I used to feel this way constantly, worrying about legacy and making mistakes and all this ridiculous nonsense that just made me miserable. Eventually i read a series of books that has changed my outlook and i haven't felt any sort of this anxiety since. The first was The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. It showed me that i am not my mind and i am completely in control of what i am focused on and, with practice, i can live in the moment and be happy in every situation no matter what the circumstances are. There is always beauty to be found, especially if you have trained yourself to find it. I continued on to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Book on the Taboo of Knowing Who You Are, The Dharma Bums, Walden, The Diamond Sutra and the Dhammapada, there are some im missing im sure but the point is that with that guidance from all these amazing people that came before me (Alan Watts especially, what a beautiful human) I could be completely in control of these feelings and worries and move on to conquering my tendency to not finish anything, but that is an entirely different post.
If you are referring to this one:
I got it on Audible and it is truly illuminating. It pulls zero punches though, and know that going in. You will come face to face with the not-so-great parts of being ENFP. Just be ready because you'll potentially happy and sad cry within the same chapter. Absolutely loved it personally.
Agreed. Just saw a link on Reddit to an article (linked there) about this guy called Ray Kurzweil who is saying that "The world isn’t getting worse — our information is getting better". Sad truth is that humanity has never been able to peacefully coexist with nature... I feel that we (as a species) are always finding new ways to increase our selfishness and further ignore the things that truly matter :/
ENFPs, I think, are easily susceptible to getting caught in a "self-help obsession". I myself was in this phase a while ago, before I realized, " wait, I'M PERFECT!!"
Anyway, here's some of what I read and loved:
Siddhartha - all life exists and ensures. Don't try to force something out of you; instead, realize that you're a cog in the grand scheme of life, and just let it take you on the journey. Just relax and let it happen.
Models by Mark Manson - in my first year of university I sunk into a moody gloom because I fell head over heels over a girl who didn't like me back. It was needy. This book showed me that being myself is what attracts people; acting big and tough actually pushes them away.
The Idiot by Dostoevsky - one of the greatest literary minds to ever grace the earth, in my opinion. This book is largely about morality and the perception of it; you have to realize that everybody is a human being fueled by imperfect emotions, and you can't let emotions impact your judgment of character.
You are who you are who you are. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody. The only person you have to impress...is yourself.
The ENFP survival guide book has a values exercise which I found helpful in shaping how i want to use my values in what I do with my career. I actually took those pages and worked with my employee together to understand values and then did a career vision statement to help us gain insight on what we want to do with our jobs. I found a happy medium in that I enjoy a few aspects of my job and can get into flow, other aspects I don't love but the other things help outweigh that. Then I do gardening, read philosophy, meditate and other things in my free time.
I'm currently reading a book called: The Millionaire Next Door and it's a super cool book that talks about what separates the wealthy from the non wealthy. What's super interesting is that the people you'd think are wealthy (those who live in upscale neighborhoods, drive luxury cars, etc.) usually aren't, but are instead high income spenders (people who make a lot of money and spend a lot of money). Most of the millionaires are self-made, live in middle class neighborhoods, and don't drive luxury cars or have expensive items.
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To me, personally I believe it's important that I become financially independent in life. Meaning that I have no debt, and I can look after myself if something goes wrong without having to borrow money from anyone. It's one of my major goals in life to not have any debt and to live well below my means. However, I do believe money is very important if I want to have the lifestyle I want to live (ex: gym membership, good health, etc.). I believe that if I'm smart and careful with my money, I can probably meet most of my standards without having to spend a lot of money. I still think wealth building is a very important thing, especially in this day and age where the economy is constantly changing, I believe it's a good thing to be financially prepared for whatever happens. So say if, God forbid something terrible happens, and I have to immediately restart my life somewhere else immediately, I want to be ready to make that impulse. Or if I or someone I know gets into an accident and needs cash, I can just bust out the Benjamin's and be like "Aye, yo, Frankie's got u darlin" and there wouldn't be as much stress involved with paying bills or anything. I probably wouldn't be buying new cars every year or anything like that, I'd only purchase stuff that I know for sure I'd use and that will last a very long time. And come in a nice color of course!
