I find it sad, mainly. Apparently these men (assuming most of them are men) are desperate enough for simple human contact to pay someone for it.
 As an ex-lonely person: Try meetup.com. It depends a bit on your specific area, but it's a great way to meet new friends.
>First of all I always hire on Upwork,
I didn't need to read any more after that (but did anyway). But /u/ChamberedSwatch sums it up perfectly too.
If I were you, I'd get to know a few devs through meetup.com meets because someone you've met face to face, whose hand you've shaken, and with whom you've shared a coffee or beer, and maybe whose personal mobile phone number you have, is easier to gauge for reliability, credibility, and honesty than the mostly sharlatans (on both sides, and I include UpWork themselves in that description) that frequent UpWork.
I found most of my dearest friends at a running group I joined when I moved to a new city and knew no one.
And no you don't need to be fit. 90% of the running were people who just walked together.
The same goes for all sorts of groups on Meetup.com - you don't need to be super into something to try it out.
Welcome to Denver! What are your hobbies? Meetup.com has plenty of groups with a wide range of interest/activities. I found a group to play soccer with using it when I first moved to Denver.
You need to put yourself into situations where you make male friends. They will see the beauty in you once they get to know you. What hobbies or interests do you have? Are there groups where you can do or discuss them? I don't know where you are, but meetup.com might be a decent place to start finding people with common interests.
Every single time this topic pops up people just say the same shit.
>Get a hobby! Join Meetup.com! Just look around you 4Head!
I wish someone had experience that was off the beaten path, and was more personalized. Yeah sure you might find that special someone in that Yoga Studio that you pay $100 weekly, or you could run into that same person while walking down the street for free.
You need to get out more and stop with the self pity. If you don't like something about yourself or your life, only you can change it, so change it already.
At 21 and working, you have some disposable income. You can, for example reduce the amount of pot you smoke and spend some of that cash on social outings. Sites like meetup.com can help you find groups of people doing fun stuff near you.
Ask yourself: what am I interested in? Maybe you've always wanted to paint, garden, code, sing, dance, sculpt, or build stuff. It doesn't matter where in BC you live, some of those things are happening every month in your town. Maybe you're more of a personal actions type. In that case, local political parties are always wanting volunteers to help out, or maybe a local charity could use your help: a food bank, an environmental action group -- whatever it is, get involved.
You're lonely and depressed because (in your words) all you do is work and get stoned. Your life is a series of choices, so maybe it's time you made some better ones.
I don't say any of this to be shitty. Rather I'm trying to be encouraging, so please don't take it negatively. You alone have the power to make your life better. Friendships don't happen in a vacuum. You need to go out and make them, and that means putting the pot down and going to places where the people are.
If you're unhappy enough to be thinking of suicide, then you're probably also accustomed to thinking negatively about basically anything. That's one thing that can lead to suicidal thinking. It's a habit of thinking negatively in the wake of actual negative experiences that becomes so ingrained that it's all consuming.
You should probably consider taking a look at some of the resources offered here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
If you call the hotline or try to do an online chat, try very hard to be patient since you may have to wait in a queue. Either way, the key is reaching out to another person and relating to them. If you can find a way to do that regularly and in a way that works for you, you can find your way out of that pattern. You could also find a local therapist that you relate well to or try to find some activity that allows you to be around people in a way that feels comfortable. You've probably heard this before, and it may seem cheesy, but meetup.com is pretty good for that kind of stuff. It can be a kicking off point at least.
Keep your chin up. Everyone is capable of being happy. It just takes some reminding once in a while and a helping hand.
Edit: Didn't see that you're already seeing a therapist. Anyway, the advice I offered is really just from my own personal experience. If it doesn't work for you, that's okay. I've just often felt that one thing that effectively alleviates bouts of depression is having a genuine interaction or conversation with someone. If you can make that a pattern, in place of the negative thoughts, then maybe you can build a different frame of mind.
Unfortunately that's the harsh reality of living in LA. I found many people in Southern California to be largely superficial when I lived there. I had to move away to regain sanity. Don't get me wrong, there are great people in LA, but in my experience, they were rare and difficult to find. It just sounds like your friend group consisted of some shallow people, so maybe they're just not right for you. "Friends" that don't show interest in you are not true friends. While it sounds like you're not as connected to family as you'd like to be, this could be a blessing in disguise. You are free to pick up and move wherever the hell you want to, and you won't feel homesick. I suggest moving to a place where people are more real. If moving is not an option, I suggest meetup.com. Just attend stuff you're interested in, and if you happen to make friends, cool.
You will need to find a new mission in life. I had to as well. After falling a bit into a hole I realized I can find joy in building things without money as incentive. I still like to be successful but now I take things easier and it is actually a lot more enjoyable to work (again). I didnt work for two years but since a few months I'm back building businesses and it seems being so easy going I do even better than before. I recommend you find something where you can see yourself making progress. Also jump head first into socializing with things like meetup.com. It is time now to keep living your life like you did just a bit more relaxed. Enjoy!
Other than meetup.com, which others have suggested already, there's also r/lfg
EDIT: Why the downvotes? It's a subreddit dedicated to finding groups for gaming, board games included.
> I am sorry but this is impossible advice for a normal looking guy.
It's true. Only guys that look like Scott Eastwood are friends with women. Normal looking guys are only friends with other men.
Go to things you're interested in, and don't go with the primary idea of meeting women. Have it be secondary, sure, but go with the idea that you're there to have fun.
Sign up for meetup.com and go to the "social singles" or "friends in X location" thing and talk to people there (men and women). There's usually a 60/40 split of women to men, and as long as you aren't a creep and trying to fuck every woman there you WILL find people who want to be your friend.
>I like some anime but please deliver me back to the time when being a nerd meant hanging out with tabletop neckbeards who had read fifteen rulebooks back to back.
Do it! I found a group of nice guys (with a couple of girls) on meetup.com in my area and we play every weekend now. It's great fun. The men are normal, nice, well adjusted men - they're not feminists or anything, they're pretty socially conservative actually, but on the flipside they're not constantly talking about drawn or IRL porn, their fetishes or other nasty shit.
