I'm no shining beacon of success myself. But I'll tell you what worked for me.
I was in my late twenties, addicted to alcohol and drugs, living with my parents, unemployed and poisoning myself to death for all the same reasons you described here.
I decided to start small. Got into an intensive outpatient program and started hitting meetings. In your case, perhaps a group therapy setting might help. Trust me, they're no fun to attend. I felt as low as I ever did in those fucking meetings. But you know, two things, it helped me routinize my week, kept me accountable and saw all the other sorry fucks out there in the world, which gave me some context other than social media (evil).
I started couch to 5k. Literally anyone can do it. And it's terrible-- It hurts like the dickens, but several years later, I still run 3 times a week and it has been a transforming miracle. Getting active changed my life. It changed how I see the world.
Perhaps the most important thing I did was read this book "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Bhante Henepola Gunaratuna. Skip to chapter 5, set a timer for 20 minutes and just try it one time. I'll leave it there.
You're not worthless.
My friend uses them and they play a lot of good stuff. A much better alternative to corporate radio. Also, most college radio stations can be streamed these days.
My only problem with streaming radio (and also the automated random shuffle algorithms on Spotify etc.) is that sometimes it can be hard to go back and see what the name off a song you like that played. Does Radio Paradise show a song list?
I stream radio on blip.fm so if anyone wants new tunes my specialty is underplayed music you don't hear on the radio (not just new bands, also B-sides and forgotten gems). But I play all genres so if anyone wants specific recommendations in a particular genre I'm happy to share.
Hey, I understand. My advice is to seriously try what you can to take it easy. Your thoughts sound exhausting (I've had two psychotic episodes in my life, so I understand my own thoughts seeming to eat me alive). Despite what you've said, there really are more to things than the simple "suceed/fail" way of seeing things. Sunsets simply are beautiful, it's no more complicated than that. There is something very beautiful about it that I think every person on Earth can simply understand by looking at it.
Another book I would recommend is Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, about his time in a Nazi death camp, and how he found that those who tried their best to find meaning even in tragic circumstances were able to survive.
Yes, The struggle seems everpresent, but there are small respites here and there.
I try to aim for occasional social-life, health, better surplus(time and money-wise), fever chores, and mental surplus. Sometimes I succeed and end up enjoying a respite, or even some idiotic task, just because I'm happy.
Done practical methods; - Cook big portions of food, to help budget, time and health. - Exercise regularly, to help energy and mentality. - heavy use of actually helpful apps: - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=jp.tanyu.SmartAlarm - Cross platform Password manager. - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.todoist
You go to an electronica music festival and 80% of the music you hear will not be on the radio.
Ex: Have you heard The Prodigy's - The Day is my Enemy (Album) . It's very good and very popular. Not a mention on the radio.
Even the Ultra albums have music you won't hear in clubs. They're actually pretty good.