APB - All Points Bulletin. Free game, definitely worth a download - just make sure you uninstall the bullshit 'Pando media booster!' crap they make you download with it (simple to uninstall, reinstalls with each update though).
APB: Reloaded? Half that game is character customization.
Also, Star Trek Online is pretty good and has great customization.
It's free to play with a premium option that ups the amount of customization and the amount of rewards. It's basically a cops vs robbers mmo.
I dare mention the unmentionable... a failed game that is about to be released as free to play has a lot of what you are descri*b*ing... It is really difficult, but it is the only multiplayer game to hold my attention in 10 years...
How about a modern/realistic shooter MMO with rpg elements? APB was recently re-released as free to play, and it's fun. If you ask me to describe it, I'd say "the way GTA4 multiplayer should have been". Actually, calling it realistic might be a stretch. It has low gravity and regenerating health. About as realistic as CoD, I guess.
As for strategy games, you might want to try some titles from Paradox Interactive. I highly recommend Europa Universalis.
Closest I've found is APB... yeah totally different atmosphere and TPS instead of FPS but it's the next best MMO shooter I've found since planetside. Planetside was one of the best MMOs I've ever played. Beta and just after launch were my favorite periods of time with the game, so many players. When they added core combat and those huge robots was when the game seemed to start to die off.
I'm in closed beta for APB with gamersfirst and open beta is set to start tomorrow if you or anyone else is interested in trying it out. IMO G1 have really improved it since RTW failed on it, and they have a lot of good ideas for it in development. They are working on a turf wars game set which will have all the enforcers (cops) and criminals in the district in open battle with each other all the time, will really have a more planetside-like feel to it when they release that.
Never mind my (now deleted) comment - I got a "key" inside an e-mail address that didn't even have a full account attatched to it when the game was live.
But, I try to go to the page it links me too, and it just tells me "The page you requested cannot be found."
http://www.gamersfirst.com/apb-beta-redemption/
is the page, is this what everyone else got?
EDIT: K, found another link in the e-mail that worked... now I'm trying to make an account and it just tells me "unhandeled exception." Anyone able to submit their key?