Like I said, I'm so glad I'm through with cosplay. My last straw was dealing with a creepy asian dude photographer (the photographers at cons are some of the worst) who followed me around and wouldn't stop ranting about how all girls were "racist" for not wanting to "give him sex" (which apparently we gave to white and black guys every day).
Also, just a note on a common excuse about skimpy cosplays: The common excuse, at least from the girls (and one I used to employ), is that they're only dressed in such a blatantly sexual way because the character they're cosplaying is also dressed like that. This is of course true, but it misses the very obvious question as to why virtually every single female character in a popular anime series is dressed like something from a roleplay porn shoot, and why so many young girls feel compelled to cosplay those particular types of character over and over and over again.
The dating apps are well-utilized here. I've made many an ex through them.
Meetup.com is a good way to find social groups in general. Make more friends, meet single friends-of-friends at parties...
If you can't find a single good thing about Indy then my guess is you've never been outside of it. I recently came up from San Francisco so...
The people here actually treat you like a human being. The sidewalks aren't packed with tent encampments and human waste. The streets aren't littered with used needles. There aren't murders routinely happening in public downtown. People care about more than just getting wasted every night. Farmers markets here actually sell good stuff. Central library is SUPERB. Symphony has a talented ensemble--particularly the opera. Electronic music scene is cool and tight knit. Stars are beautiful in the evening. The weather is pleasant and warm in the summer. There are bowling alleys and places with good food open pretty late into the evening. There's quite a lot of meetups on Meetup.com for various things.
This is pretty much just the tip of the iceberg. Indy has so much to offer.
Forget your old family - conditional love is no love at all. Be thankful you now have a good marriage to look forward to. Many of us here ended up being divorced and abandoned by our children due to TSCC.
If you need to get out from under guilt feelings, search for "problems with Mormonism" on Google or YouTube.com
You and your fiance might be able to find some good people to be friends with on meetup.com
In The Better Angels of Our Nature by Harvard professor Steven Pinker, he cites studies that show the absolute best way to break down prejudice against any group is to get out of your comfort zone and spend time with those people. People who were once racially prejudice, for example, start to change when they suddenly end up with a next door neighbor who's African American.
So if you really want to get past your feelings toward LGBT people, spend time with them. Find an LGBT meetup on meetup.com and be honest with them: tell them you were raised in a conservative anti-gay household and you're wanting to overcome the biases you were taught. I guarantee you (as someone with a number of LGBT friends gained since I exited), they will gladly help you and will appreciate how difficult it is for you to do what you're doing.
You really shouldn't be using gay dating apps to find friends. It's a fairly poor method to find real friendships when the vast, vast majority of guys are on there looking for hookups or dates.
I recently moved to a new city, and have been using meetup.com to find things to do to hopefully build friendships. Depending on how large your city is, there are bound to be LGBT groups of various types (boardgames, social, hiking, etc.) If you live in a small city, there will obviously be not as many options. Even non-LGBT groups are great to join because you never know who you will meet. The first time I went to a local boardgame night, I met two LGBT people who invited me to join their kickball team in the city's LGBT kickball league.
I have also joined the local city's gaybros group, which has been a great way to meet people as well.
It will take effort on your part to make friends, as expected. You will meet a lot of people, of which only a select few will end up being good friends. However, the more you put yourself out there, even to things that may be out of your comfort zone, the greater the chances you will end up solidifying relationships.
Just recently, I went to my first gay nightclub in my life with some acquaintances I met the day prior, which was definitely out of my original comfort zone and something I wouldn't have done before. It turned out a lot more fun than I anticipated, even though I was very nervous at first.
In the South, being asked what church you go to has been the normal way of figuring out if you are "with us or agi'n us" for ages. Ignore those folks, they can't take a joke.
Breweries are a common watering hole in Charlotte, but there are also boardgame meetup groups and a number of places like Lenny Boy Brewing have social events in their warehouses, beer optional.
The kid thing is a personal choice. We have 2 teens, but we aren't near your age range and tend to be sedentary down in the southern suburbs.
OMB does yoga at their place.
Frisbee Golf at Lenny Boy last I heard.
Check meetup.com for the Boardgame group, though I think they used to meet down in Pineville at Waldhorn's.
Hey! Same boat. Except not depressed. Was very in my 20's. Its very hard to meet people in your 30's if you arent willing to put yourself out there. I used a site called meetup.com and went search for things like board game nights or local hobby shops that had Friday Night Magic (Used to play MTG as a kid so every so often I pay $20 and go fuck around n try to win a magic tourney with strangers).
I know you are lonely but dont focus on meeting women or getting a girlfriend. Focus on just getting out the house and doing something fun. Once you start to do that you'll find you've started to build a group of friends who do the things you like to do also and those groups will naturally include women be they group memebrs or sisters of members or friends of theirs or whatever. Thats how you'll get back in the game. Till then just go have fun at least once a week.
I know its hard to leave the house when you can just stay in and play videogames and eat ice cream but even just once night a week of social interaction with peers is going to make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and that is going to make you more outgoing.
Ok this way long. Haha goodluck plz dont be murderer/rapist that ive just encouraged to get out the house (*crosses fingers*)
Whilst I'm still at the early part of my journey, I have managed to avoid the mistakes that many film makers make.
Group of friends:
I initially had no one around me who shared my passion for movies, so I started to go to MeetUp.com events about film and get advice from experienced film makers. Learning about how the industry operates and the roles of each pending team member (e.g. director, producer, scriptwriter, etc.) was my first point of call. I also started to learn about the legal side of film making which is helping me a lot.
Starting off small:
I'm in the middle of building my first team and have already been able to secure some good cameras by selecting members who already have their own kit from doing various jobs.
How to find connections:
Networking, networking and networking. Did I say networking? Just be careful when discussing any scripts you have in mind due to plagiarism.
I hope this helps.
Check out meetup.com There are a lot of groups there with a wide variety of interests. Look for ones that mention coffee shops or bars.
