What are /r/coparenting's favorite Products & Services?

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I dread the day they my ex finally finds someone long-term just because of situations like this.

FWIW, I have my ex blocked on FB as well but you (or they) can set up a FB Messenger Kids app and it creates a link or code so that it is private and only accessible by invitation.

We did that at first but now we use Google Duo because more people had it already (other family members)

Anyway, I know that doesn't fix them being pretty and controlling but just FYI...

Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Resilient-Children-Borderline-Narcissistic/dp/1538127636

Carl Knickerbocker JD The Parallel Parenting Solution: Eliminate Confict With Your Ex, Create The Life You Want

https://www.amazon.com/Parallel-Parenting-Solution-Eliminate-Confict/dp/B097X5RJ88

Great reads for raising children when co parenting with a disordered parent.

I really liked this book The Co-Parenting Handbook as it shares multiple perspectives that you might have as one of the participants in a divorce and good advice regarding communication, etc. If your ex is willing, have them read a copy as well and then you can both point to the book and say "I think it's a good idea to stick to what the co-parenting handbook suggests."

There is nothing wrong with that. Even if your ex was the nicest person ever, there is nothing wrong with setting a boundary saying you don't want to talk with her about her partner. The fact that you're even asking and the way you're wording it has me worried that there's probably a lot more that she's doing to you - manipulation, taking advantage of you, walking all over you - that you're not saying here, and perhaps you aren't even aware of it.

If you're not seeing a therapist, I would strongly recommend seeing one. My thinking, coming out of my relationship with my ex, was quite twisted, and my ex was nowhere near as bad as yours. I gave her so much power over me, and I had no idea I was doing that. I thought I was a strong person with strong boundaries, but strong people who are also compassionate and empathetic are no match for narcissists and other cluster B people, cluster B's eat strong, compassionate people for breakfast. It's taken years of therapy for me to finally find my own power over myself, and be able to stand up for myself against her, and not let her walk all over me.

I do also recommend reading HG Tudor's books. I'm reading Fuel right now.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you are doing all the the right things and don't need any actual advice, just support.

Why does your ex think he can do that stuff? Very often, it's because they've got some sort of cluster b personality disorder. I haven't read this yet, but a friend recommended it to me just the other day, and from their description it sounds really good, it's called "Fuel: What makes the narcissist function?"

https://www.amazon.com/Fuel-What-Makes-Narcissist-Function-ebook/dp/B018W7XYZA

It's written by a self confessed narcissist. He's actually written a stack of books on narcissism. This one is only about 100 pages long, so a quick read. You might find you can relate a lot of it to your ex's behaviour.

I really hope you're able to get the support from the authorities that you deserve and can put this awful person behind you once and for all.

Friendship Lamp – Classic Design - Wi-Fi Touch Lamp LED Light for Long-Distance, Connection, Relationship, Friendship, Gift, Over 200 Colors, App Setup, Handmade in USA by Filimin - Set of 2 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NF2Z192/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_W9TFXAEZA7CSDEV0VVWV

Not sure if this is helpful or not, and it's tangentially related, but I've started to use Waveapps (free) to invoice my wife for her half of expenses - you can set up regularly monthly scheduled ones if you like, and is very customizable. Your ex could even pay via credit/debit card right through the system if she wanted.

This might come in really handy to help categorize stuff throughout the year. I do this and I ensure a copy of the receipts are in a shared Google Drive folder. I paste the link to the specific receipt in my invoice.

Also, as others stated, keep track of EVERYTHING and since you paid her before, make sure you have those tracked too - otherwise, her attorney may try to classify them as 'gifts,' and you'll be on the hook to pay some sort of court-recognized agreement based on those years you were doing it unofficially. In my experience, even though we are 60/40 for custody, we are 50/50 when it comes to expenses, so this could go the other way too - your attorney, if things get heated, could use this as a way to get her to reimburse you for that 10% difference over the years.

