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Was she raised in a conservative religious family/church/community? Those "Purity" messages can really screw people up. Pregnancy phobia -even when the person knows better - is a thing that happens sometimes.

I recommend you spend some time watching Sexplanations together and get PURE by Linda Kay Klein and read or listen to it together (the audio book is great, and may be available through your library).

I am a marriage and family therapist and I am also a person who uses a motorized wheelchair.

This book was recommended to me by a friend and it really is a great resource for people trying to figure out the ins and outs (haha) of sex and disability, especially if it's something a person has not encountered before.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1573443042/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9v7QDbH49SAQ0

I started using a wheelchair as a fairly young child, so I was already intimately familiar with my disability by the time I was outwardly expressing my sexual identity, and I was fortunate enough to have open minded partners to explore ability and preference with.

To OP, disability does not necessarily have to mean the end of your plans and dreams for and with one another, especially if you love her as much as you seem to. Find a couples therapist or a therapist with experience with disabilities, and make it a point to go together. It may really help you two figure out if and how you can make your relationship work under these unexpected circumstances.

There's nothing wrong with being afraid of a situation you never foresaw for yourself, but be honest with your partner and yourself, and keep communicating honestly with eachother about your thoughts, fears, and needs through this. If you can turn toward one another instead of away, you may find that you are able to grow and change in truly wonderful and fulfilling ways.

If not, it's sad, but then it is best to let it go. It's unfair for both of you if you choose to stay out of a sense of pity or obligation and not because you truly love her and want to stay despite this change in expectations.

Hmm, especially considering he sat right next to you immediately and asked you out the day you met, it makes me wonder if he had been watching you, put his kid up to approaching you guys and "conveniently" asking to come into your house for a drink?

Trust your gut, there are a ton of red flags here. I highly recommend you read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. It's a great book and teaches about how to trust your instincts and deal with potentially dangerous situations. Predators take advantage of the fact it's so ingrained in women from the time we are little girls to always be polite, they know we are afraid of hurting feelings and "causing a scene" and they thrive on that hesitation. He hasn't escalated yet but it's time to cut contact and I would also invest in a doorbell or motion camera, not just for him but for general safety, especially with a little one in the house. I like your idea of having a male friend or family member on the premises when you calmly tell him this arrangement just isn't working anymore. Make sure to document everything in the event a worst case scenario happens and you have to go to police.

Buy your daughter a cute stuffed animal have her promise to keep it with her at all times. Put one of these bad boys into it with access to it in a descret manner. Battery life says it's about 14 days just keep it charged.

Doesn't have to be a stuffed animal because you can hide it anywhere. Just something she will keep with her that won't raise any bells for your ex.

Might seem too over protective but with his actions and words I think it would be a good investment.

It's okay though, this happens often and there are loads of sites where you can rehome them.

I suggest putting her profile on Match.com, tinder, and OKCupid to start with. If there's no interest, you can set profiles up on other sites and apps.

Don't worry, we'll find your GF a new forever home in no time.

You should show your GF:

>The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband

>"David sets out to understand Asperger syndrome and learn to be a better husband with an endearing yet hilarious zeal. His methods for improving his marriage involve excessive note-taking, performance reviews, and most of all, the Journal of Best Practices: a collection of hundreds of maxims and hard-won epiphanies, including “Don’t change the radio station when she’s singing along” and “Apologies do not count when you shout them.” Over the course of two years, David transforms himself from the world’s most trying husband to the husband who tries the hardest. He becomes the husband he’d always meant to be."

What you did is actually very thoughtful and a hopeful sign for the relationship. You want to make her happy, and you're studying how to achieve that goal.

Betcha she'll never find another teenage boy willing to work on a relationship THIS much!

It's true that they change alot, but looking back when my son was born and now 3 years later, he always looked like himself. Some things doesn't change and are genetic traits like cleft chin.

The Inheritance of a Cleft Chin 

The genetics behind cleft chins used to be thought of as simple. Cleft chins were believed to be a dominant trait: if two parents had cleft chins, their kids could have a cleft or might not. And if two parents had smooth chins, their kids would always have smooth chins.  It's still more likely than not that if your parents both have cleft chins, you’ll have one. And if both have smooth chins, you will too. 

Source: https://www.ancestry.com/lp/traits/cleft-chin

So just with that trait I would as well get a paternity test as it's just more likely the kid would have a smooth chin like me and his mom.

But the main thing is that op had the feeling for a while and had a realisation when he got to hold his baby. He has to act on that feeling.

This is definitely a red flag, and it's not a healthy reaction to hypothetical cheating. I think when he said "you're not going to cheat on me so you have nothing to worry about," it was really threatening and was basically the same as saying "if you cheat on me, I really will do this."

Why Does He Do That is a book that was written by a counselor who specializes in working with controlling and toxic/abusive men. He uses his knowledge of how abusers think and his history of work to help women understand if their relationship has escalated to abuse, recognize abusive and controlling behavior in their partners, and inform women on how to leave an abusive relationship.

You can read it here for free.

This book has seriously helped me and other women that I know. I'm not saying that your partner is abusive, because only YOU can determine that. But this book will help you to figure out what's going on and give you strategies to deal with this kind of behavior. And if what you want is to leave, this book can help you make a plan to do that.

Good luck <3

As a start, get a second opinion. She might have vaginismus or a similar condition that makes sex painful.If that's not the case (and, actually, even if it is,) try reading Dr. Emily Nagosi's book Come as You Are. It's very accessible, science-based, and written by an expert in the field. Each section has a TLDR; summary at the end and it's full of good information on how (cis) women's sexual needs differ from (cis) men's. I think it addresses some of the issues you've mentioned.
Edit to add link:
https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

There are lots of factual studies that have been done on Amway and prove its a pyramid scheme. Only 10% of people ever make $1 in profit: https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/A-STUDY-ON-DIRECT-SELLING-BUSINESS-%28AMWAY-INDIA-IN-Narayan/c07ffcff91e88aa0fa9ec351b806f28adfb81ecf?p2df

Take a breath.

Then sit down and do some research. Knowledge can offset the panic sometimes.

