What are
/r/datingoverforty's
favorite Products & Services?
From 3.5 billion Reddit comments
The most popular Products mentioned in /r/datingoverforty:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/datingoverforty:
Match.com
Tinder
Meetup
Zoosk
Nextdoor
Jitsi
LiquidPlanner
Sci-Hub
Podomatic
Pexels
ImgBB
The most popular reviews in /r/datingoverforty:
I don't think they are all in the same category.
> What do you want to know about me?
This can be an attempt at openness, and a chance for you to check if there are any deal-breakers. It's also an invitation to follow up with anything on their profile that you noticed.
> “Why did you like/choose me?” Or “What attracted you to me?"
These can be pre-screeners to make sure you actually read their profile and didn't just swipe/click randomly on every single profile.
Some people have gone so far as automate swiping, for example: https://www.amazon.com/Auto-Swiper-Bumble-Tinder-Badoo/dp/B07Z9KF92T
I mean it can also be self absorbed validation seeking, but that normally comes out pretty quickly.
not a dating app but give meetup.com a shot, it's free and best of all it's activities you're into to meet people IN PERSON. My buddy is coming off a divorce as well, we went to a few free blues (music) events and he met a great lady and already they had something in common. Worst case even if you don't meet that special lady, it's an event you like to go to anyways so no wasted time
You might actually go try another route like Meetup.com where at least you can find people with commonalities in activities vs. OLD. OR even volunteer work, just meet them in person first is what I'm getting at. At least you know there is something you two would have in common and can talk about, and people have a tendency to let their guard down when it comes to fun activities and not always looking to hook up
I think that to the extent you identify with your diagnosis of ADHD, that would determine how early/often you talk about it. In recent research, it has been shown that the satisfaction with a relationship where one partner has ADHD, the determining factor is the PERCEPTION of the effort the diagnosed person puts toward symptom management. So, if you start off by saying, hey, I recognize this, and I am tackling it head-on, that sets the stage in a positive way. (ADHD AFTER DARK by Ari Tuckman https://www.amazon.com/dp/0367223937/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jeogFb7HVKJ5J )
man, seriously just do meetup.com
Find a group of people that have similar interests AND surprisingly many including single women BUT the caveat is you actually have to meet them in person (what a real life meet and greet???)
ALSO
> I know i live in the middle of nowhere doesn't help matters either, but I continue to march on
You might want to expand your fishing hole to other places, just a suggestion
Yes. Talk to him. Really probe, ask why a few times to dig down to the real issue.
The example below is used in a business context but it works in personal communications too.
https://www.liquidplanner.com/blog/use-5-whys-method-get-bottom-problems/
Best wishes as you work through this.
Take some classes like improv, cooking, or a language class. Someone like clockwork will come in and recommend Meetup.com, but from my experience over the past 10 years, I've found it's not a good place to meet people for dating or relationships.
> I bring this up because I wonder if any of you have feedback on why it seems less and less men have the drive to really court a woman properly.
define properly, @ 40 I find meeting women in person far more refreshing than any OLD app ... actually more so on meetup.com with groups of men/women that have similar interest and you can't fake true attraction online and on top of it meet at events we already have similar interests in. The go out for dinner/events a MINIMUM of 3 times doesn't apply to women I meet now.
Granted people are different, women are different ... even in their 40s, one was more insulted I wasn't more aggressive the 1st time we met and didn't have sex, times have changed in the courtship game.
Years ago a study was conducted on Eharmony and Match.com. They factored in memberships to successful matches. And while they did have successful matches. The ratio to memberships actually came out to no better than randomly meeting someone at a supermarket, which is very low. Whatever you do, don't spend money.
That does sound fishy, but then again, not everyone has an online presence.
If for some reason you want to try video chatting with someone in the future. I'd suggest you use the free and open source jitsi program that is end to end encrypted, unlike zoom. And there is no credentials or account information other than what you give it in the chat session for your name. You don't need to download and install a program, it works from within your internet browser whether, desktop, laptop, or smart phone.
There is nothing wrong with getting to know this guy better and pacing the dating process while you figure out if this is what you want. You have a very full and busy life. You are right to explore something different from your past “type” and your mind/heart may need some time to understand this different experience.