You know you should go into writing? My only critique would be to make your writing more easily accessible and coherent. Instead of logically sound. http://www.hemingwayapp.com/ is a good resource for this I copy pasted this comment into the app and it gave you a grade 13 and said to aim for grade 9. I highly enjoy your long comments whenever you make the effort, but something about the way you write makes it very hard to decipher. I would work on being more clear if I were you.
But no you definitely can write a philosophy book with your infinite amounts of knowledge on personal growth! It would benefit many than just a few on reddit who bother to read the comments.
I tend to spend my life in the future. Always obsessing, always trying to play God. But you are so right. I gotta feel alive in every moment. I look forward to sleeping a lot because it is an escape from the raw pain of being alive. I escape in any way I can. Being alive for me is painful and uncertain. But if only I let go like you said. And let life surprise me. It would be so much better!
Ha, thought I was looking at a different sub for a minute.
Yeah, I started learning to code 2 years ago, with no previous background in game design or coding. I was 29 at the time. I have my own small little indie company (just me) and have released two Android games so far. The newest one (and best) is the one I'm currently developing, called Zombie Barrel Blast, sort of inspired by Donkey Kong Country. I only have GIFs of it up so far.
My last release was called Portal Ball and it's on Google Play.
I get that the post was light-hearted, but if anyone wants help with this issue, then I found that reading The Confidence Kit by Caroline Foran really helped. I'm an INFP, but I don't suppose that really matters a great deal. It's a reasonably quick read and offers a lot of valuable information to help you overcome social anxiety. I'm not doing any kind of paid advertising or anything crazy like that, I'm just trying to help some people out.
The Confidence Kit: Your Bullsh*t-Free Guide to Owning Your Fear https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1473677173/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_in4KCbKH6QAW2
Best Written Book - Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
It has a strong message that is delivered with such stark confidence that I feel like the story is told by God.
Most Enjoyable Book - Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
The most twisted, delightful book I've ever come across - by far. Even if you've seen the movie there are still unexpected twists.
Most Realistic Characters - Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
A book that most people who read it fall in love with. The characters are the most fleshed out beings I've encountered in any artistic medium. The plot also has the natural progression of real life, seemingly ignoring typical literature structure.
Best Classic - Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Epic in story, but also hugely epic in it's tone. The book is an exercise in empathy, for the monster and the judgments he faces. He did not ask for life, and yet he is scorned for being alive.
Best Spiritual-type Book - Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I've studied Buddhism pretty extensively and have read most of the popular 'Buddhism for Westerners' books, and this is my favorite. Nhat Hanh has such peace that it comes across in his writing and soothes you.
Best Book About Drugs - Acid Dreams: The CIA, LSD and the Sixties Rebellion - Martin Lee
This book tells the social history of LSD and shows its deep impact upon American culture. It is highly entertaining and fascinating to read, but is also the most unbelievable non-fiction I've read. You will no doubt be telling people facts from the book for a long time to come. It's also very well written. I've read a lot of books regarding drugs, and this one is my favorite.
Victor Frankl Man's Search for Meaning (book), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (movie), The Inevitable End Royksopp (AMMAZING ALBUM...i just love the way the put all the songs together on the album, that in and of itself was an art).
In your head, is ENFP just you, but more chatty? I don't believe in this stuff but that's not how it works. https://www.quora.com/Myers-Briggs-Type-Indicator/Is-it-possible-for-someone-to-be-an-ENFP-an-INFP-at-the-same-time
If you spend a lot of your thought processes figuring out people and where you stand with them, you end up looping your head in circles. You realize that people are judging you. Anxiety happens. Self esteem issues seem kind of common here. Maybe we've become trained to care about other people's opinions and feelings.
