For real, the alternative therapies are a whole rabbit hole. I’ve personally found the somatic work I’ve done so far very useful. If you don’t get much out of it, at the very least it will improve your body awareness which our minds tend to tune out in dissociation.
Definitely second the IFS recommendation! Also, you don’t need psychedelics to enter altered states. Def look into holotropic breath work/similar exercises, it’ll take you through a similar (but different) healing experience.
If you’re cool with reading and don’t mind woo, I recommend this book by Stan Grof who created the technique n goes in depth here. He also gives a fascinating overview of lesser known therapies from the humanistic to transpersonal, discusses limits of mainstream psych, and psychedelic therapy (LSD specifically). I personally use the technique discussed in this video for my breathwork. There’s lots out there! Don’t just take any advice tho, remember to do your research and experiment.
In the 1970s there was a psychological movement called Eidetics – a word many of us find familiar from the idea of "photographic" memory. Eidetics still exists, but is primarily used with developmentally delayed children.
The idea in adult practice is that complete memories like the ones you describe remain in the body, and that a restored memorial bridge to the past is a solution.
Interestingly, model is called ISM, with the Image being essentially a supercompact gateway to the completeness with Sensation and Meaning. These are the same letters in SE's SIBAM, so this might be a positive sign.
There is an out of print book, Psycheye by Akhter Ahsen that describes an "Eidetic Parents Test." You answer craploads of very specific questions about childhood, some of them quite strange or intimate, and my experience is that memories start coming back.
If you can carve out two hours, there's a video with an example of working with this material, by Wendy Yellen. This video doesn't into heavy trauma, but the potential would probably be clear to you.
Being older, Eidetics doesn't have rails to keep people from triggers or re-exposure, so you have to be capable in that area.
Feel free to message me if you like, I have plenty of questions back at you, and some advanced experiences I wouldn't share widely.
I’ll send more when my brain is functioning (post coffee), but have you read this? I cannot recommend to enough.
https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD-ebook/dp/B00HJBMDXK
I'm sure this is going to sound really bizarre, and you're totally going to question it, haha.
You may also find pregnancy pillows make for a truly wonderful addition as well! An ex of mine had one like this, and not only was it incredibly comfy to snuggle with, it also made me feel very safe and secure. Highly recommend :-D
Gotcha. With that much not working well, I’d suggest NOT starting with Awareness Through Movement lessons, at least not without being in the room with a practitioner as part of a group, just because you probably underestimate how important moment-to-moment comfort is in learning new ways to move. And there’s no chance to get better at that without being in the same room as someone who can help.
That said, some of what you’re describing could probably be helped by the techniques in this book: https://www.amazon.com/Trigger-Point-Therapy-Workbook-Self-Treatment/dp/1608824942/
I recommend buying a hard copy, but if money is an issue, there’s pdf versions online that are easy to find.
I discovered that book a few years before I found Feldenkrais, and it really helped me, and still does for a few things.
Here is the one I bought: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00N24PK42/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It came with a little booklet with helpful exercises to try. I just got it, so I'm still tweaking things, but I really like it so far!
This is the kind I use: 5pcs 2.5mm Electrode Lead Cable, Ear Clip Electrode Wire Connecting Cable for Digital TENS Massage Machines (Suitable for 2.5mm Interface) https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B08NT3TL71/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_31HMZ2Y55TG3V7XJGSZE
I would do a you tube search to learn about the proper placement :-)
Dissociation and meditation - that is Christine Forner's specialty.
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociation-Mindfulness-Creative-Meditations-Christine/dp/1138838314
https://www.associatedcounselling.ca/about_us/our_therapists
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This is the book referenced. I'd start there.
Yeah of course! It’s really small Rn but he does sell on Amazon: