>How do I forgive my parents for emotionally neglecting me as a child?
At the risk of sounding snarky, why on earth would you forgive people who have never even admitted they did anything wrong, let alone apologized? I have very strong feelings about forgiveness and I think forgiving people who've done nothing to earn it is bullshit.
>I am beginning to hate my parents. I just don’t want to be around them any more.
That's 100% fair. You have no obligation to spend time with people who you don't like. You didn't ask to be born, you owe them nothing.
>How do I move through this?
First, I recommend reducing contact with your parents until you're at a point where they're not using up very much of your energy. Maybe even try out going no contact for a while, you can always say you were super busy for a while there and get in contact again if no contact doesn't work for you.
Second I think you need to do some serious grieving for the loving parents and happy childhood you should have had. It's going to suck but I firmly believe nothing good comes up shoving your emotions down, they'll just fester if you don't deal with them.
I strongly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents if you haven't already read it. It was incredibly validating for me to read that parents really do have a duty to protect their children. I haven't read Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect yet but it gets recommended a lot and I like the author's newsletter.
You deserve better than someone who says "she will not reach out to us, we have to make plans with them." That's fucked up, I would never say that to someone I even halfways liked.
The app is called Believe - Daily Affirmations from Believe PR. (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=dev.armandojimenez.believe.
It's a bit glitchy but it's fine for me.
I'm in chronic pain ...I know how you feel. its a sucky sister/brotherhood. See if you can get your hands on a copy of https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Bedside-Companion-No-Nonsense-Seriously/dp/0684843196 McFarlane is one of my personal heros and has some wonderful advice in here for dealing with doctors. THe shame is the worse. They make you feel so awful on top of how bad you feel. I picture Rodger sitting with me sometimes, My advice is to prioritize meds: anxiety is HUGE, and then be knowledgeable, and very firm. YOU know your body better than anyone. Be very polite and never, as much as you can, give them the idea that you want the meds for anything. other than function. I've also found it helpful to come up with the "ADDICTION" stuff and address it head on and why it's not a problem./less if someone dies in chronic pain or commits suicide. You might bring Rodger's book to the appointment. Make it clear they have nothing to teach you about addiction and that there are standards of care and you are unafraid to make a medical malpractice suit over this,
It Wasn't Your Fault is a fantastic book on epigenetic (intergenerational) trauma.
I've struggled with the misuse of the term. I thought that it was only gaslighting if it was intentional.
I'm working on healing parental stuff right now and so I'm thinking a lot about how my parents behaved. They were not intentionally trying to confuse me or hurt me. They were intentionally trying to quiet their own anxiety and fear. What they did was NOT okay on any level but they were not gaslighting most of the time.
On a related note, I tried for a while to learn about narcissism and borderline to see if my parents fit that. But I felt like I was getting tied up in knots and I felt guilty pinning these labels on them. What worked for me was to read about emotional immaturity. Then I could really sink into the behaviors and the impact on my young mind. My therapist is now tossing out diagnoses for my parents and so I may explore that.