There are two types of people who want to be writers: The people who love talking about it, and posting on the internet about it, and telling people they're writers or they're gonna do this book, blah blah blah. They want to be viewed as artists, but they don't want to do the work.
And then there are the people who just do it.
As for the first type: Don't be that guy.
The first step is realizing that writing really is work. The people who love to talk about writing almost always couch it in romantic terms, like the muses are going to suddenly alight on their shoulders one day and divinely dictate an incredible novel or short story. But that's bullshit, and that never happens.
Writing is work. Writing is planning, researching, character sketching, and reading. (Don't even get me started on those people who want to be writers but don't actually read books. "My influences are JK Rowling and uh...") Approach it the same way you would approach your real job, and put in the work. If it helps, imagine you've got a supervisor, and that supervisor is the most demanding boss you've ever had. The idea is to light a fire under your own ass to get you to treat it like work, not some mystical, romanticized ritual.
If you're looking at it the romantic way, it's extraordinarily easy to convince yourself that you're just waiting for the muses to appear, and you'll get nothing done. If you realize it's labor intensive and nothing's going to happen unless you make it happen, you're on the right track.
For a book that does a great job demystifying the effort, check out Steven Pressfield's The War of Art. Good luck.
Your situation is a complicated one, but not an altogether uncommon one. I will offer you a few different perspectives.
1: The "Bukowski" approach. Largely summed up in his poem here, Bukowski was of a mind that writing should be a nigh-involuntary act. "If it doesn't come bursting out of your pen, don't do it." There is a certain sense of logic in his approach, but I disagree with the fatalist/determinist POV employed.
2: The "Chuck Close" approach. "Inspiration is for amateurs, the rest of us just show up and get to work." This doesn't mean you should hate yourself for wanting inspiration, rather, that you need to put down words whether you believe in them or not. That's a large part of the essence of "writing," actually doing it. Editing is always an option.
3: My personal take. Obviously, having come to this sub, I'm in need of some realigning myself. So I couldn't justifiably give you any absolute advice. Rather, I think that you should take some time to really connect with your "writing center." What about the act is attractive to you, why you want to do it, what the most-fantastical version of yourself would give to the world if they wrote.
There are so many reasons to write, it can be hard to sort them all out and to assign values to it all. Do I think that writing for passion is inherently more worthwhile than writing for cash? Not really. Writing is about the end product - you get to decide why you make it.
Oh, and my own personal little naughty tactic. If you can't find a way to feel good about your own work... Go read someone else's, and take note of what they don't do well. Yeah, it's petty as all hell, but I think you will find a little pleasure in recognizing imperfections and possibilities.
That's probably exactly who I heard that bit of advice from. His book On Writing was really good. It's that first sentence that's the hardest to put down. Once I get past that, writing usually comes naturally.
Fiction, but what I mean goes deeper than that. Like... https://www.amazon.co.uk/Moral-Premise-Harnessing-Virtue-Success/dp/1932907130 I'm a pretty concrete thinker and it would help me if I was able to put into words the kind of messages I want my fiction to send and what themes are meaningful to me. I struggle to pick them out and state them simply and it would be useful to me if I had a sort of mission statement.
Well according to some studies it's actually quite effective. And thing like this seem to be useful for some people
Although I guess you're right in saying that not everyone is the same
A Bully Good Time:. https://www.amazon.com/Bully-Firebreathing-Kittens-Podcast-Adventure-ebook/dp/B08Y7XRF3D/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=a+bully+good+time&qid=1623414304&sr=8-3
An Existential Crisis:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B095GP9DFS/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=
in the book Writing a great movie the author creates a story from scratch using the techniques in the book.
also check out the book The Dramatic Writer's Companion to flesh out a premise if you're stuck.
Last year I became dissatisfied with the progress I'd been making in my fiction, and I conducted a survey online, asking over 1,000 writers how they improve their writing (you guys were kind enough to share your thoughts J). I then started reading about "expertise science" in a variety of books, studying how talented people got that way. Next I surveyed big time bestsellers like Andy Weir, Jodi Picoult, and Gregg Olsen about their writing processes. And finally, I put it all my findings into a FREE ebook on Amazon called <em>How to Improve Your Writing</em>.
The book centers on the seven main ways to improve your writing, as suggested by writers (like y’all) in the survey. I call them the “7 Drills”.
Write
Read
Get Feedback
Study
Edit
Enjoy Art
Live
I explain the drills in the context of deliberate practice (the secret sauce to maximizing the efficiency of your writing time), and I give examples of each drill from my own practicing. I explain how I “read like a writer” with Ender’s game, how I “studied the craft” through Brandon Sanderson’s YouTube series, and so on, giving a step-by-step guide for how to convert your knowledge into effective habits. You *can* be a great writer. All you need is the right practice regimen.
With your answers in the survey, you gave me this system for free. Now, I’m giving it freely back. I hope it helps.
Stephen King said in his writing book - On Writing - that it was also good to write something explaining how to do something you are knowledgeable about.. or something in sports you are knowledgeable about. Or let's say you are really good at something, explain your process.
A heartfelt congratulations. I know exactly what you're going through.
I don't have a problem writing 1000 words. I've done that 9 days in a row (added difficulty: I had a great scene that wanted to be written. I'm 12.000 words in, no 'The End' in sight, no idea what it's about, but I've got this scene, right?).
I've got other stories I'm working on. My problem is to get them finished. And yes, for me it's very much 'the fear of success', which I've been confirmed is an actual thing.
I enjoy my ideas and I'm having a lot of fun writing, it's the 'get started' thing. Also: I too have read 'On Writing", and some other books.
I have an idea I want to complete this weekend. About 9500 words so far.
So much to write, so much drag...
Anyway, I'm very happy for you. Keep editing until it's ready for prime time. 57,000 words is a great length!