At work, if asked, just say "I don't like to talk about religion at work." Keep saying that and be insistent.
Being single, there is one rule that you should really follow: DO NOT - REPEAT DO NOT - START DATING A DEVOUT MORMON GIRL OR EVEN A MORMON GIRL WHO HAS A TRUE-BELIEVING FAMILY. YOU WILL BE SORRY IF YOU DO. YOU ARE VERY LIKELY TO END UP GETTING DIVORCED AND LOSING YOUR KIDS. READ THE HORROR STORIES OF ALL THE DIVORCES IN THIS GROUP.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you land a great job.
Food for thought, mostly playing Devil's Advocate, but maybe helpful: If I were going to arrange a meetup of any kind I think my litmus test would probably be "is this a meetup for Redditors on r/Wellington" or "is this a meetup for a select group of individuals that I just organized through Reddit but did not intend to be public and open to all". Perhaps the latter case where exclusion is possible or expected would be better served on meetup.com, but could be cross-promoted here?
>Where and how do you find housing?
Craigslist is your best bet, but be prepared to move quickly if you find something good -- competition is fierce and supply is low.
>If I work in Downtown and don't want to own a car, where is a good place to live that is close to public transit/walkable or bikeable?
If you work downtown, living anywhere downtown will be good. It's mostly flat and the downtown area is very walkable, and with a bike it's even more accessible. The only issue will be price.
>On that note, where can I make friends? I don't know anyone there!
Meetup.com is a good place to look for groups that sound interesting. Also, I highly recommend kickball. The summer season just started, but Fall starts up in September. Pretty much everyone in their 20s and 30s does kickball at some point. What kinds of things are you interested in? We can be more specific with suggestions if we know more.
>What is the best thing about Santa Barbara? What is the worst thing? (other than the fact that it is expensive)
Amazing weather, tons of things to do outdoors (hike, beach, swim, run, volleyball, soccer). Small town feel with close enough proximity to LA when you need it.
>Oh and most important: where are the good street tacos?
I love Mony's for their tacos and salsa. For not-street-tacos but delicious tacos, try Corazon Cocina.
same, the usual comment is "look on meetup.com!" where yes that's true, at least you can try out a few groups and see if you like them and meet some randos along the way.
Even going to a few of these regularly, I would say most are still acquaintance but at least we can 'catch up' in a different way.
I don't drink and I don't feel lonely. I participate in activities through Meetup.com. It's a great way to meet people. Go to the site and search for groups in your area that do activities you enjoy. There's quite a few non drinkers there too who had a hard time meeting people.
> This is one of the reasons why i approach such few women.
You didn't approach her at all...all you did was buy something where she works as a cashier. I strongly recommend that you do not start hitting on girls while they are working their service jobs - as someone who worked as a waiter I can tell you it sucks. My female colleagues would get sexually harassed by customers almost every night and they cannot do anything because they have to be nice to the customer. It's pretty fucked up to put someone through that. Instead try to only ask out a girl in situations where she is free to tell you if she doesn't like you without losing her job...which is basically everywhere besides work. Bars, meetup.com interest groups, school, through friends, at a concert, w/e.
I'm also 34 years old. However, unlike you I never had a girlfriend or a wife, so it just means we both lived different lives.
I don't have a lot of friends anymore, so I'm actually going to be going to a friends house for christmas dinner tonight, and christmas dinner tomorrow.
Also, you should cut out instagram and facebook, because I find that it always makes you feel bad about yourself, if you're not the type to post about stuff. Also remember people only post the good stuff that's happening in their lives and not the real stuff that is happening.
Some things that I've done to help with lonelyness is going to meetup.com stuff around the city, learning piano, and looking at my goals for the next year.
Check Facebook or Nextdoor to see if your area has a "Neighbors and Newcomers" group which usually consists of young adults (at 30, you qualify) new-ish to the area looking to meet other people their age. They usually do regular events like bar/restaurant nights, bowling, etc.
If you're even remotely religious, check to see if any churches/temples have a young adults group that meets for volunteer events and fellowship events. At my previous church (Catholic) the YA group had a kickball team, a bi-annual bar crawl, etc. Church/temple groups will likely be the friendliest and most welcoming, even if you're shy.
Speaking of volunteering, find a non-profit organization that you like and get involved or join their junior board. They usually meet regularly and have fundraising events throughout the year. Usually friendly and you'll automatically have something in common.
Get involved in your alumni organization.
Go to meetup.com, pick out a few upcoming group meetings, and check them out to see if you click.
Take up board games or tabletop games and start playing at a local store.
You play music, start a band and start going to shows or open mic nights.
Finally, I know you said you don't really drink, but if there's no moral or health reason for not drinking (i.e., you don't have a history of substance abuse or on meds that are contraindicated with alcohol), consider having a max of two drinks when you're socializing. It really does work as a social lubricant when used in moderate, responsible amounts and will help facilitate conversation.
Don't make any decisions while you are in this state.
Get some exercise. Even if you don't like exercise. A good solid 30-45 minutes of something that raises your heart rate, even if it's just brisk walking. It will feel good, even if it doesn't sound like it right now.
Get some sleep. You're a PhD student, you almost definitely haven't been getting enough sleep. Try to sleep for 9 hours to help you catch up a little.
If you can take some time off, do so. And go somewhere. If you can't afford to travel for your vacation, then at least don't spend it at home, schedule a bunch of fun things to make sure you're getting out of the house - go see a movie, go to an animal shelter and play with cute animals, try to restart an old hobby, find a fun meetup.com group to visit, go to a plant nursery and walk around enjoying the greenness, go to a local museum (not related to your field of study)... fill a week with fun. You need a change of pace to help clear your head.
Hopefully you'll feel better after all of that. If not, consider consulting a mental health professional to get checked for depression.
But *don't* make any decisions while severely stressed and burnt out. Sentences beginning "I was getting really fed up, so I..." almost never end with a good decision. Wait until you're in a better place mentally, and can really think about what matters to you in life and whether or not a PhD contributes enough to that to be worth all the shit. Then make the decision.
