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The general advice I give is like this (always have at least 3 pics btw)
Main photo - A good clean headshot of only you. I prefer casual to professional (it's a dating app, not Linkedin)
One Full Body - Again, a good clear shot of all of you, preferably in a casual setting
Hobby shot - Look it's me doing something I like, such as hiking, cooking (wok shot!), or dancing (this hobby shot is the first one I'd say it's ok to have other people in) -- NB, if programming is your hobby, maybe not that hobby for the shot
^ Artsy shots fit in the above
Personality shots - find photos that highlight you humor, silliness, or confidence. These can be hard to come by, but I've seen photos that legit got me to laugh.
-- PHOTOS TO AVOID --
Pics of you and someone of the opposite sex : yes its good you love your cousin or sister or whoever. But let me find that out dating you. A lot of people will assume you posted a pic of you and your ex
Only photos of you with people of the same sex : I hate playing the deduction game, the first few should be solo shots
Anything blurry or obscured: If you couldn't bother to NOT upload a bad photo, why should I bother
Only one photo: it's easy to get fake photos -- look how easily I can make a fake person
Anything with Instagram filters that aren't a location tag or something : Not really sorry, the dog and Disney filters are just annoying. On a dating app, I profoundly do not care how you look like with bunny ears or AI laurels
I think that your problems will be solved by a more exact understanding of what infallibility means. It is a very rarely used faculty (it has only been used twice in modern history so far) and only applies to cases when the Pope explicitly invoques his authority as successor of Peter to define a truth of faith or morals. The text Pope Francis issued today is nothing like that (and he has never pronounced any infallible ex-cathedra statement so far). This document is simply a legal decree (which may be reversed by another Pope in the future, or even by himself) with which faithful catholics can respectfully disagree without placing themselves in away from the communion of the Church.
Ps. I very dearly recommend Jimmy Akin's book <strong>Teaching with Authority</strong> it's a great primer on the levels of authority with which the Church teaches, and how to distinguish each of them.
Ok good lol. Was just curious. Thought maybe you did and that could have been part of your difficulty. Would imagine trying to find a good Catholic girl in India would be very difficult. Demographic challenges can be tough to overcome.
Just reading through your posts, you seem to have a bit of pent-up anger and perhaps some objectification going on. You ever heard of a book called Models by Mark Manson? It's not exactly Catholic but it's very good for helping overcome some of those things and it may help. Just ignore the parts where he recommends premarital sex and try to read everything with your Catholic hat on. Also maybe try weight-lifting if you don't already do that. This guide is really good: http://www.aworkoutroutine.com.
Also there's a book called No More Mr Nice Guy that is very good if you feel like you are subservient to others (i.e. one of the "nice guys" that feels like girls only want to date jerks). Just ignore the part where he recommends what he calls "healthy masturbation".
Anyway the advice I just gave you would help most people without the kind of emotional baggage I have. I've done all those things and it's what has brought me out of my darkest pits. I just made this post because I feel stuck.
I think you pose a great question and I don't have a great answer. But I suspect that "control-freak/compensating/misogynistic types in trad circles" are just a subset of "control-freak/compensating/misogynistic types" in the world at large. So you may get help from secular books of psychology that focus on spotting narcissistic and abusive tendencies in men. One excellent book is "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. (Here's a PDF of it.)
https://www.webmd.com/women/ss/slideshow-thyroid-symptoms-and-solutions and you might like this channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcMBm-UVdII having a child does change you.......and you can't change that...we all change with age: we get old, fat (your metabolism will slow down), ugly, and wrinkles. it just a matter of time. but if you look at our God compared to the others. He is the God of the ugly, the suffering, and his love for us in despite of our ugliness of humanity is what displays his beauty and love. i sincerely hope you take a look into JP2's Theology of the Body. if you are thinking your are going to regret your decision after marrying someone if they gain weight and see it as 'an insult', perhaps the issue is more with you than them. you are marrying them for the wrong reasons.
You should read JP2's works on the "Theology of the Body." He goes in depth into this issue.
Good advice! And I hope you don't mind, but I felt the need to drop the links below as addedums, in case they might apply for safety's sake, to >Note, even if you don't work out regularly, you can probably still feel better about yourself by doing a workout.
Exercise: When to check with your doctor first: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/exercise/art-20047414
Four Things to Avoid the First Time You Work Out: https://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/fitness/weight-loss/4-things-to-avoid-the-first-time-you-work-out.html
That's beautiful, thanks for sharing! Meeting someone like that is indeed a gift from God :).
