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This is really true. People with social anxiety think everybody is watching them closely, but that is just not true. I read here that when you try something ( in relation to other people) and it goes wrong, to you it is a big thing. But to other people they hardly notice and even when, they do not care and forget it soon.

Example I would not dance, and am ashamed to dance. Until 33 I never danced, even not with my girlfriend. Afraid and ashamed that people will watch me, say. look that one, terrible. And then I tried and it was if I was invisible. Everybody was busy dancing, giving attention to his or her dance partner.

This thought you can use, and will help you with everything; talking to people, to strangers, eating in a fine restaurant, singing at a birthday, playing dart or pool, swimming or sport, talk. It does not matter what!

One more piece of advice, when you are shy, and need to practice, like contact with somebody from the other gender, go to another town where you are not familiar, when you are afraid to be seen by people who know you. When it goes wrong, you just do not go back there and nobody in your present life will even know.

Just do it !! Good luck !!!

Unfortunately that's the harsh reality of living in LA. I found many people in Southern California to be largely superficial when I lived there. I had to move away to regain sanity. Don't get me wrong, there are great people in LA, but in my experience, they were rare and difficult to find. It just sounds like your friend group consisted of some shallow people, so maybe they're just not right for you. "Friends" that don't show interest in you are not true friends. While it sounds like you're not as connected to family as you'd like to be, this could be a blessing in disguise. You are free to pick up and move wherever the hell you want to, and you won't feel homesick. I suggest moving to a place where people are more real. If moving is not an option, I suggest meetup.com. Just attend stuff you're interested in, and if you happen to make friends, cool.

As an introvert, you actually have the best chance of having a rich and engaging social life.

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Introverts have a super power called LISTENING and ASKING QUESTIONS. Also, even though they may not 1000s of friends, the ones they do have are authentic and genuine relationships.

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The challenge is maturing your ability to listen and ask questions. Additionally, you don't have to try and communicate like an extrovert... go to places where there are built in conversation starters, like the dog park, a museum, or the book store. It is even better when you go to places where you have a genuine interest being. Get on to Facebook or Meetup.com to find events and groups to join. I highly recommend you do things in person, because you will experience the greatest personal growth moments.

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Also, introverts have keen OBSERVATION SKILLS. Make it a game to people watch and try and learn about the person via body language. Try not to be weird by staring =)

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Its called Social Skills because they can be learned and practice!

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Don't give up, you got this!

Yes. Therapy now. I'll tell you a story of a person I once knew. He was not good looking by any means, but his personality so outweighed his visual looks that it was very easy to completely ignore his looks. He was a really nice, really fun and quirky guy. I know it's tough (I've been bullied, too), but please see a therapist and develop your personality. Once you start doing things that engage you, you will become a lot more interesting. People who judge you on looks alone are not people with whom you want to hang out.

P.S. I read Brene Brown's Daring Greatly and it really helped me a lot. I highly recommend it.

Edited to add book.

Some (actually I would argue most) people are not great conversationalists. There are some methods to drawing out information from others and diving down deeper into conversations but that requires a keen ear on your part and conversational savvy on theirs.

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There are a couple strategies in "Communications Crash Course: 11 Strategic Conversation Frameworks for Everyday Scenarios to Enhance Your Conversations and Confidence" that really help with talking to quiet people. If you pick it up, check out what "Tridenting" is.

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https://www.amazon.com/Communications-Crash-Course-Conversations-Communication-ebook/dp/B07Q4GPPJ9/ref=sr_1_1?crid=357MWTXWZ71JN&keywords=communications+crash+course&qid=1554988855&s=gateway&sprefix=communications%2Caps%2C154&sr=8-1

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Good luck!

Humans need a purpose. It sounds like you don’t have one right now.

Find that purpose in your life. Or waste your life. It doesn’t have to be grand. Just something that you enjoy or can see yourself enjoying.

When you have that purpose, lots of other things will fall into place.

In the meantime, exercise. Go for walks. Meditate. Play an instrument. Engage in your hobbies or find a new one.

No one is going to fix your problems for you. You have to be the one to do it yourself.

Remember that nothing can inherently make you mad or sad. You choose how to react. You create your own self-image. Right now it’s pretty shit. The good news is that it’s something you created, and therefore something you can change.

Look into the book Feeling Good by David Burns (I think that’s his name). Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Download the Headspace app. Listen to music.

Life is too short to spend it with the outlook you currently have. It’s time to fix it my friend. Message me if you want to talk.

I agree with this. I recently read Conquering Shame and Codependency, and that book helped me realize how much the criticism I received as a child from my hyper-critical parents actually programmed my own mind's "inner critic" as an adult, and how much this "inner critic" perpetuated my anxiety and depression.

u/flakynegotiation if your dad makes you feel like crap for being awkward, then it sounds like his criticisms contain some judgement about who you are or who you should be. Don't take these judgements personally, because they most likely says more about him than they do you. Just try to be yourself and try to keep improving yourself.

Find something you're passionate about. Be informed. As a guy I made ton of friends just tagging along with people in my dorm to eat, play sports, and talk about fantasy sports or football/basketball. Really people love to talk about what they are passionate about. In a conversation give value to others and ask questions about stuff that person wants to talk about. You can feel it out and advance. A great book by Dale Carnegie which I will end up reading to completion How To Win Friends and Influence People is a great read.

If you're going on boring, it's you, not them.

Go read Models by Mark Manson. It's not your dates job to entertain you, it's your job to find out interesting things, and learn about them as a person. Sounds like you want to take responsibility for this, you're headed in the right direction.

This seems to be a fairly dysfunctional social interaction tbh. I can understand why you are frustrated. EVERYONE is involved and really the only people who should be involved in this are you and your neice. You are dealing with not only one, but TWO middle men. I would refuse to discuss it with either your mom or sister until you speak to your niece. They are getting all worked up when nobody even knows what you did that was so offense.

Next week you should sit your neice down, one-on-one, and apologize if you have offended her, but firmly set a boundary that if she is upset she should come to you immediately before she speaks to anyone else. Say something about how it just gets everyone upset when it might just be a simple misunderstanding. If she is high maintenance and refuses to do what you request, then I would just not worry about it too much and maybe try to limit social interaction with her.