There’s a great book “How to avoid falling in love with a jerk” and one of my takeaways is that not rushing physical intimacy is a great thing while you are figuring out the complexities of a relationship. To me, this includes giving time for attraction to grow. Many will not agree with this method and want to have sex early on to establish intimacy, make sure they are a good fit, etc. You don’t have to follow other people’s approach.
Take the time to understand what route makes you feel secure and protected. Because ultimately if you decide to part ways but you have respected your boundaries and kneeds then how could that be a bad thing??
As long as you are unsure of your feelings then there is nothing wrong with being sure before you advance to the more intense activities that we associate with “physical attraction” (passionate kissing/touching/etc). Starting smaller, e.g. holding hands, is an idea.
You have been on 4 dates. You like him. It’s so early and that’s enough for now. While it’s great to have that immediate spark, it can make us miss otherwise wonderful people that maybe we needed time to know more deeply. I have definitely been in situations where my physical attraction grows once I know a person better, have a strong sense of their character, and can trust them (words/behavior consistently match).
As long as you are both upfront AND in agreement and check-in with each other about the pacing of things then what more can you do for now?
It’s so tough. Good luck to you!
Preference range is 42 -55. As you can tell from my pics, I'm black. I date all races and I swipe right and left on every race. I'm 5'8", which seems to limit me to women 5'5" and below. Women 5'6" and up like to wear heels, yada, yada, yada. I get it.
I'm not sure what message I'm conveying to women that read my profile.
I attached a screenshot of my Bumble profile as well. Slightly differs from my Match.com and FB Dating profile.
I'm a guy, but it has happen to me on Facebook dating, match.com, and Tinder where I will match with someone, reach out to them to say hi and not receive a response.
The age range you are going for appears to be fine. Remember, that men and women spend time swiping left and right. If you and some other woman matches with a particular guy, he MAY be likely to chose the other woman.
Since you posted the whole profile I'm assuming you are looking for feedback? (Hah, if not please let me know and I'll shut right the hell up and delete this.) The main thing I would do is place photo number two in the primary position. You are drop dead gorgeous in two and look great in all the others except for number one. The "duck face/kissy face" thing isn't so good and it appears you have a ring on? Random comment, I chuckled a bit at what appears to be a well done pedicure while on a camel. 😃
Maybe place the first question about match.com (amusing, btw) later in the profile text? Maybe? I had more problems dealing with my profile on Bumble than any of the others due to character constraints. Apparently I tend to blather on. If there is space, you still might put something in about at least one thing you enjoy doing. What you have there now is along the lines of "just ask" which tends to not be much loved by many posting on these dating forums.
For what it's worth, I was absurdly picky in my swiping and had you come up in my options I would have right swiped assuming I made it past the first photo. I realize that doesn't help much.
Ultimately, it just seems to take time to hopefully find the right one. Try to enjoy the moments regardless of whether it becomes a forever person for you.
>OLD puts a lot of pressure on finding that "perfect match"
OLD doesn't apply any pressure at all, in fact, it's the opposite. Match.com would be delighted if you signed up on all of their dating sites and apps and paid for membership through the end of time.
No pressure. The pressure is created by the people themselves who have decided that they have to get married or have babies or find that one doctor/traveler/workout buddy that's "perfect".
Like any casual dater, you can enjoy the company of people you meet and accept the time you have with them - and - IF - IF - IF - they turn out to be very compatible and reliable, you can think about something long-term.
OP is screaming betrayal and defeat before she's even established that people are reliable. Chill out.
A portable toilet, a flashlight, food storage, prep and disposal items, hand sanitizer, and fishing gear.
Your partner might find the book Your Money or Your Life helpful.
Rich Dad Poor Dad is also popular, but it may be aimed at younger people.
The money he's spending on crap is wasted because he doesn't actually get any enjoyment from the things he buys.
I(56M) just finished reading "Dating the Divorced Man" by Christie Hartman (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JBMM3DK/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_xpp1FbXVKM8C1)
I highly recommend this book for you. She is a blunt and no-nonsense writer and the book is aimed directly at situations like you are experiencing.
I read it in an effort to understand my own issues and to try to improve myself/my situation if I could.