Learning Theology of the Body helped me a lot with navigating this kind of questions. A great book you could check out, if interested, is Man, Woman, and the Mystery of Love by Edward Sri. It's a beautiful and quite engaging summary of JPII's teachings (and one of the few books I've finished in a single sitting 😆). Godbless!
Dang reading all the comments I can’t say I have much to add, except from my own experience, I’m the same age but male and I was trying to get over a long term ex, and the best way I heard at that time was to get with someone else, so I did, now we didn’t go all the way but we went way further than needed, afterwards I remember sitting in her chair staring out the window with her sitting on my lap, but I remember feeling nothing, like no emotion no nothing, it was as if I was alone. Allot more happened afterwards but that was the first time I actually took into consideration that what I was doing wasn’t good for me. But that guilt you feel, that’s the, well in all honesty and trying not to sound corny or over dramatic, but that’s a lie the devil is whispering in your ear, that since you did something bad, God is holding a grudge against you, that you are bad, when quite the opposite is true, God is only holding forgiveness for you, you just have to ask for it through confession and repentance, and it doesn’t mean you’re bad for When the big G man himself created you, he pronounced you good. but I also know that sometimes words don’t help, and only time and God can fix the doubt and turmoil you’re going through, so all I’ve got to say that hasn’t, to my knowledge, been said is, ask to rest your soul and mind in Him, ask that everyday you seek to do his will, oh and there’s this book that I highly suggest, it’s called “Dating Detox” it definitely helped me, hope you find peace and I pray that you will continue your journey towards God
Uff man you've got to go right now to the Amazon store and buy Jason Evert's "The Dating Blueprint" 🙌🏼. There are tons of 'Dating advice' books out there that give you the same worn out "groom and be yourself" speech. Jason Evert was a surprising find for me, as I couldn't help but feeling I was reading something fresh. He's 100% Catholic, all the advice he gives is given through the Theology of the Body perspective, and he also interviewed a lot of women for his book on what works and what doesn't work for them when going out with Catholic guys. He even has a small section at the end on the ups and downs the married life poses (that no other 'dating guru' will mention).
But yes, (sexual) attraction is what starts drawing you to someone- however, the love that blossoms from it is something much more than just attraction.
If you haven't read it yet, this is answered in Love & Responsibility by JPII. You can read that book, or be like me and read the summary version which I HIGHLY recommend: https://www.amazon.com/Men-Women-Mystery-Love-Responsibility/dp/0867168404
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PS: I would caution you about rebutting any advance from someone you have no attraction to, unless you know the person. I've met people who, at first, seemed really unattractive but after hanging out with them once or twice became attractive in my eyes due to their personality or something else. In the same vein, I've had attractive people instantly become unattractive because of an ugly personality or view on the world. But if it'll NEVER work out, then yeah, don't just date because someone asked you out.
If you're here, wondering why I haven't uploaded Phase 2 yet, it's because I have 60 pages left in this book. As soon as I'm done later tonight, I'll upload Phase 2.
This means that if you haven't signed up and want to, you've got a bit more time!
My wife and I worked through this book together, a few questions at a time, before engagement - 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged. I proposed probably halfway through so I didn't exactly obey it lol, but it has great conversation starter questions about important topics. I'd wager that she would be impressed with your initiative ;).
if you are questioning when to get engaged, there is no "right time," just keep praying and discerning! I proposed after 8 months or so of dating.
You can read the book on Saint Therese's parents, it's beautiful and it becomes clear why the Church set them as an example of a holy married couple by canonizing them both.
Another great contemporary example is Jackie and Bobby from Ascension Presents. They are both great and listening to them is wholly edifying.
You sounded like an INFP from your original post. Here is a book I heard that is quite good.
This is all very fixable. The key is to stop being so hard on yourself and to talk to yourself like you'd talk to Jesus or Mary.
- You're depressed?
Get this book at your local library. It's the #1 recommended book by doctors for depression and anxiety.
-Your relationships failed?
Welcome to the club. Most will fail. Relationships are a lot of work and stress, usually.
-You're obese?
Start eating less. Write down what you eat for a week. Start walking and/or swimming a few times per week. You will lose weight.
God Bless and good luck.
Hi there, I know a really good dating site.
New Catholic Dating Application: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.techive.catholicmingle
Our insta: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmingle/
Let me know
Hello. Sorry to hear your unfortunate experience with Catholic Match.
I know a decent Catholic Dating Application called Catholic Mingle. Try it out: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.techive.catholicmingle
I personally haven't because I don't think it's good for friendship.
I know what is good for building relationships: this new Catholic Dating Application: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.techive.catholicmingle
Hi There,
I know how you feel. I personally wouldn't be desperate. Things will work out for the best
But I disagree when you say that dating apps are a no go. I know a good one:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.techive.catholicmingle
Hello there, i am sorry that you have had this experience with Catholic Match. It definitely can become annoying when you are using an app in which you message people and you don't get anything back. I would like to introduce you to our application called Catholic Mingle. It is available in the Google Play store. It is a Catholic Dating app created for Catholics to find love. It's very new but hopefully will become big. Spread the word!
Here is a link to our app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.techive.catholicmingle
Here is a link to our Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmingle/
Let me know how it goes.
Maybe you could try a product like these: https://www.amazon.com/Camisole-Insert-Overlay-Modesty-3Pcs-Black/dp/B097G65SN3/
I wear these any time I have a v-neck on (unless I'm wearing an undershirt).
I think you should totally read Ed Sri's Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love too. It's probably the friendliest and more engaging explanation ever of JPII's teaching on attraction, relationships, marriage, and sexuality. You'll probably find in it a very useful roadmap for navigating anything and everything related to this topic 👌🏼
Nah Love and Responsibility is also a very dense read 😅😆. You know what? You should totally start with Edward Sri's Men, Women and the Mystery of Love. It's an awesomely narrated chapter by chapter explanation of L&R that includes a lot of very engaging examples and references (ex. the Titanic movie). It is so good that it's probably the only book I've actually read through in a single sit--although it caused me a university event that day 😆.
Thanks! Funny enough I saw Matt Frad promoting this book on sexual healing (Be Restored: Healing Our Sexual Wounds through Jesus’ Merciful Love) just this morning. Who knows, maybe it can be a good resource too.
Fr. Mike Schmitz has an awesome(!) 40-page booklet on everything you need to know about vocation/discernment. Your priority should be to grow in holiness each day through prayer and detachment from sin and inordinate affections [retreats are great for this, though not indispensable]. Only when the waters of your soul are clear enough you'll be able to distinguish those desires that are merely superfluous and artificial (ex. buying a Rolex, having a supermodel girlfriend to show off) from those springing from the very depth of your heart. You'll thus be able to discern (with the help of a spiritual director, ideally) whether the vocation Christ has put in your soul is a call to priestly self-surrender in service for His Bride the Church, or a call to be the symbol of God's presence for a woman in your future family.
Get into Theology of the Body! Perfect counterbalance to it, helped me a ton. My personal favorite resources are Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love and Theology of the Body for Beginners. The first one covers JPII's teachings on love/affection/relationships/lust from the standpoint of reason, and the second one, from the Bible. Both are must reads
Please check out
Habits for a Healthy Marriage: A Handbook for Catholic Couples by Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons https://www.amazon.com/dp/1621642410/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_0Y8B6QGCCP17VWWC376D
It's a really wonderful through every stage of your marriage!
This work is unique because it draws upon the field of positive psychology, which focuses on growth in virtues by the spouses. It is the first book on strengthening marriages by a mental health professional that incorporates the luminous writing of St. John Paul II on marriage and empirically proven forgiveness therap
You can check Jason Evert's The Dating Blueprint. It's one of the few books on the topic by a Catholic author, and he actually composed it by asking Catholic girls to submit what they were looking for regarding dates, guys asking them out, displays of affection, etc etc. Really great book, you'll probably finish it in one sit 👍🏻
You totally need to read Christopher West's At the Heart of the Gospel: Reclaiming the Body for the New Evangelization. In contrast to West's other books--which are mostly an explanation of John Paul II's cathecesis--the topic of this book is literally about how puritanism kidnapped a big part of the Christian mentality regarding sexuality and the body (by tagging it as "shameful" or "dirty") and how a well-grounded Catholicism reclaims them both through a positive vision of them.
I enjoyed reading this post as I can relate to it, but being a male and having divorced someone whom I met online (Match.com).
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Putting myself in your shoes, I imagine being a woman on an online dating site you're going to get a lot of undesired attention. As you mentioned, from men whom clearly aren't a "match" yet message you anyway.
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I don't know what it is exactly, but the online dating thing really is a one-off chance of finding happiness. Will you go on dates? Absolutely. Will you meet decent people? I think so. But finding someone whom you really mesh with? I'm not too sure. I honestly think the success rate is much better "out there" in the real world because you can gauge people better.
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I made the mistake of marrying someone I met online because all of the metrics lined up, and although I admittedly got married due to being young and ignorant, I don't think I'd do it again.
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Best of luck to you though!