Obviously I am only looking at a snapshot of your situation, but would you say your family is fairly codependent? If so there is a great book you should read that would probably help you, even with your depression. https://www.amazon.com/New-Codependency-Guidance-Todays-Generation-ebook/dp/B001NLL7SO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526487485&sr=8-1&keywords=the+new+codependency+by+melody+beattie

I like this one, its pretty simple, 100% free and keeps a log of each minute you practice. It's also free on iOS, although a bit hard to find because of the name lol

I've been through loads of stuff over the last few years so to name it all would be too much but there are a few things that really helped me:

The most influential was mindfulness meditation. Learning to be present to the moment is key to letting go I would say that if you were going to try only one thing it should be this. It has changed my life in so many ways.

The second was exposing myself to, and being open to, lots of different beliefs and ways of thinking. Particularly if it is a belief or opinion I don't agree with, instead of dismissing it I spent time listening and learning about it fully. You probably still won't agree, but you'll now be able to understand and empathise with that kind of person. That is a VERY powerful thing, don't underestimate it.

Finally a more focussed resource in the form of a book called: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The title is typically self helpy I know but the stuff in that book is life changing. I've read over a hundred books on self improvement by this point and 7 habits is still the best and I re-read sections from it quite regularly. I still wouldn't use it as your only method, as is the case for anything I'd suggest tbh, but definitely give it a go as it is immensely useful.

Obviously I've tried a lot more than just these few but these 3 things have helped me grow the most and hopefully they can help you too.

Read The Charisma Myth.

The equation that produces charisma is actually fairly simple. All you have to do is give the impression that you possess both high power and high warmth, since charismatic behaviors project a combination of these two qualities. “Fight or flight?” is the power question. “Friend or foe” is the warmth question.

To be charismatic doesn’t require that one be naturally outgoing, physically attractive, or need to change their personality.

Possible to be a charismatic introvert.

Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

• Lower the intonation of your voice and the end of your sentences.
• Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
• Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

I have struggled with this for a long time, and I still do. I would recommend first and foremost therapy with a male therapist, and second trying to focus on things other than women for external validation (find a purpose that's more important than women).

Two book recommendations

No More Mr Nice Guy (the pdf is freely available online https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf)

And Models by Mark Manson, which is not freely available, but you can find torrents/downloads or buy it. The beginning is available free here (https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/166234/1/models-attract-women-through-honesty)

I cannot put into words how much these two books have helped me. If I had to only ever read one 'self help' type book again, it'd be Models.

Here’s a really good CBT self-help course: https://www.thegreatcourses.com/courses/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-for-daily-life .

It’s not free, but it’s not too, too expensive. Learning CBT concepts from this course might help you in choosing the right therapist.

Be genuinely interested in other people. Find out what the person is passionate about and ask them about it and learn what you can about that topic from them. Work with the responses they give you to form new questions to learn more and keep the convo going. Don't be too pushy, just interested. Everyone loves talking about themselves.

Edit: Also, read Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People". It's short and crammed with timeless advice. "Be genuinely interested in other people" is pulled directly from that book.

Edit: I'm currently 30 and not sure how this advice would play with the high-school crowd. Any high-schooler acting this way with an older person will come across as quite charming though.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susain Cain. Highly recommended. Changed the way I felt about my self in a very positive way.

And that stupid sarcastic joke: "So-and-so is being so loud over here! Haha!" I hate it.

Our society just values extrovert personality traits more than introvert traits. Check out this book if your curious about it

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153

The bricks are what keep you from everyone else, the experiences that are alienating you.

You should really think about reaching out and getting help. Talking to a therapist would help you sort out your feelings, that's unfortunately not always an option for people, but if you can get access to one you definitely should. They can help you work on the things making you sad, getting over your anxiety, and 'fixing' behaviors you feel aren't the norm.

Work on yourself, it's hard but that's the only thing that helps. Work out, read, keep listening to new music, find new hobbies, etc. People like to be friends with people they see as adding value to their lives. Don't change yourself to fit in, change yourself to be a better you. I really like this site: https://rateyourmusic.com/artist/pink-floyd-1

I used to feel the same as you. Sometimes I still get very sad. Remember that you're responsible for becoming the person you'd like to be. It'll start slow, but as you improve yourself you'll start to feel more confident. Sometimes you have to love yourself before others will. As you feel yourself getting better you can start to really tackle your social issues (again, a therapist would really help).

Don't act like your not like everyone else. Just because you like different things than another person doesn't mean that you can't try to be friendly. It'll push you out of your comfort zone definitely, but it'll get easier. No one listens to the shit I listen to, but I've never let that get in the way of trying!

If you play video games online try finding friends there too. When I was younger I played a lot of Garry's Mod and it was always really nice getting on a server I went on a lot and recognizing people and talking to them.

One last thing, don't beat yourself up to much about jerking off. It's ok to do, but like all the best things in life, moderation is important.

Pm me if you need to talk to someone. Good luck man.

just read this... will change your life guarenteed...

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/B0006IU7JK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517531187&sr=8-1&keywords=dale+carnegie

I know it's a bit counterintuitive suggesting books for social skills (the solution is ultimately in doing rather than knowing), but these books are accessible, credible, and practical - each one has exercises to practice and master: Charisma Myth and Search Inside Yourself both helped me understand myself and how to relate to others. Hope they help you.

"When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a living. And when that painful lull arrives, be the master of it. I have come to revel in that agonizing first pause, because I know that I can push a conversation through. Just ask the other person what they do, and right after they tell you, say: 'Wow. That sounds hard.'"

There's a website called "Librivox" (https://librivox.org/) that offers free audiobooks in the public domain -- read and recorded by volunteers.

Contributing a reading would be great for so many reasons:

a) Helps you with elocution.

b) Helps you become comfortable with your own voice (as you said).

c) Helps you become more self-confident in communicating information.

d) Helps you contribute to a good cause -- spreading literacy/education.

e) Helps you contribute to accessible media for vision-impaired/disabled.

e) Helps you consume more books yourself -- expands your mind.

f) Helps you gain feedback that you can use to shape articulacy.

g) Helps you interact with more like-minded people (possibly).

h) Helps you develop/improve upon multimedia literacy (in treating audio).

etc.