This book When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads 4th Edition: Proven Guidelines for a Healthy Multiple Pregnancy has a lot of info and some real-life experiences.

Check out the parents of multiples threads on pregnancy and baby websites. The posters there will usually offer support in a variety of ways.

Don't feel bad about the panic as most people would have a bit of panic crop up when confronted with triplets.

When my parent's found out about my porn searches they bought me a copy of the Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort. It definitely changed my views on how sex worked when my only real reference was the porn I could find that got around my parent's content blockers at the time. It teaches how sex is meant to be fun and pleasurable to both parties, and taught me a lot about how consent works. The illustrated version also offers very realistic depictions of people's bodies that also changed how I viewed how people are supposed to look.

I can tell you are doing the right thing and coming from my own experience (this was like 20 years ago though) that it can be easier to find more extreme porn when you are searching for it on computers that have content blockers.

Be sure to ask him why he was searching for those things specifically. Is there a friend who's showing him this stuff? Is it a chat room?

Even by today's standards it can be hard for someone to explore their sexuality online and find content that it is more representative of real sexuality.

You're doing a great job, but also remember he might be embarrassed and ashamed.

Good luck!

https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Sex-Gourmet-Making-Illustrated/dp/B005D98WV2

If you suspect cheating and are willing to be a little sleazy for proof, put one of these VARs (voice-activated recorders) somewhere like her car or the living room and see what it picks up.

If I was planning a surprise for a loved one, I would act sketchy as well. But the 'flavor' of what you've described isn't a happy-based fear like when something good being planned may get ruined. This is more of a personal-based fear like when you ate someone else's birthday cake.

edit: At minimum she's talking very negatively about you behind your back. At worst it seems like an affair or terminal illness diagnosis.

Get a voice recorder app on your phone and talk to her about it again, then tell her that you'll report her to the police if it happens again.

It sounds extreme but any parent who refuses to give basic privacy to their adult children usually can't be reasoned with and if it's not stopped early, it will continue.

My mom did this shit, and worse, to me for years. It only gets worse until you forcefully cut it off. In my case, I barely speak to her because I left it so long to tell her "No" and mean it.

Or, if you want comedy value, order this and watch her be mortified.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Doc-Johnson-Fist-Flesh-White/dp/B00347A4OS

Please please read: The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence . A relationship is "good" until it's not. Just like how you can feel healthy until you go to the doctor and they tell you're sick. Use your best judgement. Be safe.

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Reread your post. Can you see that he's trying to get his way regardless of your feelings? First he tried the "nice" way. I bet he also tried asking you for a baby. Then he tried telling you he wants a baby. Then he tried a guilt trip. Then he tried to dominate you. Then he HURT you and didn't let up until you agreed under force. OP, do not lie again. Do not say okay if you don't want a baby. You do not want to teach him (without meaning to) that he can get his way if he hurts you.

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Here's an amazon link for the book: https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198. Maybe someone else knows where to get a free PDF?

There’s a book for parents that was released in the 90s https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-Parents-Lesbians-Experiences/dp/0312167814

I gave it to my very closed-minded mother when I came out to her, and it seemed to help, maybe it’ll help your wife?

It’s very outdated but in this case that could be helpful

Good for you for supporting your girl, I’m glad she knows you’re in her side, but definitely address this with your wife, she’s going to lose her daughter at this rate.

Ask her if her discomfort is worth not having any idea what her daughter is up to for her entire adult life, and the occasional awkward Xmas phone call, because that’s where she’s headed if she can’t gtf over herself

Please tell your daughter how much supper she has here, she’s probably feeling very hurt, it’s hurting to get that reaction even though hen you’re expecting it. Kids just want to be loved and accepted for who they are

Tacking on a book about the similarities between actual cults and Trump fanatics.

> In The Cult of Trump, mind-control and licensed mental health expert Steven Hassan draws parallels between our current president and people like Jim Jones, David Koresh, Ron Hubbard and Sun Myung Moon, arguing that this presidency is in many ways like a destructive cult.

The Cult of Trump: A Leading Cult Expert Explains How the President Uses Mind Control https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982127341/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_R7k.FbC52NNH7

OK. first thing, don't pressure her about orgasms. Being able to cum for women is a very mental thing. Pressure kills it. If she enjoys sex without an orgasm, let that be OK for the moment. I don't always cum when my husband and I have sex, but I always enjoy it. It's a lot harder for women to cum than it is for men, sometimes it just doesn't happen.

Second: both of you get this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LD1ORBI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1

really really good book about female sexuality.

Your husband is a little boy running around in an adult body. He needs to grow up, sell a couple of his toys, and support the one who knows how to save and invest in the future.

Please get a copy of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and read it together. He also has a radio show that is 95% taking calls and helping people plan their way out of messes like yours. He's dealt with thousands of cases just like this. If there's a way to resolve your relationship issue, it's his advice.

How do I stop? You leave this abusive relationship. If you need help understanding your situation please get this book. It may give you the push you need to leave. You are not responsible for his anger!!

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https://www.amazon.ca/Psychopath-Free-Expanded-Emotionally-Relationships/dp/0425279995/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Psychopath+Free&amp;qid=1556035822&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1#customerReviews

Dump the boyfriend if he doesn't full support you. You don't need an enabler to abuse. You should go to the police first though rather than your boyfriend.

If you need help pushing past the fear The Gift of Fear is an excellent book (link is for a free PDF version). Best of luck.

You're doing literally nothing to help her or the growing baby.

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Go look up how to raise a child with fetal alcohol syndrome since you're too scared to do anything. Here, I'll help: https://www.amazon.com/Fetal-Alcohol-Syndrome-Families-Communities/dp/1557662835

You should get a doorstop alarm. It’s a little wedge that goes under the door. When the door opens even slightly and presses against the wedge, it makes a piercing alarm sound. Might give you some peace of mind while you’re sleeping?

amazon link

Also, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to your neighbor about this “friend”

Has your mom shown signs of BPD before?

Edit: after reading more comments, your mom really sounds like she’s got borderline personality disorder.

I really recommend reading Stop Walking on Eggshells.

Going against the grain here, I don't think this is actually about logic OR emotions.