Check out "Dude wipes", they make them in single-use wipes, that I carry for traveling, and are perfect. https://www.amazon.com/Flushable-Individually-Wrapped-Unscented-Vitamin/dp/B00IXDS4EU/ref=sr_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=man+wipes&qid=1606145423&sr=8-9
Also, I got used to carrying around doggie "poo" bags around all the time for my pooch, they were in my cars, and all my backpack. This is a good way to throw away the wipes , and seal in a bag inside the trash, or if you feel so inclined, put the doodie-bag back into your bag/backpack and throw away at home.
Aside from the Poo-por-rie, Yankee Candle makes some concentrated room spray that works fantastic. Just a small spray or two will do.
> I respond to everyone. But maybe think what do I want/need right now? Why her?
When I send I message to someone I have already done that overthinking as I dont just see a profile and send one. I do put some thought into it since something in their profile caught my attention.
This book helped me a ton How to be single and Happy more then I thought it would have. On top of that I am really just a happy go lucky dude. :)
I have a growing suspicion that this "inexplicable 180" is related to social media addiction.
There's the behavioural aspects of fear of missing out / always looking for the better/best option; and the soundbite maelstrom of "relationship advice" and Relationship Advice(TM).
But, there's also evidence that we've conditioned ourselves for quick hits of pleasure, instant gratification - post a selfie get some Likes feel good immediately but for a short time - that is now not translating well to real world interactions.
Check out Dopamine Nation by Dr Anna Lembke.
Pics in bed is going to attract bedroom attention.
This is a $10 remote control self stick and tri-pod. Get one. https://smile.amazon.com/Selfie-Extendable-Tripod-Detachable-Wireless/dp/B07KT1SMRX/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1IYQPIU36IVZ0
When you are taking photos, look at the camera lens or VERY close to it. Do NOT look at the screen. Also, not that you should be taking pics in the mirror, but if you want to take a picture in the mirror, look at the camera lens in the mirror. Looking at the screen makes everyone's eyes look kinda dead.
Pics 1 - 5 are all too close to your face. I'd say toss all of those.
Pic 6 & 7, mirror selfies. Look at the lens, not the screen. Toss these.
Pic 8, left swipe husband, not looking for couples... (yes, I read the note about your brother... it will not stop people from incorrectly rejecting you). Toss this one.
Pic 9, look at the lens, great example of dead eyes. toss it.
Pic 10 & 11, mirror selfies, even worse eyes. Not sure what happened there. toss 'em.
Pic 12, mirror selfie, just need to look up. toss it.
Ok, so, time to spend $10 on a selfie stick and have some practice at looking at the camera lens.
Thing is, you're clearly very pretty and you're going to get interest from guys anyway. Your ability to take a good selfie or have more photos is not going to be the deal breaker for you. But, you do have a ton of room to improve on the photos.
Check out She Comes First by Ian Kerner. I found it really educational.
I'd check out New Games. They are cooperative rather than competitive, and they are a lot of fun. Here's the book:
https://www.amazon.com/New-Games-Book-Foundation/dp/038512516X
Best of luck! Let us know how it goes!
have you tried mixers or networking functions ... no digital trail lol, and actually getting to meet single people with similar interests AND similar lifestyles due to occupations surprisingly. Hit up meetup.com and check some events in your area and maybe some new business leads in the process.
There are a lot of great resources out there on relationships with people with autism. I'd highly recommend looking into them. Aspbergers in Love was the book that really helped me see everything more clearly. It has a chapter or two on sex/sexuality for autistics which might be helpful. Marriage and lasting relationships with Aspberger's Syndrome is another book that others highly recommend, but I haven't read it yet. For me, after two attempts at relationships with people on the spectrum (one marriage, one LTR), I'm no longer willing to deal with the trauma these relationships bring.
I'd suggest reading this book, The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Women-Scientifically-Secrets/dp/1623361842
And finding a female therapist, they'll help you with this blindspot. Often if we keep finding patterns - unless everyone else is finding that same pattern and as this thread shows, they aren't - it means there is something you are doing and/or something you are unconsciously drawn to or attracting. Sometimes we think we want something, but that 95% of our brain that is unconscious wants something else. This is what good therapy helps with!
