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I think I was just trying to survive to the next day and had not realized how severely my mother's (my pwBPD) behavior had affected me, but I just went NC for the first time in early November and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in I don't know how long. I don't as depressed or anxious. My head is quieter.

I started reading a book this week that I highly recommend to others with a parent who has BPD: https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Borderline-Parent-Boundaries-Self-Esteem/dp/1572243287/ref=sr_1_1?gclid=Cj0KCQiA1ZGcBhCoARIsAGQ0kkrpX1jgCVRy8Jx60yH39knVox1mU9Hl2X7KvzO_b3eRwjoprt8nA_QaAh84EALw_wcB&hvadid=241610496383&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=15539351547440329832&hvtargid=kwd-433988525&hydadcr=15529_10341050&keywords=surviving+a+borderline+parent&qid=1669648158&sr=8-1

It helped me realize I had been helping her with HER emotions and often holding onto them for her since I was a child. Going NC is allowing me to have space for myself in my head now.

I hate that she's suffering, but it felt like I had an anchor on my ankle and I was drowning before.

I feel hopeful.

I REALLY liked the Borderline Mother. There were things I found quintessentially true in there.

I'm in the midst of Stop Walking On Eggshells. This book was just updated December of 2020 so that might solve your this is really out of date problem. There's also a workbook that goes along with it and it's really scientific based. I think this book does try to encourage more solutions than just going NC. I might not be done yet, but I think it doesn't really acknowledge that NC might be your best option.

Children of Emotionally Immature Parents was okay - sort of a slow read and very repetitive of the Borderline Mother.

Stop Caretaking the Borderline and Narcissist is another good read.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation Is totally worth working through. It's recommended therapy for people with BPD, and a good resource for anyone who has repetitive traumatic experiences.

Have you ever read the borderline mother (it's only 1 audible credit - it's expensive but in my opinion, well worth it) or stop walking on eggshells (I'm still working through this one and there is a workbook that accompanies this one)? The borderline mother really helped me find peace honestly.