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Brene Brown has found in her research that trying to conform to what we think other people want (e.g., striving to show how stable you are) leads to shame and unhappiness.
She says wholehearted people aim to share their authentic selves with people who have shown them that they are worthy of this.
She talks about this in her audiobook The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage.
For the CliffsNotes version, here is the list of recommendations she discusses towards the end of the audiobook: https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/10-guideposts-for-wholehearted-living-by-dr-brene-brown/
I don’t have an opinion on whether your behavior with these guys was you having the bravery to share your authentic self, or you trying to conform to some ideal you have of what you think they want.
Crohn's Disease here. When you have fissures or haemorrhoids do not bottom. First things first, focus on your diet. Keep a journal of what you eat and drink. It's annoying to start, but after a couple weeks you will start to see some correlation between what you eat and when things get bad.
Second thing, stop wiping. Sounds crazy, but stop immediately. The pain from fissures already feels like passing shattered glass through your hooper - wiping doesn't help with the healing process. Get a $50 bidet from Amazon or rinse you hooper in the shower. This is the one I use - if you're a baller and can afford the warm water ones, do it. My butt hole ain't no bitch so I save the money and use the cold one. Keeping your butt clean and not irritating it with toilet paper will help with healing more than anything. I haven't wiped in years and my hooper is cleaner and healthier than it's ever been.
Third thing, epsom salt baths. Get fancy, boo boo. Lavender Epson salts is my go to. It helps relax the muscles. The hotter the water, the better - don't go beyond your tolerance for heat.
When they send you for a colonoscopy message me. I got the whole process down to a science.
Stop looking. Just start doing IRL stuff you like. Meetup.com is a good place to start, but there are other options. Some groups cater to LGBT exclusively, but that's not a necessity. Having similar interests tend to foster emotional connections.
I'm going to just point out the 'not natural' part of it because that's very wrong. I'm sure you've seen hundreds of links to evidence of animals who pursue gay relationships, so I'm not going to add to that. Instead, think about something else which is, based on the percentage of people with it, "not natural": left handedness. Historically, they were persecuted and associated with the devil. They were taught to do things the "normal" way, and it didn't help them. Are you left-handed-phobic?
http://hubpages.com/politics/Why-Left-Handed-People-Do-Not-Deserve-Equal-Rights
Yeah I like https://www.amazon.com/JO-Premium-Silicone-Anal-Lubricant/dp/B003CP153Q because it’s really cheap and high quality. Gun oil, Swiss navy, astroglide, and boy butter are all really high quality too
Honestly, I'd recommend my book The Hole in the Door. Came out a few weeks ago and it's getting great reviews. It's on a countdown deal this weekend. I'm very proud of it :)
Thank you. I really do appreciate the relationship we already have and I don't wan't to ruin. it. Based on our schedules, we only see each other 2 days per week. I feel pretty lonely for most of the week and wish we had more time together but I don't want to push him and make him feel uncomfortable. I agree that I need more friends. I really just don't know how to do it (Like everyone else on reddit.... big surprise) . I live in a city of about 200K people. I really don't feel the same connection with my other coworkers - many of which are in long-timr committed relationships, which seem harder to make friends with for some reason. I've gone through all the clubs on meetup.com and haven't really found anything I'm interested in... I really don't have any hobbies. I come home from work and just watch the news or hbo shows, play a computer game, or just go to sleep. I'm just bored. I feel so annoyed with myself. I feel like I had so many goals and hopes for my life and now here I am just working, sleeping and doing nothing while knowing no one.
Honestly, it is a crap shoot. Can find good guys everywhere and nowhere.
In the end I met my current guy on Grindr, but had been on a few others. He was there because his husband forced him into an open relationship after being caught cheating. Wasn't what he really wanted and the ex husband really did suck in a bad way so he saw his way clear to get with me.
Before that I'd met guys on match.com expecting something better and all three of the guys tried to turn the video chats into video sex.
Get an inflatable butt plug. You cover it in Vaseline, then put it up your ass and inflate it to like level seven and just leave it for like ten minutes. Trust me your bottoming experience will be COMPLETELY pain free and it’ll do an alright job (still better safe than sorry) cleaning you out. Trust me the whole process is painless too, this is what doctors have their patients do before prostate exams (where it’s literally just a finger up the ass) so you’ll be fine.