You should sign up on meetup.com they organize tons of different groups that you can join. You can meet people that interested in some of the same things you are. They have lots of groups on there ranging from sports groups all the way to workout groups.
Unfortunately, the environments you talked about tend to attract the more aggressive personalities in the community. I speculate this is because the consequences for being rude are almost nonexistent. If you decline their advances there are plenty of other people they can go after. In smaller groups of people, like at a gathering of friends or interest-based social clubs, someone acting poorly is more likely to be called out for their behavior and uninvited from future plans.
We're a small part of the larger population, but there are still some environments where the tone is different and you can find better-behaved people. Meetup.com often has listings for queer groups that tend to be more laid-back, for example.
Tough situation, and I feel for ya. I think it's also part of being a grown-up. I don't know how old you are, but once people establish lives with certain sets of friends and activities, not to mention jobs and kids and homeownership stuff, there's less time for the effort it takes to cultivate new friendships.
u/ShittyShittyNameName mentioned meetup.com, and it was a great place for me to meet people when I needed to. A lot of the interactions were more superficial, but through those, I met people I felt closer to and eventually developed friendships with.
Volunteering is another good way to meet people, especially if you're into doing a river cleanup or pouring beer for Downtown After 5 or something. Again, the initial interaction is a little superficial, but with some time it might become something deeper.
Maybe you've tried all these things, I dunno. Hang in there.
Hey man we are almost the same age. I turn 34 in six days.
I've been studying web dev in my spare time(pretty much any time I'm not at work) and I work a full time job 40-60 hours per week.
I think with your current financial responsibilities, it's not a good idea to quit your perfectly good job just to study, especially with all the self learning resources out there. I don't even have kids and I'd never even consider quitting to go to school. If you get laid off that's a completely different scenario, but at least ride it out until they throw you out the door.
You've definitely got this on your own. You have a leg up on me because I'm just a production foreman. I have no related experience whatsoever.
Lemme start off by saying this is two Meetup.com meetups you've been to where there was a clear majority of women. I might, MIGHT be fishing in the wrong ponds.
And yeah, a lot of dudes, and probably a lot of chicks, but certainly a lot of dudes, would consider that a "First World Problem," being so popular on Tinder that you get 30 messages a day. One woman's hassle is another man's salvation from crushing loneliness. Did you feel like an outsider because you don't get many Tinder messages? Or did you feel like an outsider because you were put off by that statement?
Well, you have no interests. So you have to start somewhere. What seems like it might interest you? Fishing? Sports? Going shopping at vintage stores? Reading? Pick something, research it a little to see what it might cost to get started, and get started.
Socializing is like any other muscle. You need to use it. Find one of those things that interests you, and look it up on meetup.com Look for other people into the same thing.
That was fast ;) But for real I've found that people struggle with going offline unless they can replace that time with something fulfilling. You could try searching online (eg. on facebook, meetup.com) to find some events to go to? Things like seeing a movie, joining a class, picking up a hobby or whatever it may be would help. Also try as best you can to treat the internet mindfully when you do use it - so with that sub for example you could search the top posts of all time for any tips that could help then try to stay off of reddit until you can think of something specific you want to check on or search, you know? Subs like /r/Mindfulness and /r/Meditation have some good posts on how to get rid of that dopamine 'need stimulation need stimulation need stimulation' addiction spiral.
Try new hobbies (Like Rock Climbing at Climb Kzoo or Improv Classes at Crawlspace Eviction)
Check out Glitch Gaming Lounge or Nova VR, they have events sometimes
Get involved a bit at Western even though you don't go there. They probably have gaming clubs and stuff like that.
Keep track of events and classes going on, especially recurring events.
It's a slow process, involves a lot of work and getting out of the house as much as possible. These are just some ideas. Meetup.com is also a growing place to find groups and activities. Kzoo Makers is great if you want to learn how to make things.
I think the first step is you getting comfortable with going places alone. Try MeetUp.com and search for groups with similar interests as you. If your city is featured on idontdoclubs.com try some of those events as well. Also, try the public library for their events as well as local recreation centers for cheap classes that may be in of your interest or your local African American Community Center. Volunteering with organizations like Habitat for Humanity or other things you're passionate about can also get you in the space to meet people who share similar passions. I think unless you are willing to forge out alone, this is going to be damn near impossible to meet people outside of work. Good luck!
Start with a professional profile at LinkedIn. Join groups in your field or a field you aspire to be in. Go meet people at Meetup.com - search for groups in your area. It's a great way to meet people. When you meet people, eventually, you'll meet people who know people... --- and may be helpful to get you where you want to go
yep, meetup.com join some groups that interest you. Go on a few outings. The other people that attend are fairly normal and just looking to do stuff too. It's a social networking site that actually promotes social interaction.
Opportunities happen! Wholesome gay encounters happen! You'll also find kindred spirits along the way. I'm lucky enough to be in a company that's inclusive and even has a LGBTQ network. You might want to consider a LGBTQ meetup.com event.
Also, psshhh BTO
I Know this Much is True by Wally Lamb, and Beach Music by Pat Conroy.
Both books are about a guy, whose lives are turned upside down, who manage to get through a lot of drama, obstacles and what not, all why discovering family/friend secrets and trying to put things back together. They were very inspiring for me. (also laughed my ass off at times, teared up at other times) They got me up and out and sparked my interest in travelling, photography and hiking (even tho none of the books revolve around that stuff). What Im trying to say is that they helped me "discover" who I am today.
Also, as an aside, if you feel like you're in a rut and just a robot getting up, working, coming home, computer, bed...try injecting yourself into a social circle where opportunities to meet people can arise, like meetup.com or your local library book club. Volunteer around town. These types of things sort of force you to interact with people, and you can develop new contacts, a circle of friends etc.
Im not unlike you, except older. I used to have the closest friends from school, work etc. I still have strong bonds with them, but everyone has moved across country somewhere. We all have kids and basically my once strong friendships are now boiled down to a Christmas card once a year and a Happy Birthday on Facebook. However, I am very happy now with a family of my own etc. It takes meeting/dealing with other people to open new doors to things, such as career/relationship opportunities.
