When things are really bad, my partner helps remind me to do the daily stuff and keeps me motivated when possible for them - waking up on time, showering regularly, daily self care, going for walks, relaxing, taking my meds on time, eating something other than just crackers or take out - it really helps pull me out of that slump. We do all of these things together. Sometimes they’ll help me with difficult phone calls, like to the pharmacy or the psychiatrist. I do the same thing for them in return.
Therapy helps, but I know for myself meds have been a stepping stone before I was emotionally ready to go. Workbooks have also been very helpful for me, especially during quarantine where wait lists have been super long. Workbooks might be less intimidating for some folks if leaving the house, keeping appointment times, or talking to a counsellor is a barrier. I know those things are for me. This is the one I use, If you’re interested. I hope this helps!
Broooo! Good on you for trying to build good habits! I've got a few thoughts about how you might be able to reduce your pain:
Have you considered trying planking instead of sit-ups? From what you've described it sounds like you may have strained yourself a bit too much with the sit-ups. Sit-ups are really hard to do with the proper form at home. If you don't have one already, I'd recommend looking up a sit-up assistant which can help ensure you are targeting the right muscles with your workout.
Also, I am curious as to how long it took you to do these exercises. Did you break them out into sets over a longer period of time, or did you just lie down and bang out 100 sit-ups? Remember its better to take it slow and really focus on your form while you are working out. Going too hard, too quickly, is a sure-fire way to get sloppy and potentially hurt yourself.
Finally, when I was in collegiate athletics, I found my mornings were a lot better if I took a couple anti-inflammatories before going to sleep.
Anyway props again to you bro! Oh, and its worth noting that the pain becomes less severe as you keep at it with the regular workouts, so keep at it, go slow, mind your form, and pretty soon you'll be feeling dope post workout.
Hope you feel better soon bro!
You may be thinking of the question too broadly. Break it down more. Is your goal to make money? Or are you ok with a comfortable lifestyle, but not extravagant - used cars, smaller house, etc.? Do you want to work 40 hours and be done or are you ok sometimes working nights and weekends? Do you want to own your own business? Do you prefer physical labor or mental challenges, or both? Do you want to be outside, work with people, or are you ok working at a desk alone? Do you have a desire to help people in your career or do you just want to do your job?
Those questions will help you hone in on what you really want.
And I will say, I don't think many people find significant fulfillment in their jobs. You have to have hobbies that make you happy outside of work, too.
There's a book called What Color is Your Parachute? that's been around forEVER that's going to ask these kinds of questions and help you.
I'm going to say that I've got a BS and MS in civil engineering, I've been working in the field for 20 years, and I still have no idea what I REALLY want to do (my degree-seeking motivation was money, I grew up poor and didn't want that anymore). I have an idea of what I'd like, but it's kind of too late (sole bread winner, two kids and just took the wrong path). This feeling of being lost is totally normal. Sometimes you just have to press on and hope it all works out - find joy in other parts of your life.
You aren't a single self - nobody is - you have many selves that all have to learn to get along and agree on an agenda. Some bits of you may be more "rational" than others but you also really don't want to squelch your intuition. Instead of trying to "drown out" these other opinions treat them like allies and seek to find common ground and mutual benefit from what you all do together. Internal diplomacy, yo.
This is a really famous book on the subject https://www.amazon.com/Leaders-Eat-Last-Together-Others/dp/1591848016/
> "The answer became clear during a conversation with a Marine Corps general. "Officers eat last," he said. Sinek watched as the most junior Marines ate first while the most senior Marines took their place at the back of the line. What's symbolic in the chow hall is deadly serious on the battlefield: Great leaders sacrifice their own comfort--even their own survival--for the good of those in their care."
Caveat: I’m AFAB. That may or may not change how you view my suggestion and I don’t blame you either way :)
So…I think the first most common suggestion (and likely the most directly and personally helpful) is therapy. Finding a good therapist who is a good fit for you and your specific needs can be such a game changer. But, finding a compatible therapist can be very stressful and expensive depending on your circumstances. I still suggest it, but think having alternatives is good too!