Get a douche hose attachment that you can attach to your shower head. make sure it has a splitter that way you can disable it whenever you want to take a normal shower. You are correct with eating light. It's important to anticipate sex a good day or so ahead of time. Start off with lukewarm water then work your way to cold. Cold water is important because it does not constrict/get stuck in your tubes. And be sure to watch the pressure of the water that you use. Too high of pressure will hurt your insides. I like to use toys when I'm douching so just in case water does get trapped inside of me it also helps loosen you up. After you believe you are finished take yourself a good 30 to 35 minute break then go back at it again just to double-check and make sure you don't have any surprises. In all honesty it's best to do this two hours before intercourse. That way you are fully prepared and getting back to your diet watch the food and take and what exactly you do and take you don't want to drink a liquid or food that will give you an immediate bowel movement such as coffee, or milkshakes. I know I'm reading to some bottoms that actually helps them with starting process. Even though I am not sexually active anymore I myself douche at least twice a day. One in morning before work and second after work. It keeps me feeling clean. I hope this helps good luck. Here's a link to an Amazon website with douche hose and attachments https://www.amazon.com/GNEGKLEAN-Bathroom-Handheld-Shower-Cleaning/dp/B07PKB2TYC
I'm also mostly here for the answers. I only know of one and to be honest, I can't really recommend it because even if I broadly agree with the stances they have, there are some important aspects I find problematic.
Happens to the best of us my guy, sometimes I bust a lot quicker than I'd like, this stuff I find helps a bit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going for 45+ mins, but it definitely helps me last longer than 3/5 mins, which was a normal occurrence until recently. https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B07KWFCSQP/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
edit: the reviews seem to be about 50/50, I'd say do a few sprays, rub it in a little where you're most sensitive and go from there. This helps me so I thought I'd spread my trick :)
When I searched, I was surprised to see a clipper with teeth. I've seen trimmers with a foil head designed for balls, so you might try one of those instead?
I found this at Amazon, it might be just what you're looking for.
Also, check out PFLAG, parents and friends of lesbians and gays.
You're correct. It's called "bone conduction"; we hear and feel our own voice.
Hm, your post raises an interesting question. Bone conduction headphones have become more popular in recent years. Now I'm wondering if, using those, we could hear someone's voice closer to how they hear themselves?
I’ve tried Healthy Vibes Water Based Lube (it says on Amazon it has glycerin, but the actual bottle says it doesn’t) and I just got some Lovehoney Water Based Gel Anal Lube which I had a horrible reaction to! I find a lot of the big brands have horrible ingredient lists though, with everything they tell you to avoid, so I’m not really sure what brand to look out for now!
glad to reply in a serious way, here. gay men having children is Ok for them, of course. and Ok for lesbians. Not Ok for me, and I do not endorse the idea generally. Mark Thompson, in his book, https://www.amazon.com/Gay-Soul-Mark-Thompson/dp/006251041X and https://www.amazon.com/Gay-Soul-Mark-Thompson/dp/006251041X talks about the evolutionary advantage that a non-reproducing adult segment of a population can have for the population at large. Being things kidz and other adults might need to see or have, sans offsrping and their attendant care responsibilities. etc. The role of minister, shaman, priest, or other guru-types is tailor-made, even down to the show-biz aspects of those roles, eh? Caring has been short-circuited for many gay men in the modern world, as they have been systematically marginalized or kept closeted, much to the bend and skew of their mental health. Nem without children is only a consequence for thier family patrilineage. Lesbians with children DOES seem more of a natural idea, but I speak here only of the obvious. Selfishness ensures when the full outlets for adult drives are frustrated and skewed by societies at large. Many strtaight adult men that embark on the family journey do so out of convention and not a deep wish for parenting, not to mention just the by-product of het sex, eh? My own adoptive father clearly wanted his own family, but then he turnt around and spent all his tme on his career, thinking that financial support was his main role, which, back then, I suppose it actually WAS, eh? Gay men can be whatever they want, but not nearly everywhere on the planet. Take what opps you WANT, not just the easy or conventional ones. Yours in faith and fealty to the FSM, and pagan gods from history, and Gay Male Icons everywhere...
The Toupee effect is a metaphor for the more descriptive and academic availability heuristic. Heuristics in general are worth looking into, might change the way you think about how robust your decision making processes are. Cheap on the second hand market https://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555
Relevant: This French film about all this is hysterical: Michel's Mouse on Amazon Prime
https://www.amazon.com/Michels-Mouse-Tapette-Satya-Dusaugey/dp/B07RDBJRGW
Depends. Some people are very sensitive. Others like it hard.