Anyway, sorry for the long winded post.
TL:DR the above books helped me find myself. Aside: get out and meet people, doors will open.
I'm self-taught, joined the industry about five years ago and mentor others with a local non-profit. My advice:
You shouldn't have a CV, you should have a resume. It should be structured (from the top) as Simple Contact Info > Skills (maximize for keywords) > Projects (highlight things on your portfolio to prove you have said skills) > Experience > Education (doesn't matter where from or for what, it's just a standard thing people look for)
Not sure how you're applying, but check out meetup.com for tech groups pertinent to your interests and get involved. Sometimes recruiters hang around these things, but also you'll meet other devs whose companies are probably hiring. And everyone would rather hire someone they know and trust over a rando.
Any questions you have, I'm happy to answer them.
Congrats on early graduation and best wishes for the next chapter in life.
Often friendships are based on shared interests and experiences. You are in a bit of a challenging place (new to area, not in school) to make friends. But this is temporary.
Meetup.com is great for finding others who share similar interests. Some are women only (Bend Bella Cyclists for example) There may be groups that interest you, or maybe you can start one of your own. I would say generally speaking meetup has older membership, just FYI. That's why I say maybe starting a meetup group of your own might not be a bad idea. I doubt you are alone in the way you feel.
Modern Boardshop has gaming nights if that sounds interesting at all. http://www.modernboardshop.com/calendar/
There are some spaces in life where things are just a bit awkward and challenging. They don't last forever. Just discover and be yourself.
At meetup.com/saintpaulgamegroup or facebook.com/saintpaulgamegroup. Googling Saint Paul Game Group usually brings up the group as well. :D
I'll say don't settle (too much, compromise is needed to a certain extent. She's not perfect, and neither am I). As an ENTJ, eventually some personality traits that I purposely overlooked in the beginning, eventually eat me and I'm always the one to end the relationship. I know I'm not good at compromise, so the less amount of compromise I'll need from the get go the better chance at a successful relationship. As for finding the one... I would concentrate on hobbies/projects/goals that are core to you. As an ENTJ you're relishing in accomplishing things, and if you find someone like-minded along the way for a relationship, that's just gravy. I use meetup.com as a good example. If I join a few hiking groups, I'm out there hiking with like minded people. If I get to know someone along the way that fits other hobbies/projects/goals of mine, saweet! GL.
Check out meetup.com, I've found that to be a great way to meet people and do fun things in a new city. Volunteering is my other favorite way to meet people and do things that matter and are actually enjoyable. Check out volunteermatch.com if you don't know of causes you care about that you could look for in Indy.
If you're a dog person and have considered getting on, GET ONE. I never feel weird being out and about with my dog. Also tons of strangers come up to me (I mean LOTS) because my dog is cute AF.
Otherwise, farmers markets, take a book to the 'beach' or a park, go for a hike, rent a kayak, take lessons in something you've always wanted to learn, go to the gym, take a class, or get politically involved.
In some areas you can find exmo groups. I suspect those groups would be somewhat church-like, except for the guilt, BS, lies, tithing, etc.
STOP PAYING TITHING.
You could try online dating. OkCupid has this really neat feature under the privacy settings that will let you hide your profile from straight people, so that should decrease the risk of anyone bigoted finding out.
Alternative to this, I'd check for local support groups and maybe Meetup.com for local LGBT or Lesbian activity groups. Attend the ones that seem interesting to you and you might meet someone really nice there.
Being surrounded by people who don't accept you for who you are can feel incredibly isolating and lonely. I really hope the best for you, even if it means just finding more queer friends. <3
meetup.com - I went to a meetup this evening I found there. This was the second time I've gone to that particular group's meetup. Had a great time both times. Making new friends in the new town I just moved to. My wife setup an ex-JW meetup group as well. We're having that meetup Saturday. Lots of groups all over the country. Find one.
I don't think you're irrevocably broken, but dating sounds like a bad idea at the moment. From what you've described, I'm worried the types of relationships you would attract would be either abusive or codependent.
You need some friends. Strictly platonic friends. You can try looking on a site like meetup.com for LGBT social groups in your area. There's usually coffee meets, swim meets, gaming meets, whatever aligns with your interests.
Go back to therapy. If you weren't jiving with your therapist, try another. Sometimes it takes a while to find someone who understands you and can help you best.
You've probably read this somewhere, but use meetup.com if you can. There's gotta be at least one of your interests on there, and you can meet so many new people that way. Otherwise, try typing in your "interest + area" on google and see if anything comes up. Let me know what works; I'll be moving to a new area in a few weeks, so I'll be using the same methods as described above.
Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood. It's mostly retirees and very young families in SM.
I'd recommend checking out the mid-city area (North Park, Hillcrest, Normal Heights) for good restaurants/hangouts. Try meetup.com and attend a few events - you'll make a friend or two and likely be introduced to a large group of new friends :).
You can check out meetup.com. There are a variety of groups. For example, hiking or movies would probably be pretty comfortable for an introvert. You might need to dig through the site a bit to find which groups are active and which groups are not just advertisements. Good luck!
Yes I am but not in the way you're describing. I don't really trip anymore but when I did it was always with other people that were taking it with me. I used to view myself as a somewhat quiet, introverted person in my early to mid 20's but tripping with other people I trusted would bring out the funny, sociable part of me. It helped me see another part of myself that I've since grown into as I've gotten older.
In the past 5 years I've started a couple of networking groups through meetup.com and now it's basically my job to go out and be social so I can meet people and do business with them. I wasn't the best at this for the first few years but now I'm a lot better at it and can make everyone at my events feel comfortable. I'm not sure how much I can credit to psychs and how much is just getting older but they definitely helped me see a different part of myself that helped frame my current life.
I think it's pretty common for introverts to enjoy staying in and doing whatever they want than going out; I certainly do. However, I do have a small group of friends who are socially awkward like myself that I hang with at least one night a week and it has actually made me happier. I found a website called meetup.com where I joined a board gaming group in my local area that I attend every Friday night. That's where I met them. Although, I admit there are times when I wish I could just stay home. Such is the life of an introvert.
