Two books I've enjoyed:
Beware that both are rather cynical, but (I think) accurate.
I put together this template in Notion for adults discovering/exploring their autistic traits:
https://www.notion.so/willowpersonal/Autism-Journey-TEMPLATE-7e27c28728fe40ae96087b050f641c04
I thought you might enjoy an article in the “educational tools” section called “from self-diagnosis to self-realization.”
So far, I’ve disclosed to my close friends, 2 who are autistic and one who isn’t. My spouse knows and I did disclose at work, because I figured it would help communication wise.
I'm not sure what the Q-bitz test was but if my memory is correct they were doing that before aspergers got into the DSM. https://www.amazon.com/MindWare-44002-Mindware-Q-bitz/dp/B0031P91LK
The reaction test on the computer is for executive function, useful to see if you have ADHD.
They're testing for a lot of stuff and IQ score is part of what you should get in your results. Mine also had notes about me being "well groomed" when I was dressed like a slob but I was freshly bathed and my hair wasn't tangled.
It doesn't rain properly where I live atm, so sound generators are a big help to compensate when I miss experiencing storm sounds.
I enjoy MyNoise because there's such a variety of options and you can manually adjust the volume for individual elements within each generator, as well as combine different generators to overlap.
According to this page:
>A metaphor is often poetically saying something is something else.
>
>An analogy is saying something is like something else to make some sort of an explanatory point.
>
>You can use metaphors and similes when creating an analogy.
Also, /u/creedencefearwater actually calls it an analogy in the first line of the post, so you're not wrong on that front.
I wear these. https://www.amazon.com/SmartKnitKIDS-Compresso-T-Pressure-Compression-Undershirt/dp/B01N5SHHDD/ref=mp_s_a_1_10
But, these will fit more adults (neoprene): https://www.amazon.com/Special-Supplies-Compression-Hyperactivity-Form-Fitting/dp/B087D7NKQY/ref=mp_s_a_1_3
Sadly, the ones for adults require someone help you, or you wear it backwards.
Would he be interested in something like a glitter stick or a liquid sensory toy, even though you cannot access the liquid inside?
I do feel your pain as someone who raised two autistic children, both of whom were very very determined as preschoolers and had lots of meltdowns. This was especially difficult as I'm autistic myself and have trouble coping with screaming. However, my kids had to learn "no" and "later", as painful as it was for us all- for instance, my youngest would have happily spent every day at the pool, and there were huge meltdowns because we could not go every day, but eventually, with lots of explaining and compassion, they understood that going to the pool happened on Sundays- and only on Sundays- but it happened every Sunday for years. So if they started screaming about wanting to go swimming on Wednesday, I gently reminded them that Sunday was coming.
I'm also somewhat obsessed with water myself, to this day- I have nine aquariums in my living room. I wouldn't really recommend getting an aquarium when you have a preschooler unless you are very into the idea, because they are more work than you would imagine- fish are living beings that require proper care, which can be difficult if you don't have the time to devote to them.
Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism: Voices from Across the Spectrum
Just read this book and it was helpful to me. there’s a list of traits at the end of it and it was helpful for me to read those written out. I’m sorry you’re struggling, I relate to your post.
I understand the anxiety for a form of communication. I first began to suspect autism in my daughter's case because I had a friend who had written a book on teaching infants under a year to use sign language, and my daughter just could not pick up Signs, no matter how I tried.
When she got to be older and was "officially" non-verbal, people kept suggesting that I should try teaching her sign language because she could not talk...it was super frustrating to explain over and over again that we tried to teach Sign before we tried to teach words! But, if you haven't tried sign language yet, here is a link to my friend's book.
I thought these books were okay — not great, but a bit helpful:
Hey all, my book is now launched and it's FREE now through Wed 11/23 - here's the link to buy it for $0 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BMWR2DQG
After you read it, please consider leaving a review. Thank you!
Look up some youtube videos which break down the criteria a bit more, making them easier to understand. I think Yo Samedy Sam has a good one, I also have a book called I think I might be autistic (link) which breaks it down very well (even if it is a little outdated now). The book is quite good in saying how the severity is important.