I would recommend trying nipple suction cups - they increase blood flow and makes your nipples sensitive. Then it is fun to tease - https://m.homoware.com/products/Tit-Suckers-Large-8800/
If you are more pain tolerant, try clothes pin or nipple clamps
You can also try body safe wax - https://www.amazon.com/BDSM-Candles-Temperature-Sensual-Candle/dp/B00AT97O1K
Ice cubes
If you are feeling REALLY adventurous (and kinky) - try poison ivy ;)
Or tiger balm for a milder effect
There may be an lgbtq group on meetup.com that you could look into, but they're typically more for adults, but you may be able to network and get exposed to more queer people/experiences.
Being gay doesn't mean you have to like, accept, or participate in hookup culture.
Being gay is just you identify as a man and are attracted to others who identify as men.
There are plenty of guys who aren't into hooking up and are very interested in serious, long-term relationships.
Try using OKCupid or Tinder, perhaps even meetup.com filtering by lgbtq, rather than Grindr and Scruff when looking for someone.
In addition to giving CBT a try, you might want to read The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs. Most of the book is about shame and its effects on you.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GB1TTF7/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_api_glt_i_XMZZBAWMF46951WZZR97
Here’s my favorite toy. It has a powerful vibration and all I need is to put it on the hole. Trust me it feels wonderful. Sometimes I don’t want to go through the whole process of washing out and anal feels weird for me as well. I just got used to my dildo with the use of a condom and haven’t experienced the pleasure but the pressure is nice. But yea I understand a lot of people don’t like Amazon but this toy hasn’t let me down thus far and the curve keeps it from disappearing. It’s called a prostate massager. If you want to start small. It’s a pretty good start and not crazy expensive.
I would like to recommend a book for you. Goodbye, I Love You, by Carol Lynn Pearson.
I'm not saying your bf is gay. I'm not saying this book will fix whatever is going on with your relationship.
But I am going to say that this book will help you gain perspective on how the "gay man in a relationship with a woman" situation can arise, and how that doesn't make it a "fake relationship" and certainly doesn't make it a relationship devoid of love.
(In other news, you deserve better and you should have some serious talks with your bf about how the relationship is failing to meet your needs.)
Get yourself one of these. Way more comfortable and does a better job imo than a bulb.
I found this (https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0049H9AVU/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o03?ie=UTF8&psc=1) book incredibly helpful. I definitely have an insecure attachment style, which is annoying, but knowing is half the battle!
I’ve used this one with condoms and they weren’t damaged at all. It’s silicone; and some of the other guys I’ve met up with had it as well.
https://www.amazon.com/Wet-Platinum-Lube-Silicone-Lubricant/dp/B000DZL33K
Only issue with silicones is they take a little longer to go away after your done; so you might feel a little oily for a while.
You need to read this book.
It will answer all your questions.
Otherwise, from one autistic person to another..... chill the fuck out, you are overthinking this.
A hose attachment from Amazon is the easiest thing for me. If I know I’m having sex, I’ll typically skip a meal, drink plenty of water, poop often, and then douche just before the actual act.
Metal Shower Aluminum Cleaner Douche System Cleaner(Silver) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VY25QXT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_B8XCW2Q1WA2EA0F8DJ4K?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I've been doing enemas for three yrs now. I love it !
Mainly the sensation of being clean inside is amazing. The other thing I really like is how calm I feel afterwards . I can best describe is as an "emotional quietness" .
I prefer a simple warm water enema. I bought a shower attachment:
When we got married, my family gave my husband and me a big gift set: Mr. and Mr. Beer Tumbler Gift Set (Here is the Amazon link：https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09CH212Y6?ref=myi\_title\_dp). It comes with the rainbow bag, wine tumblers, beer bottle opener & beer cookies and so on. A practical and meaningful gift, we love it.
Odd, I checked and it works for me in two browsers.
Luckily lots of therapists now do remote (zoom) therapy, so go around on reddits in the Philippines and ask for recommendations. Look at big cities.
If you find a therapist who isn't hurting for $$ (which is more common in bigger cities) and you ask them nicely, they might be able to cut you a deal.
Also there are a lot of charities who offer therapy as well.
If you are making no progress, start looking international.
Good luck.