I’m a very creativity-oriented person who writes a lot to parse my feelings and a friend got the book “Healing through Words” for me and it’s been amazing. It is trauma-focused so May or May not fit your specific needs but I’ve come around to the benefit of self-reflective books and workbooks.
I did a quick but broad search through books and workbooks related to emotional intelligence and found this one. It’s available in many formats depending on preferences and many of its reviews seem to speak to building better relationships with your emotions. So maybe this (or a similar book that looks better to you) might help. https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-success-relationships-Discover-ebook/dp/B07T6BQT4G/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=GNBR1RIQEK3&keywords=emotional+intelligence+for+men&qid=1671154059&sprefix=emotional+intelligence+for+men%2Caps%2C125&...
Thirdly and easiest or hardest depending on how you look at it: find someone you trust to talk to about how you feel. Be up front about your desire to get better at expressing and managing emotions and start practicing talking about how your head, heart, and body feel. Even a little bit every now and then can be so helpful.
I hope some of this was helpful but wish you all the best regardless. Happy to talk about this more if it’s helpful and no pressure to respond if it’s not :)
May I recommend a book?
While I was already a fan, this book really set me out on my journey to discover more composers and pieces:
https://smile.amazon.com/Classical-Music-Greatest-Composers-Their/dp/0449903567
It only covers 50 composers, but that's enough!
It ranks them, tells you the essential pieces for each composer, then tells you the ones you want next if you want to dig deeper.
It's written in a very easy and conversational style, and I love it. It's been out for decades, your local library probably has a copy, and anything they recommend is probably available on YouTube.
Welcome and good listening!
Parents sabotaging children who are outpacing them isn't entirely uncommon. You've mentioned that your father is working to be a better father to you. In light of that, do you think he might be amenable to getting therapy/counseling (either by himself or with you) to find the tools to do so?
And it sounds like this book might be right up your alley.
Try this book. I read it during my anticipatory grief period (which all the therapists I saw said was my irrational anxiety period) and it changed my life. It's not a grief book, it's a death book. Grief books are depressing, this book is real. https://www.amazon.com/Smoke-Gets-Your-Eyes-Crematory/dp/0393351904 Ofc try to get it from your local independent bookseller yadyadayada If you want memes check out my ig account griefmemesforbereavedteens
My #1 tip is to not fuck around with cheap battery-powered beard trimmers. Get a set of actual barber’s clippers that plug into a wall socket.
After years of using cheap ones I finally got this clipper and it made it so much easier to maintain.
That sounds like 'emotional flashbacks' you can learn more about it in <em>Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving</em> by Pete Walker. He really delves into practical advice on how to improve one's awareness and ability to manage triggers.
It seems like you've already had a lot of good advice about using cologne and the like, and when it comes to actually finding one you like and buying it, going into a fragrance store or section definitely works. I just wanted to mention that there's also the option of buying/ordering cologne samples like this or from places like this. That's what I did when trying to find a perfume I like, just get a bunch of tiny vials and try a new one every day until you land on one you like the best. I think you get a better idea doing this than just going to a fragrance store, and you can also get other opinions on them more frequently.
Yeah, take a break for a week or two from anything on the internet or TV except what you need to do for work. My favorite class at university was taught by this professor and used this book. https://www.amazon.com/Writing-Being-Embracing-Creative-Journaling/dp/1880913615 I learned a lot about myself as I learned to creatively journal.
Dandruff remedies vary so much because the causes of dandruff vary too. It may be from fungus/yeast if the flakes are large, oily, and yellow. If the flakes are small specks and white, it could be dry scalp. If red bits come off or it's itchy, that'd be a different skin condition, maybe psoriasis. Your case was similar to mine, I thought all dandruff was the same and tried all these different remedies until I actually got a correct diagnosis.
Visit a doctor first to see what type of dandruff you have. Treatment is going to vary a LOT based on what you have. To help with treatment and for general hair health I'd recommend a scalp scrubber, this is the one I always use and I've tried a lot: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074ZDXFL6?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details&th=1. It helps get whatever shampoo you're using really into the roots and deep cleans the scalp every single shower. I also use a scalp treatment after every shower to help re-hydrate my roots without oiling it up and feeding whatever devils are living on there. Look into scalp serums that can address the concerns you have based on your diagnosis. Good luck bro, dandruff fucken sucks but you don't need to give up hot showers with the right treatment! I never gave up mine!!
Im currently in love with an aluminum free lavender deodorant by Old Spice. Link following because I know somebodys going to be curious. This shit is awesome.
Wilderness With Lavender Deodorant for Men 3 oz (Pack of 2) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07NKRP6ZW/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_i_5YBC5A506NCD96YXHSS1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I used to also be really scrawny, building muscle is difficult but it's something I've come to genuinely enjoy doing. A ton of people approach lifting/working out as a specifically goal oriented activity, but I think the best approach is to learn how to enjoy working out rather than working towards a specific goal, that way you're willing to be consistent and it won't feel like a chore.
Once you learn to enjoy working out, results WILL follow and you will eventually surpass any goal you would have set for yourself.
If you don't want to go to a gym or just can't afford it or whatever, there's a neat phone app that I've been using since the pandemic started called "Home Workout", which using it has made me significantly stronger during the past couple years. I've been able to work out in my small apartment and get
At the end of your workout, I suggest eating something high in protein or making a protein smoothie. I usually just put protein powder, ice and chocolate milk in a blender, which tastes great.
Here's the app I use and I hope my post was helpful for you!
See if there are any freecycle groups/events in your area. You could also check on Craigslist - people sometimes give away clothes in bulk. You'd have to spend some time sorting through them, but it might be worth the effort :)
Might I recommend this book and don’t be put off by the title. It’s much less toxic and more introspective than it sounds.
Can't speak for the others but with skincare, I honeslty recommend Loreal Men expert Hydra Energectic 5. I've used a nivea one for a while now and while it did work, the loreal one had much more noticeable results. Been using it for a few months and I've had quite a few people say something. It gets rid of that tired look, makes skin look younger, smoother etc.. it's amazing.
I appreciate you wanting to dive in deeper.
I should have been more clear. It's testosterone vs vasopressin.
Testosterone in itself is not so much aggression as drive. Vasopressin creates distrust (particularly in other males or non-sexual interests; arousal has a counter effect to the distrust thing).
The two together create driven anti-social behavior; sometimes this comes out as violence... typically it's some form of competitiveness.
I can't preview the pages for free in this book to show you (https://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Breakthrough-Understanding-Think/dp/0767927540) but there's a section on vasopressin, and then a fuckload of studies referenced in the appendix.
Recognizing your anger is the first step. Now, try to do it earlier and earlier in the process. The earlier you catch it the easier it is to control. Try to catch that first feeling and ask yourself what you're angry at and if the anger will help you do what you want. Don't feel guilty for failing, just recognize that you did and when your mind is clear try to under what it was that led you to the anger.
Here's a parable that I really liked:
> Long ago, there was a brahmin called Ravi who examined his mind at all times. Whenever a bad thought arose, he would put aside a black pebble, and whenever a good thought arose he would put aside a white pebble. At first, all the pebbles he put aside were black. Then, as he persevered in developing antidotes and in adopting positive actions and rejecting negative ones, a time came when his piles of black and white pebbles were equal. In the end he had only white ones. This is how you should develop positive actions as an antidote with mindfulness and vigilance, and not contaminate yourself with even the smallest harmful actions.
> -Patrul Rinpoche
> https://www.amazon.com/Words-Perfect-Teacher-Translation-Introduction/dp/0300165323
Workbooks would be an excellent place to start if you don’t have time/money and you don’t feel comfortable just yet talking to someone in person. They’re cheap, easy to do, helpful (as long as you put in the effort) and they’re the same skills you would learn in short term counselling.
The easiest way to do them is by scheduling ‘appointments’ with yourself for an hour and sitting down to work through them. I’ve found them to be just as helpful as in-person counselling. Journaling also really helps.
This is the one that I have, in case you want to check it out. Best of luck.
Protein shake. It takes 30 seconds to prep with a shaker bottle, and it can be a lunch replacement.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07C81F48R/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I just bought this one, but really any shaker bottle works, I put 2 scoops whey protein, fill it up with milk, shake it, and I'm good to go. It's cheap and reliable and it works for me.