There's a Seattle meetup on meetup.com but the folks there and the folks here don't seem to be aware of each other: https://www.meetup.com/Seattle-Area-Ex-Mormons/
Ways/places to meet new people?
- The best way to meet people is by joining some sort of community, whether thats volunteering, joining a run group (Runfellow, November project) or organized sports group (social boston sports), or through a meetup.com group
Budget-friendly ways to beat the blues
- Living in the Davis Sq area, my favorite walk is along the Somerville Community Bike Path and occasionally walk even further up the Minuteman bikeway If you are into biking, the Minuteman path goes all the way to Bedford.
- If you're up to traveling out to Jamaica Plain, the Arnold Arboretum is also a great spot to just walk around.
- If you're looking for something that's slightly more strenuous, I enjoy hiking in the Middlesex Fells.
Looking for an activity partner
- Consider posting to subs like r/bostonsocialclub, r/bostonr4r
My partner and I are kind of a success story with this idea. We met at liberal arts college where I majored in Sociology and he studied Psychology--which is to say, neither of us had "traditional" programmer backgrounds. After graduating, I did Americorps for a year and learned some front-end web dev at that position, then decided I wanted to keep learning and completed a 3-month full time coding bootcamp where I learned front and back-end programming. While I was doing that, my partner completed "The Odin Project", which is a free online web dev course.
After that, I found a position at a web dev agency and he freelanced, then we basically switched and now he has a full time contract position for the next 4 months at a local software company and I'm freelancing. We just this week bought a small RV (you can see it in my comment history!) and are planning to hit the road full time in the fall and work remotely!
I'm a huge advocate for learning to code in order to have more control over your time/lifestyle. I guess my biggest piece of advice is that although it's possible to start freelancing right out of the gate, it is probably easier and more doable for most people to get an in-person programming job first. Having more experienced devs around to teach you things is SO valuable, and having some projects in your portfolio is the biggest asset when it comes to finding freelance positions or flexible remote work. I will say also that there are a lot of "full time" programming jobs that are remote, if freelancing is not your thing. Also if you do decide to freelance/do the remote thing right out of the gate, networking is huge and try to utilize resources like Meetup.com to connect with other devs in your area.
Let me know if you have any questions, and good luck!!
I feel the same way... I have a lot of illnesses that keep me from going too far and I tend to stay in a lot, I'm also a bit lazy, maybe? haha... I definitely feel like a hermit, but when I look at the things other people are doing, I don't really want to do them, you know? I think since I'm in my early thirties and am not following the baby route, I get left out a lot. My friends are also basically hermits because they need to be at home taking care of their kids and don't have free time, so we're all in the same boat, but I feel like they have an excuse for it, lol... the other people my age just go out to drink, which isn't really my bag, so I have just accepted being alone with my phone or youtube or whatever...
I think if you're on social media, this FOMO feeling can get out of control... people always posting about crazy things they're doing and blah-di-blah~ maybe take a break from that for a bit and just relax with yourself? I don't feel as bad now that I'm not trapped under all the constant updates from people I don't even talk to, lol. If you're happy, then that's what matters, but if you're not, why not try out some activities? Idk if there are any meetup.com groups where you are, but those usually have some things you can try (and they're usually free)~ If you like them, keep up with them, and if you don't, it was a one-time thing and there's no pressure to do it again.
Just remember, the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were in the past. As long as you're happy and growing, then you're on the right path <3
Get someone to help you with your pictures and your profile. There are places on reddit for it.
You should practice just being friendly to everyone. Men, women, young, old. Put yourself in situation where you have to interact with someone. Say "Hi" to the cashier at the grocery store. Say "How is your day?" to the teller at the bank. Over time, you can just begin increasing a conversation to a few sentences. But this is where you'll have to get used to some people being receptive and some people not being receptive. It's all part of the process.
Also, join some stuff. Meetup.com is really good in many places, but using your own interests will help you find your own tribe, whether that is at comiccon conventions or the bitcoin embassy or swing dance or whatever. Go out. Know it isn't easy. Just practice saying "Hi. My name is X. What's yours?" I find telling people that I'm anxious meeting people always makes other people open up.
Keto, CICO and IF helped me drop weight fairly fast.
What kind of interests do you have? Do you socialize a lot? Maybe going to an active club that is social could help too! Meetup.com is great for those things and you can meet good people.
What city/state/country are you in?
I would google "naturist clubs" or "Naturist clubs near me"
You can also try Meetup.com and see if there are any established nude meetups near you.
Look at https://www.aanr.com
> I've connected with some outdoorsy types, but they tend to flake on us, or already have their outdoor activity partners figured out
Have you tried Meetup.com? There's an excellent hiking group on there that also does snowshoeing and even paddling. They don't flake at all. I've heard great things about the Mountaineer group, as well. I've done a few things with the Fun Times and Social Adventurers groups, too. I've got a few really solid friends from each.
I moved from downtown DC and my wife and I promptly had two kids as soon as we arrived. I think there's something in the water here. In any case, the closest friends we've made happen to have kids around the same age as ours. They go to school together or they live nearby. There's something liberating about watching the kids play while us moms and dads destroy a bottle of wine and barbecue a poor, dead animal. I'm not saying have a kid (unless that's your thing, I don't judge), but I'm definitely saying that you'll meet people when you host at your place, when you do activities with like minded people, and when you cook some shit and drink booze together.
Finding groups for any World of Darkness game has always been a challenge, sadly. I'm fortunate that I have an existing group willing to play Vampire (V20, though, not V5) in January after the holidays are over, but I'm the Storyteller there, and I'm DYING to find a way to be a player in either a Mage chronicle or Werewolf chronicle where the ST will let me be ananasi. I think I'm going to have the same challenges you're experiencing now when that time comes. I don't do well with remote games. I like to actually sit around a table with people and play.