If all else fails, go read this book, it will help but its not a complete solution.
I mean I bought like 5 before I found the one I like which is this one. Vibration is crazy strong. I’m no fake profile. Been using it for a 8 months now. Don’t even need to use the ring.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GB1TTF7/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_api_glt_i_XMZZBAWMF46951WZZR97
Lidocaine cream and advil! You won’t feel anything. Apply the cream 45 mins in advance and cover it with plastic wrap so that it stays wet the whole time and doesn’t dry out.
Honestly the best one I’ve used is this one https://www.amazon.com.au/Kit-Medical-Pressure-Douching-Hygiene-Reusable-Cleansing/dp/B01MRQOGVE It’s fairly fast and very thorough. It’s not super discrete though? It’ll definitely do what your wanting though
I've recently switched to using these pills, basically the same thing but less than half the price.
Psyllium Husks Fibre Supplement – 1400mg per Serving – Naturally High in Soluble Fibre – 180 Vegan Capsules – Supports Daily Rhythm – 100% Pure Plantago Ovata Plant Seeds – Made in The UK by Nutravita https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07XY7J415/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_HJQ5M1K5QWJ3ZET97JZ9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I think the only thing you could do would be to work your way up to it. It sounds like you already might be trying that though.
Something you could try is anal dilators. Like this here. That one may be on the pricier end, but they are made to be inserted anally so they’ll be a little more comfortable.
Also, make sure you’re trying lube that is meant for anal sex. That can make a huge difference with comfort.
This may be a little obvious, but being turned on can help a lot too.
Finally, some people just don’t like being the receiving end during sex and that’s okay too. As long as you guys are both wanting to try then keep trying, but if not then you can always try other stuff than can be just as fun.
He does a lot of public domain work like the Bhagavad Gita, Confucius, Nietzsche, as well as indie projects like Still Watching Men Burn, which is an autobiography about PTSD by a British soldier. His Pseudoname is Arthur Grey.
Sounds like an anal fissure. Your ass just needs time to heal. Make sure it doesn't get infected. The inability to fully evacuate your bowel could simply be because of that damage. If things are getting back to normal you're probably healing. I recommend you switch to a smaller dildo in the meantime. Sounds like you started off way too big. There are kits for this kind of thing. You can find them on Amazon or at a sex shop.
It really took 2390 words to say all this? That is... a lot.
Perhaps... be more concise.
Don't be on the apps if you think they are legitimate jokes. That sounds illogical.
Find a local meet-up (meetup.com) and... meet people. For movies, lunches, gatherings, etc. There are humans out there.
This is 100% accurate. In bigger cities it is not so bad. There is a lot more diversity. But, in smaller communities the Gay scene is full of immature children.
Have you tried meetup.com you might be able to find some people that you relate with.
Red, White, & Royal Blue is a fun read.
My husband and I adore the book Almost Like Being In a love by Steve Kruger. It’s about two young guys who fall in love at school and go their separate ways for years. The writing style is really creative.
This may sound harsh. For that, I'm sorry...
You keep saying "I should have..." You cannot unfuck a situation after the fact. Sitting around wallowing in the shoulds of the past are not doing anything positive for you. You're merely creating your anxiety.
You're very very young. That's both a good and a troublesome thing. Good because this happened young. You have your entire life ahead of you. Troublesome, because you're young and haven't yet developed the life skills and emotional maturity to know how exactly to cope with what you're feeling. Neither of these things are bad. My brother, I promise you'll get through this.
This book changed not only my outlook, but also my life, for the better. Maybe it can help you.
F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K3VTLP8/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_ZM30V0JC4MVS2S4H2ZEX
Last, look into mindfulness practice. I think it will be so helpful.
I know it hurts buddy. However, I promise, it will get better.
(((Hugs)))
One thing you'll learn is that cheap lubes feel cheap. Buy yourself a bottle of good silicone lube. I highly recommend JO Lube, you can find it here.
I highly recommend this one because it doesn't require a lot to get an entire hour session done, it doesn't stain anything, and the bottle goes a long way. I had my first bottle for 8 months before it got low and I bought a new bottle. That was 2 months ago and the first bottle still hasn't run out lol.
Less . It’s pretty funny, and the romance is minor (if I remember right lol)
I have Astroglide waterproof silicone
But it might be discontinued
This appears to be the new version Astroglide X silicone gel
>Humans are hard wired for pair bonding.
Nope. Read this.