This book has been insightful for me as a male also diagnosed in middle age: https://www.amazon.com/Unmasking-Autism-Discovering-Faces-Neurodiversity/dp/0593235231?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=bab36389-9c3a-40e9-b585-51af8b787ee7
This reminds me, Google recently came out with a "Conversation Mode" for their Sound Amplifier (hearing aid) app that comes with its Pixel phones. The concept and theory sounds like a great tool for this use case, although I wish they'd expand it to all Android phones, not just their own Pixel hardware.
Sound Amplifier app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.google.android.accessibility.soundamplifier
Some (slightly outdated) info about it (see Step 7): https://android.gadgethacks.com/how-to/hear-conversations-better-with-pixels-updated-sound-amplifier-0384928/
I'm excited to see this technology evolve because it'd help a lot of people, me included.
sarah hendrickx - Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age
(this book helped me immensely, described my experience to a T, very Intune with autistic women and our plight. the author is a well known autist who has written many books.)
thomas e brown - adhd and aspergers syndrome in smart kids and adults
i have adhd as well as asd so this book really captured my experience on top of the many contradictions and confusion.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0367694905/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Girls and Autism: Educational, Family and Personal Perspectives by barry carpenter
Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by devon price (this is one that is coming tomorrow, ive heard nothing but great things; the author is an autist. ive read the sample pages and it looks very promising)
Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You by jenara nerenberg
autism and girls by tony attwood
On days that I need a break I keep my camera turned on but the camera cover closed. If anyone says anything, I act like I have no idea why my camera isn’t working that day. So far it’s worked for me
(I use a sliding camera cover like this: https://www.amazon.com/Yilador-Computer-MacBook-Notebook-Surface/dp/B07TBG7WM9/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=cover+for+camera+on+laptop&qid=1657670042&sr=8-3)
As a disabled person with mostly disabled friends: please know that if the thoughts "Could I benefit from using a disability aid? Am I disabled enough to deserve one?" pop into your head, that's a sign that you probably would benefit from using one. Not always the one you've got in mind, but definitely something. Even if you don't consider yourself disabled. They're not magical signifiers of some higher level of suffering or whatever, they're just tools to make life easier for you.
If you wait until you feel like you finally deserve one, you'll cause yourself unduly stress while life could've been easier, and you'll probably regret not starting earlier once you do. So if you feel like you might benefit from using AAC, go ahead and try it out. You don't need to power through until you break down to prove you need it first. You deserve it now.
Sign language has already been mentioned. You'd be far from the first hearing autistic person to pick it up to make communication easier.
There's also a lot of apps you could try. I personally like the Emergency Chat app by Seph De Busser a lot.
You could try texting or a messaging app. Some messaging apps (ex. Briar) work directly between devices if internet access is an issue.
You could also try a sign board app which will let you quickly display a message in big text from your own device. (Welcome sign / signboard app on Google Play)
Low tech solution would be to write down your message on paper.
The full title's Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults: A Guide for Autistic Wellbeing, by Luke Beardon. I believe Beardon's neurotypical, but fully on board with the neurodiversity paradigm / social model ("not worse or broken, just different, and equally valid").
Wow, that is a recent diagnosis! Congrats! I'm still on a waiting list... My mother was missed but in hindsight has a very similar pattern of traits to me, and apparently people tried to diagnose me as a child but I refuse, then promptly forgot. It's been quite the year finding out about all this, working out just how much of who I am is a bunch of traits, and realising how little most people struggle with things. It explains so much! Anyway, yes, it runs in the family. Friends, too, as I only really know how to talk to and make friends with other autistic people, so pretty much my entire social circle is autistic people online.
I totally get the struggle to leave the house. I broke down in tears over the weekend over the prospect of suddenly going out without warning, and what it says about me that I'm struggling to do that. We skipped it in the end. I'm just in awe of anyone who feels the same as me but manages to do it anyway.