I think it's about control. Alarm bells started going off the more I read that this, I think it's a delibrate tactic to get you under his control, which is what abusive people want most of all.

>Queue 'why are you being so stubborn?', 'are you trying to deliberately hurt me?', 'are you trying to prove a point or something?', 'would it hurt you to do it this way?', 'I thought you cared about my feelings and my support'

🚩🚩🚩 so from this paragraph I see him deliberately: 1) making you feel like you need to justify your actions to him. You don't, but making you do so changes the power dynamic in his favour. It also keeps you focused on your actions and behaviour so you don't have the time to take a critical look at his behaviour.

2) using emotional manipulation. Not only do you owe him an explanation, but when you do something he doesn't like he turns it into you hurting him. This is manipulative AF and intentional.

3) wearing down your defences. This shit sounds exhausting, and while you can fight back now, I imagine that after weeks/months/years of it you'll just get so tired you'll stop fighting back. Then you'll just do what he wants how he wants to avoid the fight. THIS is his ultimate goal, to make you compliant.

>What should I do?

Fucking run, this is only going to get worse.

And please, take a look at the book 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft, you can find the PDF for free online.

Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now, how can I help him? What should I tell him? Well, I refrained from telling him anything but instead confronted him with the question, “What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” “Oh,” he said, “for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Whereupon I replied, “You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who have spared her this suffering — to be sure, at the price that now you have to survive and mourn her.” He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left my office. In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice. Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, P.113

Definitely men's

https://www.amazon.com/Hanes-5-Pack-X-Temp-Sport-Brief/dp/B076D189MZ

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You have any relatives or other males they may have visited? It's plausible that they got mixed in the laundry and she didn't pay close attention when folding. Unfortunately, it's also plausible that they're a trophy. I wouldn't bring them up, but be pretty damn vigilant for a while.

Not wrong at all. Just make sure she doesn't just get one of these types of tests: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076PRZWCV

And that the test is actually from her. A doctor's test might be best.

And it's also time to stop having all sex with her. !00% stop. I've read stories on Reddit of girls that convince BF they are pregnant when they are not really, just to become pregnant when they stop using birth control because they convinced BF it was no longer needed due to their fake pregnancy.

Please don't go to counseling. Abusive partners only use it as a weapon.

I highly recommend reading Why Does He Do That?. I linked a free PDF for that book. It's by a man who counseled abusive men and I think it'll help you.

Actually, that's a perfect idea, get this, and keep vacuum cleaner nearby.

Here it is in action

Ooohhhhh I found some really good “spy cams” recently hang on I’ll find them on Amazon again.....

WiFi Spy Camera, 1080P HD Mini Hidden Camera Wireless Nanny Cam Home Security Covert Cameras with Motion Detection Remote Real-time Video https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F7PF4W9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_hJezCbAPZK3W0

There are some “comparable products” there too that look pretty solid, but I got 2 of these and set them up in about 15 minutes, can check the feeds from my phone and having my computer record the video.

It’s okay for him to be worried, but continuing to lecture you about it for more than a few minutes isn’t.

I’m a female rideshare driver as well, OP. To allay his worries, maybe invest in some protection? I know that dash cams (facing front and back into the car) are a good deterrent to bad behavior, and if you get in an accident you can prove your innocence. I also invested in pepper gel. Basically like pepper spray but is more concentrated so it doesn’t spread in an enclosed space like your car.

It is not as uncommon as one might think. There was a study published on it fairly recently - it's title was "Regretting motherhood&quot;.
There are actually quite a few women who do not develop love or deep maternal feelings and who often regret their choice to have become mothers.

I think it may affect your children quite a bit, you should definitely talk with your therapist about it. Maybe there are some coping strategies or ways how you can stabilize the self assurance of your children, in order to compensate for their mother's indifference. It is in any case very important that your children have one loving, nurturing parent who is there for them and loves them unconditionally. This will be very important for their self esteem and an intact feeling of self worth.

I would have a significant problem if my partner wouldn't love our mutual children, but of course it is up to you if you are staying with your wife or not. In any case, you'll have to make sure that you will try to do your best in order for your children not to suffer if you stay together.

Rewriting cause can’t get the link to work

I feel you completely. It’s such an invasion of privacy that it puts all kinds of thoughts in your head. There likely no camera. But eh. Who knows.

Anyway, if it’s a WiFi camera, just change your WiFi password if you have one. And unless it’s plugged into a power source the battery will die soon and she has no access to replace it since she lost entry to your house. But if you’re very worried you can get this and scan your house with it.

When I lost my father, this knowledge helped me:

Once, an elderly general practitioner consulted me because of his severe depression. He could not overcome the loss of his wife who had died two years before and whom he had loved above all else. Now, how can I help him? What should I tell him? Well, I refrained from telling him anything but instead confronted him with the question, “What would have happened, Doctor, if you had died first, and your wife would have had to survive you?” “Oh,” he said, “for her this would have been terrible; how she would have suffered!” Whereupon I replied, “You see, Doctor, such a suffering has been spared her, and it was you who have spared her this suffering — to be sure, at the price that now you have to survive and mourn her.” He said no word but shook my hand and calmly left my office. In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice. Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl, P.113

Hey OP, this is clearly a difficult situation, and I cannot fathom the emotional pain and turmoil you're feeling right now. I know this will sound strange, but I'd like to suggest that you and your GF both read, "Come As You Are", by Dr. Emily Nagoski.

https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform-ebook/dp/B00LD1ORBI

While the book is more geared toward women, I think you'll find the information very enlightening, especially the chapters that discuss sexual "accelerators" and "brakes". The book may give both of you enough insight to be able to make behavioral changes.

I hope you're able to work through these issues, but should that not happen, reading this book will at least provide you with some great insight.

Edit: formatting

Solution: Get a deaf alarm!

I have the same problem as your fiancée and when I used my phone alarm, it made my roommate go nuts. I use a deaf alarm now and it has improved the situation a lot!

A deaf alarm is basically an alarm clock has a vibrating pod connected to it. You put the pod under your pillow or mattress (depending on how strong you want to feel the vibration under your head). It makes some noise but negligible compared to a normal alarm and it will wake you up in an instant.

