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I’ve had this workbook recommended a lot and it’s worked wonders for me and others. Probably the best book I’ve ever gotten
Totally valid to feel invalid about that! I highly recommend this book, The Courage To Heal workbook. It is very thorough and covers strategies to handle your emotions to prepare yourself to deal with your trauma, how to deal with repressed and hidden memories, and all that stuff. Here's a link. https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Heal-Workbook-Survivors-Sexual/dp/0060964375
I'd say yes... you can run out of tears (probably not physically, but I truly have felt the same way!). I cried out all of my tears and couldn't physically cry anymore.
Isn't it crazy how you feel like... your world suddenly stops? It's confusing, and you stop trusting, and it feels like everything is crashing down around you like you're in an alternate universe yet somehow when you step outside, everyone else is carrying on like nothing happened. Why didn't their world stop too? It doesn't seem fair.
By the way... I love your coping methods.
I found this awesome podcast I've been listening to called We Are HER based out of Bozeman, MT. It's about domestic violence and sexual assault but I like it because they talk about coping, healing, and advise to other survivors.
If you're into reading at all, I wrote a memoir about my story called, Four Pounds of Pressure: A Memoir of Rape, Survival and Taking Back My Power.
As the other comment in this post says... hugs to you. You're not alone.
I feel you. Absolutely. It feels like an obligation sometimes... I'm not sure if this will entirely help but there's this great podcast called, We Are HER (Healed Empowered Restored). It's about domestic violence and sexual assault and it includes stories, how people coped and got through it, and words of advice to other survivors. Worth checking out?
Not that I'm trying to SPAM you, and it may not answer your question, but if you're looking for resources... I wrote a memoir about my story... it's called Four Pounds of Pressure: A Memoir of Rape, Survival, and Taking Back My Power.
Have your parents mentioned confronting him about it? Or talking to your aunt about what her husband did and how he makes you feel? First, this is not your fault! Second, I think it is normal to have physical changes with being overwhelmed in such a way - when you talked about your balance being off and whatnot.
I'm curious, how has your body changed? I ask because Roxane Gay has this book called Hunger. It's a memoir and in it she talks about being sexually assaulted as a teen then eating and eating and eating to the point where she didn't feel attractive anymore. She wanted to appear unattractive to avoid being sexually assaulted again. I did that with getting a big truck, tattoos, and having a "tough" appearance after I was raped.
I feel like he's getting away with this and it should stop... I think he should be confronted. Have you told your mom about why you wanted to leave Christmas?
Four Pounds of Pressure: A Memoir of Rape, Survival, and Taking Back My Power
Absolutely! I completely agree... It feels gross, wrong, and like a spotlight is on you, right? The spotlight burns and makes you want to hide under the covers? Yep.
I hope it gets easier for you! Not that my experiences are relevant in your life, but for me, it got a little easier with time...
The worst was when I was home alone getting ready for work watching Grey's Anatomy. It was the episode in one of the more recent seasons where the lady got raped and didn't want to report nor tell her husband but ended up doing both and all of the females in the hospital lined the hallway to support her. I cried... and cried... and cried. I have goosebumps talking about it. Er, typing about it.
P.S. You don't need to "get over it." It's okay to not be okay. You'll continue to move forward though. I know that because you're here, asking about it, talking about it. =) You're stronger than you think you are.
Four Pounds of Pressure: A Memoir of Rape, Survival, and Taking Back My Power
Have her get a can of pepper spray- you can get them in cases that look like a variety of non-incriminating items, like this lipstick one for ten dollars https://www.amazon.com/SABRE-Lipstick-Pepper-Spray-Women/dp/B004LXFDJK If she can, have her start making a record of everything that's happening, preferably a google doc so she can prove that she edited it when she did and so that it can be shared to a number of other people and can't be destroyed by him.
someone recommended this book to me but i haven’t ordered it yet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572244976/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_api_glt_fabc_CVHJ83A30H6ANAK7MJ5V?fbclid=IwAR1lWmWq2bjTbeRL9Ca0fdXQdI9IjLsLMt2PAm142eSoyFmWkeO_l3XEcyE
There is a cosmic moral element and a practical element.
Practically it may be easier to let it go/focus more on therapy than justice.
Morally, this is absolutely assault and it has nothing to do with anyone's gender or sexuality, it is unwanted sexual advances. There are plenty of books written on this subject such as this one.
The Courage to Heal is a very good resource. I'll buy it for you if you want to try it. The stuff on repressed memory was a hot topic for a while but it's so good that you really can overlook the controversial stuff and still get a lot. You'll need to read it like a reference book though and keep going back.
The Courage to Heal - Third Edition - Revised and Expanded: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060950668/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_W1BAXEV8E7K4490H4TCY Also, the sexual assault recovery Toolkit by the Pressure Mechanics is a free online workshop that helps people learn how sexual trauma operates and how to get body connection and sexual pleasure back.
"Survivor's Toolkit * Pleasure Mechanics" https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/survivors-toolkit/
I've seen this book https://www.amazon.com/Woman-Woman-Sexual-Violence-Northeastern/dp/1555535275/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=girshick+rape&qid=1606139699&sr=8-1 suggested, but I've yet to read it. It only has a few reviews but they all praise it.