Consider setting up a Meetup on Meetup.com and see who bites. You might have to drive a bit (I wouldn't consider anything where you'd have to drive more than 30-45 minutes, honestly, unless you live out in a rural area and trips to population centers take longer, and you're willing to do that grind weekly or biweekly. I tried it with a 1.5 hour drive one-way about a decade ago, and I just couldn't handle it), but it's another option.
I have some really close friends but I feel like some of us are outgrowing the other. I'm 31 but I'm single with no responsibilities. I want to go out and get drunk and go dance every so often. Many of my friends are engaged and saving for a wedding or a house, and when I ask them what they've been up to on the weekend the answer is always the same - visiting family/decorating/doing other boring (to me), grownup things. It's hard to know what to do. I've tried Meetup.com but haven't really gelled with anyone I've met.
I'm considering moving to London when I start looking for my next job as my current company has an office there and whenever I go down I find that most people in London are stuck in the same extended adolescence as myself.
I wouldn't use Dribbble to find a mentor. Look into some Slack groups, UX Mastery has a peer mentoring program (disclaimer - I haven't participated) and there are other design centric channels. Also check out meetup.com for design meetups in your area (if you're in a large enough center). You can also post messages within groups I believe, that would be an appropriate place to ask about mentorship opportunities within local design communities.
Ill echo Meetup.com if you want to make potential friends. If you want to get weird with it you should join a local hash (drinking club with a running problem). Otherwise just do the PoF, Match, etc to meet ladies.
I am/have been in a similar boat. A few things to realize.
-You are NOT alone. Everyone feels sadden and depressed from time to time, you just have the balls to admit it.
-Trying scheduling any activity your have to do for mid morning. this way you force yourself to get up and set a normal schedule.
-Find some thing you want to improve on yourself and make it a hobby. For me, i was over weight and weak. I wanted to lose weight and gain muscle. So i joined a gym, BUT i had no idea want i was doing and felt intimidated there. so I looked for a gym that can train me and work with me. I found a fantastic gym near me, where they are class based. So you show up at a certain time and they have all the work for you prepared, you just need to do that work. but because its a class, you interact with other people. this could help you find new friends
-check out meetup.com they are nationwide and have meet ups for any activity out there. Find a interest of yours and go to a meet up. Great way to make friends is to find someone with similar passions
There are a handful of groups that cater specifically to her demographic on meetup.com, and she can also join interest-based groups that aren't focussed on a specific age range. The whole point of that website is to make new friends, so she'll definitely interact with new people if she attends some events.
Hi, check out meetup.com groups :) Those are not all necessarily couple/relationship-oriented, but you'll definitely get to meet other expats, or people who share your interests, and make great connections/friends. You'll see how it goes from there.
Just a suggestion :)
You will find a bunch of meetup groups with exapts on meetup.com
Though they aren't really that great to meet people (as in to make friends for more than one night)
Do you work in tech? Definitely try checking out tech events in Denver on builtincolorado.com/events or meetup.com, especially events that address diversity in the tech industry. If you're looking to connect with other Blerds here in Denver, it could help you out!
Look up the El Paso Hiking Group on meetup.com and explore the Franklin Mountains. You will be here in a good time of the year, the Celebration of Our Mountains is going on in September and October.
If you're not a student, it's really not active. All our LGBT friends moved away after college, and sometimes it feels like we're the only queer couple in town. There's some groups on MeetUp.com.
I see queer couples around town occiasionally, but like us, they're by themselves doing radical gay agenda things like getting groceries, taking a walk, or hanging out on a brewery patio.
Any other LGBT couples out there who would like to do some board games, movie, grab a beer, go for a hike?
Didn't you write this?
My favorite part of that post was this line: "Go to MeetUps.com"... great, because I fucking love paddleboarding with a bunch of 75 year olds."
So now, you want me to goto meetup.com*** and join your club?
You don't have to go clubbing or to bars. There's gay sports leagues. My friend has a comic book club (though it is held at the bars, lol). There's plenty of gay groups on meetup.com that don't involve drinking or dancing.
I don't know if it needs to stop impacting your life if it can be a good change, nothing wrong with fandom when it is positive. I might recommend joining a local book club of like minded ladies or starting one yourself, meetup.com for example, cmbyn has many intertextual references and there are Andre Aciman's other novels and works to explore as well.
Be sure you take the time you would use to focus on things for yourself.
Are there opportunities where you are to join groups that would help you meet new people? Meetup.com connected me with a local board gaming group and I've met some incredible people through it!
Pretty much what others have said: Give a bit more info about you -- age range, interests, etc. -- and people here can make recommendations. There are photography groups, home brewing groups, disc golf groups, etc that have active facebook pages. You might also look at meetup.com. There are several active meet up groups here.
After I moved here, I tried some activities through the COMO Park's & Rec and joined a martial arts school, and ended up meeting people through those programs. And you'll likely meet people at your new job.
I'm sorry you feel alone with the struggle. Here are a couple of things you should understand though:
Be courageous, be open, and see that you're not alone at all!
I was going to bring my GF into a local game shop for a board game meetup but decided to check the place out first. Game rooms were in the back, BACK room but as soon as you walked in it was just a wave of BO and not a customer in sight.
I trudged on to the backs where the smell kept getting worse and worse until I saw the people gaming. Just every kind of stereotype about neckbeards all at the tables.
Plenty of anime shirts, greasy unwashed faces, ponytails/fedoras, one dude had a waifu pillow, vast majority were all obese as shit... I watched for a few minutes and left. Listening to the conversations cleared any hesitation of just writing the place off.
I tried the same thing with meetup.com and decided to go solo first to the host's house. Pretty much same experience. If I try again it'll be one of the one of the groups who meet up at local bars and whatnot.
Hmmm it seems to me that you have too much time on your hands. Do you work? If not, a job would eat up almost 12 hours of your day easy. Wake up, shower, travel (to and from) and then you get to spend 8 hours talking to coworkers. I would recommend not getting too attached to relationships with females because they are destined to fail, even if you wind up getting married it might still fail one day. So move on from that concept. I think making casual friends with workmates, or joining a sport or activity would be great for distracting you.