The one I use is called Sonic Boom. They have different varieties in case you find the look tacky. You can set the clock such that it only uses the vibrating pod and doesn’t make any alarm sounds.

Your problem seems to be common and has a pretty good technical solution that involves little compromise from both parties. You should def check out the deaf alarm clock. It’s only called that because deaf people can’t use noise/sounds to wake them up.

Good luck!

Yeah, if you've grown up your entire life being gaslit, scapegoated, and trained to take responsibility or make excuses for your immature parent's bad behavior, it becomes your natural way of doing things. I picked up and read this book almost on a whim a while back, and I was amazed at how much it resonated with me. My situation is a little bit different from yours; I don't think either of my of my parents really have textbook NPD or BPD (which it seems like your mom does) - they were more, I dunno... Disinterested and immature, maybe? Anyway, I feel like reading that book helped me to identify patterns of behavior I didn't even realize I had developed, and had started repeating with my own kids. Anyway, point being, I think most everyone assumes their family is "normal" by default, and never really examines these patterns of learned behavior from an objective place unless something pushes them to do so.

That being said, consider that your dad has most likely been suffering your mom's shit with a smile since before you were born, but seeing the narcissistic abuse turned toward you was the last straw for him. Don't directly involve yourself in your parents relationship, but it's good that you have each other. You probably both have some things to work through and healing to do. Good news is, once the dust settles, you get to have a real mature adult relationship with one of your parents, at least!

Pain during sex = see your doctor/gynecologist. That needs to be investigated.

Also, I strongly recommend you read, &quot;Come as You Are&quot;, by Dr. Emily Nagoski. You're going to learn a TON about yourself, and what you're feeling. The book is not about sex positions or techniques. It's a great read, super approachable and informative. Also recommend that your boyfriend read it, too. Check it out.

EDIT: You're not broken. You are normal! You do not need to find a girlfriend for your boyfriend!!! Read the book.

I know from where you're sitting, your mind is still desperate to hear from him. You are anticipating contact, even if it takes him a month. You want to know you got through to him, you want to know you meant something to him and he still wants you. You want him to respond, for closure.

And to that, you really need to forget it and take the high ground. Which means you don't listen to a voicemail. You delete an email without even reading it. You NEVER respond to or contact him Ever again. This is the way you take back the power he has over you. This is how you gain control.

I have a couple books for you to read. Please get them.

"Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft is about abuse and controlling relationships. You need this book to help you identify these red flags.

"The Feeling Good Handbook" by David M Burns. This is DIY therapy. This will really help you sort out your thoughts/feelings, and be better equipped for future relationships.

"He's Just Not That Into You" will help you set some standards for yourself with men. Now/future you should never settle for the BS John did. It's not being too picky or ensuring forever alone status to have some basic standards for what you accept and expect from a romantic partner. This book is also funny and will make you feel better. Try to listen to the audiobook!

Hugs, we're all proud of you. Stay strong and be awesome.

You can get them off amazon https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000NBS2RE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2fedCb9FMQ0A3 It’s really good quality but it’s a little difficult to create. I suggest watching their YouTube video before trying!

What about getting a door stop alarm? It’s not as impermeable as a lock if there’s an emergency.

It makes a piercing alarm sound if your stepdad tries to come in while you’re showering/changing clothes/just want some privacy.

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M0X4QM4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_Y04WSMTRBETYZJZZ3HQM?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

This may seem out of left field to ask but:

Is there a large age gap between you and your husband? (I would guess you're the younger one)

Did you move FOR him?

These are another two red flags 🚩 to add to his already disrespectful behaviour, obviously without knowing more it's tough to say but if you can honestly answer yes to both the above, in addition to what you posted here i would whole heartedly recommend you cut ties and RUN.

&quot;life is too short to be around people who make you feel like you need to compete for their attention. If that's the case, just dump them. Don't waste time on someone who doesn't acknowledge you are a walking divinity, darling&quot;

The excerpt is being general about anyone be it a friend a colleague, family or partner. People who don't respect you and your boundaries don't deserve your time, and you don't owe them anything!

EDIT: I missed the part where you included your ages in the post heading, my apologies for that oversight!

Not just that but you should also be able to buy a hotel door lock. That will prevent her from entering as well as it can only be removed from the inside.

Here's an example: https://www.amazon.com/VIRIDI-Doorlocks-Removable-Apartment-Selfdefense/dp/B08CKXH579/

Buy him something like this

https://www.amazon.com/Bedwetting-Alarm-Boys-Girls-Kids/dp/B07VK9Q1BW/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?keywords=bedwetting+alarm&amp;qid=1573776589&amp;sr=8-4

My eldest son was bed wetter and thos alarm helped train him to get up when he needs to pee.

Yeah not a big fan of your post man. I get where you're coming from, but its super shitty of you to have said/done that. A few things pop out to me about all this:

1. So you were/are addicted to alcohol and have struggled with it. Would you appreciate someone addicted to heroin giving you the speech you gave your friend? I mean, heroin is a 'much worse' drug than alcohol right?

2. One thing I learned in my time in and around people getting clean is not being down on someone else for their addictions/actions.

3. If you don't think that nicotine is addictive, check out the bazillion available links on the topic. Also, check out slide 6 of this TED TALK that goes over nicotine addiction etc.

It unfortunately sounds like you came at him from a place of frustration and jealousy (you wish you had his recovery tools available to you), and I really think you should reread this and try looking at how you'd feel if someone came at you like this.

This! There are two lactobacilli strains that are identified to be really helpful with recurrent bacterial vaginosis: reuteri (rc-14) and rhamnosus (gr-1).

This is a probiotic I like as well:

Integrative Therapeutics - Pro-Flora Women's Probiotic - Probiotics for Women with Clinically Researched Strains of Lactobacillus That Support Vaginal Microflora - 30 Soy Free, Shelf Stable Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AESGDEU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2IbTFb81HVF48?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

Here’s some clinical research on the aforementioned lactobacillus too:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18854803/

I looked it up on amazon, holy crap they are huge. As for OP, how did it taste?

No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert A Glover. Let me get this straight. You have a master's degree and you're making six figures.

