What are /r/mixedrace's favorite Products & Services?

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Please do seek therapy, and I mean this in the most genuine, loving, sympathetic way possible. In every major city there are programs available for free or low cost counseling. Just google for "YOURCITY free counseling". Or if you don't want to go somewhere in person, there are online tools to connect you to someone trained to talk things over such as https://www.7cups.com or https://www.iprevail.com .

Just talking to somebody can do wonders. I hope you find the help you need and maybe decide to return one day, but I'm sorry, this sub cannot be your therapist.

23 and Me offers a DNA testing kit. It's not definitive - different companies' testing kits tend to offer slightly different results - but it might give you an idea of where to start.

I don't want to guess myself! I'd probably be way off. :-)

Hi, I’m half black and half white with a white mom. Needless to say I’ve been thru A LOT with my hair. The products that I currently use are:

-Mielle Avocado Moisture Milk: Not the best for “styling” hair but is good for a protective bedtime style -Mixed Chicks Leave-in Conditioner: I’ve been using this my whole life to style my hair, works pretty well but expensive and can leave residue -Strictly Curls Curl Defining Lotion: I use this with the Mixed chicks to style my hair. It can make hair a bit crunchy so don’t use too much -Jessicurl Deep Conditioning treatment I use this around once a week to add some moisture to my hair. If his hair feels dry, a deep conditioning treatment could help.

I’ve heard a lot of good things about the Camille Rose brand as well, so you might want to check that out

*Detangle hair while wet and maybe purchase one of these flex brushes, they are way better for curly hair than a paddle brush: Ez Detangler Brush Flex Detangling Brush Curly Hair Brush for Wet Hair Kinky Wavy Hair Coily Hair 4c Natural Black Hair https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y61MZH5/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_CS44F0F2T0350GJ17K3S?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

*If his hair is long, try to do a protective style at night to keep his hair in tact. I just do 2 simple braids at night and that works fine. When he’s older you might want to buy a bonnet or durag for him to wear at night as well. They have kid sized ones.

*Do not use Cantu, that brand has a bad rep and can cause hair loss

Managing curly hair can be such a long journey, but you’ll get the hang of it after a while :)

First I want to echo everyone else, yay for standing up for yourself!

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Where is your university located? What kind of school is it? I think your best shot is finding activities you are passionate about or interested in learning and use that as the common bond for new friends. I'm half white half Chinese and I can relate to not relating to immigrants at all. I actually forget that I present Asian a lot of the time, even though everyone else perceives me as such. Most of my friends for the longest time were met through board games!

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Since you seem a bit more socially aware, maybe it's worth going full in and researching racial issues? There is this awesome author/professor Dr. Robin DiAngelo who has spent her career researching whiteness from the perspective that white people can't understand racism because they see themselves outside of it all as a "neutral" race. As a half-white person this really helped me understand my position in society but also that of my peers. Her book "What does it mean to be white?" really gave me the tools to more effectively discuss racial issues with other people. Anyway consider diving deeper and maybe searching out some groups on campus with similar values :)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07638ZFN1/

I'll chime in. It's really too bad that you don't have more support. My kid is mixed European/Southern Chinese and growing up in a university town he has always been surrounded by other mixed kids and general diversity so I think the chances are lower that he will be made to feel weird about it among his friends and classmates, but surely he will get such questions sooner or later. I lurk this sub just so that I can help him navigate it. For dealing with questions, my thought is that it's really up to you how you want to explain it and how you want to respond. It's good that you're here reading from others because their experiences will help you find your way. As for answering questions, deflecting the question is one option--there's no responsibility to give ethnic identity labels for others to use. But if you do, simply giving a brief overview of your mom and dad's regional backgrounds (can be done in like 4 words; "mom's Indonesian, dad's Polish") will probably satisfy most people's curiosity. Whatever approach you take, try to develop confidence and strength because that's an essential ingredient to a happy life. Actually knowing more about your family's story can be a good thing for a person's self concept. The elementary school just sent home an assignment asking the kids to interview their grandparents or other older family members about what it was like growing up. If my mom didn't volunteer stories about her past (in real life she doesn't), I might consider asking her some things, just for bonding and satisfying curiosity about things. https://www.familysearch.org/blog/en/family-stories-shape-identities/

That's sounds like a fun game, lol. Did you ever get one of those cool DNA tests that show you exactly where your family came from/a break down of your heritage? Here's a link. I'm going to make sure to get one of those sometime in the near future!

There are apps/sites like Duo Lingo. Free to download and surprisingly good. You’ll be able to converse in French/Spanish in no time as long as you stick to it. It’s a fun way to learn too.

Ignore that Venezuelan girl, she sounds heavily entitled and prejudice.

Duo Lingo

Yes. I loved this one (https://www.amazon.com/Color-Water-Black-Tribute-Mother/dp/159448192X ) but he’s much older so the world is ...different. And is it? But it was on Oprah’s book list and a best seller so I think a lot of people are interested in the topic.

This is an interesting podcast, I have not listen to all their episodes but the ones I have listened to were great. They mainly talk about issues being half Asian.

https://player.fm/series/hapa-happy-hour

https://www.amazon.com/South-India-Under-Cholas-Subbarayalu/dp/0198077351 this is a really cool one about military history

https://www.amazon.com/Tamils-Eighteen-Hundred-Years-Ago/dp/1141993244 also history

And thank you so much (:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garum

Yeah, it was basically sauce made of fish guts. Although I guess you can’t get the real deal anymore because one of the key ingredients (silphium) is now extinct.

I guess you can find some versions on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Matiz-Flor-Garum-Premium-Spanish/dp/B07CRMQZP5

I’ll have to try it, I’m a sucker for umami and salty flavors.

I do not hate you 💖. I hate how every "side" wants their piece of mixed people but ultimately they reject them. Besides, I do not think Whites or Asians hate you. thedonald, AsianIdentity or hapas do not represent the general population. They are radical, deviant outliers who are self-selected and circlejerk. It has really nothing in common with the average person.

Ikr, and the reasons for calling the cops are getting even wackier.

This lady called the police because a black guy's dog humped her dog. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/white-woman-police-black-man-dog-humping_n_5c79a26ae4b0e1f776517502

45 yr old w/BM+WD. If possible don’t move there, if you have to, there’s very little you can do to offset the environment they’ll be living in. I never had a problem with my identity being myself at home around my parents. One upside is that just like any other minority, it’s a pretty good primer if they end up working anywhere in corporate America. Things have improved, but they will very likely have at least some exposure to working or being in groups where they’re the only POC.

Two books that I love that come at this from totally different angles, but are both relevant:

Humorous angle: How to be Black - Baratunde Thurston

Tangential but interesting/relevant: The Failures Of Integration: How Race and Class Are Undermining the American Dream - Sheryll Cashin

Well your dad’s acting like a lowlife and won’t bother to take a look at his implicit bias. He’s got some really deeply internalized anti-blackness — and that is the road to self hate, which is where he lives. This is a him thing. Not a you thing. And your mom, eyeroll. She’s really tryin it. But as they say, not today, Becky.

Read chapter 4 of Erik Frykenberg’s Christianity in India (Oxford). The problem with homogenizing pan identities like “Catholic” is that it obscures diversity like Jewish cultural and historical symmetries.

Ok. My dad read these this summer. He said he never knew that he was racist and feels guilty. As his daughter, he’s still a misogynist, so I could care less.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0807047414/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_92JBCADNKT0RQYK1BF0Q?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465060684/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_6JT9JJY7J1XCK47P6SNE

It’s a safe starting point.

There’s a book I love that talks about struggling with being mixed. it’s called Less Then Half, More Than Whole. It’s taking about being mixed white and Native American but I think other mixed races can relate.

It's available on Amazon, I'm not sure which regions it'd be in but I'm in north GA/South TN area. It's got a dark green lid with a white label. https://www.amazon.com/Everglades-Seasoning-Purpose-Sampler-Chicken/dp/B06XB286LC/ref=asc_df_B06XB286LC/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312231555103&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2695513164275040359&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqm...

White Passing is a term that is hideously misused, misunderstood, and taken completely out of context by the internet due to ignorance and a misunderstanding of history. White Passing refer to black people in America who were light-skinned and white-featured enough to "pass" as white in society in a time when being black had severe social and legal consequences. Someone who was "passing" would literally deny any and all connections to black family members in order to successfully integrate into white society. The novel "Passing" by Nella Larson (link below) covers the phenomenon. It refers SPECIFICALLY to black Americans, not any other racial group. It also doesn't refer to light skinned mixed people with black parents. Megan Markle, for example, is not "passing". If she were, you would have no idea she had a black mother (she also clearly looks like a black woman to me, but that's beside the point).

link: https://www.amazon.com/Passing-Nella-Larsen/dp/1614270007

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01K1HPA60?ref=dacx_dp_2397670500501_5514832750701&me=ATVPDKIKX0DER&aaxitk=WE4qVzQkGloQDx6maIUvPw

This is the type and brand that I use. Though this one is much newer and fancier looking than mine. As you may notice if you search more of this brand, a lot of them have 3 circular bladed heads that I imagine provide a much closer shave, but Ive never felt it was necessary to go for those for what I need it for. This one works better to create a clean looking edge for my beard, but I think the aforementioned kind has a sort of pop-out trimmer that can be used for the same purpose. Hope this helps you.

Edit: Id also like to point out that I did use the kind with the 3 circular heads when I first started out and that kind irritated my skin. But that was 10 years ago and the shaver I was using was a cheap hand-me-down from my dad; definitely not as nice as they are now. If you're going for the completely clean shaven look it may be worth it to check those out. Always check reviews of course.