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Read my original reply friend. He might be gay/bi but the only way to know for certain is him being off porn and sexual stimulation for an extended period and seeing if his brain rewires itself to respond to vanilla stimulation.
The brain is plastic. It physically changes over time based on what it’s being fed everyday. We don’t know if he started getting pegging and the types of porn simply because his “highs” were getting lower. It’s called escalation.
He might be gay/bi. But saying “without question” discredits the fact that brains absolutely change.
Read Your brain on porn if you have doubts about what I’m talking about.
I dont know if this is a good way to start out but...
I use the HALT method.
When you feel the urge to PMO (Porn Masturbation Orgasm), do you feel Hungry, Angry, Tired, or Lonely?
If so, eat something health, do some meditation or exercise, go to sleep, or call a friend.
I hope this helps! Good luck! I've been in the same boat, my friend.
I would recommend a book called "The Porn Trap" by Wendy Maltz. It has been helping me with really figuring out why porn was a problem.
Its usually not the porn, its the shunting away feelings that is the culprit.
This book helps me understand the psychology of the situation:
I think you should challenge him and address the problem before it gets worse. This book has helped me understand the issue:
I hope it works out for both of you.
You can address the depression by learning some psychology. This book is helping me cope:
Congrats on the decision. This book is helping me understand the psychology of the issue:
Check it out.
Check out this book:
Learning some psychology can transform your life.
Check out this book:
Learning some psychology will help you change your habit. Good luck.
Check this out:
And then learn some psychology:
You can get free of the images.
Check out this book:
Understanding the psychology will ease your mind. You are not alone. Porn changes your brain, but you can resist the temptation and heal from it.
This book helped me:
Learning the psychology takes the mystery out of the situation.
This book helped me:
Learning some psychology can set you free.
This book helped me, if he is open to therapy he might be open to learning:
Been there. This can help you understand the psychology of the problem:
You can get free of it.
This book helped me fight the temptation, it is basic psychology:
This book helped me:
Understanding some psychology can help you fight the temptation.
This book helped me:
You can get free of the images with some knowledge about psychology. Good luck.
This book might help:
You can get free of the images if you understand some psychology.
This book helped me:
If you learn a bit about psychology it is easier to resist the temptation.
You can read this book and heal together:
Give yourself a chance to really communicate. Maybe try a professional therapist.
This book helped me understand the psychology behind the problem:
This book helped me understand the psychology and helped me forgive myself:
This book helped me understand the psychology of the problem:
Try this book:
Understanding more about psychology helps me fight the impulse. You can get free of the images.
Congrats on seeking therapy. This book helped me get free:
Don't give up.
This book helped me:
Give yourself a chance to get free of the images by learning a bit about psychology.
Try this book :
Learning the psychology behind it will help you overcome the impulse.
Try this book:
You can get free of the images by learning about the psychology behind it. Good luck!
Jocko Willink says to do burpees. Failing that try push ups and sit ups, cold showers, ice water, classical music. Feed your senses with any other thing that captures your attention. This book might help:
Check out this book:
Maybe he can change with the help of two clinical psychologists. Good luck :)
Porn is a substance that is designed to change your mind and make you want more and more. Check out this book:
Two clinical psychologists explain how to get free of it. You can do it.
Check out the book by Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz called The Porn Trap.
The images are designed to get you hooked and make you want more and more. Read it and you will take a step towards manhood.
Check out a book called The Porn Trap by Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz.
Read it and you can let go of the images by realizing they are designed to get you hooked. You can do it.
Check out this book: https://www.amazon.com/Porn-Trap-Essential-Overcoming-Pornography/dp/0061231878?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=3c3e38f0-c79d-4a00-99fd-ba388fae9bf7
It is called The Porn Trap by Wendy Maltz and Larry Maltz. They are both psychologists and they explain how porn is designed by its producers to get you hooked. Think of it as a substance.
I was hooked on and off for years. The insights in the book will help you end the cycle. Good luck!
And please be aware, this is an addiction were talking about. Remember him of this and maybe watch together this movie https://justwatch.com/us/movie/thanks-for-sharing.
I'm reading this book (https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW?dplnkId=ee1069ac-12a1-45e4-b918-1d5f55b1cf37), and it has been great for me to understand my addiction and how to deal with it.
One part of being addicted is that we might fall and how we treat ourselves when we do is as important as managing to stay out of it. Forgiving yourself is as important as receiving mercy from the other person and support to keep it going.
Treat this with the seriousness it requires and work it through therapy together. It will hurt and will get messy before it gets better, but trust me, it is very rewarding not get out of this mindset.
One of you, or both of you, need to read Your Brain on Porn.
Sometimes it's very technical, but finally you'll understand.
Consider reading Dopamine Nation together as it covers a much broader array of issues than just boys/porn.
But, his problems are most likely due to his compulsion.
And you're an angel for working with him.
I strongly urge you to read this book:
Totally changed my life. After reading it you will look at a weeklong abstinence the way you look at five minutes' abstinence now.
Don't bother trying to put blocks on porn sites. You need to just make the hard conscious choice to not visit them. The addicted part of you will always, without fail, find a way to circumvent these half-measure roadblocks you put in front of it.