Your girlfriend is an unemployed couch surfing parasitic leech with barely a high school education, who spends all her time on her hobby which she never earns any money or considers charging people. Then bitches at you constantly about how she thinks your job is a joke, and other passive-agressive abuse.

The issue is you tried to turn a hustler into a housewife.

She's hustling you. 100%. She doesn't respect you because she has no respect, and more importantly you don't respect yourself.

The issue is you're a doormat with no ability to set boundaries.

There is a very good book that says exactly this. It's called Predators by Anna Salter. You can find it here.

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The author is a psychologist who is an expert in sex offenders and interviewed a good deal of them for the book. She explains that single moms need to be incredibly wary and open their eyes to the reality that pedophiles will try to date them to gain access to their children. She also explains that the mother (and community as a whole) are far more likely to side with the pedophile rather than the child. She does a great job explaining common techniques that pedophiles, rapists, and other sex offenders use to groom their victims and advice on how to spot these techniques and keep yourself and/or your children safe.

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I read it after leaving my ex, who was a really scary sexual predator. I don't know if he was a pedophile because we thankfully did not have kids. But she was spot on explaining many of his behaviours and techniques.

This post is absolutely dripping with misogyny, blaming your partner for many shared problems, and, in general, a worldview that misses the forest for the trees. Is your wife only valuable to you for sex and income potential? Oh, and I guess helping you cheat on homework? And yeah, most partners would have trouble prepping for med school tests because it's fucking MED SCHOOL.

What's missing from your account is the part where you didn't notice something was seriously bothering your partner, and she didn't feel OK talking to you about it. Sure, she could be an amazing actor faking it on Skype for what sounds like years, though surely they had to have spent time together in person during this period. What's more likely is that you didn't notice, or allow yourself to notice, or allow her to express that she was having any sort of trouble or problems. What's so hard about believing someone when they say they've experienced trauma?

You have plenty of sympathy from other posters, so go read those posts if I've hurt your feelings, but you're just going to have this problem with anyone else you date if you don't work on yourself. Read a book about Jungian archetypes because this is classic anima projection shit.

If you want to read a more sympathetic post, this person hit the nail on the head: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/agoa5q/my_35_m_wife_34_f_has_changed_and_it_has_brought/ee82pc9/

Girl, don't just back away from this...RUN. He wants to control your money when it's been proven he's a jackass with his own. You're going to pay his child support? Are you being serious right now? The man has zero plan for the future. He's broke, trying to get his hands on your money and he's getting advice from The Art of War? Please.

You can't trust a word he says and I wouldn't stick around to see if he marries you. You'll just end up miserable or paying for the eventual divorce.

He doesn't even have your money yet and he's already spending it. Get out of this as soon as you can.

Behold the original, full length Best of Craigslist post describing the adventure of ass shaving in hilariously excruciating detail

Edit: holy crap this was originally from 2004. Damn I'm old...

Listen, this comes with a major caution, but you need to hear it & I think you're strong enough to handle it.

I 100% understand your love for your siblings & my heart goes out to all of you, but remember you need to prioritize your self-care to be a strong role model to them of the better world which awaits them upon emancipation. One they can dream about and navigate through your parents' emotional storm to survive and possess for themselves.

I tried to quit my parents at 18, 24, 29, 34. If your parents are anything like mine, they will do fucking EVERYTHING to claw you out of whatever safe space you create for yourself from here, including using your siblings as hostages, like literal emotional terrorists.

There's a famous Friedrich Nietzsche quote, "Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

I use this as a daily mantra for myself when facing the pain of what my parents put me through. I highly suggest you purchase a copy of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Tao-Fully-Feeling-Harvesting-Forgiveness/dp/1515079767

You're a fucking soul warrior. I can tell. You got this. Godspeed.

This was a quick search on Amazon, but I better you could find a better version.

Edit: I didn't see the Shark Tank episode so idk if this is the same thing OC was talking about. But I've seen ads for this.

I would be over the moon about it if I were your GF. You sound like a sweet guy. Consider getting a Sunbeam heating pad. Preferably made of fabric and not plastic/with a cover. As a regular heating pad user, they make a difference. This is the one that I use for any back/abdominal pain. If you get it on amazon you can attach a cute little note to it as a surprise and send it directly to her.

1. She needs to see her ObGyn. Frankly, that should have been done seven years ago.
2. After that, you can try a sex therapist. But if you do, make sure you two aren't surprised if she brings up open relationships. Personally, I don't recommend them. One spouse almost always get very jealous. The chances of divorce go up. But that doesn't mean don't see a sex therapist.
3. Post over at r/sexover30 (but be ready for ideas that you don't want to try.
4. Both of you must read "Come as you Are." It's the gold standard of female sexuality.

Take this issue head on. Attack it from four sides as a team. Be encouraging to her.

The shortening of the cervix can cause pain for some women. Also the ability to have the same sensations and orgasms is can be different. And then there’s vaginal atrophy. I just don’t think the lack of desire that comes with surgical menopause can be compared to simply not being in the mood, it’s more like feeling completely dead inside.

You can either do this in person or write a letter. My roommate wrote me a letter. We were in undergrad and I was a mess emotionally and leaned on her, hard. I didn't realize I was such a downer and time-sink. She laid it out that she cared about me and wanted me to be able to come to her, but not with everything. She didn't have the time or emotional energy to devote to all my problems. It's not horrible or unreasonable. You're not a therapist. I totally understand where she/you are coming from.

I admit, I did a lot of fretting and took very little action (which is sort of par for the course with anxiety/depression), so I was really wasting her time. I was hurt by the letter, I felt abandoned but I understood and felt appropriately guilty for putting her in that position to begin with. We went through a period where I came to her with very little and our relationship recalibrated with different boundaries, and it was ultimately a good thing that saved our friendship.

A book I didn't find until after college but helped me tremendously is "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. It's DIY cognitive behavioral therapy and consistently assigned as homework to patients of CB therapists. I found it at a really dark time, when I didn't have a therapist and it's really potent. You could give her the book, and ask her to look into low-income counseling options (they exist mostly everywhere, they just take a bit of work to find).

tl;dr gently confront her about the fact that you feel used and overwhelmed by her emotional reliance on you, and explain you won't be available for her like you have been, as you have your own life to lead and it's unfair for her to make you her only psychological outlet.

