You could explain that their older sibling feels like their prefered gender and that they were born in the wrong body. Also tell the 9 year old their prefered pronouns and name. I am jazz could be good or this has some good tips
I had top surgery a little over a year ago, here's my two cents:
Other people have brought up the imperfections of the sleeping situation, but if you don't have a good recliner for him, a reading pillow is a good way to make upright sleeping more comfortable. (I'm using amazon as an example, you can probably find cheaper in a brick and mortar store)
Really prepare for him to have very little use of his arms for a while. Think large button-down shirts, slip-on shoes, a long back scratcher, and (although it's a little gross to think about) consider a bidet or other aid so that he can keep clean in the restroom.
On the day of, he should shampoo but not condition his hair. This can keep it less greasy longer. (On a similar note, non-alcohol body wipes are a lifesaver during that first week.)
Post-op depression is no joke. Try to give him space when he needs it and keep him included during normal activities when possible (i.e. family dinners).
And thank you so much for all the effort you've put in for your child.
This is a memoir rather than a novel, but Love Lives Here is a book about a family with a trans daughter.
It is definitely full of love.
My son liked gc2b binders best, and still does, but he can't wear them on days he has gym. He just can't breathe well enough in them. And they're also not so great in band either when you play a wind instrument. We found these and the likes them a lot. They flatten enough that he feels good about himself, but they are stretchy enough he can do band and gym without any issues. But he sweats in them a ton so we have one for each day and I spray them with oxy clean laundry spray before washing them or they turn yellow and stink. They have non-zipper styles too. My son just likes how easy these are to put on and off. He struggles with the ones you have to pull on. Definitely measure your child (unbound) to get the right size. My son saves his gc2b binder for going out when he's not in school or for days he won't need the extra flexibility. They should also be taking them off when they're home to take a break from them so they don't cause damage to their breast tissue. I've been told this is important if they want to be able to have top surgery some day.
You should also consider trying a larger size. I've found that when my son's gc2b starts cutting into his ribs or armpit that's how I know it's time to go up a size.
The book The Transgender Teen
Was very helpful for my husband. It was recommended to us by our oldest's gender therapist. I found almost every question we had was in there. Hope it helps!
Ok. Feel free to DM me if you are comfortable. I'll see if I can get the high level things your need to know. This is going to be a little bit graphic.
She's 8, so there is a good chance she is not even aware of the concept. There are kind of two general ways to deal with the genitals. Way one is to kind of smush.it all into a lump.up.front and then use underwear or clothes to smooth it out or hide it. The other way is tucking. High level this involves using a few tricks to fold/pack everything back and underneath, then something to hold it all in place. Tucking done well looks to most observers love there is nothing there. It matters here because tucking gaffs or underwear is very tight and will crush stuff if not tucked. Not good! For non-tucked you want loose stretchy fabric with good elastic around the legs. Personally, I don't tuck. I'll put a link to what I wear most days. It probably doesn't come in her size, but should give you an idea what I'm talking about.
For now you can probably bypass the tucking stuff for your kiddo. You'll know it's the time when she gets concerned about wearing leggings, bikinis other things that follow the lines of that area tightly. Also, if you start encountering unexplained or hidden duct tape or similar where she changes. Other things you might find are cut up socks or clothes missing elastic waistbands. We always hope they will feel comfortable coming to us, but genital stuff is often filled with embarrassment or shame for most people.
Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TFCMVRH
Best of luck. You are being an awesome parent for trying to make all this normal for your kiddo.
It came as part of the suit. Plus, I don't want to risk the regular binder to get all messed up with chlorine or lake water. Maybe I'm just weird. Ha. Here's the one I got.
MISWSU Chest Binder Quick-Drying Long Sleeve Swimwear Top+Swimming Pants for Tomboy Trans Lesbian https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZCHQZLB/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_5YZDZPFTM6VHRQDPW8F9?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
My daughter was 12 when she started her journey of becoming her true self so I can understand you feeling of hopelessness. You want to do something right away to make your child feel happy I’m sure.
My biggest struggle was addressing my daughter by she/her when talking with others as I was use to using male pronouns for the previous 12 years. I recommend getting familiar with using they/them.
For books I recommend https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Child-Handbook-Families-Professionals/dp/1573443182 which my daughters therapist had recommended to us as well as https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Teen-Professionals-Supporting-Non-Binary/dp/1627781749/ref=pd_aw_sim_1/136-4129577-9054200?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1627781749&pd_rd_r=fae62cb6-1083-41e5-a6bb-0ecc1a4eba28&pd_rd_w=81JAo&pd_rd_wg=9nb... which focuses also on non-binary
I would recommend talking to a therapist yourself and having a separate therapist for your child to help with the journey