I think the trick is to deal with it on an academic basis. Walk up to 5 people and say "Hey I don't know you." It's not that bad. Just forgive yourself for not being perfect.
Yes, female ENFP's seem really lovely don't they! Unfortunately, I don't recall ever meeting one which is a real shame, as I think I would really appreciate being in a relationship with one. I joined an MBTI Meetup group (meetup.com) in 2018, where people interested in Personality theory can meetup and just socialize with each other. I haven't actually attended it yet though, probably because I don't like socialising much. I'd rather be at home improving myself by researching and learning new skills on the internet in order to reach my goals and ambitions in life!
Like I said in one of the comments, it has always been this way, unfortunately :/ It pains me too to see the state of humanity, alas it is part of our race. I feel that all this unnecessary death and destruction is caused due to selfishness and an innate "us versus them" feeling inside us. It is hard enough to get children in a single class to unite... How will we be able to unite 7 billion people and counting? :( It really is saddening that close-mindedness and selfishness will eventually bring the end of this - relatively - peaceful era we are living in. Don't worry, after what I have written, I feel I sound melodramatic lol not you. Hope you're feeling okay now though. Cheers.
If you're interested, this is an article regarding Ray Kurzweil and his thoughts about all these horrendous happenings: link.
LOL to the handwriting, this is all so true.
I just started reading a book (because it was free with Amazon Prime) called The One Thing. I've been in counseling for a while and have really been working to understand myself, including my inability to follow through with stuff.
The premise of this book (and I just started it) is to focus on, and do ONE thing at a time. I had been putting off making a dr's appointment that I didn't want to do. I don't know why, I knew the copay would have be paid and didn't want to think about money - so I just avoided it. But I got to work yesterday and said, the ONE thing I need to do is call the doctor.
This might not be in connection to this AT ALL but I watched a video on procrastination that really changed my approach to doing stuff. I had it playing in the background at work one day. It was really inspiring in helping me grasp why I do (or don't) get stuff done. Might have nothing to do with this same conversation - but it made sense in my head so I wanted to share (ᵔᴥᵔ)
As in what makes me feel more and find meaning? Man's Search for Meaning is a good one. Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card is one of my favorites if you want to understand love. Although that's the second book in the series. I really enjoyed Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson as well.
Encouraging and comforting - anything stoicism, like Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I like the Martin Hammond translation.
The Art of Possibility's great for the storytellers.
For a non-dystopian look at future tech, The Inevitable by Kevin Kelly.
Might add more later.
It's weird I could have typed this, right down to the fan dom bullet and distancing away. When I see BNFs who have their lives together and well into their careers as lawyers, doctors, engineers and what have you, i kinda feel physically sickened that I never made anything of myself, so ashamed of myself there. Being in a fa dom after 30 isn't really fun.
We're ENFPs. It's a curse, not being able to pick one thing and get so good at it, it's easier to do the fun stuff after the big career/family/financial things are settled. Being the cheerleader and encouraging of others while my own life is in shambles isn't fun and yet that's all people keep me around for, including my immediate family. I'm kinda sick of everything rn.
Things to do?
Accept, truly and honestly, that expectations, big and small, lead to abject misery.
Pick up Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Most times, it feels like he's talking to me, like a call out post. Check out /r/stoicism.
Comparison really is the thief of joy. Prioritize one thing that helps the other things fall into place.
Delete and walk away from distractions entirely.
See a doctor. Get tested for ADHD/bipolar disorder/anxiety/depression.
Get meds.
Plan your diet, exercise and sleep schedule around the meds and getting a regular no-surprise life going.
Start therapy.
Delete Facebook and other soc medias like Tumblr or at least block em from your browsers.
Get a lowtech phone that just lets you communicate and not screen suck.
Words are cheap, none of us can be a friend standing next to you there and help you get through doing the awful things that don't really feel like progress. I dunno man. Happiness is ruthlessly setting your own standards of progress, ignoring other people and checking off your list.
