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Terrific post, hopefully will inspire many to act.
You can pick up a copy of the book for $10.19. Totally worth it.
Being Fed up is the first step. As for cutting back I basically don't in the way most alcoholics see it. I still drink hard when I do drink but since I quit liquor and only drink beer now its like a 9 or 10 beers instead of a fifth. I also try to stay sober as much as possible because there is no such thing as just one drink for me. I use a really cool app on android called habit calendar! to track what days I'm drinking or sober. I try and make sure the vast majority of the month is green, I mark the bad days as red. It helps me visualize my progress.
if you didn't like AA you might look at SMART recovery as an alternative that has a different take on how to work through recovery and be more engaged with yourself and motivated towards your goals as a way to move beyond alcohol. Their handbook has lots of great exercises for this and really helped me:
I think SMART makes a number of improvements over AA in being more scientific and evidence based. They have a meetings and a special handbook called “friends and family” that are for spouses and loved ones living with those who are impacted by addiction. It is pretty easy to attend an online meeting.
If you are willing to read a book, this one is great. I couldn’t get my wire to read it but it helped me ask her to approach certain things differently when I was still struggling:
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476709483/
The best ways to be supportive are not always intuitive. There are a lot of steps you can take before needing to leave your relationship. Lecturing won’t help but you don’t necessarily want to tolerate them being drunk around you either. Clear boundaries and positive reinforcement and taking good care of yourself is a start but finding the ideal supportive path is actually quite a bit of work. You seem to be willing to put in some effort though. I’ll find links for you to the SMART stuff if you reply.
If you can't go to therapy, you can still learn some CBT/DBT on your own to lessen your anxiety. They're practical techniques designed to help people understand how events, thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior are connected. In terms of addiction and alcoholism, it's about learning that there's a chain of events between an environmental trigger -> our behavior -> benefits or consequences -> how that reinforces future behavior. It's very focused on helping teach ways to manage stress and anxiety by recognizing our emotions and how our body reacts.
There's a really terrific workbook you can buy on Amazon that easily guides you through a lot of this stuff with simple exercises. This is an .epub digital version of the same book.
I've personally found this stuff to be very helpful, at least, the 20% of it or so that I use. I'm also on medication but I had to try several to land on one that works for me.
CBT (and DBT and REBT and other variants) are practical therapy techniques designed to help people understand how events, thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behavior are connected. In terms of addiction and alcoholism, it's about learning that there's a chain of events between an environmental trigger -> our behavior -> benefits or consequences -> how that reinforces future behavior. It's very focused on helping teach ways to manage stress and anxiety by recognizing our emotions and how our body reacts.
There's a really terrific workbook you can buy on Amazon that easily guides you through a lot of this stuff with simple exercises. This is an .epub digital version of the same book.
*CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, also rational-emotive behavioral therapy.
A psychiatrist would be the one to provide this, or a general dr may, but naltrexone was such a huge help. That, in conjunction with therapy, and a serious desire to change my life really has made not drinking a reality. I would honestly consider this to be some type of miracle drug for addicts.
Not all therapists or psychologists are helpful though. The ones that focus on teaching you new coping mechanisms, rather than giving you an arena to vent are the ones to keep around. Don't be afraid to 'shop around'. Behavioral psychs are what I would recommend seeking out.
dr google says:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/itchy-skin/symptoms-causes/syc-20355006
I have learned it was kidney/liver issues (learned this in anatomy/phys class in college) but really... go see a doc and get your liver panels check. See what the live human doc has to say. Could be nothing. Could be a warning.
Check out "The Alcohol Experiment" by Annie Grace. I haven't read this one, but I have heard great things. I read her other book "This Naked Mind," and it is one of the key tools that helped me kick booze for good (3 years now).
Best of luck to you!
>It is like losing a friend tbh
Try to retrain your brain to think of alcohol as your mortal enemy instead of your best friend. This is borne out in the science - the books The Naked Mind and Alcohol, Explained were really illuminating for me. It's hard and I'm still working on it, but I think it's doable.
if you like buddhism you might also like stoicism. i read buddhist stuff for years and liked it a lot (esp "The Wise Heart"). i felt like getting into stoicism made buddhism more complete.
the are basically the same thing, but from the western point of view. i dont control what happens to me only how i react what happens to me. also , just accept that life is suffering.
this version of "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius is good (black book with red bird on cover). your local book store might even have it.
https://www.amazon.com/Meditations-New-Translation-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/0812968255/
youtube also has several videos on stocism i found very helpful.
this one is dark, but funny
To second this: OP, I think SMART is as close as you're going to get to therapy without spending a bunch of $$. You can go to their online meetings for emotional support but I think what would make a bigger difference is to get the handbook and do the exercises.
