What are /r/Divorce_Men's favorite Products & Services?

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Go watch DivorceCorp. The divorce industry is corrupt from top to bottom and exists only to fleece you out of your cash.

https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Corp-Dr-Drew-Pinsky/dp/B0182ZY4EC

Link:https://www.buzzsprout.com/1487182/7303339-episode-15-author-series-john-kim-the-angry-therapist

I moved after my divorce to a new area and have used www.[meetup.com](https://meetup.com) to find things that I like to do with other people. Not a dating site, just strictly to meet people. Maybe that would work with you?

I do identify with the shitty husband blog to a certain extent: I certainly was a shitty husband for not meeting my wife's needs. It's not like she didn't let me know, but I never realized the severity or risk of not addressing them. I was in the routine, and I thinking about myself. I suppose we looked at our vows differently, which looking back makes since because we are two different people.

As identified by the blog, my lack of addressing the issues brought the slow internal resentment which is impossible to reverse even if it is recognized and changes are made - simply too little too late.

So I am separated, and I have been reading a lot. The best two I've read so far are:

Taking Space: How To Use Separation To Explore The Future Of Your Relationship

Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go

I tried No More Mr., but it also didn't resonate with me.

Contemplating divorce has a section on defining your own needs. As part of being a shitty husband and operating simply on a routine, after introspection I definitely know that I have lost myself and did not take into account my needs. Right now I am going through the process of redefining (or rediscovering) what my needs are and what I want from a new relationship. It's scary but liberating to have reached this point in working on myself.

I have found this to be accessible and valuable. The Practicing Stoic: A Philosophical User's Manual The Practicing Stoic: A Philosophical User's Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085H5R3JJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fGkiFbBJ60KMS

> all the numbers say marriage is a bad deal for men

If any young man wants to see the actual numbers for himself, Aaron Clarey wrote a book called The Book of Numbers. It's pretty cheap on Amazon, but there's probably a free PDF floating around out there somewhere.

It explores the economics behind men's pursuit of women. The book tries to answer just one simple question – “Is it worth it?” From the jacket:

... this essay aims to inform the reader about the real mathematical chances of success he faces in the pursuit of women, as well as the modern day risks, so that he may make an informed economic decision as to how he best invests his life. It also aims to align the reader's expectations with reality so his life is not ruined by delusion or hope, both of which have ruined millions of lives in the past. But in short, this essay is nothing less than the most important cost-benefit analysis any man will read, which makes it mandatory reading for any man who wishes to take his life seriously ...

>I just said "do the laundry yourself, I can't help you."

In the past I have always tended to her,

You are on the right track. Read the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's a great book that will help you understand that living a gynocentric life will only earn you scorn from a wife.

You got this brother.

Look man. I'll keep it very short, sweet and simple for you. Hear it from me, someone who's 20+ years older than you.

If you don't want anything to do with women for the rest of your life, meaning you don't wanna marry, cohabitate and impregnate, then study and train yourself to be a MGTOW.

If that's not what you want, and you want a gf, wanna get married someday and have kids etc, then buy and read this book today. Don't even second-guess it. It has answers to all your questions and more: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862

Was it a final agreement or an interim agreement? In order to make changes to a final agreement you may need to show something has changed.

Have you kept track of all requests of visitation as well as her reactions? Recordings or screenshots? In order to show she has been unwilling or unreasonable in the denials of visitation if you take this to court.

The wording of your agreement will also be of importance. If it says she can deny a visit for any reason then she has more power to do that.

I would need more info.

The book surviving your divorce. Canadian edition was a little helpful for me. Not an enjoyable read for the most part. though.https://www.amazon.ca/Surviving-Your-Divorce-Expanded-Canadian/dp/0994854501?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=5b005908-b25c-4ce0-b606-f6055dbd7baf

That's awesome and taking accountability! Awareness precedes change. Like u/TipHeftyMan, I found the milder content of Red Pill more in my lane. My takeaways: start lifting NOW, eat better, become aware of the chatter your monkey-mind creates, and live below your means.

Check out r/marriedredpill (even though you're not anymore). The reading list in the community section was spot on. I cannot understate how much No More Mr Nice Guy helped me on my journey.

Brother... you have to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read it with a yellow highlighter in hand. Then when you finish the book read it again.

There is absolutely no reason you should be acting this weak. Your children are seeing this. They are learning this is how a man is supposed to be. Don't teach your children to grow up like you.

You got this brother. Man up and take out the garbage.

Buy yourself a Voice Activated Recorder. Carry it with you at all times. Load the recordings to a cloud service.

If she ever starts getting hinky pull out your cell phone and start video recording. It doesn't matter if you are in a two-party state. The recording might not be admissible in court, but if she calls the cops on you the recording might be the only thing that keeps you out of jail.