Also, for the record, I agree with you on points one and two. I'm in an open relationship but I have been monogamous for the last 10 years of the almost 12 years. By choice.
Find a purpose for living that resides outside of yourself. At least that seem to be the bottom line of an article that just appeared:
you shouldn't feel like you have to push yourself into anything you don't feel comfortable doing, especially if it's sexual, so with that in mind grinder does come with a 'looking for:' option. which iirc should contain options like hangout, chat, etc. non-sexual options, although grinder is pretty much 80% horndogs who'll message anyways. that being said, alot of well-known dating apps also offer gay options, OkCupid, Match.com, Tinder, POF. i'd try to find someone, get to know them a bit, then maybe if or when you're ready, you can go at your own pace. there's loads of people who go into adulthood virgins, and many who stay that way for quite some time.
​
tl;dr: don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with, and try dating, going at your own pace.
As others have said, the absolute best thing for him will be to have a group of other queer guys he can see, and engage with, and talk to. Ideally a group that includes people of his own age: not necessarily only a group for older people, but at minimum one that has a bunch of people of his generation. Seeing other people in positive circumstances is huge, and having the opportunity to acquire friends and mentors is likewise a massive deal.
I know and look up to one guy who didn't come out till his fifties. He married his husband a few years ago, and they're on great terms with the mother of his kids and the kids themselves: they holiday together and everything.
If you wanted something specific, you might look for a book that shares stories like his that he might find helpful or relatable. This one seems alright but you might find better ones: https://www.amazon.com/Fashionably-Late-Trans-Came-Later/dp/0997749105
As is true for all of us, I think, the main thing will be helping him know he's not alone.
I agree with Fuckboi; if the dildo is shaped like a penis with ridges,veins or the head flares it won't be anywhere near as forgiving on your insides as any of the real life ones you may have had. There is a big difference. Also since you can't use silicone lube with a silicone dildo you would have more friction and the detailing like veins or mushrooms head on the dildo is more likely to cause bleeding. And vaseline would be worse to use. The problem with silicone toys is that you can't use silicone lube; and the lubes that are as good as silicone either has chemical that aren't body safe or has sugar in them so you can get a yeast infection. So far I found one that doesn't have the the chemicals or sugar. X Lube This link is to Amazon because that where I bought it but you can get it directly from the company's website. I use it and it is great whether you using it with a dildo, a flesh and blood penis or a fleshjack. The only drawback is that it is not as good for jacking off with just your hand; at least not for me. Whether you buy it or not I suggest you get a cheap "lube injector" to get more lube down inside of you. You might not be getting enough lube deep enough inside of you.
I'm not in anyway connected to any of these companies or make any money by telling you or any one about this product. I'm just trying to be helpful because I had the same problems and it took years to figure out why it hurt and why I would bleed.
Hope this was helpful. Feel free to message me if you have any questions or want to have an open and frank talk about it.
You can buy a douche bulb. That doesn't involve making alterations to your shower,and you can carry it under a towel or in a toiletries pouch if you like. I'll show you the sort of thing I mean right here.
I never douched for like 10 years of having gay sex as a vers guy.
My ex was into fisting, so that shower hose…. It’s either too powerful or too cold. And it can lead to leaks and just cold clammy butt.
If anything, I recommend a reusable silicone bulb enema. It’s quick. It’s clean. It’s discreet.
Though really, if you have regular bowel movements and can shower up before or after, it is not required to douche for anal sex. Though many will say otherwise.
Don't think of them as square, thats bad.
The BEST advice I could give you is to read the Emotional intelligence book.
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-2-0-Travis-Bradberry-ebook/dp/B002U3CBUW
The perception of younger people in the professional workforce is that they are emotional, over-sensitive and have difficulties seeing the bigger picture.
It may or may not be fare, but it is what it is.
Whenever you have a conflict at work, talk about it on /askHR (Generalize everything) because how you view the conflict is probably very different from how the company does.
Gay people only make up from 1 to 10% of the population and were scattered across the country. Makes meeting people rather difficult.
Maybe easier in places like Vegas and San Francisco. I can see Vegas being difficult due to a lot of tourists just passing through looking for a good time.
Perhaps trying dating sites such as Match.com.
Look for LGBT events to attend and as some here have said "Some small piece of rainbow jewelry.
Are you married ? Where do you live ? If sex is all you are wanting there are plenty of apps and websites. Looking for a relationship then try a dating site such as match.com.