One thing you can always try is to start living your life for other people. I'm not religious, but one thing that churches fo that should really be implemented into secular society is place giant importance on charitable work.
Literally anything will do. Animal shelter, soup kitchen, you name it. Just look for ways to get involved.
It won't solve everything, but I think it's one thing that most of the world's very wise people would agree on, especially when you start to feel like you're living without a purpose.
On another note, you are probably depressed, if not to a severe degree, than a slight one. Make sure you realize that depression is a mental disorder, and be sure to treat it accordingly. Dig around online and look for something to do about it. There are all kinds of different ways. Some medical, some spiritual, and some lifestyle based. Just try everything ad see what works.
Also, so far as depression is concerned, make sure to stay healthy and excersize. Committing to some kind of fitness routine. For some it can be so little as 3 push ups a day. The routine will do wonders for your lifestyle and will train your brain to run on a productive schedule.
Aside from that, don't be too concerned about making your passion and your job the same thing. Just find something that you can do to make ENOUGH money, and spend you're free time absorbing yourself in something you love.
Last of all, read self help books. I understand that some of them are revoltingly cliche, but some are quite incredible. Try Dale Carnagie's "How To Win Friends and Influence People". It will do wonders on your social front.
Good luck, my friend.
Yes, money management is a learned life skill, not a personality trait. And like any skill, it can be acquired through knowledge and practice. Being an ENFP is not a real reason for why you are poor/living paycheck-to-paycheck.
There is really only one golden rule to having money: spend less than you make. Read The Millionaire Next Door and Bogleheads' Guide to Investing.
I haven't read Problems of Philosophy, but A History of Western Philosophy is definitely pretty good.
"The chief purpose of philosophy, in this age, is to learn how to live without certainty, and yet without being paralysed by hesitation."
One thing I like is that it isn't purely philosophy. It's how philosophy evolved over time. Russell pulls together culture and politics and economics and science and mathematics and shows how all of these connected to advance philosophy through the ages. And since he's an ENTP, all the connections are Ne branching connections, so it's like reading my mind except with thoughts I've never had.
Travel and new experiences develop our Fi. You know the 'thing' you've always wanted to do but have been too frightened? Take a corporate sponsorship from Nike and 'just do it,' forreal. I broke up with my boyfriend picked up and moved 3000 miles away and dyed my hair purple. It was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Self development books help develop the Te, which we need desperately. I would recommend anything from Dale Carnegie and John C. Maxwell (if you're interested in leadership.) Likewise, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Te helps make up for our hella shitty Si in a big way.
I certainly appreciate your interest! I came to these conclusions largely on my own, though I also work with a lot of books on self-development.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey influenced my perspective on this to an extent, though he never explicitly mentions love. He does however teach methods on how to be proactive and in control of your emotions. I'd definitely recommend it to anyone. If you're looking for a place to start bettering yourself, start there.
Honestly, I just go by trial and error. I've had many relationships. Some where my partner was 'ideal,' some where they were not. What I found was that the ones that lasted longest had nothing to do with the spark at the beginning. It was all about applied, consistent effort on my end. Add in mutual attraction and a healthy person and there you go. Then the rest is up to you. :)
Ooh, I love this one! Having a customized space that makes you happy and fulfilled is the number one thing that keeps me with unrelenting energy.
If anyone is curious or doesn't have any idea about how to go about getting organized, I really suggest the book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing) by Marie Kondo. That book was like a package of happiness for me.
Even if you think you're just a messy person, this book will prove you wrong. It has logistics on how to actually get your entire house organized, along with oodles of life philosophy. More importantly, you'll get your room working as your space to be relaxed (or productive) and in comfort.
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.
I perceive a major part of my ENFPitude being my creativity, while another part of the ENFPitude gets me to start a bunch of things and finish very few. The War of Art got me to take myself seriously and no longer consider myself a hack or impostor.
Though the book is directed more to creative pursuits, its message is still widely applicable.
Oh some tools:
Let's meditate app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.meditation.elevenminute
Headspace app https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getsomeheadspace.android
But yes, INTJs have their best life lessons taught through musicals. Why is that /u/JohnDoe143
Because of this short 7 slide show.
https://www.slideshare.net/gregnielsen/film-story-structure
Beats
Scenes
Sequences
Act
Story
All of these 5 things are 4 different time horizons and the best stories know how to maximize beats, maximize scenes, maximize sequences, maximize acts, and both do the best of each of these 4 time horizons but also have these 4 time horizons flow together to tell a story.
It can be so grand, so magnificent, so sublime (more than the sum of the parts) that we INTJs get overwhelmed by it and we have strong memory of these stories, where we are overhwlemed by the details and can barely tell how awesome these beats were, these scenes were, these sequences were, these acts were.
Yet all 5 things are locked in our mind forever even if we can't really explain these things all at once for the point of beats is there are too many of them we can't explain them all to you without taking 100 times the time of a movie to explain why the director made this choice, or the actor made this choice, or the songwritter choose this beat to add with with the contrast and the affinity to create theme.
We can't explain Lin Manuel Miranda we are just in awe of the ENFP and what he wrote =P
An important skill I've found for myself is self-discipline and training willpower/grit. Actually I just read about it last night in the book "Flourish" by positive psychologist Martin Seligman.
We all have strengths and weaknesses, one of the things I've found weak about myself is my constant side-project'ing - I'm a hard worker, but only when I'm enthusiastic about something.
I think the best way to combat getting burnout by the 2-3 month period is to write yourself letters when starting out - "open when you're getting bored"
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Thanks for writing this list dude! I would love to start exploring some of my entrepreneurial ideas once I have graduated university.
I have a few questions for you if I may ask :)
What kind of start-up business are you in?
Are you one of the founders?
Does your start-up include other personality types you synergise well with?
Got some productivity tips which help me a lot. I use a tool called Procrastitracker (Windows) which helps me track what I'm spending my time on. It makes me want to achieve some kind of productivity highscore. I also taped a quote underneath my monitor "Am I being productive or just active?".
Best of luck!
This book is for you. https://www.amazon.com/Nurture-Nature-Understand-Childs-Personality/dp/0316845132
It has sections of tips for raising children of a certain MBTI type, along with tips for parents who might be of another specific type.
One of the authors' other books, "Just Your Type," is excellent for marital partner communication, with tips for each person of a specific type in communicating in a way that will make the other person of a different type feel loved. One of their other books, "Do What You Are," has testimonials on the back cover from the Princeton and Harvard career centers.
Yes. My team and I have made first Karate game Karate Do , which is available on Google Play and App Store. It was a really long project, so now I'm hoping this one will go well with the latest update, so I can leave my other day job, and be a full time Game Dev.
Note it is typical 8 Cognitive Functions stuff. The specific writter in this case is Heidi Priebe (author of the ENFP survival guide) but you can find similar stuff from many other writers who specialize in the 8 cognitive function model of MBTI.
Here is a link.
Also since you are concerned with how your boyfriend deals with stress this will be a helpful book which is all about MBTI and stress.
https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
For when you are stressed there are 8 different style of what is stressing you most out, for we use our 1st and 4th functions for energy and self regulation and an EN_P's stress out is slightly different than an IS_Js which is different than an IN_Js and so on.
But I repeat before this is not just MBTI stuff but also other stuff and learning ways to externalize the internal stress is very helpful. Aka maybe a more productive use of your boyfriends time is stress management techniques / books / therapy.
Throwing things away and cleaning!
