/dp/0999892436