I'm no slouch in the backgrounding department, but you want to be careful about conclusions drawn from each data point. If your spider sense is going off, you should by all means heed that. You're the one there taking the risk.
Known: His abode. If you don't want to share further time with him because he resides in a "small and desolate rental apartment," who we we to say thee nay?
Unknown: Your failure to find social media/Linkedin doesn't mean they don't exist. Also note that some perfectly lovely people do just fine without either.
"And he has no social media accounts, not even linkedin." Oh, goodness. You'll want to order this and this ASAP!
They have clip on lights for phones. Even if you don't do a lot of selfies, it can be a game changer for photos in general. So if you take photos of your gym to promote your business, it may come in handy for that. Also helps with work or personal video calls to have the lighting.
Hey! Sorry it's taken so long to reply to this. I've never been afraid of high fat/salt, so ymmv. Lately, my ploughmans have been a main protein or two, w/ cheeses and veggies. I use a bento box and try not to fill it up to the brim for some kind of portion control.
A few slices of hearty bread w/ pesto/jam/mustard as a spread, hard boiled egg, 2-4 strawberries sliced, sweet or regular gherkins, cheese, cold cuts, handful of greens, some olives...
When you tire of your ghetto bed, there’s this. Also, thrift shops have the odd linens and towels. Pick up a few hand towels and wash them weekly, and keep hand soap by the sink. You need to wash your hands after you use the bathroom, like the rest of us.
You don’t need much, and it doesn’t need to be pricey.
Super nerdy, but I’ve recently gotten interested in color… yes I’m talking about “your color season” lol. But it really makes a difference! I get compliments from strangers when I’m wearing my “wow” colors. I have a more modern / casual style so I tend to like clean fitted basics (to show off my curves a bit), but in the right color! I live in a more warm weather climate and love this dress from Amazon… it is surprisingly flattering!
Daily Ritual Women's Jersey Sleeveless Gathered Midi Dress https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08P7DK4QX/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_0S6S54GY6VVAXXAEXRH5
"I really like to lick" is the grossest. 🤮 Good for you? You're still probably terrible at it. Send him this and wish him well.
They make little credit card (almost) sized tripods that make this much easier - https://www.amazon.com/Pocket-Tripod-Pro-Geometrical-Photography/dp/B08M5TBFKM/ref=sr_1_3?crid=39CC25JOZU7XZ&keywords=camera+tripod+card+size&qid=1646871157&sprefix=camera+tripod+card+sized+%2Caps%2C108&sr=8-3
Oh yes, can confirm that match.com is absolute garbage, and the subscription just further confirms that.
Definitely the app that those who have given up all hope have signed up for.
It's about 50/50 on OLD in this age bracket. Women still get more likes because a high % of guys mass swipe, but last numbers I saw (from Match.com) indicated it was even over 40 in most US cities (rural area still skew highly male).
OLD is frustrating and exhausting. I've tried Match.com and a couple other platforms in the past, but tried Tinder for the first time a couple weeks ago. I am looking for LTR so wasn't sure this was the best platform, but I have two friends who met their husbands (albeit they are in their early 30's as opposed to me being in my 40's) so I thought it was worth a shot. I had a ton of matches, but most were not really fitting because people didn't bother to read that I wanted a LTR. I also am looking for someone who doesn't have children, which I know cuts down my pool but it's just something I don't want to compromise on. Yet I still get people wanting one night stands and that have 4 kids or something.
I will say COVID has had an interesting effect of helping weed people, though. I am probably more cautious than most but where I would have met someone in person for the first meeting before, now with COVID I want to video chat first. In my opinion, that saves the risk of meeting someone in person if you find you aren't a good match even over video chat. But so many guys scoff at this and to me, they aren't being a gentlemen and considering my feelings if they won't do even one video chat with me before meeting in person. I did date someone in person for a couple months during the pandemic and he was willing to do the video chat first and then we did COVID safe activities in person, but it seems kind of rare for people to be willing to do this.
I agree with other posters on here, though...it feels like the quality just isn't there on OLD. I've met some nice people (just not right for me) in the past on there, but it doesn't seem as good now. And the older I get, the harder it is for me to find what I'm looking for. So I completely empathize with everyone here!