It really is a win-win-win.

This is something a lot of people struggle with, including me. It's also one of the corner stones for books like How To Win Friends and Influence People.

A great technique is to stay in the moment as much as possible. Don't stare at the other person but actively listen to what they're saying.

One thing that helped me was to force myself to be okay with silences and short lulls in the conversation. If someone is complaining about something, I no longer try and rattle off questions in an effort to seem like I'm listening. I take a moment or two to digest what they just said, and then ask a question.

One thing I always keep in mind is, when I'm talking to someone that I want to get closer to (manager, opposite sex, potential new friend), I want them to talk 75% of the time. I want to keep them talking most of the time because that's how they will feel closer to me. I'll have my moments to share my side of things and my stories too but in the beginning, getting them to keep talking is key.

You can get dogecoin in a few different ways:

Over on /r/dogemarket for paypal or google wallet

Mining them!

On an exchange with bitcoin or litecoin (I like www.coinex.pw or www.cryptsy.com)

Once dogecoin becomes more popular and prevelant, you'll be able to buy straight from and exchange with USD.

Start here and download a doge wallet. PM me your address once it gets the blockchain downloaded and I'll give you some doge!

I going to be completely honest with you and say what no one ever says. Its not possible in the state that you're in. What you have to do is what i'm sure you know you have to do, you have to go get rejected over and over and over again until you realize how little it means. Man up, do some intense training, eat onions and olive oil, improve yourself so your confident to brush things off. The mental and physical changes happen together man, its a lifestyle thing really.

for temporary relief try headspace, people like to recommend meditation and then leave you hanging with the details, headspace you just follow along with a nice english guy, it really helps.

Stop right there!

I am being absolutely serious when I say this. You need to get the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker and read it cover to cover immediately. The author runs a company in Hollywood protecting celebrities from crazed fans. This book is essentially a how-to guide to protect yourself from workplace shootings, stalkers, and other dangerous individuals. And don't give me that "I am sure it is nothing" line. If there is even a one percent of one percent of one percent chance this could turn into something dangerous, you NEED to be informed.

I am not joking.

I already see four maybe five warning signs just in the little you have posted so far. You have to inform yourself on recognizing behaviors. If this somehow does escalate, you may have only hours or minutes to recognize what is going on and prepare for it. Coming back to Reddit and waiting for an answer simply wont be fast enough. You have to have that knowledge in your head.

Heck man. Send me your amazon wishlist account through private message and I will buy the book for you. Express overnight shipping on me.

I feel like you left off the last part of your sentence.

"I feel like people don't give a shit about me."

You have a problem with self-worth. You don't see your own intrinsic value. Going out on a limb here since your successful at charity fundraising. Are you a "Nice Guy"? If so, read this. It helped me immensely. Read the first few pages on Amazon and see if it describes you. If so, definitely pick it up.

Hmm, this might be unorthodox advice, but as someone that's been through all types of toxic friendships, going through therapy taught me that being naive and a pushover really attracts these types of toxic people. In other words, my suggestion to you, if you're up for it, is to explore parts of yourself that may attract these people. No no, it's not victim blaming, because if they're toxic, it's their damn fault 100% and they're not nice people. However, there is some truth to the fact that by being a pushover, toxic people go "Oh! Let's have some fun with this one!" Exploring parts of yourself that may seem attractive to toxic people may help you recognize these people better and fend them off with class and grace.

I recommend this book. It changed my whole life and the way I see people: https://www.amazon.com/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301

i would like to add First Impressions it is up there with The Charisma Myth. have yet to read Search Inside Yourself but i understand it is emotional intelligence centered, and i look forward to it!

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles but not the enemy for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle."

• Sun Tzu, The Art of War

It sounds like you need to read this book, 10% Happier by Dan Harris. He deals with almost this exact situation. link

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's basically just the motivational musings of a Roman Emperor. Another good read is The Art of Living by Epictetus.

The difference is Epictetus was born a slave and opened his own philosophy school, so a lot of his philosophies are to be happy regardless of what you have or what you've lost. Aurelius actually trained under Epictetus, but his is more about pushing yourself to be the best version of yourself... Which, yeah, he became the emperor of Rome, so... He's probably got some good ideas.

I was at this stage a year or two ago. You wake up and realize "wait, I don't know what the rules are here".

Check out "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. It's pretty much a textbook for most social interactions. It's about 70 years old and still highly recommended, with good reason.

EDIT: This will just tell you the rules, then you need to get social experience to back them up.

maybe read this:

http://books.google.de/books/about/Six_Pillars_of_Self_Esteem.html?id=XsDYs8Rb_fMC&redir_esc=y

• Brandon - Six Pillars of Self Esteem

there are some other nice books too:

• ‘Impro’ by Keith Johnstone.

• ‘The Inner Game of Tennis’ by Timothy Gallwey.

• ‘The Philosophical Investigations’ by Ludwig Wittgenstein

• ‘Raise High The Roofbeams, Carpenter / Seymour: An Introduction’ by J.D. Salinger

• ‘Shakespeare’s Sonnets’ by Stephen Booth

• ‘Principles‘ by Ray Dalio.

• ‘Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain’

• The Talent Code - Daniel Coyle

• Long Way To Freedom - Nelson Mandela

• Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman

• Warrior of the Light - Paulo Coelho

and many, many more

Do stuff, face your fears, expand your "comfort zone", try new things / experiences

It's not going to be easy, focus on the progress not the outcome.

It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but the most fulfilling

Scroll down to chapter 10

Just swap the genders around when you read it. I originally was only writing this for myself, and...well I'm a guy. So yeah.

I'm quite a bit older than you but have gone through much the same experience several times (6 new cities, in 3 countries, in 25 years) and definitely agree with others here that Meetup.com is one good start. I also agree with the volunteering suggestion, but with 1 caveat: make it volunteering for fun activities (like at a festival, market, marathon) instead of more serious long-term community volunteering. The former is great to meet new people, the latter is much better when you're more established and settled. Recreational sports teams and activity groups (such as hiking) are also great ways to meet locals.