- https://shop.smartrecovery.org/product/books/smart-recovery-handbook-3rd-edition/
- https://www.amazon.com/SMART-Recovery-Handbook-none-ebook/dp/B00LTDKS2W/
If you can't afford even that, let me know. I'm also finding meditation to be a big help but that requires a bit more of a lifestyle change to get started. I've been liking "The Mind Illuminated" as a guide. For that one, the physical book has some nice pictures that don't translate well to kindle so I'd recommend that.
Its timely that this came across my feed. I'm 9 years sober but stopped going to AA several years ago. I had (and still have) some issues with the AA model but for the past few years I just stopped working on anything related to my recovery. Guess I kind of thought it was behind me and I could just "live a normal life" without alcohol. Fast forward to this week, when it became clear to me via some family "straight talk" that I haven't been happy in a very long time. I thought it was just "normal" work stress/anxiety but I have come to realize I've been suffering in silence with unresolved depression/anxiety, "dry drunk" syndrome, and it's affecting my family life. I started reading up on "dry drunk" and emotional sobriety, started therapy, went back to AA last night and am recommitted to putting effort into recovery. Found this book, just started it but already I am finding it very relatable, and an eye opener. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159285821X/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B3SJGVJY/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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NACET. Makes the cravings disappear. Amazing.
This is the one I have. There are more expensive ones, but this one works great I love it lol. It hurts but i lay on it for like 30 min and it knocks me our or just really relaxes me. It stops hurting and starts feeling relaxing after about five minutes
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00U6G063E?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_dp_A01HJTX87K23P8H16QE2
Have you tried any supplements?
5-HTP helped me a LOT. I get this.
IDK about the "pink cloud" but after 3 days dry, I significantly notice how much more vivid my dreams are (sometimes good, sometimes bad). I think its my body and mind doubling down to catch up on REM sleep I've missed.
running out of benzos for me I bought some stress relief gummies they sort of help just don't eat half the bottle https://www.amazon.com/Nature-Made-L-Theanine-Chamomile-Non-Drowsy/dp/B08XXV5RHR
You can absolutely make moderation work with a lot of structure, reliance on science, and forethought. Look up Moderation Management meetings and go to them, track your drinks, set limits, read "Responsible Drinking" (https://www.amazon.com/Responsible-Drinking-Moderation-Management-Approach/dp/1572242949) which is based off the latest alcohol research instead of fairy tales like the AA big book, and realize you're going to slip up and forgive yourself.
Abstinence works for many, and that's great. Ultimately, you gotta do what's best for you, but know that there are legitimate alternatives to fixing your problem drinking.
Here is a workbook that many therapists and groups use in professional settings with clients to teach them basic skills to manage feelings of stress and anxiety. It's a .mobi digital book file, you should be able to open it with a book reader app like Calibre or Amazon's Kindle software. You can also buy a physical copy on Amazon for about $23.
The kind of coping mechanisms taught in CBT/DBT classes and books might sound fuckin' goofy and dumb but there's a reason they're taught -- they do work. They're not powerful and immediate like alcohol (or benzos or other drugs) but they do work to help your brain readjust to accepting normal amounts of stress and anxiety that occur in daily life.
Something that was tough for me to accept in sobriety was that our bodies are made to feel stress, that it's natural to feel some anxiety; it's our brain's way of preparing us for potentially risky or dangerous situations. The tricky part for addicts and alcoholics is identifying our thought process that goes "this is a stressful situation" -> "I have exactly one way of dealing with this" and then using a new coping mechanism.
Good luck!
This attitude is pretty much the core of the Allen Carr method:
https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easyway-Control-Alcohol/dp/1848374658
It worked pretty well for me and thousands of people to quit smoking. For boozing I had mixed results but I'd blame me before the method.
Completely agree. And ya, the cheap ones lose power pretty quickly. They don't even have to snap per se but just sitting there set up under tension will kill the spring in short order.
These are traps I basically consider one use. Throw it and the mouse out at the same time.
These last longer and are easier to set but I found they weren't as powerful overall.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/TOMCAT-Press-N-Set-Mouse-Trap-2-Pack-0360710PM/205563821
Tried them once in our garage. They work but I found a guy still squirming the next day cause it missed the neck and wasn't quite strong enough to break the back one time. That was the last time I used them.