I strongly and with all passion and empathy recommend that you read this book:
If you take what's in the book seriously, you can beat the addiction without needing to tell another soul about it.
Read a book called Rational Recovery, linked here:
Reading it permanently changed my life. Should be mandatory reading for anyone with an addiction. You will not find the advice in it anywhere else.
Hey, I am mid thirties, been through all of that except the having a family part. The most effective thing I've found is an old alcohol/narcotics treatment modality I found in a book from the nineties that nobody remembers:
Changed my life pretty radically. The advice in there is opposite to 99% of advice you hear thrown around about how to deal with porn addiction. Reading it is like taking a big whiff of smelling salts. A lot of the stuff in your post is you overcomplicating the problem and inflating it to be something unmanageable.
The good news is that it's 100% manageable and you don't have to do any weird esoteric shit or fly to south america to puke in a bucket or even go to therapy.
Started reading the book and it's immediately lost me. It's just dumb, I could not disagree more with its foundational premises. I'm being asked to accept that as a porn addict I use porn against my own will, and that there are absolutely no benefits whatsoever to using it, and that life without it is completely superior. Much simpler to just accept that porn is great and that you're making a real sacrifice when you decide to give it up. Quitting isn't that challenging, that part they got right.
I'm reading through and finding nothing genuinely new or innovative. There's a better version of this same message of "just decide to quit" that's based on reality, called Rational Recovery. It has worked miracles for me. Doesn't ask you to delude yourself that you're chemically addicted to porn or that you secretly aren't actually interested in it.
Hey, I know that the purpose of this post was not to ask for advice. And I hesitate to offer any unsolicitedly. But there's a resource I was lucky enough to stumble into accidentally that might help you a lot. It will give you an alternative perspective on how addiction works. One that inoculates you against "triggers" completely and explains the sort of emotional dimensions you describe as correlative but not causative.
This book changed my life profoundly. Something to give a chance if you're open to alternatives to the kind of narratives / treatments you usually see attached to porn addiciton.
If I was offered a chance to give up every dollar in my bank account to go back in time and put this book in my hands when I was still as young as you are, I would do it without a moment's hesitation:
This book ended my porn addiction problem without therapy and costs $2.49 plus shipping used:
This book fixed my lifelong porn addiction. I was like you and by the time I finished the book I wasn't.
Your step one in recovery is going to be therapy and meditation. Your emotional and mental health are in a bad place right now and you need to get them under control.
I'd highly recommend the HeadSpace app for meditation, but if you can't get it right now, then YouTube has a lot of free ones, as well as a free app called Medito
For therapy, any kind of talk therapy should do or maybe CBT. If you can't get a therapist right now, then this workbook is what I keep suggesting to everyone. It saved my life when I couldn't afford therapy
Read this book ASAP. You may find your life is very different by the time you finish it.
Read this book, it changed my life. It's stuff you will not find anywhere else, especially not on these boards.
I recommend you read this book, it fixed my addiction problem and you will never, ever read the advice in it anywhere on these porn addiction boards.
On the technological side of things,
Have you considered a router-level filter? https://adguard.com/en/adguard-dns/overview.html click the router button.
Alternatively you can destroy your internet router and live without internet. It’s drastic but better than castrating yourself. I hope your situation improves.
From what I’ve red in Dr. Robert Weiss’ Sex Addiction 101: a Basic Guide to healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction , your brain needs to reset. Meaning you need a detox from porn and sex. It sounds like porn has help shape your arousal template. He talks a 90 day break from porn and ultimately your other coaddictions.
Have you looked into joining a 12 Step program for your porn use?
Have you looked into how porn addiction changes your brains functioning?
i’d really enjoy reading a personal critical account, there are a lot of addiction nonfiction memoirs/narratives, even sex addiction, but none that i know of about (mostly) pornography addiction
i’d also recommend this book, i read it in college so not sure how it’s held up but may help make some cultural and personal connections to the social capital porn has in our modern western culture
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Off-Pornography-End-Masculinity/dp/089608776X
best of luck
Detoxify is a DNS based blocker--it works by blocking domains. Domains are the root site (like reddit.com)--and they do not include the full URL. This means you'll have to decide to completely block reddit or not.
While this may sound like DNS is a bad way to go--it's the *only* way to block content across the entire device.
How do I know this? I built a Free(mium) web filter for android (similar app to detoxify).
Truple (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.camhart.netcountable) automatically flags most pornographic subreddits if you use the rate screenshot feature and will show up as a high risk screenshot to your accountability partner. That same feature will also scan the screenshots for sexual content.
You can use the truple web filter to block twitter and/or reddit. It comes bundled for free with a screenshot accountability subscription. See https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.camhart.pornblocker.
https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Free-Understanding-Addiction-Healing/dp/0830817913
This is a good read. Brutally honest. It helped me a lot. I struggled at first not accept my faults. I'm half way through the book, now I'm going back to the beginning after a lot of acceptance..hope it helps.
https://www.amazon.ca/Sex-Addiction-Perspective-Comprehensive-Understanding/dp/1138776521
That's a link to an excellent book for partners of sex addicts. There is also a book written by the same author for the sex addict.
Other comments provide great information, but just wanted to leave this piece here.