It's more involved than that and has a lot to do with subconscious programming. If it's something you want to pursue, you can certainly do it on your own, but pairing it with therapy would be a great approach.
This is the main book I worked from, along with a bunch of other stuff I found on the web, in podcasts, etc.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey Brantley, Jeffrey C. Wood
https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131
The Comprehensive Clinician's Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Sokol and Fox
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1683732553/ref=sspa_mw_detail_6?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Self-Therapy by Jay Earley is another one that has exercises she can do on her own. It's based on a therapy technique called Internal Family Systems. Unlike CBT, which focuses on thoughts and behavior in the here and now, Internal Family Systems focuses on managing painful memories from the past.
Meditation might help. Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana is a good place to start.
You could also take a look at something like the Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I've never used it, but I've seen it recommended elsewhere.
I'll add more if I can think of anything else.
Hopefully someone has a fantastic response for you, because I sure don’t. And I myself need some guidance in this matter as I am 34 and I feel the exact same way about things. Western capitalist society feels like a trap. It’s like, choice?….what choice? I don’t choose to be a wage slave for another 33 years. No one chooses that, I am forced into it. Because dying on the streets is certainly no choice. Living this rat race of constantly not being good enough for people, for employers is certainly not my idea of a good time. I want to just live in peace and pursue what I want without the fear of starving, being homeless, dying of some preventable disease, being robbed or taken advantage of. The world is a hostile place, and I’m constantly looking for an escape route. It’s no wonder people turn to drugs or why people are depressed with anxiety. But I came from a poor family. In fact half my family is living with me now because they have no place else to go. If you’re family is financially well off, you need to take advantage of that. Life is inherently meaningless. We need to assign meaning to it ourselves. We can decide to be kind, loving, generous and useful or malevolent, selfish and destructive. I think you should look into the Japanese concept of Ikigai. I need to look into it more myself, but it’s basically something that gives a person a sense of purpose, a reason for living. Here’s a book that I just ordered, Ikigai
Depending on HOW you have that thought, it may be normal.
Fantasizing obsessively, definitely should seek help.
A passing "dark side of the brain" thought - normal, inspite of what the above people said. https://www.headspace.com/blog/2015/07/17/should-i-fear-the-dark-side-of-the-mind/
We all have dark thoughts, but judging how real we actually engage with them is another matter. For myself? I have thought about it. Something about the "perfect crime" serial killer thing can be strangely fascinating. Look how many TV shows we have on that. But if it came down to it, I couldn't pick someone to do it to. The reality lurches my emotions. I am one of the least violent people I know (never owned a gun, am not prone to physical responses - a sarcastic jab is my most likely weapon)
Please, if you are seriously engaging with these thoughts, get help. For your sake and others.
Ok, give me some latitude here since I am going out on a limb. A little.
So, you're a creative type, and you want to create something.
Good.
Guess what? You're part of the 1% of the population, and that makes the other 99% uncomfortable; so they won't "understand" you and they might not manifest nice things.
I suggest you first find yourself an online community of other creatives, cartoons and movies. You'll find like-minded people and you can talk to no end about what you're doing.
Think of that as your professional life. As far as your social life, well it's not easy, especially for creative types and - like you say - nerdy types.
Find other nerdy types and hang out with them.
Also:
This may be tough because there’s a bot here that auto deletes comments with links in them. (I’ll ask the mods to reinstate it.)
Definitely check out self-compassion.org. Taking a class on this helped me tremendously, and the site has free meditations you can listen to. There is also a workbook, if classes are inaccessible. I have always been intensely self-critical to the point where I’m more critical of myself than anyone else. If you beat yourself up for your mistakes (as most of us do), I HIGHLY recommend it.
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462526780/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_3g4dFbK3Q0KWB
It did start out for DBT and when used for that, has a really structured approach. But the basic skills are useful for most people who can get overwhelmed by their emotions. And don’t we all sometimes?
I’m currently reading “Calming the Emotional Storm” which is written for a more general audience. You might like that one better. The author gets right to the point and talks about concrete skills in a very logical, doable way.
I found these in this book
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_u6kwCbPMCZ0Z0
You should consider that you might have depression. It's ok. I do too. Our brain is not able to tell what's real or not.
Is there anyone you can talk to about it? Would your parents be open to talk about it? Do you have someone at school you can talk to? A counselor or therapist?
Hey, Lost, sounds like you've had to persevere through some complete BS. What's your situation in regards to access to healthcare? If your doc is 100% in charge, what would his response be if you went in and firmly told him you want 1on1 and your anxiety makes group impossible?
For what it's worth, just wanted to let you know that group format doesn't necessarily require you to disclose specifics to be helpful. Therapy can include "unloading" the specifics, but longterm change happens through learning tools and techniques for interacting with yourself. Your second concern is different though. Being from a small community can be really challenging. Can't know your situation, but does knowing that anyone in the group with you is in the same boat change anything about how you feel about it?
If group just ain't gonna happen, and 1on1 just isn't available, I recommend a book called Mind Over Mood. It's based on CBT and is a great starting place. There's a new addition so the used copies of the previous version are super cheap. Not much difference between the two beyond a chapter on setting goals.
Good luck.
If you're anxious about a relationship, that means you care about it.
I've been reading Attached lately, very helpful for figuring out why I do the things I do