Look for local LBGT groups to associate with.
Maybe try more main stream sites such as Match.com or what ever dating site you know of. Maybe put in your profile you are looking for a relationship not just sex.
Difficult part may be that you will have to change your life and move away to a bigger population area.
Get to work right not on addressing the depression. See your doctor. Get referred to a psychiatrist if they think it's necessary. Make arrangements to see a therapist if you can afford it or get a depression workbook like this one if you can't. Begin spending time outside when it's sunny and getting more exercise if you aren't already. However, you should know that you're not fixing this in two weeks even if you're very lucky and find the right treatment for you right away. It's a process, you might not get there in time to restart the relationship but that's okay. Other guys will be there when you are ready for them.
I would rather you find out the issue before using the nuclear option but anal ease does exist 🤣🤣🤣https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Nasstoys-Anal-Ease-Cream-oz/dp/B001BNPNKC&ved=2ahUKEwiXwYuWwPrzAhUztTEKHScaBpYQFnoECCEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1zJijPs5msVhV-Kg0x3VfJ
He has premature ejaculation, which is also embarrassing and unpleasurable for him as well. There are a few ways to help the situation, edging (bring him close to ejaculation but stop before he does, repeatedly) desensitizating gel( bought at local pharmacy) kegel exercises ( look it up) have him masturbate with lube, however the easiest and less embarrassing thing for him is a masturbation sleeve which he can use at home or with you, it will after a week of use every day desensitize him so he lasts longer. But still allow him to feel the pleasure. Here is a cheap and effective one, he'll need lube as well.
Very good question to ask. And perfectly normal If you are looking to just masturbate and do a regular stroking. You may want to clean at least the surface of your ass crack/hole. This will reduce the chance of leaving possible shit stains where you have been sitting to do your “me time”
As for deeper anal play. It may be a good idea to do a deeper clean with an enema douche. If you live alone you can buy a shower head adapter. Or you can buy yourself an enema bulb. You can get a decent one on Amazon for a pretty affordable price. Here’s a link to one:
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07XCB3Z2H/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_C1ARQ9YBR5BVZ7ED4F9S
If Amazon doesn’t work for you, you may be able to find a similar one in a sex shop if you are olde enough or have any in or around your area. If you don’t know how to use one, there are many tutorials online which explain it in detail.
The 3rd option is getting onto fibre supplements. Which will keep you mostly clean all the time as long as you remember to drink plenty of water. Also makes it easier to take a dump.
Hope this advice helps. Have fun 😊
Only bands go with my style, but I got the sparkliest, most dandy-like band I could could find for $22.00 on Amazon.
TUNGSTORY 8mm Men's Tungsten Carbide Wedding Ring Green Opal and Hawaiian Koa Wood Inlay High Polished Comfort Fit Size 7-12 https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07WMRD88F/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_X46S9NQSCZPW28FYZXR4?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
This one is more expensive but you don't have to worry about them getting a hold of the key. It's a digital combination lock.
This is a pretty nice starter dildo:
https://www.amazon.com/Avant-Pride-P3-Beauty-Dildo/dp/B07CPXT966
Getting fucked is certainly a different experience than plugs, so it's good to start small. If you want something larger (but soft and pretty nice) is the Vixen Bandit:
Hi, I'm a Black (also mixed with Mexican and white) bisexual author who writes under the pen name Salem Charles. I believe you'll enjoy my LGBT erotica book CUMbustion: A Series of Wet Dreams. Warning it's not a book you should read in public, because it's very descriptive. https://www.amazon.com/CUMbustion-Wet-Dreams-Salem-Charles-ebook/dp/B0915Z32B7/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=CUMbustion%3A+A+Series+of+Wet+Dreams&qid=1631423921&s=digital-text&sr=1-1
SKYN Selection Non-Latex Condoms Variety Pack, 24 Count https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00JKDH7WM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_YFC26YJJ3G5GVWAC3230?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1 Here’s the link since I don’t think it added it
Pure for Men - The Original Vegan Cleanliness Fiber Supplement - Proven Proprietary Formula (120 Capsules with Aloe) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CYNYLPB/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_3KBVJFTR5WN0TXJ92VNR
I wanna get stronger, too. I was looking into this book. Seems pretty revolutionary. Also check out The Bioneer on youtube, lots of great videos on functional strength etc.
https://www.amazon.com/Weight-Lifting-Waste-Time-Cardio/dp/154450893X
Geography Club by Brent Hartinger. There's a whole series with those characters, but this one's the first, and it's fantastic. It's all about a closeted kid in high school and how he finds friends, gets the courage to come out, etc. It's a totally wholesome and age-appropriate novel that would also be great. It's not so much sexual, but it's a great confidence boost for a shy kid.