Perhaps the one bit of experience I learned with each move is not to sequester or isolate yourself. Things like watching TV, staying home reading, etc., are great for relaxing but they will be your enemy until you establish a few good friendships. So a way to overcome this was to consider it a big adventure, keep a positive attitude, and agree to all social invitations during the first year unless I was absolutely too tired.

And finally, don't worry if your colleagues tend to be older; chances are they know other people closer to your age and will be a good resource for meeting them. It's better to hang out and socialize with someone than nobody at all.

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Good luck!

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No worries.

Of course "just focus" or "relax" is bullshit advice. It's somewhat true but extremely difficult to do. That is why I recommend meditation because it helps you practice getting into this state. However, take it with a grain of salt as I am myself just trying to get into this habit.

Good resources that helped me were:

• This reddit comment. It explains what mediation actually does for you and that is more pragmatic than people think.

• I also like guided meditations. The app headspace is a good place to start and gives you 10 free guided meditations of 10minutes.

However, if you have less problems to get started you should also try to practice without guiding and just focus on breathing.

Some advice:

start small (5 or 10mins is totally fine) and focus on building the habit. Doing 5mins before bed to get it off your list is better than brushing it off for a long session on the weekend or tomorrow-land.

If you feel like you are not doing it right, don't worry about it. Even experienced people may have problems to shut off their monkey brain. The practice is to bring your focus back again and again and again. Don't get frustrated and give yourself appreciation that you did the practice not how "well" you did it.

Well the obvious reason is that you have a clear disdain for women, perhaps some internalized misogyny if labels are your thing. The way you're discussing other women, who happen to like "traditionally feminine" things, makes it pretty clear that you look down on them for liking those things and thinking you're better than them because you like more outdoorsy things.

I mean, if you accidentally tinged this post with a clear dose of haterade, then it is probably pretty obvious to the women you meet that you look down on them for the way they are. They don't "get" you? Well you're literally hating on them for just relaxing and taking care of themselves in the way they like best. Why would they want to "get" you?

My advice-- use an app like meetup.com or Bumble BFF, express the things you like to do (hiking/fishing) and you'll see that there are probably plenty of women who also like those things. But quite a few of them will also probably enjoy shopping and makeup too, because people are allowed to like multiple things.

You're basically talking about cold approaching. Basically just going up to a girl and talking. Don't do any of the opening line crap or the rehearsed line bullshit. Go up to her tell her you find her cute and you want to get to know her. It's actually super common for guys to do. Honestly though I would recommend meeting girls through your social groups like through friends or in school clubs or whatever. It's a hell of a lot easier to find something in common if you are in the same social group. Don't get me wrong cold approaching still works but it will be a little harder for someone who hasn't had experience talking to girls they are interested in.

Some advice I'll give you is that if they reject you, that is perfectly fine. It just means you guys are incompatible either because she isn't feeling it that day or something deeper than that. Being rejected doesn't reflect anything on you at all. (Unless you aren't taking care of your self and haven't showered or changed clothes in a week or you just have a shitty attitude).

Read Models by Mark Manson if you want more advice on how to talk to girls better.

Edit: made a little more clear

I've been there, still am I guess. The thing that's helped me a lot with these issue is being completely honest with what I think, I don't mean telling your friends that their jokes are not funny or that they "have" to invite you, not directly at least, you could tell them in a playful manner. I'm still struggling with the conversation part but making some progress, what I've learned is that you have to pay attention to what people say in order to listen to pieces of information that can help you lead the conversation to new topics. These resources have helped me a lot with my struggles so far: Models by Mark Manson, No more Mr nice guy and Conversation Escalation.

Honestly, pick up a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and read it like a bible. In a nutshell, a big part of his philosophy focuses on not allowing external factors to have influence over our lives.

It's a book I carry with me everywhere I go; anytime I'm feeling down, I'll read through some of his passages and essentially is like pushing the refresh button on my mind.

Read (or listen to the audiobooks of) Models by Mark Manson and The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, you'll find your answers there. /r/seduction has a lot of great stuff too (but also a lot of crap).

The reason you're overly serious and afraid to make a fool of yourself is because of your self-esteem. The funniest people to be around aren't "the best comedians", it's the people who don't care what others think about them because their confidence comes from themselves and not the reactions of the people around them.

so I've been there. I'm not sure what the catalyst was but over time I let go of my worry, my insecurities, my stress. I think it really comes down to just be secure and happy, to love yourself. If you can get that then everything else will follow.

One thing that helped me a lot was I started a routine of going to the gym in the morning and listening to books on tape (on my iPhone) while there. I started with How To Win Friends and Influence People. It's a bit off topic advice for you but I found that this routine killed like 10 birds with 1 stone for me. I started becoming more socially aware and more confident physically and I started admiring myself. It wasn't easy at first but I've been on that routine for about 18 months now and it has significantly changed who I am and how I view myself.

I've heard a lot of advice in the past about changing how you view yourself as a solution to problems stemming from insecurity. The truth for me was I couldn't do that but I could change how I acted. So I forced myself to act like someone I'd love, someone I'd look up to. I forced myself to be someone who went to the gym, who was exceptional at their job, who was socially active, etc. And now that's just who I am, it takes almost no effort to maintain my lifestyle anymore.

You can take it as anecdotal evidence with a sample size of 1, but I recommend that. Figure out who you'd want to be, who you could become that you'd admire, and then force yourself to act like that person, to do what they'd do. It sucks for 6 weeks, kinda sucks for 6 months, but then you start really feeling the benefits of being a person who you would feel secure being. Again, anecdotal, but I found the solution was changing my actions, not my perspective.

Mindfulness in Plain English is probably the best resource out there for an introduction to the practice.

Btw.. the "HOLY FUCK" moment for me when dealing with anxiety was when I read in a book about OCD that people with OCD's brain functioning was abnormal and that CBT and mindfulness meditation actually help to 'normalize' the brain through neuroplasticity.

In essence, its not a problem with you bud, its a problem with your brain :)

Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell

Incredibly cheap and in one of the chapters Maxwell addresses what you said about your dad: sometimes other people feel in charge and you just back down. That in itself is an attribute of good leadership. To allow someone else to take the lead doesn't make you less of a leader.