My boyfriend snores. I”m also a light sleeper. I use these, and they really work. Ear plugs
It definitely sounds like Mismatched at attachment styles!
I suggest checking this book out Attached. It helped me a lot in my relationship with an avoidant partner.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_1QAVQ2MVKNHJEP5V0JWJ
Really? There’s about a million of these on Amazon. Good thing to have anyway for vacations, scenery shots etc.
Polarduck Camera Mount Phone Tripod Stand: 42-Inch 106cm Lightweight Travel Tripod for iPhone with Remote & Phone Holder & GoPro Adapter Compatible with iPhone & Android Cell Phone | Matte Black https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07D2BSWGB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_PAVH7FBE45NRDY480RK6
Please don't pay. I paid $100 on match.com and never got a single date, your chances are not higher paying. I really don't think these apps are worth paying for. A friend of mine who was really good looking, paid for Tinder to see and test whether it was worth paying, he also didn't not do much better paying. You can use these apps for free. If you get desperate you thinking paying will get you more dates, very unlikely. I will never pay for another app again. I like bumble because the girl has to respond instead of you writing 100 messages.
Match.com, Bumble, Coffee Meet Bagel are just a few that I know my friends had success with. I had success finding my wife through using Bumble where I didn't pay for anything. Online dating does work for some but not for all. Due to the popularity of online dating today because it's very easy and can be mobile since everyone has a smartphone, that's where it is. Matchmaking should be your last option after trying online dating or any other kind of dating because it cost a lot, there no guarantee and the majority of people have a worst experience through a matchmaker service. Most matchmaking company will find people through online dating sites or apps if they can't find you anyone from their database or through their connections too. I used it myself and it did not work for me but I know it works for a very small select few so it's not mostly a scam if you select a matchmaking company that has some kind of reputation which you can find through Google, Yelp, BBB and etc. Just keep in that mind that nowadays matchmaking service will use friends, family and etc to leave positive reviews for them on Yelp and Google so thats why you should also check their BBB and other sites too.
I 100% agree. I paid for E-Harmony and it is a total waste of money. In one year I got zero dates off of it. I've used match.com and had 3 dates in a week. E-harmony is probably the worst purchase of my entire life.
Oh and in regard to your actual question:
- Match.com was a waste of money for me. Thankfully I got a screaming deal on it, but I didn't go out on a date with a single person I met there.
- I just signed up for Tinder - in the last 24 hours, I've gotten at least 500 "likes". LOL. I would agree with the assessment that it's riddled with f*ckboys.
When things are back to normal-ish again, I hope to do more offline dating. Online dating has become disappointing - I hear you on asking and telling about weekend plans over and over again. Online used to be great but I notice it's been changing over time. I've been online dating since 1998 when I met my ex-husband on newly created match.com.
In the future I want to focus more on offline connections. Good luck with your neighbor and the gym guys!
No. Flex Menstrual Discs | Disposable Period Discs | Tampon, Pad, and Cup Alternative | Capacity of 3 Super Tampons | HSA or FSA Eligible | Made in The USA & Canada | 12 Count https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07QHS3PL8
This is a really good book for dressing different body types. For men and women, pictures of outfits for short, tall, apple shape, pear shape. I’m a visual learner so this worked for me
Let’s address the ADHD part of this. He can’t help having the medical condition but choosing not to do anything about it is like a guy who has a broken leg but instead of getting a cast and crutches he hops around on one leg while cursing at everyone around him that it’s their fault. Check out the book “Is it You, Me, or Adult ADD?” It’s not just an issue of communication but it will affect you in many other ways. Does he suddenly get irritated at small things? Lose his temper at you? Refuse to budget or manage money responsibly? Impulsively say very hurtful things and later apologize, but he does that over and over, never learning from his mistakes?
hey I'm up for it if we are a match! BTW I just released my latest podcast episode that is all about this topic! let me know what you guys think https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/jasonsherman/episodes/2019-07-29T10_54_26-07_00
Since I was 53 when I divorced after 33 years of marriage. After helping divorced women for about 15 years, I've discovered that the most important thing to do for women (and for men) is to get really clear about who you are and how best to use your talents and gifts to impact the world for good. When you get passionate about your purpose on this earth, you start doing things and bumping into people who are also passionate shining their unique light. That's when the passion and adventure and fun comes roaring back into your life. I met my new husband on match.com and we corresponded for several months before we even met face-to-face. He had a job and was active in the community. We have now been happily married for 16 years. You have to get happy and productive yourself, then see who you can find who is also on that path. This is good advice for people looking for midlife divorce advice for men and women!