There's always going to be SOMEBODY out there who doesn't think ________ (in your case not giving oral) is a dealbreaker.

I, however, am a 25/f who thinks it's a dealbreaker if a guy doesn't perform oral. I ended things with a guy a couple months ago because he won't go down on girls. It's not that I couldn't live without oral, but as someone said above it's more a red flag of a general closed-minded attitude toward sex that I don't want to deal with. I want to find someone I can spend the better portion of my life with without getting tired of sex with each other, and if he's not even willing to explore oral I can't imagine what other things he'd refuse to explore and how quickly our sex life would dwindle.

If he doesn't want to work towards fixing his issues there's not much you can do. He has to want to change before it's possible.

I recommend he give this book a read

https://smile.amazon.com/Running-Empty-Overcome-Childhood-Emotional-ebook/dp/B009VJ4B4C/

The secure/secure attachment pairing is rare. Most of the attachment types can do okay when there is a secure type in the mix. The anxious-preoccupied and avoidant-dismissive and the avoidant-fearful and avoidant-dismissive pairings are fraught with conflict.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love

and Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship

might be interesting books to you

I agree that it's weird and it probably isn't hygienic.

That said, I don't really think it's something you should care too much about outside of just thinking it's gross.

I can't imagine there's any risk of anything happening to you other than maybe tasting a slight weird taste if your wife kisses you immediately after licking the cat.

If this really bothers you, maybe get your wife something like this. It's supposed to be like licking a cat without actually using your tongue.

I looked for about 30 seconds before I found that, I'm sure there are dozens of other options.

Basically two versions of the same story

Moose Mouse

For some peace of mind, you could also get a doorstop alarm - they’re like little wedges that you put in front of the door. When the door opens and puts pressure on the wedge, it makes the most piercing alarm noise. Would help if your neighbor has the keys and is trying to come into your apt

amazon link

Your opinion doesn’t really define the term, and it’s actually symptomatic of a huge, worldwide problem in how rape victims are viewed and how the justice system treats them. Read about Denim Day and its origins: https://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denim_Day

LMAO I can’t with this guy. Before you dump him can you please buy a cheap bulk pack of the ugliest grannie panties you can find and wear them around? Keep them locked in your car or something so he can’t throw them away. Tell him he was right- your underwear was too young for you so you took his advice and are wearing something more mature. It’s immature but it’s also hilarious.

new ‘hello kitty’ undies

They probably won't directly to you. If that's the case, another option is a documents safe like this which are around $30 usually.

They're fireproof and lock so great to keep things safe with you, though it would be nice to have at a third party instead.

Place a [simple lock](www.amazon.com/dp/B01M4O2OGE/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_mt2ZCbT0HRRYV) on your bedroom door for now.

Definitely talk to your parents. You've already tried to reason with your roommate and she won't do anything.

Definitely make an effort to get a new roommate. One that will understand personal space and boundaries.

Hey man,

I'm also 34 years old. However, unlike you I never had a girlfriend or a wife, so it just means we both lived different lives.

I don't have a lot of friends anymore, so I'm actually going to be going to a friends house for christmas dinner tonight, and christmas dinner tomorrow.

Also, you should cut out instagram and facebook, because I find that it always makes you feel bad about yourself, if you're not the type to post about stuff. Also remember people only post the good stuff that's happening in their lives and not the real stuff that is happening.

Some things that I've done to help with lonelyness is going to meetup.com stuff around the city, learning piano, and looking at my goals for the next year.

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She's probably using a screen reader. Modern websites are designed with accessability in mind. If you're curious what a screen reader is/want to try one out and see what it's like you can try NVDA on windows or voiceover on mac.

He has threatened you, probably on a recorded line. Please call the police and file a report for harassment. They can block the jail phone from calling you, they can pull the recordings of your conversations, and they can charge him for making threats, which could cause his early release to be not-so-early.

Stop answering his calls. If he calls you 20 times and you answer, he just learned that he has to call 21 times. Please consider reading The Gift of Fear (that's a PDF link, you can read it for free). It has a lot of information that I think you'll find relevant. Good luck!

> I find it highly unlikely that these women would have stayed with him if he were violent

Unfortunately this is a common misconception about abusive relationships, can I please recommend a book for you? Dragon Slippers: This is What an Abusive Relationship Looks Like. The author expresses the exact same thought.

The fact that he’s making this all about himself when you were the one who had to go through all of the serious physical aspects of pregnancy and loss ... is truly terrible. The fact that you don’t believe you can safely talk to your therapist about this is not okay. I hope that you can get the help you need. https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=sr_1_1?crid=9H84TET0I137&amp;keywords=why+does+he+do+that+lundy+bancroft&amp;qid=1576347460&amp;sprefix=Why+does+he+%2Caps%2C152&amp;sr=8-1

Expand their horizons. Be creative. Find a local BDSM club and tell them that you joined. Tell them you're thinking of eating edible insects and maybe some Kopi Luwak to drink with them. (It's awful, trust me). See what you can get them to do and have some fun.

I know there's a myth that most men want sex all the time and a "real man" would never turn down a "free" blowjob, but it's just that, a myth. It's toxic masculinity that means most men don't even recognise when they've been violated, let alone feel happy reporting it.

This was a sexual assault though, and you are right to feel repulsed, feel sick about seeing her, and want nothing more to do with her. Your feelings about this are valid, no matter what life has taught you that you "should" feel about it.

I'm so sorry she did that to you and that you're in a new country where making friends is hard.

I personally think you should end this friendship because I think she wants more from you than friendship, and if given a second chance she may well try something else in the future.

I know these things are hard for men to talk about but I hope you can find some forums where you can vent and get some advice and if not, just try writing your feelings down. It really can help.

Finally, check meetup.com for local ex-pat or English speaking groups (or you may speak the local language, I don't know). Hopefully, you'll find some groups or events on there where you can make some new friends. When I moved to a new city I joined a Sunday brunch club, a horror movie club, and a sci-fi club through meetup. That as 10 years ago, there's bound to be more choice now.

He's not abusing you because his grief is making him do it. He's abusing you because he is an abuser, and grief is what it took to bring it out of him. Somewhere in his mentality is a mysogynistic belief that it's ok to blame and hurt women. At some point in your lives, something else bad will happen, and that side of him will show again. It will probably become more and more frequent, with less provocation required, because he'll get more and more comfortable doing it. And right now, because you stay, because you make excuses for him that it's because of his grief, because you protect him by not telling the therapist, he's learning that he can get away with it, which will probably just lower his inhibitions.

Please read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Please get yourself to safety.

Interested in cheap CBT, eh? Get "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns.

It's the most commonly used book by CB therapists as "homework" for their patients. It's DIY. No second party necessary.

You dig into your thoughts by writing them down, analyzing the faulty logic behind them, and their power lessens. You really can think yourself out of this. The book gives you all the tools. It lays out all of the faults in thinking so you can blow apart the shitty mindset that's making you feel this way.

Please stop trying for a baby immediately. You already have a baby and you have to let him grow up before you have another one.

I'll recommend the standard You Should've Asked comic and She Divorced Me Because I Left The Dishes By The Sink as mandatory, wake-up call reading for him.

But you have more of a fundamental problem than having all of the emotional labor. He doesn't even do basic tasks that he commits to and he's neglecting self-care.

Either there's an attention deficit issue, a mental health issue, or he's just plain lazy and doesn't care. It's not up to you to figure out which it is - that is HIS job and if he doesn't figure it out and grow up fast, he doesn't get to stay with you.

Communicate to him how unacceptable this pattern of behavior is and make it clear that he needs to change his life quickly.

Get back on birth control.

Ignoring the fact that all of these studies are old, they definitely do not suggest that “most children” eventually decide that they’re cis, scientific research is very clear that you cannot generalize results in that manner.

Also lol @ “gender experts”

Also, none of this proves that puberty blockers are a bad option for children, or that blockers hurt children. Did you know that someone who cited the Wallien and Cohen-Kettenis study used that study to come to the conclusion that puberty blockers were good?

https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/Puberty-suppression-in-adolescents-with-gender-a-Vries-Steensma/96113a2ebd53008744bb3ed275e0738c5c90c1c1

There's a book I recommend a lot that really helped me at my lowest, The Feeling Good Handbook by David M Burns. It's DIY cognitive behavioral therapy. It's the most popular "homework" book for therapists to give their patients.

It may help just to read it and examine your thoughts regarding your recent upset. Our thoughts and the distorted cognition involved in depressive and anxious moods can be taken apart so you can determine what is really worth dealing with and what is just your mind making problems.

It doesn't totally replace the experience of talking to a professional but I found it to be more effective/powerful than talk therapy when it comes to truly clearing your mind from the dark distorted thoughts. I often spent my time in talk therapy just... wallowing in the darkness, making little insights and experiencing a bit of catharsis but ultimately I wasn't changing my mind about it.

A D&amp;C is a relatively simple procedure. Most women are released from the clinic (it doesn't even have to be done in a hospital) within a few hours of the procedure.

In rare cases with complications (hemorrhage, etc.), one may have to stay longer, but that's definitely an exception to the rule.

Edit: I live in WA; laws may differ in other states.

He is breaking every rule of actual BDSM. Try this book, learn the rules, and, IF you want to give him a second chance, insist that he read it too, and you will work out a scenario together. Better yet, take a class. If he hesitates to do either? He’s not into BDSM- he just gets off on hurting his partner. Book: Vanilla to Kinky: The Beginner's Guide to BDSM and Kink: Discover the Keys to How to Be Dominant or Submissive in the Bedroom (Bdsm Basics) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1099506573/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_6D1J1H6CCYZQN32QA6T4?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

I’m sorry, I said it was Champion but it was actually Russell.

Here’s the link - Russell Athletic Men's Dri-Power Pullover Fleece Hoodie https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EVH7Q8W/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_DKH38PE85QHY0XWPSG6W?psc=1

It’s an American Amazon link, but hopefully it helps

I'm so sorry this happened to you, I imagine it's really scary and confusing right now. Sending internet hugs - this isn't your fault, you didn't cause it and you can't fix it.

Unfortunately your bf is showing textbook signs of being abusive.

>He got really angry and threw his wallet in my direction.

>He apologized multiple times and said he didn't mean to hurt me. Then said it was my fault for making him angry

So he's sorry.... but actually it was your fault he got violent (this is called blameshifting)

>I shouldn't be upset with him because he didn't throw the wallet at me, just in my direction.

And he's not actually sorry, because it wasn't a big deal (this is minimising. And also bullshit. It IS a big deal and you have every reason to be upset).

I agree with everyone here that this will only get worse and you need to leave as soon as safely possible. To understand why, read this book:

Why Does He Do That- Lundy Bancroft

You can find a PDF free online and it really explains how abusive partners think and act.

Secondly, I recommend you get in touch with a domestic abuse counsellor/hotline - they can listen, direct you to resources and help you come up with a safety plan to leave.

You don't mention where you are, but here's a list of websites globally where you can get help.

Please know I'm thinking of you, and you are not alone

For a moment I was wondering if you were talking about me. I'm not from a third world country though.

I have BPD, we love hard, and we are hard to love. Our disorder makes us feel things on levels that others can't feel, or we feel nothing at all. We can say things that cut so hard. So used to being left, and don't think we are worth it. There is a book out there...honestly I'm to afraid to read.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399536213/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_J149Fb336MQFB[I hate you don't leave me](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399536213/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_J149Fb336MQFB)

We however are fully formed humans. All we want to be loved as deeply as we love our person.

I just asked my wife for some thoughts on this. She says patience, and learning to recognize when outbursts are happening. Don't take anything personally when in an outburst. Wait until the next day to discuss the situation.

She has been such an amazing person and helped to become more functioning and notice when I'm least stable to better combat my brain.

This is something that you need to choose on your own.