Studying great managers and leaders (The Roosevelt's, Jack Welch, et al) is very beneficial. You get to see what those before you have done and why they're remembered as great leaders. Leadership really stems down to studying what others have done, adopting their principles and methods, their mindsets (they all share a lot of the same ones,) and then applying it.

If you want a more in-depth, specific response, just let me know what you'd like addressed.

yeah it sucks. We had an 8 month lockdown here in Australia, but in large part because of that, we're completely free right now.

Definitely seek therapy.

Seek out a social life wherever possible. Maybe join an online community, e.g. a conversational discord like the one in the sidebar.

Try and learn a new skill, or creative outlet. If you've always wanted to sing, you can try singing lessons. There's drama, painting.

Think of projects you want to focus on/achieve while in lockdown. If you do I.T. maybe start an tech project.. If you do something creative, work on your portfolio. Have some sort of goal, and form a routine/structure around these goals.

If you're allowed to go outside for exercise, consider getting a bike. Getting exercise and being able to explore outside helped me a lot personally with my mental health.

One thing to keep in mind is that you never lose your social skills. When things open up again, you'll be back to your normal self in no time. Prepare for that moment. Keep developing your skills however you can, by reading, gaining knowledge, forming friendships online, whatever.

But yeah, these are just things that helped me personally. There's lots of guides on how to survive lockdown by now, which could offer interesting perspectives.

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

Reading this book really helped me out, I’m hopeful it will help you too.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_7GSZ7TM68S4Z9C57CYQH

I think what you are looking for is this one: Connecting Across Differences: Finding Common Ground with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime https://www.amazon.com/dp/1892005247/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_JDxeGbM1JZJC1

It helped me find new friends and appreciate myself as a whole. I am confident it will help you tremendously to find friends and create deep connections.

I have a similar problem. In my public speaking class the advice I received from everyone was that I didn't speak loud enough, even when I thought I was speaking loud and clear with confidence. I'm currently reading Set Your Voice Free by Roger Love. It's a fantastic book. I haven't gotten to the exercises yet, but have learned so much already! Here's an interesting fact:

> The human voice is set up to speak or sing twenty-four hours a day without getting hoarse or strained or creating any physical problems. If yours can't, it's because you're doing something wrong. [page 11]

I highly recommend this book! I initially got it from the library, but purchased it from Amazon because the library book didn't have the accompanying CD.

|I have the hardest time trying to take anything from these lists.

It isn't just you - this list isn't super helpful.

You'd probably get more concrete take-aways from "How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big" (new book from Scott Adams (of 'Dilbert' fame))

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living is also one of the best. (If you failed to follow rules of How To Win Friends and Influence People)

What kind of places are you going to? Bars and clubs can have a real mixed bag of people, I reckon you should try going to places where you're more likely to find people who you'll get on with.

Meetup.com is a good site to find meetups with people with specific hobbies and interests. I'm sure you'll be able to find a group that suits you.

Mirrorneurons.

Some people just have more of them. Check out this episode from the invisibilia podcast. They talk about that very topic and how some people even feel substances in their mouth wenn they watch sbd eating!

Entanglement Invisibilia https://player.fm/1hgRPd #nowplaying

http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/

Someone dies as I type this and someone is born as I type this.

There are BILLIONS of us existing in this planet. You're never gonna encounter them in real life. Even if you do, you really shouldn't care. It's one bitter person letting some steam off on the internet.

We're all gonna be dead soon. I don't wanna spend any time on this short time I have on this beautiful planet caring about what someone I will never encounter again says about me online.

Even in real life, I don't give a shit if some stranger judges me or talks shit about me. So what?

> Try visiting meetup.com and find any local meetups.

> Join some sort of clubs or activities. People with common purpose have a lot to talk about?

> Are you religious? Visit your local religious gathering.

I second this. Best new book out there. It should added to the resources on this subreddit. Here's the amazon page for it

I didn't see it brought up yet in the sea of posts, but I wanted to bring up "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It's a self-help book based on being an authentic you instead of a "nice guy". It is definitely worth checking out and really helped me reevaluate myself.

Non-affiliate Amazon Kindle page: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C438CW/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Edit: removed incorrect web link

I used to be scared of a lot of things, particularly police. One thing I did that helped me was to read a little life manual called “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu. It teaches you how to handle any situation. And if you know you can do that it gives you confidence. I used to read it 3x a year until I had it down. Game changer is what it is. Plus it’s short.

read Models by Mark Manson. I'm pretty socially awkward around people and probably 20X worse when I'm around girls. But after reading Models, I was able to improve how my interactions went with girls quite a bit

Yes this is part of it too! I love power poses - check out the TED talk about them if you haven't seen it. It's not necessarily about trying harder. I bet you've been trying pretty hard up until now. It's about strategy! Figuring out what works.

The older i get the more i realize that our culture right now (i'm in the US, and here especially, but maybe everywhere) doesn't teach us or model for us how to live in a way where we really connect with others meaningfully. One of my biggest heartaches is that i don't have a community that i crave so badly. But realizing this and knowing that i can do things to slowly work towards it makes me feel a lot better, even if some days i just need to curl up in a ball and cry for a few minutes because i feel so disconnected.

But with regard to figuring out what works - i love books and podcasts for this. I highly recommend the book Learned Optimism. it's kind of drawn out but try to get through the mess of it to understand what the author says because it has helped me a ton. There are ways that you can learn to frame problems, temporary and specific, or permanent and pervasive and personal. Learning to catch myself mid-panic attack or mid-social-anxiety attack and take a few minutes to reframe how i'm thinking about a problem has done wonders for my outlook.

To reiterate: it's not about trying harder, and it's not that you're not doing enough. You are enough. You are wonderful. You just haven't found and learned to use the right tools yet, and that's not your fault. Lots of us are struggling too. Keep trying; you'll get there :)

You've gotta realize life is too short to hold yourself back. All we have is the moment and you MUST take advantage of it. A couple things have helped me overcome my shyness: 1. A book my teacher told me to read called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, it talks about the law of attraction, very good read. 2. My job at the mall. I was forced to market and talk to all kinds of people which really helped put myself out there. :) Hope this helped ya!

If I was balding I'd just shave it completely. It makes it look like it's intentional rather than desperately trying to hold on to the hair that remains.