Set up a bedroom for yourself. Guest room or even the basement. If possible put a keyed lock on the door.

Buy some cheap cameras and set them up in your new bedroom. These from Amcrest are good. Make sure you buy some SD cards for them.

Good luck brother.

A book that really changed my life and understanding was No More Mr. Nice Guy. Get a hard copy and some yellow highlighters. Read the book a couple of times.

It made a big difference for me.

You've got this brother. Go and live your best life.

Brother, you need to take back control of your life. A reference that really helped me was the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It was life-changing for me.

It's your life. Don't let someone else control it like that.

You got this brother.

Brother, I am so sorry this is happening to you. But I might be able to explain a little bit of what happened.

>I’ve done everything I was supposed to do.

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>I’m constantly taking care of my son, doing housework, cleaning, my wife doesn’t cook so I do that as well.

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>After giving everything I have my wife is completely distant

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>I have loved her and provided with all she needed.

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>I have been there for anything she ... needed.

Brother, as much as it doesn't make sense, because of everything you have done she now see's you as weak. And women find weak men disgusting.

It's probably too late for you to fix your marriage now, but I strongly suggest you read the book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. It can help you to understand what happened.

It's going to be painful, but you will pull through the divorce, and on the other side you will be so much stronger. You can do this brother.

~ It’s better to be respected by women than liked by them.

>My wife has a terrible temper and has for 20 years.
>
>I do not know what happened to my wife - the love of my life.

What is wrong with you brother? Do you enjoy being treated like this? Wake up!

Reach around back and feel that bumpy thing. It's your spine. Now reach between your legs and feel those two round things? Those are your balls.

STOP letting her treat you like this. She will never respect you as long as you are weak like this.

Stop living a gynocentric life. Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

You can do this brother. We're here to help you.

Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

You have been living a gynocentric life. You need to stop that.

It will be ok brother. It hurts now, but in the future it will be sunshine and you will be so much stronger.

You got this.

Well brother, you are telling me you have nothing to lose by going into debt hiring a lawyer. Find yourself a cut-throat lawyer and give them a $10,000 retainer. This will be pre-marital debt and will be split with the ex-wife when the assets/debts are divided.

You also need to make sure you have your finances separated from any joint accounts. Cancel all joint credit cards after you have paid the lawyer.

Is she a STHM you have been paying all the bills and you'll need to keep doing that, but you don't have to make her life easy with pocket money. She can get a job if she wants pocket money.

She’s increasingly unhinged.

Get yourself a voice activated recorder. Always use it. And I mean always. When she becomes completely unhinged and calls the police on you the voice recorder might be the only thing saving you. And if she ever starts getting violent make sure you pull out your cell phone and start recording video. Some states are two party state so the video recording would probably not be admissible in court, but if she's violent and you can show that to the police it might be her going to jail instead of you.

Last and most important. You don't know this women you are divorcing. She is NOT the women you think you married. The women standing in front of you now is an evil, skank, witch that will absolutely destroy you even more if you let her.

Also, buy the book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. Read it. Pay close attention to what it says. It will help give you the right mindset to get through this and come out the other side even stronger.

>She’ll also at a minimum get 50-50

Well brother, you are telling me you have nothing to lose by going into debt hiring a lawyer. Find yourself a cut-throat lawyer and give them a $10,000 retainer. This will be pre-marital debt and will be split with the ex-wife assets.

You also need to make sure you have your finances separated from any joint accounts. Cancel all joint credit cards after you have paid the lawyer.

Since she is a STHM you have been paying all the bills and you'll need to keep doing that, but you don't have to make her life easy with pocket money. She can get a job if she wants pocket money.

>She’s increasingly unhinged — despondent, angry, and openly hostile.

Get yourself a voice activated recorder. Always use it. And I mean always. When she becomes completely unhinged and calls the police on you the voice recorder might be the only thing saving you. And if she ever starts getting violent make sure you pull out your cell phone and start recording video. California is a two party state so the video recording would probably not be admissible in court, but if she's violent and you can show that to the police it might be her going to jail instead of you.

Last and most important. You don't know this women you are divorcing. She is NOT the women you think you married. The women standing in front of you now is an evil, skank, witch that will absolutely destroy you even more if you let her.

Also, buy the book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'. Read it. Pay close attention to what it says. It will help give you the right mindset to get through this and come out the other side even stronger.

You got this brother. Stay strong.

Read this book and get a coaching session with Jack Ito. Get ready for some hard truths you may have to learn to accept about yourself, he is remarkable.

https://www.amazon.com/Overcome-Neediness-Get-Love-Want/dp/0989099946

https://coachjackito.com

1. You will end up meeting women that have spent their entire life dreaming about their Cinderella wedding. All they need is a man to cast as the part of Prince Charming. And in many case any old man will work for that part. Then a year after the wedding and the disappointment that they have nothing left after meeting the wedding goal they will turn bitter against.

