I think as humans, we have this habit that when things are not going well and we've given up, we have a tendency to lean toward an absolute. In this case death. But it's not that black and white. Life or Death, Happy or Sad. The extremes exists, but everything comes on a sliding scale and I believe in the idea, that people have the power to change and move up the scale. You just need to remind yourself to recognize small progress, and praise yourself for it.
See if you can start going back to the gym 1-2 times a week or even just a quick run. Get the blood pumping and releasing some endorphins. Also, add in some vitamins, maybe some 5htp for serotonin. Sometimes when you fall out of these little healthy routines that contributed to your happiness, your body just starts to miss it.
And, you're right, finding the right help does seem expensive these days. I came across this website called Happify - maybe try this out? They say it takes aprx. 21 days to form a new habit/routine. Maybe this is something you can do in downtime rather than being in your own head (because you can be your own worst enemy). Lastly, I googled "free online therapy" and they are various free platforms, by which you can explore help. I hope this is of use to you and doesn't cause any stress on your wallet.
I don't know how you feel now or how you'll be when you wake up, but try to remember, if you wake up thinking, "I wish I was dead" just remember that there's some anonymous person on the internet who wishes you well and has faith in your ability to be happy again. I hope this all makes sense. :)