Being overweight sucks but you can do something about it. You have control over that so it is up to you to decide which pain is more bearable; the pain that comes from being ashamed of your body and insecure or the pain that comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to gain something you haven't had. It will take time but if you work hard at it the progress will be noticeable within a few weeks. I am not someone who can hold myself accountable so I've joined crossfit and the group atmosphere and community feel have kept me going almost daily for two years.

Work on your confidence. I enjoy self help type books and audio books like "Think and Grow Rich," "the Alchemist," "the magic of thinking big," and some Tony Robbins and TD Jakes audios (I am not black or religious but TD Jakes is pretty energizing). Self help stuff isn't for everyone, it can be Corny but I enjoy it. Alternatively, find podcasts about topics you enjoy and learn all you can. Attend events where people with similar interests may go and make friends.

Glad I could help!

The article you linked to is a good start, actually, particularly their example 1A. This is an exercise you can practice daily when you stumble upon a bad driver. Bad driving can be attributed to a number of circumstances instead of a lack of competence. This is an exercise practicing compassion, which is a useful trait to have.

A book that mentions compassion exercises is Olivia Fox Cabane's "The Charisma Myth". It's aimed at people who want to become more charismatic and as I see it, charisma is nothing but effective communication paired with excellent sub-communication (i.e. saying the right things and giving off the right vibe). The book is useful either way.

The exercise I mentioned reminded me of attribution theory. It's one of the various processes going on in the background that influence our thinking. If you're interested in reading up on those, try Daniel Kahneman's "Thinking, Fast and Slow". It's not directly related to your issue, but getting a better understanding of how we think and act is always good to have as background knowledge.

In terms of Emotional and Social Intelligence, the authority is Daniel Goleman. He made both terms popular IIRC and has written books on both. I haven't read them (yet), but they do get a lot af praise.

Currently working on this myself. Three books I'd recommend; How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, How To Talk To Anyone by Leil Lowndes and The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. If you don't already, start going to the gym as that will boost your self confidence. Good luck!

If you like reading and self help, i recommend Models by Mark Manson. It helped me put dating in perspective and to understand what women find attractive, as well as how to feel confident being myself.

I was going to say How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, but /u/Jazziecatz got there first. It's the 'how to socialise' book and has been since the 1930s.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People isn't bad either, teaching self-management techniques that end up being a base for good social habits, but I'd get the Carnegie book first if I could only buy one.

I'm going to go an a limb and say you're a late teen or in your early 20's. That being said. I feel you dude because I used to be there. One thing I will tell you is that your attitude determines your entire life. If you feel you, your life, your skill set are shit, then my friend they are. "The Man Who Thinks He Can and the Man Who Thinks He Can't are both Right!"- Henry Ford.

Think of a person that was awesome. Napoleon. Churchill. Lincoln. These men weren't born great. They were the product of their surroundings. The people the associated with, the hobbies they had, the books they read. Everything they did became a part of who they became. You have to cultivate the man you want to be. Read books. Watch great movies. Meet new people(note I said people, not just girls. you want to be better with girls, you have to be good with guys too. How else will she know you have some sort of life???) Want to know where to start? start by defining what your values. Read some philosophy on what it takes to be a strong, resilient, stoic human being. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius as a start.

Hey!

There’s an app called Notion. (It’s basically spreadsheets on steroids)

They have a Rolodex template that you might check out.

The best thing IMO is that Notion will notify you when you need to reach out to someone.

Duolingo is great too. I've been learning French for the past year. You can do as little as 5 minutes at a time, so it's very convenient to keep up daily. Plus, they have a Discord channel to practice.

I hope to visit Quebec (just outside of Montreal), where my family is from. It will be more fun if I can interact with the locals in their primary language.

It is definitely a little harder post grad but doable. The thing is you need to see people frequently enough to establish a baseline. Since you are a guy you could meet some people at the gym. How about people at work? Are you or can you become friendly with anyone there? Alternatives would be meetup. com but that is hit or miss. It is important to never force anything. You won't like everyone and not everyone will like you. It takes time to build a friendship that is meaningful.

To all those who don't know that yet: There are websites like meetup.com and spontacts.com where you can join any number of events that single people have proposed (such as: "Who wants to go to such and such bar on Saturday for the trivia quiz?" or that concert or that sports event etc.), and you end up in a group of singles and get to know new friends.

Meetup.com is a chill way to find some human contact. Maybe also look into: adult rec sports. Support groups. Volunteer orgs. Don't go with the intention of making "friend friends" (people you hang out with outside of a group/activity context), but just be around people and see if you make some "group friends" (friends who you talk to when you go to an activity/group). You don't have to make group friends though! The whole idea is to just be around people in a socially low-pressure situation.

As for making friends, do you have any old friends you're no longer close to? If you do, try reaching out. I have found that re-connecting with old friends is much easier than making new ones.

Good luck out there!

This article should help: How to Avoid Being Too Detailed

Though it's more around professional presentations, the same concepts apply:

• Start with the simplest explanation and STOP

• Use analogies if people don't fully understand

• Know and observe your audience

Whether or not I have such mental conditions as depression or social anxiety I've been suffering from extreme self-consciousness and feeling gloomy pretty much all my life. I won't go into detail, because only a therapist would benefit from it.

​

My own problem is I'll read every book on socializing under the sun and come out just the same, just more self-aware of my own mistakes. I'm able to act confident in some situations, to such degree that my peers at college are baffled to how I can be a literal mute for weeks or months at a time and suddenly for one day be talkative and high energy. I'm having a hard time opening up. Sometimes even to my own family. (EDIT: My own family are basically introverts. My parents like to live their life by working and ending the night with TV. My brother is pretty much suffering from the same issues as me, but also rejects any form of connection from me.)

​

Personally I don't really get to practice socializing often. 95% of my male peers basically play video games or go to bars... and when I went to the bar (I was lucky being invited) I just sat there silent. My voice is not heard in those type of environments and I have nothing mildly interesting to say. I'll have something interesting to say about things that I've spent a lot of time learning but these subjects are often not interesting to others and they switch the topic, or it's really in no way interesting. I'm also over-selling myself right now about having things to talk about.