Free? Facebook dating is like the island of misfit toys and I am included. If you are a woman, it is your rite of passage to find a guy, engage in 2 days of conversation, then delete your account without notice.
POF - has worked for a few people, but no luck for me. a decent amount of dead profiles and scammers.
Bumble - Decent, but I have never had much luck. The good news is if someone likes you then you can pay $2.99 for a daily subscription to see them. Just remember to cancel. If not, you will pay $2.99 a day until you cancel.
Match.com - you get a couple of free messages a day, but I'm not sure if they have to mutually like you for them to see your message. I met one woman from there.
Tinder - It's not longer just a hookup app. It's not bad, but it is a location based app like Bumble. just remember to check. I've had to reset my distance (you can find out how to do so on the internet) because I was selecting from women, supposedly, 30 to 40 miles away, when, in actually, they were 60 to 80 miles away.
Hinge - Hinge is pretty good and the most normal women I have conversed with have come from Hinge.
Just don't get too frustrated, regardless of the dating apps or site.
I've tried em all, with relative successes and failures on them. It largely dependent on your area, it's better to ask folks local to see what's better.
I will say I got the most matches with Match.com. I also had fairly good luck with Coffee Meets Bagel and OKCupid as well. Though I did get dates from EHarmony, I hated their app, UI, and the cost.
It all depends on where you live. Here I've had some matches but no dates from Tinder. A whole lot of nothing from Bumble and CmB. One or two dates from OK Cupid, zero dates from match.com.
Plenty of Fish is the clear winner around here - about a dozen dates from that compared to 2 tops from anywhere else.
I don't like FB to meet this person, bcoz there don't have the age limit, sometime we will choose the online site. You can try to use Seniormatch.com or Match.com. I think the two sites will help you. And one more thing is Seniormatch only supports people over 45, so you will not meet young people than you. good luck.
https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/science-younger-women-date-older-men/
Here’s a layman’s article with some references. But seriously, it’s so common that I always find it weird when people question it.
Personally, I’m in my late forties, good shape, good career. The oldest I’ve dated since my separation is 40, the youngest 26. That range feels the most natural. Most women my age look and act old.
I love wearing shorts myself. I picked up a few pairs of Dickies pants in a couple of brown colors to upscale myself a little bit on a daily basis (when not in uniform). It's a small step up from jeans, but still pretty comfortable and inexpensive pants that I can stumble into someone wearing and at least look a little more put together than my old jeans standard. Maybe having something like these on hand with a button up shirt would be a good compromise. Just a thought.
https://www.amazon.com/Dickies-Sanded-Carpenter-Timber-32x32/dp/B00B6EA3CE
It's not just men, the number of women who ride is increasing too, but in this case it's younger women. https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/11/30/number-women-motorcycle-riders-u-s-grows-nearly-20-percent/2156000002/
Just picked up this: https://www.amazon.com/Boost-Your-Confidence-Through-Motorcycling/dp/0578527073
I also thought it was semi-funny that Walmart sells vibrators.
What you really want is this…you can thank me later… https://www.amazon.com/20X-Multi-Speed-Wireless-Massager-Purple/dp/B010GLYPSK
There’s also a book about all sorts of “steps” you can take to build confidence… it’s old, it’s aimed squarely at men, but the tactics for being less shy work regardless of gender: https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/
You're taking on a huge burden. One that will emotionally affect you in ways you can only begin to imagine. It is life changing, and generally not in a positive way.
This book was written for someone who is already in a committed relationship; it might help you appreciate the magnitude of the destructive behaviors and their affect on partners: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006CUXPEK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Here you go. It's only 30 bucks. However, the light gives me a headache after a while, so I don't use it often. I'm very sensitive to light though.
A system might be faulty and unfair, but an individual within it can still take responsibility for that, even when it was not their fault to begin with.