Hey there those sound like food for thought especially the anxiety and Autism book who is it written by? I struggle to leave the house that itself is a huge achievement for me. I also got a copy of Neurotribes by Oliver Sacks; NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and How to Think Smarter About People Who Think Differently https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1760113646/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_CPJK933G7AXQQTEGTTAY
This is my next book to read after the unmasking autism. I’m still learning about myself only got diagnosed on Tuesday missed as a child, teen and young adult, it’s also in my family (mother, sister, myself possible others)
Oh, and I just got these earplugs/dampeners recommended to me over there: https://www.amazon.com/Loop-Experience-Pro-Earplugs-Accessories/dp/B0968HW8GY/ref=zg_bs_3779871_12/147-5696284-0176063?pd_rd_i=B0968HKLLH&psc=1
I bought them and tried them at the grocery store... holy CRAP it was a life changing experience. Even without ADHD meds I managed to keep my goals in mind, didn't get distracted or (very) disturbed by VERY loud talkers and children literally screaming a few times. I wasn't hyper-aware of everyone around me to the point where I become paranoid trying to track all the sounds, and managed to get everything on my shopping list while having such a good time I was humming to myself happily in the parking lot. That almost never happens, and grocery stores are typically hellish nightmares lol. I had 2 people almost run into me, but with the plugs I actually kind of realized that a lot of the public social awkwardness I blame and beat myself up about is actually kinda... other people's fault for rushing and being the NT freak they probably are lol. Not my fault you snuck up on me and tried to push your way past me and someone else's cart while I was stopping for a normal amount of time to look at the salad kids, lady.
People be frantic in the grocery stores, damn. (Proably because of the hellish sensory experience and all the door dashers trying to maximize profit)
OP you should looking at trying sensodyne pronamel It is much less minty than most toothpaste! Also it helped make my teeth less sensitive to cold.
Also, you should know that kid and adult toothpaste is made different. Adult toothpaste contains flouride to prevent cavities and kids toothpaste doesn't.
Generic resources, best I know:
I Overcame My Autism and All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder: A Memoir https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08R9589FX
Best generic advice:
Find a clinical psychologist who specializes in autism and see them for a couples session.
What symptoms do you notice?
I was asking myself the same question (dx adhd and asd) but I wasn't convinced, tt didn't seem like exactly what was going on. Some poking around lead me to the book below so I made an eye appointment to talk to a specialist. For me my eyes will skip ahead so the words in the sentence often get mixed up. My brain tries to process what it's seeing so it sounds dyslexic but its my eye muscles that could be giving me the problem. I can hear all the movement in the ligaments in my eye, at the end of the day reading something my eyes can be loud. I've been able to identify the movement too, so I can feel it happening and catch my brain skipping ahead in stride but I cant fix it in real time. Words just come out jumbled. I am getting better at adjusting and restarting though so thats good, but it does make reading tiresome literally.
Anyway something to think about if you aren't quite sold like I was. I had to push my appt back otherwise I could say whether I was onto something or not but not until jan now. good luck.
book:
I love my noise-canceling headphones not because I crave silence, but because I crave being in control of the sounds I'm hearing. I actually don't like silence. I'm obsessed with the website mynoise.net, which has over 200 sound generators that are really high quality, so soothing and interesting and immersive. Sometimes I love blasting my music loudly in the car. I hate falling asleep to the "sound" of silence - the silence feels heavy and noticeable to me. I wear sleep headphones and fall asleep to either an ASMR podcast (the same one each time) or a bedtime playlist that I created with nature sounds and a guided meditation. If I don't have the headphones, falling asleep to the sound of a fan or even the dishwasher is preferable to silence.
It used to be a bad word. That's why I thought I didn't have autism for decades.
A lot is just how autism was used in their generation. The only things your parents ever saw about autism was Rain Man and a bunch of horrible Autism Speaks billboards that made autism look scary and not very representative of autism.
They'll come around, but it will probably take some time.
Some things you could do to speed things up are:
*Make some autistic friends, and invite them over to your house.