Blessed Be

https://www.amazon.com/Monster-Silicone-Density-Realistic-Suction/dp/B081ZTKK1W/ref=pd_sbs_121_1/144-2389010-1975040?_encoding=UTF8&amp;pd_rd_i=B081ZTKK1W&amp;pd_rd_r=7a51c885-0075-4bb3-971b-d8da9f9be8b2&amp;pd_rd_w=WD52y&amp;pd_rd_wg=rGrYl&amp;pf_rd_p=ed1e2146-ecfe-435e-b3b5-d79fa072fd58&amp;pf_rd_r=JKBWRXDF7Y9BBAD88NM4&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=JKBWRXDF7Y9BBAD88NM4

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This one is a bargain, 60 bucks!

Why Does He Do That is a book that was written by a counselor who specializes in working with controlling and toxic/abusive men. He uses his knowledge of how abusers think and his history of work to help women understand if their relationship has escalated to abuse, recognize abusive and controlling behavior in their partners, and inform women on how to leave an abusive relationship and thrive without their partners.

You can read it here for free.

This book has seriously helped me and other women that I know. This book will help you to figure out what's going on definitively and with clarity, so you won't feel trapped in your own head any more. I know you said you can't imagine living without him, but if you ever want to leave, this book can help you make a plan to do that safety and come out the other side.

Good luck <3

Honey, get this TODAY and read it. Then tell HIM you’re not doing ANYTHING until he reads it too: The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006T2UKH6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_HrMxFbCPR367D So much potentially great sex is ruined by a guy thinking he’s watched a few pornos and that’s all he needs to know.

Mayo Clinic

Edit. Phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors. Some medications used to treat erectile dysfunction, such as sildenafil (Viagra, Revatio), tadalafil (Cialis, Adcirca) or vardenafil (Levitra, Staxyn), also might help premature ejaculation. Unwanted side effects might include headache, facial flushing and indigestion. These medications might be more effective when used in combination with an SSRI.

I’m someone who has also battled with extreme PMS - I hesitate to call it PMDD because I have never been told by a doc that that’s the case, but I basically check all the boxes.

I see it as similar to people with anger issues. Anger is crazy for some people, and we have anger management for a reason - but if you won’t seek treatment you are part of the problem. Same for PMDD. If she won’t seek treatment from a doctor, either hormonal or mental health strategies to identify when she is feeling out of sorts and to calm/correct those behaviours, then she is part of the problem.

I self-treated with 5-htp for years - it’s an over-the-counter amino acid supplement that acts as a precursor to serotonin. It seemed to work for me and I recommend it. Important to do your own research and talk to a doc though, of course.

When she is not in PMDD mode, perhaps sit her down and tell her that other women share her experiences and that you are concerned. Feel free to PM me (or for her to PM me) at any time if you want to discuss further.

Thank for the update. I was actually thinking about you and your grandfather this morning as I watered our lawn. My grandpa was a VERY important man in my life, who also raised me, and reading your OP was so hard for me. I was in tears just thinking about it. I would have walked out too.

I'm glad you're finding some solace in making decisions and that you have a strong support system. I wanted to suggest posts on Craigslist, Facebook and Nextdoor JUST.IN.CASE someone finds these or happens upon them in the next four days. You never know. Until then. Make it your MISSION to try to find them. It will help keep the mind busy and keep you away from your person, which may help both of you (and the kids) in the long run.

AND!!!! Maybe a MISSING AX post on Reddit in your local town would help? Sending so much love and positivity to you, internet stranger. Safe travels and good luck on this next chapter!

I have an app on my android that I specifically downloaded for a situation similar to this, it's called Private screenshots and it let's you screenshot on things like snapchat without it notifying the other person. You can test it out with one of your friends before doing so to be sure you're using it right but I've never had any issues with it. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.shamanland.privatescreenshots

Dude don't listen to that guy. He has no idea what he's talking about. Women don't care about percentages of body fat or whatever he's saying. Women care about how you make them feel first and foremost. In fact that might even be first, last, and everything in between on the list of things they look for in a guy. You're a good looking guy. That's not your problem at all. That's just what your putting all your anxiety into.

First go see a therapist. You don't have to live with this kind of low self esteem. It will take time but you'll slowly learn to like yourself a lot more. That is honestly the most important thing. Your school should have free mental health services. Use that to your advantage and get out of this cycle of depression.

The next thing is to take an honest look at what's holding you back from finding women. I'll save you some time and tell you right now that it's emotional. There's a book I'd recommend to you called Models by Mark Manson. It will really help you out. There's also another book called No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I suspect it's topic will help you out as well.

Also STOP THINKING TOO MUCH. I don't know you but I have a strong hunch you over analyze everything. Those types of guys never do well with women because they self sabotage. Again it's an emotional issue.

Allowed. Some states do offer an at-fault divorce on the grounds of adultery.

A quick google search leads to relevant links here and here

Anime is free on www.crunchyroll.com!Also, either make her pay rent, or kick her out. She qualifies as a tenant, so you'd likely have to evict her if it comes to that.

I agree with the other posters saying you should cut the WiFi out. Make it as difficult as possible for a 20 year old lazy female to live there. Password protect your router and put it in a locked room.

That's an urban legend. Many starchy seeds naturally dry out as much as rice does, and there are many species of birds who get through the entire winter eating such dry seeds.

Child support exists in the Philippines. He can't just vanish. A quick google shows that the process is about the same as most other countries and plenty of legal aid is available, a lot of which is free. Get support for your kids.

https://wise.com/gb/blog/philippines-child-support-payments

This is unacceptable behavior- please do yourself a favor and cut her from your life.

I'd like to recommend you an excellent, open source disk recovery software that I've used many times. It can recover photos on Windows, Mac, and Linux: PhotoRec/TestDisk. It won't recover filenames but it gets the contents.

I was able to recover tons of lost files for a friend with this package. The package has photo in the name but it recovers a lot of different file types- I got all of my friends mp3s back with it. Good luck!

Also, you should change your password and not share it.

This is going to sound crazy, but my husband really started helping out after downloading an app called Habitica (formerly Habit RPG). its an app on his phone where he makes a list of tasks he needs to complete and for every task he gets xx number of coins. As he completes tasks he gets points to buy expansions and stuff like that. the change in him has been mind blowing. Of course this wont work for everyone, it helps if he's a bit of a nerd :)