At least, that's what's making me excited this week. I've been a messy person my whole life and I'm tiiiired of it. I read "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" recently and it's been such a positive thing for me. Every time I get rid of a garbage bag of clothing or STUFF I feel like I'm getting control of my life back! And making steps toward being the kind of person I've always wanted to be (neat, organized and responsible!). Not having an abundance of "things" to get in my way all the time makes it so much easier to keep my space clean and organized. I don't know why I haven't done this before. I don't think I'll ever go back to owning a ton of random clutter again. I'm so excited to finish getting rid of all the stuff in my house I don't need/haven't been using and reclaim my space. I feel like empty space is calmness and peace, and I've needed that so badly lately. I'm tackling my books today... this will be the scariest task of all (and I donated over 30 garbage bags worth of clothes!).
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Still working on A History of Western Philosophy by Bertrand Russell. No book has ever taken me this long to finish. 850 pages, small text, 40s language; it's interesting but dense as fuck. Shows the evolution of philosophy from Egypt through "modern times," although "modern" for Russell was 1945.
Oh man, that's tough. I'd say top 3: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, The Book of Understanding by Osho, and The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. So many to list tho. Depends on the topic. Those have been instrumental in terms of philosophy and spirituality for me.
I am about to master it. HAH! I am so damn proud of myself because I love to show myself that I can be better than myself and THIS has been my nemesis for all my life so far.
My fiancee told me she hated it that our flat is always chaotic. She is a bit chaotic and I am as well but I never cared about it because, hey, it's me and I love myself. She hated it because she would never ask someone to come over to our place... and I thought "Whatever..."
Then we decided to move and I just finished playing Deus Ex: Human Revolution. I loved the style of the game and I researched into Cyberpunk. Then Minimalism. Then why I love looking at clean, unclutterd rooms... and I found out that it really calms me down. So I got into this concept of functionalism and minimalism that's not only visually pleasing but also so well-designed in terms of usability.
This led to me, giving away or throwing away all the things that I did not love or did not need. I ended up with 100 pieces of clothes (including shoes, belts, ties,...), my laptop and a bit more but you get the idea. I reduced my belongings to a minimum in order to not having to think about them. This led to less stuff laying around, less cluttered wardrobes, more space, ROOM TO BREATHE (!), floors that aren't full with clothes you have to step on in order to move, desks where I can sit and immediately do something (eat, write,...) and not having to clean up before! ... ah I LOVE it.
TLDR: The less stuff you own, the easier you organize.
Also: Try to read Mari Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. She takes it to an extreme level but parts of it are really clever.
Read, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo. It is the cutest book ever and anthropomorphic symbolism wins my heart so very much.
I think it'll be very ENFP-approved. Some of the techniques are systematic and useful. The only part I don't really agree with is the part about throwing away your notes. I threw away some math notes that I regret. Also, keep your seasonal clothing in rotation if climate in your area really favors it. Otherwise, great book! 10/10 stars ****
> did you find meditation helpful and what resources did you use?
YES. It brought me out of my last horrible depressive period. Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana and You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh
I have generalized anxiety disorder, mine is pretty severe. I can tell you what my therapist said to help me cope, because the meds I was on were not helping and too many side effects to deal with. it's based on CBT therapy, pretty much confront your brain when you start spiraling, focus on the facts..and ask yourself questions when the negative thoughts come in, confront the thoughts then replace it with a more realistic one. it takes lots of practice but it helps a lot. I was also given this book to read, mindful way through anxiety
One the books that changed my life is "Midnight with the Mystic"written by Cheryl Simone. Even the description that amazon gives the book is intriguing, "We are challenged to embrace the possibility that to each of us is available a higher realm of reality, a peak of consciousness, an entrée into the realm of freedom and bliss"
I say this every time:
Buy a copy of "Just Your Type" by Barron and Tieger and read the section for INTJ-ENFP couples. Unique advice for your interaction with her that you won't find elsewhere. https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
Anyone's experiences of a person of another type will be clouded by other variables specific to those two people.