*Start watching movies and series with autistic characters with your family. These are all based on stereotypes, and aren't too accurate, but it will help your parents get accustomed to autism.
*Have your family volunteer at a local autism charity.
*Buy your dad a shirt like this... https://www.amazon.com/Instead-Awesomely-Autistic-Infinity-T-Shirt/dp/B0871WQXRW He'll probably never wear it, but having that shirt might help his start being able to say the word autism
*Ask your dad for help on stuff that's hard for you, but that he's comfortable with. Then if you do that a few times, you can probably easily figure out how to turn that around and say, "okay Dad, now I'm going to teach you how to say the word autism."
But mostly just be patient with him...the older a person is, the more difficult it can be for them to adjust their language.
Just replying to your comment to add a book I found helpful as an adult-discovered autistic - Knowing Why: Adult-Diagnosed Autistic People on Life and Autism. :)
I'm 57 and I've always had to have some kind of satin ribbon to help me fall asleep or just make me feel better when I'm really anxious. Years ago it was always a blanket ribbon, but about 10 years ago I found out that they make "lovies" for babies and I have very similar to this one and he's called "Bunny" or "Mr. Bun Bun." He goes with me when I travel and I have a backup just in case something happens to him.
Your mother is being selfish and controlling!
OMG I found the best earplugs.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009T9QXXQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_RZZW51NVVGEZDDFY01Z2
I work in live events so its always loud, but these earplugs basically take all the sound and make it quieter, bring it down to a certain decibal so you can still clearly hear people talking.
You can try using a wet brush in the shower while you have conditioner in your hair - this way the hair goes on the brush and not your back. Also, a mat to put inside your shower might help? I found this and now I want it! https://www.amazon.com/Asvin-Textured-Phthalate-Comfort-Bathroom/dp/B08CN6LL2S/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?dchild=1&keywords=shower+mat&qid=1619385658&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyRU1BT0czUDFYSjlXJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNTA5OTY4MlJMOU9QWDBWN1FYNyZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMzY3OTQ2VFVHNTIxNVdaTDNKJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==
PowerLocus Bluetooth Over-Ear Headphones, Wireless Stereo Foldable Headphones Wireless and Wired Headsets with Built-in Mic, Micro SD/TF, FM for iPhone/Samsung/iPad/PC (Black/Orange) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D3NCH22/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_Y4CFFBBYZ9PM2GYG5WVB?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
These are the ones we use for our son. They aren’t noise canceling, but they’re cheap and super comfy. He doesn’t really like things on his ears, but he wears these all day.
Hearos are the best! My sister and I have been using them for years. I use them at work all the time because they are less noticeable than wearing headphones. Make sure you get the tan colored Hearos, they work fantastic and they are soft. I must have big ear canals because I put the in backwards, just a tip in case anyone else has an issue with proper fit.
https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00WOQSKMS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_Z7JFKKD0N7JXDW6MWRPN
Here's a great book that I absolutely love: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1935274066/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ljONFb0N7CRCE
It covers sensory differences, sensory integration, and no shortage of wonderful activities to try with you daughter that are reviewed by experts. Couldn't put it down the first time I read it.
I am in a similar situation. I am a 27 year old female and think I am autistic. I am just starting to consider trying go get diagnosed. I found this book by Sarah Hendrickx helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Women-Girls-Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-ebook/dp/B00WFF7MRW
Hi I sometimes get into a state of mind similar to yours, and what helped me was getting a therapist to work with who helped me with my thinking process. She was able to help me with things like catastrophizing and just overall being a happier note relaxed person. They can also help you with your medical anxiety. Here's a toolkit if you need any more information https://autismandhealth.org/ and a book by an autistic CRNA on autism and healthcare. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1941765440/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_91PvFb4FTKDKA
I’ll tell you right now, I wasn’t a big fan of Aspergirls right because there was a little bit of a “THIS is what they call a hopeful outcome for my life? Fuck....”
I highly recommend Been there. Done that. Try this! for a more optimistic guide thru the post-diagnosis reckoning