Dreaming of getting married is a women's goal. Not a man's goal. Don't get pressured into a wedding just because that is what SHE wants to do.

1. Men age like a fine whisky. Women age like milk. The older you the more valuable you are. Leverage that to your advantage to find a good women. Do not settle for the first one that comes along.

2. Read 'No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life'. It will help you to understand what is important for a man. The book will be a life changer.

3. Everyday focus on improving yourself and your life. Women are like a bus. There is a new one along every 15 minutes.

That's just a few I can think of real quick.

You got this brother. Be safe.

The mentality of people thinking they are stupid because they didn't learn sooner is.... well... stupid.

Don't beat yourself up about not knowing that your STBX is a whore. It is admirable that you are playing it carefully about the divorce and your feelings about wanting confrontation are normal and understandable.

Rely on your attorney and get as much as you can because you will be taking care of your kids. Use the information of the adultery for your negotiating advantage.

Once everything is done, confront that bitch, tell the other man's wife, buy advertisements on spotify, or whatever you want, it is your discretion at that point.

Also, a suggestion; read "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover (amazon link below).

This book helps men to understand that constant self sacrifice destroys relationships and respect. It is great to build boundaries and enforce them.. you will recover your masculinity, strengthen your heart, and act in a more self confident manner.

Good luck brother. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_A57YXA2SG6AXMBA9M6G8

You need to find an attorney who has a lot of experience with high conflict personalities and acrimonious divorces. Follow their advice.

Safely get yourself a copy of "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" by Bill Eddy. Ignore the diagnoses part of the title if you don't care for it. He is a therapist and attorney who has a lot of experience with high conflict personality individuals.

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https://www.amazon.com/Splitting-Protecting-Borderline-Narcissistic-Personality/dp/1684036119

Sounds like some possible cluster b stuff going on. When she used boundaries so cluelessly, like she was setting YOUR boundary for when to wake up FOR YOU. That’s why it felt off. A boundary is a limit you set for yourself and enforce yourself if the other party won’t respect it. Has nothing to do with deciding someone else should wake up at a certain time that’s just ordering someone else around.

Please read this. She’s already doing the smear campaign thing… suggested instagram family fame which usually comes from a pathological need for attention. Abandoned your family to punish you with childcare and interfering with your work. She’s cheating on you…

People with BPD will accuse you of what they are actually doing TO you, which can create a mind fuck as you try to work out and defend how you weren’t doing that thing, and further try to work out how weren’t they just doing that to me?

You’re in for a high conflict divorce. You should read this as a primer even if I’m wrong.

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1684036119/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_DFGG6XAWW6C02ZSA2ETV

Listen to the book "Splitting"
Find a lawyer who specializes in fighting a Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder ex-spouse. Your run of the mill family law attorney will not know how to handle an NPD STBX (Narcissistic Personality Disorder Soon To Be Ex). You need a professional who specializes in high-conflict divorces. Do not go cheap on representation. Make sure you interview a pool of lawyers before choosing one and putting down a hefty retainer. Ask about prior high-conflict cases and his/her experience in waging war against NPD or BPD ex-spouses. Your ex will not agree on any offers. Do not waste time or money on mediation or preparing offers to "buy her out". You know you're not dealing with someone who will listen to reason. Expect everything to be fought over. NPDs and BPDs need to be handled via a "scorched earth" divorce strategy. Go no contact with your wife and your son. Delete social media. Hit the gym. Sorry you're going through this.

1)i would honestly suggest sitting down for a weekend, marinating beef, chicken and fish and freezing it. Do it for like a month, fill the freezer. But make a note of how many portions of each item you have and number each portion. That way, you should have a fair idea where you are. Instant pot and over are your friend. Get an air fryer. Try using the frying pan the least. That should do it for meal prep.

2)Deep cleaning is a must every 2 to 3 weeks. Hire a maid, seriously. Rest of time, vacuum as best as you can.

3) sex, use a condom, bring your own, and dispose of it yourself (i wash mine in the sink to check for leaks) and either take it with you or wash it out so much that you know there is no chance of pregnancy.

4) buy a audio/video recorder, turn it on for every time you're entering a home of a date, and leave it in your pants or shirt. There are several men being blackmailed for rape out there.

5) have everything in writing and install a call recorder, keep conversations to the services that the recorder can actually record. Or there is this: https://www.amazon.com/Bluetooth-Recording-Equipment-Recorder-Earphones/dp/B0986NC3P3/

6) any relationship you have, get a shit ton of consent forms, place audio and video recorders that backup to the cloud in your bedroom/living room/home.

7) stay smart. if you're in the USA, Scorps and LLC are your friend, hide your wealth in them, use them for everything. While in the usa businesses can be an extension of yourself, it isn't so in other countries. Therefore the courts are going to be facing a whole bunch of bullshit to get through to your "true wealth". 8) good luck.