There are some pretty cool bucket style traps if you have a place to release them later.
Otherwise OP.
That feels like more than just a small win. Especially being able to think back and recognize it, that's a big win on its own.
Cheers.
Here ya go. The lady in the documentary managed to live a long time somehow and I wish they would have gone into more detail on other cases. I don't think they had a lot of budget but the info is sound and true.
I'm just gonna talk about my experience because it was pretty similar to yours (besides the music part). But the drinking 4-8 beers a night after work was right where I was for years. I thought I absolutely needed something to just calm my mind from the stress of the day, the constant noise. I thought I needed a few beers to just be still and relax.
The truth is, that was only because I was psychologically addicted to alcohol. I'm 25 days sober and I am so calm at night. I'm not gonna say I was quite as calm as I was after a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer. But I feel no need to calm myself further than what I currently experience.
Something that helps me relax even more before bed is funny enough a drink called "calm" by a company called natural vitality. It's just magnesium, but magnesium (in the form of either citrate or glycinate) is known to reduce stress and induce a calming feeling. I used to take magnesium glycinate pills, but I had to take 2-4 pills so I like this drink mix better.
Here's a link: https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Vitality-Anti-Stress-Supplement-Raspberry/dp/B00BPUY3W0
There are other brands I'm sure, but this one is the most popular/heavily marketed and it's worked well for me.
You can do this buddy. Also, laying off the caffeine or nicotine (if you do either), will also help a ton!
oh no some dumb bitch did a thing! even if she didn't, you would find a reason to drink anyways
that's the hard part, you need to find new ways to deal with anxiety. whether it's some chick dogging you or maybe you just missed the bus, there has to be a different method of managing and tolerating stress other than resorting to substances. get a copy of this book and get your ass into therapy my dude
I like to keep a separate b1 (thiamine) on hand. It’s super important for alcoholics to use. I use this one.
I would maybe get a separate b1 (thiamine), it’s something that alcoholics really need. I keep this one . You can get it in 100 or 500 mgs.
Also consider grabbing some GABA, that's the receptor that alcohol fucks with so it seems to help me "feel better" despite the stupid shit I did. I've been using this one and it helps a lot!!
I say the citrate too as its absorbed much quicker than some combo ones you can get and it can be hard to keep pills down after a rough few days.
Glad you're feeling much better!! Just keep drinking all the water!!!
try to take folic acid and b12
or you can just take a b-complex
some people report neuropathy recovery but only after they take B1 for like over a month or two
some people swear by this b1 formulate because its a little different from the normal B1
Benfotiamine
https://www.amazon.com/Doctors-Best-Benfotiamine-Non-GMO-Maintain/dp/B006HW5J9C/ref=sr_1_5
When I’m bendering, the seborrheic dermatitis on my face (specifically around my nose) gets bad. Like, all that stuff about constantly showering and chewing gum to “disguise” a chronic drinking habit means nothing because I wear it on my face.
Which, a little sad, because this isn’t a bad face when it’s not marred by booze.
I’ve been sober for a few months and its calmed down a lot. It’s not gone, and it sorta requires upkeep in periodically applying seb-derm/psoriasis ointments every now and then, but it’s a gigantic improvement from when I was drinking.
Try some MG 217 cream. It’s headlined for psoriasis treatment, but the active ingredient is used in fighting seb-derm.
Don’t worry that it’s been a month and your face isn’t back to normal yet. If you were drinking heavily, alcohol metabolites were being expelled via your pores, changing the microbiota of your skin. I’m too lazy to link, but basically all the stuff that lives on our skin that we don’t like to think about grew accustomed to alcohol byproducts… and it needs time to revert back to better stuff that lives on us.
Creams that kill off the bad stuff like the one I linked to above will hasten the process and reduce redness. You can use hydrocortisone (sparingly!) too to really suppress the redness, though it won’t address the underlying condition like MG 217 (or anything else with salicylic acid, AHA, ketoconazole, coal tar extract, etc).
So I use this stuff and it is a MIRACLE. Anytime I wanna detox or cleanse I take 10-12 of these. Make sure you don’t go anywhere for like 10 hours tho lol 😂
if you're interested in the topic, this book is good. Its time for me to reread it.
Damn Joe, kidney stones are painful as hell, did you pass the stone?