When people blame something for creating a problem in their life there's an expectation that the something should and must fix the problem it created in their life. I can 1) wait for the that thing to fix the problem for me or 2) fix the problem myself.
There's a great book Tiny Beautiful Things that emphasises the need to take control of problems that are not our fault. I've quoted from the book a passage that illustrates this.
​
>I encourage you to do more than throw up your hands in your examination of “whose fault” it was that your twenty-year marriage fell apart. It was no one’s fault, darling, but it’s still all on you.
> My question to you is this; are there any podcasts/books/workbooks on self-improvement and coming to terms with being alone and really taking the time to work on you?
This book helped me a TON How to be Single and Happy
Along with a post I made about a year ago with book suggestions
Hope that helps, and heck I was just like you and took breaks from the apps and trudging along and now in a relationship.
> He does tell me Im beautiful and amazing quite often and hasn't done any nasty name calling or anything but he has shown his anger and diverts responsibility or even just acknowledgement by accusing me of trying to be controlling or manipulative in some way, or just jealous which hurts. I do love him but his behavior is pushing me away.
K-bam is bang on the money with this in my opinion. Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft is great at explaining these behaviours so you can fully understand what he’s doing, it’s so easy to get lost in it all when it’s happening to you.
I’m reading this really cool book that I’d like to recommend to especially women but anyone who wants to improve their relationship to sex. It’s really exactly what I need right now.
Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex https://www.amazon.com/dp/1984857150/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_XHXSPH7CMKERTJB6GTTC
This book is absolute gold.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761158553/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_Y50R63P5FKCF5W5GFHGF
I used in with a lot of interpersonal training on interactions with others. It may be geared slightly towards business but all of us are working on connections regardless of intent. It’s a tremendously helpful asset to have.
Read the rational male by Rollo tomassi It will get where you need to go
| got it many years ago, but I think it was an older version of this:
Yep definitely get pictures. And while a friend is great - invest in a camera tripod or something that allows you to take pictures of yourself , so when a great camera moment hits, you don't have to rely on that friend and miss it.
I just ordered this: https://www.amazon.com/UBeesize-Portable-Adjustable-Universal-Compatible/dp/B06Y2VP3C7?th=1
You don't even need the bluetooth remote. You can also just set up the timer, and do it as well. I have one of these that I use for my GoPro, but it also came with a camera holder, which I have used from time to time: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XN1P9QI/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
My allergies make me look downright haggard some days. It's just life. An ice roller helps, but it's not actual magic, so....
I would post a variety of pictures - when you look your best and when you don't. It's always better to have someone be pleasantly surprised by how you look in person.
Oh, and ice roller link: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07DDCCLX8/ref=cm\_sw\_r\_tw\_dp\_x\_AenBFbWMYV8KH
Congratulations on breaking free from your ex! So many women don't and you've done great. Be really careful being in an abusive relationship means you're more likely to be targeted by other abusive men. They may seem totally different to your ex at first but they're not.
Have you read why does he do that? Its the best book on DA ever written. It can help you keep yourself safe dating and covers warning signs for abusive men
For your photos, I do have suggestions, based upon something that has worked very well for me.
- invest in some kind of clip stand for your phone
- stand somewhere a several feet away
- shine a bright light at a slight angle directly onto your face
- set your phone on a 5-10 second timer
- take a ton of pictures this way (if your phone has a "portait mode" use it - it creates a nice blur effect to the background)
Your bound to find one or two that look good. And they look so much better than your typical selfie (which distorts your face) or candid shot. The lighting and distance make a huge difference.
Start here, go to r/xxfitness and click on their FAQ. It has a lot of sections. Lifting helps in many areas of life. I’m sleeping better, my body fat has dropped ( something that nevers happens when doing straight Cradio) and it gets me out of my mind. It becomes addictive once you are in. My favorite book to start off with and my first program, it has a 12 week beginners program and great for your first time lifting weights:https://www.amazon.com/New-Rules-Lifting-Women-Goddess/dp/1583333398/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2AYG9VON3569T&dchild=1&keywords=new+rules+for+lifting+for+women&qid=1596809208&sprefix=New+rules+for%2Caps%2C229&sr=8-1