I just want to warn you about online profiles. When I was new to online dating, actually before I signed up for Catholic Match (where I met my husband), I was on Match.com. There was a profile of a handsome man in a Tuxedo from a wealthy community. He was never married. He was a devout Catholic, etc. Yeah, it was too good to be true. Later I saw the exact same profile picture used for another account and then I learned how to do image searches.
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There are a lot of fraudulent profiles. Catholic Match is absolutely one of the best sites for catching them. But just beware about a too-perfect man who contacts you within 3 minutes. It might be too good to be true.
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On the other hand, maybe you hit the jackpot. Time will tell. Continue talking, be willing to move forward, but don't give out any personally identifying information. Even harmless-seeming information like the names of your pets could be used to hack into a bank account.
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I wish you the best with this gentleman. Be careful. Meet him in a safe way. Eventually, if you meet his family and friends and get to know him you will be assured that he's sincere, but just be careful.
I highly recommend Match.com --know lots of women who have found available, spiritual men on there.
Also, if you want a few tips on how to attract men on dating sites, but want to make sure you don't waste your time, check out this interview...empowerlove.us/join
Here's the book if you are at all interested in learning more. I look at the nutrients and not individual nutrients because I feel great and know the WFPBD has all the nutrients I need. My blood levels such as protein and nutrients are actually higher than my family members. Wish you the best with everything. This lifestyle has been so meaningful and helpful which is why I'm so passionate about it.
I highly recommend God's Voice within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God's Will, it is the best (and most practical) resource I've found so far on Christian discernment. You may, however, also start by listening the Discerning Hearts podcast. Ft. Gallagher has a two or three hour-long series on this 👍🏻 (which is definitely a great primer).
You are so courageous and beautiful. Sounds like your openness to the Holy Spirit and trust in Jesus has brought so many blessings into your heart, life and relationships. Maybe God is putting this on your heart because he knows you need further healing before entering into marriage with the one you love. That self awareness/understanding of yourself is a gift and seems like the start of deeper healing. I think Jesus wants to prepare you for the happiest marriage :) I want to say first, to seek professional help with a mental health counselor. Be patient, healing isn’t linear. Be upfront with your fiancé too, so that the two of you together can grow in deeper knowledge/understanding of each other’s hearts and know how to better love one another. And of course, continue to do what you’ve been doing and seek the grace for healing from God. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in your heart and memories for healing. Pray about these things deeply and passionately before the Blessed Sacrament and just have an open disposition of heart. Also, I recommended looking into the Women Made New ministry with Crystalina Everett. She’s suffered similar trauma and she’s a massive advocate of Eucharist adoration for healing. Here’s a link to her ministry, which there is a lot to explore here: http://www.womenmadenew.com
Again, sorry for the hell you’ve been through. I hope these resources help. And know I’ll pray for you too, and ask the Blessed Mother, our sweet & good mother to lead you to take refuge in the heart of Jesus. Also, random recommendation but if you want yo begin a deeper devotion to Eucharistic Adoration, check out Fr. Sean Davidson’s book “Saint Mary Magdalene: Prophetess of Eucharistic Love”https://www.amazon.com/Saint-Mary-Magdalene-Prophetess-Eucharistic/dp/1621640922/ref=nodl_ it’s just really good and it helped me a lot, that’s why I want to share with you :)
Yep you're right, my bad. I thought I remembered him talking about it in Theology of the Body. Christopher West talks about it, although again I don't think he directly discusses oral sex.
"Since the female orgasm, however, isn’t necessarily linked to the possibility of conception, so long as it takes place within the overall context of an act of intercourse, it need not, morally speaking, be during actual penetration… Ideally, the wife’s orgasm would happen simultaneously with her husband’s [orgasm], but this is easier said than done for many couples. In fact, if the wife’s orgasm isn’t achieved during the natural course of foreplay and consummation, it would be the loving thing for the husband to stimulate his wife to climax thereafter (if she so desired)." https://www.amazon.ca/Good-News-About-Marriage-Revised/dp/0867166193
Highly recommend this book for anyone beginning a relationship with someone https://www.amazon.com/Clean-Courtship-Lawrence-Lovasik-S-V-D/dp/0895550954/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=clean+love+in+courtship&qid=1629256437&sr=8-1
Honestly, not-fornicating is a matter of prudence and natural law. There's no reason why a person needs divine revelation to realize that fornication is bad. It leads to STDs, heartbreak & emotional anguish, and can lead to children being conceived out of wedlock. We know that from experience, not because the angels told us.
IDK man, what if you do a Pascal Wager's and pragmatic conversion?