​

EDIT2: So yeah... I'm open for suggestions. If you tell me to go to a library, use meetup.com or whatever then it's probably not going to make a big difference. Social media? I opened an instagram account, put up a picture but that's it. What am I supposed to do, post selfies from my own room? I'm just too self-aware. And to add, it's pretty creepy to have 0 friends on instagram and chat with random people.

I should say, though I want to meet friends, I want to meet women even more. I'm in classes for college at the moment. I've checked out meetup.com, it is cool, and I've joined some groups, but only two, maybe three of them really appealed to me and there weren't many attractive women within them which is ultimately who I'm most looking to meet. I'll look further into volunteer groups but I looked last year and there weren't many that were applicable to my life. Church, I need to start going to. Yoga... I'll consider, it sort of goes against my beliefs, also I think I fear random boners or simply being thought of as a creep because my prominent bulge.

I've moved to a random city twice in the last four years without knowing anyone there, or going to school there, or having a job that involved me working with my own peers.

​

In my previous city (Tucson) I found language partners to practice learning how to speak Chinese with (studying languages is a hobby of mine) through the internet. One of those people became my then-girlfriend. Later I had some other jobs where I befriended coworkers and made some more friends through them. I also met some people through another website just dedicated to music and movies. Finally, I volunteered at a gallery and made friends with someone who worked there.

​

Just moved to Austin this year. I made one close friend so far who I met through the same aforementioned music site, we like going to concerts and stuff together, and a handful of semi-close friends through volunteering at more galleries, plus some meetup groups from meetup.com. And just recently have a girlfriend from I met from Tinder.

​

tl;dr: internet, volunteering, sometimes work

Here's a link to a good quick lifehacker article on it. It's a short term to help remember some good topics of conversation when you meet someone knew and want to get to know them personally.

I don't know what country you're in but if you have access to a computer and want to learn digital skills you can try udemy.com and find a course in marketing or tech (learn programming) that allows you to get jobs with no qualifications. These sorts of jobs will eventually lead you to a decent comfortable salary in most major cities.

Alternatively, there are a lot of jobs you can pick up in the meantime whilst you figure out your career path, particularly with jobs in the new gig economies, Uber, Deliveroo, Just Eat etc.

There is a ton of great advice here so I hope you find your path, as for dealing with confidence, the best advice I've given people is to surround yourself with growth-minded people that always push you to be better, you'll slowly find yourself becoming happier as you improve.

It can't hurt... The main thing is you have to be able to apply your Omegle skills to real life, where you can't end the convo instantly and you're face-to-face with people. I'd recommend using Monkey on Android and Monkey.cool on pc instead of Omegle though, there's a lot of random guys jerking off on Omegle.

1. Wtf is teetotal?
2. Instead of thinking about dating, why don't you join Meetup.com or see if there are any Facebook meetup groups? Try something new!
3. You're 20, you're an adult and can do whatever you want without your mother's permission.

You have violent intrusive thoughts? I definitely think you should see a counselor about that; I don't think that makes you a bad person or anything (hell I used to have them when I was extremely depressed and anxious) but I think that could possibly hinder your relationships in the future.

You should take advantage of the close female friendships you have. I know it hurts, but the right person at the wrong time still isn't the right person. Let yourself be a little vulnerable (you don't have to tell her you like her if you don't want to) and tell her you've been frustrated with your lack of a dating life, and see what she says. A counselor can also help with this if you choose to see one.

Have you heard of meetup.com? It's a great way to casually meet up people in your area. I've met a lot of great people there, including my boyfriend. In fact, he reminds me a lot about you. :-) Take care

Soooo you have options here!

Depending on if you live in a big city or not... You could look for a group on meetup.com that share interest you have!

I met my best friend in a new city I moved to through reddit on the city subreddit. We both shared the interest of electronic music, sooo unfortunately it took 6 months to grow comfortable but through him I met a lot of people. Thankfully this entire group of people were into video games, so I had an interest to bond over.

You can also find events going on in your city.

One thing I read is, if you make comments out loud if you are at an event or something... Occasionally you will have others respond to it. So if you would prefer meeting people in person, I would do that.

The key is, people love to talk about themself. So if you are around any sort of event that is based on a particular topic.. generally people will love to feel smart by answering questions. Even if it is stuff you already know, you just want to build up their egos. Then naturally if you make someone feel good, they are gonna want you around so you bring them positive feelings!

TLDR; Find a topic someone likes, then ask them questions about the topic and make them feel smart and good overall. Once you find an outgoing friend, they will take you under their wing and introduce you a lot of people and help you push your comfort zone!

Always remember, different is good! No matter what anyone makes you feel to believe. The cool kids start their own trends. If you notice people copying your gestures or saying words you use a lot, you know they like you.

The triangle technique is a great one if you’re uncomfortable holding eye contact.

It’s basically this: draw an upside down triangle over the person’s face (in your mind), and linger for a few seconds on one eye or just enough time to appreciate the color. Then move onto the next eye, doing the same. Then a couple seconds on the mouth. Repeat the process.

It feels a bit awkward at first, but people won’t notice you doing it. Two things it accomplishes are giving you a place to move your gaze so you don’t break eye contact too quickly. This also helps you not look like a creep who holds too much eye contact, as this is a bit more dynamic and less of a staring contest vibe.

I read about it years ago in a book called The Power of Eye Contact. Obviously it’s an entire book about eye contact, but you can skip around a bit for nuggets like this.

https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780061782213 https://www.amazon.com/Power-Eye-Contact-Success-Business/dp/0061782211

Go see counseling if you haven't already. If for some reason you can't then go to the library and read as many self help books as you can. Our library had this one and it was great: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

the author was funny and he really hits home on what to give a f*ck about. Best of luck to you. I wish you nothing but the best. Trust me, the 20's is a hard time. Trust in yourself that life will get better. Take care.

I recommend this book, How to Be Yourself by the psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendrikson.

It’s a life changing book, it could do you some good.

This app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.twocatsapp.ombroamigo

The best app currently available.