I will assume you will also be drawing up an official parenting plan, if you don't have one already. If you have 50/50 legal custody, you'll need to discuss expenses with her before you lock yourself into those expenses. I keep trying to ask my ex to work with me to budget for stuff, but she won't have any of it, because reasons, but maybe you'll have better luck with your ex.

Just some thoughts.

I have my phone on Google Fi, so I bought a cheap Android phone (about $100) and added my child's phone to that plan. This way, kid's phone has unlimited talk & text for $15/month and I can put a cap on the data used. My ex is high conflict and I don't have a home phone so my kid had been using my phone to talk to ex. It's absolutely worth it to me to remove myself & my phone from communication between kid & ex, so I didn't bother trying to get ex to pay a portion.

I use Family Link to limit times the phone is available (only allows kid access 1.5 hours after normal waking time to allow for getting ready & having breakfast, then denies access after bedtime), limit total time allowed each day (4 hours), require my permission to install apps from the Google Play store, disallow apps installed from other sources, and limit time in each app. I can also easily turn off access using the app on my phone, for example if I've asked kid to do something and I get ignored.

I also changed the default DNS to AdGuard's family filtering service (free, https://adguard.com/en/blog/adguard-dns-family-protection.html).

This is such a tough situation, and kudos to you for doing everything you can to strengthen your relationship with your daughter. I completely believe that this pandemic has made co-parenting arrangements so much more difficult and has taken a huge psychological toll on a lot of kids.

I don't know if this will work in your case, but I find that my 13-year-old daughter is most comfortable talking with me in situations where there's something else we're doing. For instance, going for a drive or walk somewhere. I think it helps her not feel so much on the spot. I've had some great conversations with her in the car especially.

It sounds like part of your struggle is even getting the time with her. I know how heartbreaking it is to feel like your kid is slipping away from you, despite your best efforts. Keep doing your best to make contact. Over time, kids often recognize what's going on with parental alienation and see it for what it is. Also, this book might be of some help (I wouldn't describe the person I co-parent with as "toxic" but there is some good advice in it about parental alienation): https://www.amazon.com/Co-parenting-Toxic-Ex-Ex-Spouse-Against/dp/1608829588

Best of luck!

Based on your other comments, I'd pack like they're going camping. Specifically, I'd pack so that they have a safe space for sleep, are dressed appropriately for the weather, and have the toiletries that they need. Because you say their dad can't/won't cook, I'd also pack food for them. If he was going to be a "real dad", I'd say that he needs the opportunity to learn and grow. Because it sounds like he's going to refuse to plan for this obvious need based on your other comments, I think you have two options: give him a list of foods they can eat (including brands, etc.) along with a rough schedule of mealtimes. OR I'd send a small cooler of things that are safe for the kids to eat and don't require any prep. If it's only for a day, they can survive just fine on "kid snacks" and apple-veggie pouches, and formula/milk.

I know it's not cheap, but I'd also buy and send one of these when the kids go with their dad: https://www.amazon.com/Summer-Infant-Play-Portable-Playard/dp/B00KBGTRAC/ I'd assume that he has no idea how to babyproof an area or to know what's safe for them to be around. That way there's at least a safe area for them to play where they can't get in too much trouble. We always took one of these camping and when we went to stay somewhere besides home.

Let your kids stay there. Use FaceTime and other ways to connect and for gods sake STOP the gatherings of 30+ people immediately!! You’re endangering your loved ones.

be in communication, send them educational materials and inexpensive toys from amazon if you have the resources. There are other ways to take care if your children and show them you love them while we all come together. Is a great opportunity to lead by example and show them that we all need to make sacrifices sometimes and be selfless to help those around us.

Best of luck.

I just ordered this for myself and my ex husband to make connection much easier:

Facebook Portal TV Smart Video Calling on Your TV with Alexa Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XPLJ9TZ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Zp4BEb06ZHTEY