My nose hairs have gone crazy in my 30s, so I started waxing every so often with a nose trimmer for maintenance.
Here's the kit I used: https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B076XTJFPY/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_XFMN0BQXVTERXMXRKMY7
It's not as bad as I thought it would be to do.
This is the lube I use. It's silicone based which my bottoms seem to prefer over water based. It also lasts longer and you generally need less. Have fun 😉
and no one talks to you? I find that hard to believe. I'll wager you are not hearing them talk to you. Depression canreally skew your perceptions of the external world. We might even say this skew is its main dysfunction. CBT can help you see your own blinders and rearmuffs, so as to help remove them?
https://www.amazon.com/David-M-D-Burns-Feeling-Good/dp/B00GYUBBRG/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=the+new+mood+therapy&qid=1620219092&sr=8-5
Not generally, but I do have a stretching cone if I know I’m going to be taking a huge one or it’s been a couple weeks.
Amazon. Bought it 3.5 years ago and I'm amazed at how well it's held up, and I wear it daily, doing HVAC/R and all(taking it off when necessary).
This is a shower enema attachment, but it's not girthy. Nice enough for stimulation without getting too ridiculous. Sure, it's 10 inches, but it's also flexible, you don't have to use the whole thing.
There is a book made with Belami models. I suspect you can find a digital copy. I bought it when they were new and sadly it seems out of print and worth an arm and a leg now.
https://www.amazon.ca/69-Positions-Joyful-Gay-Sex/dp/3867872619
It sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope you're being kind to yourself. Part of that is not feeling like you need the approval of others, especially your parents. They haven't been in your shoes. They don't know what you've been through. If they did, they'd know that the only response to whatever you have to say is "I love and support you 100%."
Some parents need to be reminded that is the right response. If you think your parents might fit into this category, you might want to tell them upfront that you've been through a lot and you only need to hear supportive feedback from them - then break the news.
Another part of being kind to yourself during this rough period is having (or building) a solid support system. That might include a therapist and it might include some understanding gay friends. I strongly suggest tapping into any local LGBT support groups and/or GAMMA. If you've lived entirely in the straight world, then learning about gay life can take some time. Having experienced friends to support and guide you can be a real life saver.
During this transition time, it's common to question many aspects of your identity and what you want from life. Just living alone again can be an adjustment. If you're well supported, you'll feel less needy for quick gratification and be more focused on understanding who you are and want you want the next 5, 10 and 20 years of your life to be like.
Also, ido yourself a huge favor and read The Velvet Rage. It's very likely you'll find parts of yourself in that book.
You can do this! And you'll be ok! Just be kind to yourself by not taking on too much or being self-critical.
Go to bear stuff when you can. Learn. It's a bit old now and you might have to pay for it but there is a documentary. Amazon Prime Video has it.
Send them to military school... you get them back when they turn 18. Problem solved.
Or... get one of those footlockers that have little holes in the handles that you can put a padlock through.
https://www.amazon.com/ARKSEN-Aluminum-Toolboxes-Underbody-Underbed/dp/B088T9V7HD/
Most relationship advice and self-help books are useless. If you are looking to improve the state of your relationship with your partner, the best way to do that is to improve your relationship with yourself.
https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Masculine-Psychology-Robert-Johnson/dp/0060963964
Ive had really good luck with the safety razor! I switched to that and life has been much easier in the shaving department!
Weishi Nostalgic Long Handle Butterfly Open Double Edge Safety Razor. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PKHIDRA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_DmVSFb38BDJNQ
Realize this is a dead post kinda, ended up replying before noticing...
But it's an odd thing.
I lived most of my life in Dubai, and while for rye most part dating apps are banned by law there, you can easily get them to operate using spoofing systems. I joined it myself with Grindr this year just to point and laugh...
The thing is almost all profiles on dating sites, that are based in Dubai, are fake catfishing attempts by notoriously African and south Asian gangs. Usually, they'll send an attractive man or woman that sorta remotely looks like the profile when in the dark, and the hookups are usually done on hotels due to the conservative laws.