Another thing I would recommend is [link]. Specify your location and then just start looking up according to hobby/interest. Most group meetups are totally free, and it's a great way to meet new people and make friends with them while you are in an environment where talking badly about someone is a big no-no, so the girls are basically not allowed to be mean as it would be seen as her being an antisocial psychopath.
have hobbies and career development goals, then attend some meetup.com and eventbrite.com and Facebook events and groups. start talking with people, not just females.
girls are an accessory, not the centerpiece of your life. I learned this the hard way with a girl.
you can learn from some good youtube videos about attraction tips, but don't follow the PUA bull.
and move out of Columbus OH. lol
Try Meetup.com. There's a book club for LGBTQ people in LR. Other local meetups are definitely gay and trans-friendly, like the LR Hikers, Open Door Outreach (a volunteerism meetup), the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers (mostly atheists and agnostics), and the Geek Club. Find people doing what you like to do, and you'll find the people you're looking for.
It is very odd to me as well. It is like meetup.com. The boardgame meetups have thousands of people signed up for them but I always only ever see 10-15 people show up. If people just showed up out of the blue we would need to rent a hall somewhere to house everyone. Which I think would be great!
Join meetup.com. Find a subject matter you are interested in, and show up at a meet up. By default, you have a common interest with everyone there.
The board game meetups are easy. The game(s) give everyone something to work on together and discuss rather than filling a couple hours with chit chat. I find that players of board games are more likely to be introverted than extroverted.
Your 2D game engine doesn't have sound yet? Add Sound. Does it have a scripting language? Add a scripting language. Doe s it have some kind of easy GUI, add some easy GUI library. Maybe if your college has some kind of student group involved in games/computer programming you should show off and then see what ideas/help arises. Try meetup.com for your local community of computer enthusiasts who can also encourage new ideas. Get exercise, take notes with a pen, you'll figure something out.
Does your engine have documentation? Oh joy, someone is going to have to do that, thats something you can do when you can think of a next step, just explain whats possible.
Go to meetup.com and search Worcester and NO this is not an ad and I do not work for them :). I've met lot's of great folks thru common interests thru that site. BTW if you play tennis check out the Worcester tennis club I play with them often.
This is a common problem across the board with language learning. Simply because when listening you must decode what you hear at a certain (usually fast) speed, sound instantly disappears and is hard to hold in you short term memory for long (especially when decoding), and there are usually abnormalities in spoken language (accent, mistakes etc). This is unlike written text because you can take longer to decode it , it doesn't disappear, and contains fewer errors.
My advice is to listen as much as you can.
You can find flashcards programs which test by sound, (I use memrise.com but there must be others)
You can take practice HSK listening tests at hschinese.com
find a chinese friend or language group (meetup.com is a good place to start)
You dont get it do you?
They're real people and just like most of us men we wouldn't want to meet each other IRL what makes you think a femcel or any woman in general should go out of their way to meet with someone from reddit of all places and not to mention the dangers of meeting strangers from online into your real life
Go to meetup.com or your local reddit meetups to meet people
It all depends on what you want to do and how much you would like to spend. There is meetup.com to find people with similar interests as you. You can sign up for classes, improv lessons at The Nest comedy club, Volunteering with the Ohio food bank, makerspace/hackerspace such as the Columbus Idea Foundry. If you are into board games there is CABS (Columbus Area Board Gaming Society) or you can go to the Guard Tower for pick up games. What kind of things are you into?
I do not recommend any programming certifications. Demonstrated coding ability secures programming positions, not pieces of paper from unaccredited sources. Learn how to program, following best practices, adhering to a style and utilizing unit testing. Build a portfolio with Github or through work with a non-profit or Meetup group. Also, strike "lol" from everything you write going forward.
Definitely follow up on the band thing. I also have similar problems with finding political groups, but keep at it. You might want to look into meetup.com just to interact with some other people. Think of it this way: worst case, you'll be back at square one. You don't really have anything to lose.
I started working in developer jobs while I was in college. Got an internship that gave way to a full time mobile thing.
If you don't have side projects or anything, get to work on making 1-3 projects to show off. Networking is big. Look at meetup.com for any developer meetups in your area and get to know people and industry professionals. Make a relationship with them - make new friends and maybe if something turns up in the future, they'll refer you to it and recommend you.
Networking and side projects. The only reason I have my current job now is because a friend vouched for my skillset and recommended me to someone looking for a mobile developer.
meetup.com or http://www.work-shop.com.au/events/grid/#1
it's tough when long time friends are no longer on the same page. good luck. Going through similar myself
what worse.. years of management, and not following through on potential good friends due to the whole... "levels" thing
Majority of the friends that I've made here happened while attending a highly active, local MeetUp.com group. They're a fantastic nerdy bunch of guys and gals. From what I've heard though, it's really a hit or miss when you're selecting and attending the local groups formed on there. As someone else said, expect nothing going into it and you'll eventually settle into the right set of people as long as you keep putting yourself out there.
I'm in a different situation, but also not working. I've taken up baking my own bread, which is amazing, delicious, and frugal. I've become an avid cyclist, which gets me outside and exercised. Hiking, running, inline skating, et al achieve this as well. I've grounded myself in a meditation practice, which helps with my moods and perspective. I've taken over most of the household duties, because my SO is still working. So I do a lot of the cooking and cleaning. Pro tip: Maintenance cleaning is a lot easier, takes less time, and basically prevents ever having to do a deep clean. So I carve out thirty minutes a day to give things a once over. Other than that, I figure out what sounds interesting for the day and do it. Be it reading a book, watching a nature documentary, playing online poker, or taking a walk, I just sorta do whatever I want -- whatever sounds good.
Edit: I'd like to second u/AbolishWork 's suggestion of Meetup.com , I've used it several times and met a lot of great people
Yeah, I know the common line is to go to events on meetup.com. I just recently started using it. The issue I have is transitioning beyond the small talk and even substantive conversations into a friendship. I always felt that I was being desperate in going out of my way to initiate meetups and what not. I guess I need to work more on my conversational skills, as they are rather staid at times. BJJ is something that I am thinking of getting into. Professional wrestling was a component of my childhood.