I'm sorry about the liver enzymes but those numbers aren't horribly bad, I don't think. I think you can turn it around. The two supplements that will help your liver the most are NAC and taurine. I know you've never been big on supplements but given the situation here is a study done on live chronic alcoholics concerning taurine and liver health.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24841875
I get this one from Amazon:
So for about the price of a handle you can get some taurine.
Tapered down to two drinks is fantastic. I know you had a cheat day but considering your prior amounts your doing good, just don't let the cheat day turn into a bender.
rTMS has been in use since 1985.
Found this transcranial direct current stimulation unit on Amazon if anyone wants to try it on a budget.
I actually found this enzyme in Amazon and was wondering whar you thought.
It has great reviews and was hopeful that it might be able to help me as well.
Great suggestions! Coors has an NA?! I've never seen it before in stores! (Coors is/was my beer of choice!) mindblown Ugh, the cost is ridiculous on amazon...$108.99 for a 24 pack!
disappointing right?? the exact opposite of what you expect to feel. I broke my ankle last month and was unable to drink anymore because of being on pain meds but it was a blessing in disguise because i knew i had a problem but couldn't stop myself from picking up that bottle everyday. This injury has been like rehab for me so yeah it sucks but something had to happen. Also this book helped https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+naked+mind&qid=1575650385&sr=8-1
Yes! I'm on day 138 today and I've replaced alcohol with junk. When I first quit I promise you I had a pint of haagen daz every Saturday AND Sunday for a month. As soon as I quit drinking I started exercising, so I was already doing that
What has helped me lose weight still is intermittent fasting. I was doing OMAD- one meal a day during the week since August and now I'm fasting 1-2 days per week. I still eat junk though so it's not ideal. I'm trying to make better choices. I have an all or nothing personality, whether it be with alcohol or food. It helps me not to eat during the day. Now that I have the fasting thing down, somewhat, I'm planning to swap out "bad junk" to less bad junk. Like instead of ice cream, eat banana ice cream. Instead of snickers, eat dark chocolate.
It's a process. I used to have tons of healthy food ready made in the fridge but still order takeout or have junk. At least it's not just me. I hope to improve my relationship with food one day. But good for you for not drinking or smoking.
I also read this book called never binge again -> https://www.amazon.com/Never-Binge-Again-Permanently-Overeating-ebook/dp/B014V1Q6SI
If you are a rules person, this could help you. It's free with Kindle unlimited. It helps you manage food obsessions. Like I only have real ice cream every other week and I have to go to the ice cream shop to get it.
Hello. My post is in regard to immediate distraction, but will be useful. I still use all of this stuff myself. In my IOP course they taught a subset of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. When I was having crazy cravings I spent a lot of time studying this book trying to build mastery over my future.
Next up was practicing mindfulness. If you can focus your attention to the exact moment, letting go of the past or future, but being present now, and then trying to stay that way for a little bit starts to strengthen your brain against these intrusive thoughts. I started going on mindful walks where I'd feel the grit under my shoes, listen to the leaves in the trees, use whatever senses to try and keep focused here and now.
After that exercise. I took up running and started riding my bike again. Aerobic exercise is a really good mood stabilizer that releases endorphins. I still hate running, but I like the part when I am finished.
Deep breathing can also calm and relax the body. Breathe in with your belly and hold it for a moment and exhale. Keep doing this in and out and it can help calm anxiety. In the beginning I used to have hour long panic attacks. This insane fear of impending doom I couldn't really describe. The most scared I've ever been, but breathing helped a bit.
If all else fails, go open your freezer and get a blast of cold air to the face. That'll get you in the moment! Keep searching for what works. There's lots of stuff out there.
I got this book The Meaning Of Truth more to deal with pain management stuff, but the main thrust of her idea is that super-honest journaling can help discharge deep-seated emotions and traumas. One of the points she makes that I found helpful was that it can take some time writing surface stuff, or what we think we "should" be saying, before getting down to the raw truth. She also recommends destroying the journal pages after writing, since self-censoring of any kind goes against this kind of journaling. I find that it's easier to be totally, brutally honest about what I'm thinking and feeling if I know I'm not going to leave any evidence.
I, too, have a book recommendation, it's called The Man Who Planted Trees: A Story of Lost Groves, the Science of Trees, and a Plan to Save the Planet. There isn't much alcohol in it, except that this man (not the author), during extreme near-death DT's had an epiphany about trees, which gave him meaning to his life (and he hasn't drank since).
Sometimes, I want an epiphany.