I have been using it since past 5 months and I have made quite a lot. Friends there and it's like you can vent your feelings too, and then talk with people, ask for help and you can be yourself, anonymously

Yeah I get it. I was in those shoes a couple years ago. It all fit really strongly (I thought of myself as super absent minded and forgetful), but people are so touchy about ADHD being overdiagnosed that I wanted to be super sure.

So I just told my doctor what I was having issues with, he suggested it could maybe be ADHD, and I told him I really wanted to confirm it absolutely for sure sure. So he referred me to a neuropsychologist to do the testing. Cost me about $800 after insurance.

Separately, many people (myself included) have found this book super helpful for understanding ADHD. I think I did the audiobook version on audible. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307743152

Read We Need To Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter it’s super helpful!! Beyond the fact that it’s helpful with having conversations with people you care about the author has some great reminders about having civil conversation with people who have different views than you, your boss etc

Yeah, I feel you. I'm the type of person who's a social animal and gets along with everyone, so not fitting in with one group really irked me. It also wasn't good for my self-esteem and it made me feel awkward as fuck at times. Whenever I would be at a party or an intimate group of people, I would always try to find the girl of the group and establish rapport with her and use her as my anchor to feel more comfortable in teh group situation. As someone who likes to be in control, having social fears really impeded me from being the person I want(ed) to be.

Know that now that I'm not awkward about this, I have talked to men all over the world about these subjects, and as it turns out, it's actually quite common. You'll see girls who feel like they can't relate to other girls as well.

I leave you with this: this can be cured, as you're talking to someone who got over it. I read a good book on male friendship that helped me a bit too. It's something that you have to keep on working on, and one day you'll wake up and be like, "wow, I no longer feel that way." Feel free to DM me (or reply on here) for anything else. 👋

My friend just launched an app called BFFmatch where you share your main interests and personality traits and it matches you with people who share them. Right now it’s on available on android and coming to iOS soon https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.bffmatch

Website is out too bffmatch.com

We hope it can make a difference in people’ lives!

Read This Book . But ultimately, you want to attract people who value your time and company sincerely. Find stuff that interests you, get on the internet an find out some good places that are available to express those interests and meet people that share those interests. If you don’t know what you’re interested in or just try new stuff, find something that’s going on in proximity to you by searching events happening in the area, bars usually have something happening to attract a weekend crowd, join a gym an sign up for some pole dancing classes (or any class like cooking, painting, drunk yoga is a personal favorite) volunteer some time for programs in your community, post on social media an ask what others are looking forward to an share your adventures that you’ve embarked on. Life is hard and confusing but it’s also what you make it, get excited about stuff, make the choice to be apart of all the stuff happening around you and just be a good person. Cheers ��

i feel the same about those kind of books. i feel like a shell of lies is more important than a core of virtues nowadays. anyway, sometimes lies are important too, especially in this kind of world. sometimes a lie can help someone see the truth.

here are 2 books that are not full of bullshit, but rather help you understand the world and yourself. in the process, your awkwardness could just go away.

first one is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's a collection of the emperor's personal philosophical notes. They are very concise, sincere and have no bullshit. it helps you understand how to deal with shitty people, how to accept and love the world as it is, rather than hate it for what it is not. It starts off like this: https://i.gyazo.com/5c603552d148367c4c222adb00ccce04.png

The second one is The Road Less Traveled by Peck M Scott. It's a guide on how to deal with the world by an excellent psychologist. In his book he goes through problem solving, discipline, responsibility, balancing, love and other aspects that are needed in order for one to live a fulfilled life. this is the first page: https://i.gyazo.com/f1e29c7a4393f21bd7c1c08e9235cf94.png

i believe we could have an interesting conversation. message me if you wanna chat

I feel detached too when I hear about bad stuff on the news. On the whole it looks like people have responses that vary. Some are genuinely outraged, some socially outraged, others are less emotionally involved but more clinical because they're not right there. That doesn't make them a bad person or broken.

As for the end of the world thing? It's really really common. If you think about fiction that has that as a topic like zombies, weather or apes/aliens. And then look at how popular that stuff is? A big slice of us enjoy the idea of the apocalypse.

As a side note. I'd really recommend the The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr Burns. It's really great.

Your erroneous zones by Wayne Dyer. That one was just random, recommended by some confidence artist youtuber. I can tell you a few books I really liked:

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius teaches you to have a wider perspective on life and helps if you are an anxious person.

What every body is saying by Joe Nevarra can help if you're bad at reading body language.

The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson taught me to say NO to others and feel okay about it.

This last one can bend your mind so be careful. If you find you have bad, self-destructive values, Nietzsche's books have a lot of ideas on how to destroy those values and rebuild yourself into a better person.

It is a blanket term- you're right. My sense is that the best place to start is with vipassana meditation, which is really just paying close attention to your own experience.

I know that might sound vague or unhelpful; by far the most helpful thing for me was listening to guided meditations. Tara Brach has some of the best. Download her podcast-- many of the episodes are talks, but she has a number of guided meditations as well and they are excellent.

Best book to get started if you prefer books is "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Bhante Gunaratana.

Other people to search for who have good guided meditations:

Sam Harris (he only has two I believe but they are great) Pema Chodron Thich nat Hanh (might be spelling wrong I'm on a tablet) Joseph Goldstein

• How to Win Friends and Influence People

• The Happiness Advantage (more about mindset really)

• Full Catastrophe Living (how to calm down)

• The Art of Extraordinary Confidence

eta: and I'm seeing a therapist who gives me some pointers.

I actually am familiar with "How To Win Friends and Influence People," but I always found it awkward to admit it haha. I do like the idea of making the attempt to meet people daily, I will certainly try that ASAP. Thank you!

Heuristics, probably. Check out "Thinking, Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman.

Change is possible, but you will have to learn new approaches and new attitudes. I suggest you take improv classes. In my experience, they're really good for teaching people new strategies for interacting with others, and especially with overcoming overthinking.

Keep in mind that this is a long game, and you can't expect linear progress... you'll have setbacks. You gotta tough it out over the long haul. But you can change. It just takes real time and effort.

Dude not being engaged is not "being behind", youll see that soon as theyll start divorcing.

If you know that its another one of these posts i suspect that you know what is a remedium to your problems and you are just scared to take up an action.

If not, read the sidebar and Models by Mark Manson?