To OP (and other people who might feel bad) I can always recommend 7cups. You can chat there anonymously with people trained to do stuff like that, so you won't encounter any dickheads.
You can talk about anything there and the people over there are lovely and truly want to help. I'm a listener over there myself and I've had plenty of people thank me profusely for the talk, because sometimes it can be really relieving to talk to someone anonymous who is fully focused on you, you know?
So sorry for your loss though. You can always PM me but I'm mostly away from my PC until Tuesday so I can't be of much help right now I'm afraid :(
1A. Favorite music changes a lot but right now I'm listening to various string musicians.
1B. Favorite anime is probably Neon Genesis Evangelion and if you haven't seen I would definitely recommend it.
1C. I don't normally read but my great great uncle recently just wrote a book about various stories of his childhood growing up on a farm in rural upstate New York. I honestly love the book and would recommend it to anyone who likes history or just enjoys fun stories. I'll link the book on Amazon in case anyone is interested The Green Fields of Home. The boy on the front is him as a child and the horse's name is Trigger.
Thanks OP! I hope life gets better and I believe you can get through this!
Laptop? Trade Link 696