The usual trope has the hookup secretly call reception and have their accomplice thugs cone up to rob you. You react, you get wounded. Nobody ever goes to the police because dating apps are illegal in the first place, they'll prosecute you first for admitting to using an illegal spoofing service and then maybe prosecute the thugs.
Just thought it interesting to point out that there's not just one, but several large scam types plaguing dating sites based on the region. Mostly no minors at all in Dubai use dating sites because it's extremely conservative and we live in a bubble without access to anything "Haram". Ain't Muslim me but ya it is what it is.
The biggest memory I have from sexual stuff was asking my dad to pay for a NordVPN sub so I could use PornHub lol, at 16. That's how extreme censorship is.
It's curious to see other perspectives :)
My advice for anal play is to buy an anal training set. Slender, smooth butt plugs. And lube. It’s a cheap experiment and it helped me I had a bad partner over a decade ago and it took years to get a good experience that made me love it. These helped be get to that point. anal training
Hey man, this kind of sounds like an intrusive thought issue. It's really common when dealing with the uncertainty of coming out + years of repression. I would recommend this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening/dp/1626254346. The title is a little intimidating, but it's really good at handling these negative - near obsessive - thoughts. (Experience: I started with these, it got worse after coming out, now it's become full blown OCD)
I can recommend a scifi military series with 4 main characters who are gay.
It is called The Metahuman Files by Hailey Turner. There are 6 books in the series.
It's good enough to have kept me reading and engaged with the characters' stories. I am just starting the 6th and last book in the series now.
This isn't a full-length novel, but a collection of sci-fi short stories "Forbidden Thoughts" edited by Jason Rennie. Has some gay content/authors (incl. forward by Milo Y) and a decidedly conservative angle :) I bought it, read it, and was highly entertained.
This guide is great for learning how to douche. https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/
For lube, I really like J-Lube, but it's powder so you have to mix it with water. It definitely feels the best though. If you want pre-made I recommend https://www.amazon.com/dp/B006JR1N72/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_hk8sFbQG0DYPX
I think you would find the book, Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers, to be helpful even though you've already come out to some family members. "There's no magic formula, but Outing Yourself by Michelangelo Signorile offers structure, guidance, and straightforward advice to all those who are struggling with their sexuality and unsure of what to do, who have accepted that they are gay but are still afraid to come out, or who consider themselves out of the closet but realize thay have farther to go." https://www.amazon.com/Outing-Yourself-Lesbian-Friends-Coworkers/dp/0684826178
~~I can’t find it online...~~ I obtained it from PinkCherry about two years ago.
Here is a picture:
https://imgur.com/gallery/npTNhIK
Aha, I found it: https://www.amazon.ca/Doc-Johnson-Lucid-Dream-Multi-Speed/dp/B000FERL1M
The ideas of alcoholism as a genetic condition or a disease, are old-school and not in line with the current science and modern treatment. Source: Clinical psych prof whose private practice is specialized in substance abuse. He referred us to Diseasing of America: How We Allowed Recovery Zealots and the Treatment Industry to Convince Us We Are Out of Control to understand how these misconceptions have been spread.
Plus, it simply doesn’t fit the definition of a disease. The example he gave: If I put a drink in front of you and tell you if you touch it I’ll shoot you, you don’t touch it. Try that with cancer.
I wrote a letter to my parents. I was almost 27, and I lived 9 hours away from them. I was in the military at the time. Writing a letter allowed me the time to write and re-write and get all of what I wanted to say straight (no pun intended). It also allowed me to do it on my timeline and know when they would see it, and maybe give them time to digest it before we spoke.
I highly recommend this book: Coming Out To Parents. It’s a bit dated, but the essential messages in it are timeless. It helped me a lot.
Here’s the thing. If you’re really afraid your parents will reject you, and assuming that you’re dependent on them as a rising college student, you might consider waiting. No one says you must come out now. College - especially at a big state school like ASU - can and should be a good place for you to explore your identity as an individual separate and distinct from your family. If you’re concerned about losing your parents’ support while in school, wait until you have means to support yourself and a plan for living independently. Use the time at school to reach out to the LGBT community and find yourself some more. Build that network of supportive friends.
And if you think your folks will be supportive, then maybe you tell them sooner. You know them better than any of us on the internet, so you know best what might be. Trust your gut.
Good luck. Take care of yourself and be well.