Because for Catholics in a situation like yours, it's easy to say "well, just find a devout Catholic woman and she'll have your same beliefs about the sanctity of marriage, human sexuality, and human life." But for you, it's like, if you find a Catholic who agrees with you on the sanctity of marriage, human sexuality, and human life stuff, then she would likely not be able to accept your inability to affirm the Creed.
Have you read books like "Mere Christianity" or books about the philosophical proofs for God's existence? (Those proofs were collected by Aquinas, but there's an Ed Feser book that puts them in modern English & explains them.) From those two, maybe try "The Case for Jesus" by Brant Pitre.
Try to ignore the cheesy title, but the best book I can recommend is How to Get a Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months or Your Money Back.
This book changed my life for two reasons. First, it showed me how to enjoy myself as a single person. I went through bouts of misery, for various reasons, one consistent one of which was that I was single. But this book helped me stop worrying about it, make a lot of friends, get comfortable dating (or not), and enjoy myself. Second, it helped me meet my now husband. I would not have met him--and if we had met, I don't think it would've worked out--if I hadn't read this book.
I don't want to be the person who is like "THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK WORKED FOR ME!!!!" to all my single friends, so instead I'll be that person anonymously on the internet. THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK WORKED FOR ME!!!!!
Read the Catholic Dating Blueprint. It's a great ebook by Jason Evert, and a great resource because it is a compilation of the opinions of catholic women on what they are looking for in a guy.
<em>Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship</em> by Debra Fileta is one I recommend, focusing on a dating relationship leading up to marriage. It’s by an evangelical Christian who is also a licensed professional relationship counselor.
Seconding "Holy Sex!: A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving" by Gregory Popcak. It's is a good one. Best for married couples, or as an engagement gift.
I'd suggest you to get Jason Evert's "The Dating Blueprint". Maybe you've heard of him, he is Catholic and gives Theology of the Body conferences across the country. His book honestly surprised me a lot, he walks you through the dating process through a 100% Catholic perspective, and he actually surveyed a ton of Catholic girls before writing the book. So the advice you get is great.
'The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating' by evolutionary psychology professor Dr. David Buss. There's a whole chapter on jealousy/envy and its causes and explains them in relation to evolutionary biology.
https://www.amazon.ca/Evolution-Desire-Strategies-Human-Mating/dp/0465097766
Told you already, Hosea 6:2 and Job 2:1
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As for his name:
Ex 15:2 - His is Yeshua or (“the Lord saves”) - Acts 7:55-56
What name do you say should the Messiah have if it's not Jesus? How do you know how He is to be called?
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Suffering and resurrection:
Ps 22:14-15 - Suffered agony in death - Mk 15:34-37
Ps 22:22 - His Resurrection declared - Jn 20:17
Ps 30:3 - His resurrection predicted - Acts 2:32
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There's 300+ prophecies fulfilled, really, read this book if you're looking for more on this, that is if you're truly looking for truth humbly and not just spoiling for a fight.
You may also like these books on introverts:
Quiet
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004J4WNL2/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Introvert Power
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BL5Q6DS/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
> You have, yet again, dodged my request for a solid objection. If you don't care to follow the teaching of the church, then on your head that rests.
No I didn't dodge it, I already answered it a while back. Laudato si is already widely criticized for being self contradictory. It really doesn't have any clear admonitions and doesn't have clear teaching that a Catholic can look to and follow on a day to day basis.
And the otherwise passing statements of Bishops and two past Pope's aren't even close to being magisterial teaching. This is not resistance to Church teaching, this is resistance to your personal opinions as a SJW about what Church teaching should be based on low level documents and passing remarks.
And on a purely practical level, God created the world and the resources it contains. He knew we would use fossil fuels and coal and trees when he put them there. On a purely practical level, resources exist to be consumed. We have a moral obligation to clean up after ourselves, which many industrial companies do or are required to do by law. This is common sense. But beyond this there is no sweeping new moral teaching that will dramatically change the lives of everyday Catholics. Loudato si was an utterly useless encyclical. St. Francis of Assisi was about more than just friary gardens. His life shows us what Catholicism should actually be about, which is converting the whole world to Catholicism. A commission the modern Pope Francis Church seems apathetic towards. That is really the Church teachings that are being ignored today, the teachings of Jesus himself.
Hey guys, I have made this info app for Android dedicated for pilgrims coming to Cracow for this years World Youth Day :) It has a lot of useful information like: phone numbers for event infolines and call centers, taxi, public transport info, event map and schedule, some useful links, polish phrases and more! It is called Info WYD 2016: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ionicframework.wyd399520 Take a look and I would appreciate your feedback :) Thanks and take care during the event!