Don’t walk away from custody. 50/50 is the hill to die on.

If you’re therapist is even half right, read this

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684036119/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_8H5JCD7KFNXMK36BSXBE

My divorce took 30 months. It was a nightmare. Everything that could happen did happen

Instead of sharing my own personal "rules", I'll just add that having self-respect is a big part of it. Specifically, knowing your boundaries, setting your boundaries, and enforcing your boundaries. BTW, I'm one of those guys who evangelizes the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I know not everyone here likes that book. For me, a skipped a few chapters that did not resonate with me. However, the author's message about boundaries is eye-opening and intensely thought-provoking.

In my marriage, I allowed things to happen that I flatly disagreed with. But I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Even when I "put my foot down" (whatever), I was met with ridicule and contempt.

But now? I live my life how I want to live it. I've had relationships; in fact, I'm kinda in one now. She gets pissed at me all the time when I say 'no'. If she nags, I'll ignore her completely for a few days and let her cool down. No fucking way will I be manipulated again into doing something I don't really want to do. I'd MUCH RATHER be alone.

I'm ready to walk away at any time. That's a rule we should all embrace.

It also will depend on the state your in and if it's a no fault state or if it's a fault state. Your affair in a fault state could have significant impact on the asset division. Having been cheated on myself, I hope she is able to get what she is entitled to from you. I live and divorced in a no fault state and now pay THOUSANDS monthly to my lying, cheating, manipulating, abusive ex-wife.

My advice to you, for your children's sake is to worry less about the money - it will work out the way it is supposed to work out but do not EVER use your children as tools. Sometimes it's hard not to do unintentionally even but it's a terrible thing when a child is turned against a parent (my oldest).

Apologize to your soon to be ex-wife. Own it, become the man you couldn't be when you made all the little choices you made that took you down the road to cheating.

Read this book: https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/006304529X/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

It'll help you understand her perspective a bit more.

I'm sure she is in terrible pain right now. You might be too. Your children's world is GONE.

She may bear some responsibility for how you felt when you stepped out but she isn't responsible for your choices. You are.

You should get 50/50 with your kids. Your STBX will have to go back to work earlier than planned and childcare expenses will rise quite a bit (especially with twins).

So despite being in the uk, I read this book:

The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce: And How to Avoid Them https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0307589803/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_36BV1VS0YJ9BCWQ29PRA

I found it really useful. Basically , in court, you get to state your case first if you file first

Out of the Fog, Moving from Confusion to Clarity, Dana Morningstar, incredible on Audible, Google play or audio version through Amazon linked below. If you suspect the treatment of you has been abusive and makes no sense, much of that is covered here, including an explanation of what codepency really is (I had no idea of what it really is), how to trust your self, and how to move on. Amazing.

Link here https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Out-of-Fog-Dana-Morningstar-audiobook/dp/B07PLN48QK&ved=2ahUKEwig6Lz87NTxAhWMdd8KHVaPCfIQFjAEegQIBxAC&usg=AOvVaw1xZvdmw26uRkVFiK0prwZF

Read this and learn it well:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=when+i+say+no+i+feel+guilty&qid=1617964817&sprefix=when+i+say&sr=8-3

Talk to a lawyer about your rights with having had a civil ceremony. Also, you may find that with the large income difference that he will owe you a large amount of child support for the two kids and therefore you’d be pretty well off once you get back in the workforce. I was cheated on and I doubt he is stopping at just talking to women online. As another poster wrote he, like my ex-wife, wants to appear normal with you at home and still go out and do what he wants while working “long hours”. This book may help you with some perspective and you likely will relate to many of the stories within it to help you realize the situation you are in:

• Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762458968/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Fe.LFbWM18DQ6

You’re young and have a lot of life to live. It’s no fun living when you’re always walking on eggshells.

Look into codependency. You shouldn't be asking if you should move after someone has attacked you for your whole marriage.

My guess is you are codependent and have been her caretaker for your entire relationship. Also, your mother was likely similar, where you had to watch over her because she didn't act like the adult.

This book might help or check out CODA.org.

Wishing you happiness up ahead.

>Does my bitterness toward the institution of marriage itself end?

Under the current ruleset, a man is a damned fool if it doesn't. That feeling and bitterness you are experiencing is self-preservation and something called logic.

>Will I ever believe in the beauty that successful marriages have?

In the concept? Sure. Perhaps we all do. In the state-ordained reality? Shit no. Title IV-D, and the data around divorce initiation should, at the very least, trigger an intellectual analysis that sets aside emotion and hope. Many men (self included) compared modern marriage dynamics and laws to marriages that occurred when these things were drastically different. When grandma and granddad married, there was social shame for divorce and no paid incentives to be a single mother.