I recommend buying "Just Your Type" by Barron and Tieger to see how each type can rub the other ones in the wrong way, especially in intimate relationships, For example, there is a unique section in the book just for couples where one person is an ENTJ and the other is an ENFP. Lots of unique info there that I haven't seen elsewhere. https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
I have said this about 50 times on here, and I so hope others see this too:
Buy this great book and read the section with awesome tips for just ENFP-INFJ couples. The tips are those things that are both one person's natural weaknesses & blindspots and those things that are most important to making the other one feel very loved.
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
If you both have SOs right now, give space. Maybe wave with a smile each time you see her, but do so silently. She is probably trying to give you and your own SO space too.
For better communication with all MBTI types, I suggest
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
The hbi document is a synthesis of the 50 best books I could find on integrating physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy with one's mate. The very best book imo - better than anything on tantra etc - is this one: https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
I'm an ENFP and dislike texting in depth.
Buy a copy of "Just Your Type" and read the section for ENFP-ISTP couples. Then invite me to the wedding two years from now. https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
I'm using this in conjunction with my psycologist, though I'm sure there are other wonderful books for self-help in the CBT field
😂
And this is the very best lovemaking book I read of the 50 I synthesized for the “holistic bedroom intimacy” document. It is better than any tantra book, etc.
https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
My mom and I are ENFPs. She is 80 and I’m 47. I don’t think she realizes she is an ENFP. We are close, but I adopted her fearful-avoidant attachment style, and that attachment style really sucks.
There is a wonderful MBTI parenting book, but your daughter might now be too old for it.
https://www.amazon.com/Nurture-Nature-Understand-Childs-Personality/dp/0316845132
You are very welcome, and thanks for thanking me. I advise investing in a used copy of “Just Your Type” and reading the section for ENFP-INTJ couples. https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
Buy a used copy of “Just Your Type” by Barron and Tieger. Read the section for ENFP-INTJ couples. Then invite me to the wedding. Well, she won’t want me there probably, so invite me to your bachelor party.
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
Don’t pass Monopoly’s Go. ✋
Instead, go buy this book and read the section for INTJ-ENTP couples. Only this book has the unique tips for this unique pairing.
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
If you are in a relationship with this person, which I think you are, buy a copy of "Just Your Type" by Barron and Tieger and read the section (together with your ENFP) for couples of this interaction. For example, if you are an INTP, read the section together on INTP-ENFP couples.
What matters is not either person's type but the unique interaction and unique triggers of the pairing of those two types. Here is the Amazon link for it:
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
I wrote a comprehensive 246-page sex book that is online for free. I wrote it to help prevent divorces. A synthesis of 50 good books. Go to www.freeselfhelp.org , down to the Relationships section, and click on Tips for Holistic Bedroom Intimacy.
The very best book on this topic that you can buy is this one, in my opinion:
https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
Good luck!
IDK about other ENFPS but I love Allie Brosh's Hyberbole and a Half blog and then book: https://www.amazon.com/Hyperbole-Half-Unfortunate-Situations-Mechanisms/dp/1451666179
I’m sorry to hear it’s such a struggle to find the services you need. That’s not cool at all. But lemme suggest this: believe in yourself and start getting to know YOU and the things you enjoy about yourself. Do you have hobbies? If not, I’d suggest finding something that you really enjoy and spend a few hours on it each day.
Since you said you’ve had past trauma in another post, I truly believe that could be at the heart of why it feels hard to connect.
Do you like to read or listen to audiobooks? I have a few recommendations that may help you better understand what you may be struggling with. (These aren’t the only ones but a good place to start):
https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139
https://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Less-Obsessing-More-Living/dp/0008140561 (this last one has an off putting title but is actually quite good and funny)
Best of luck friend. Hugs!
Buy a copy of “Just Your Type” by Tieger and Barron. Read the section of unique tough-communication tips for ENFP-INFP couples.
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
Next, invite me to your 50th anniversary party down the road. 😍😍👵🏻👴🏼😍😍
Hi Ophelia,
Greetings from the City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection. 🔔🇺🇸
I hope you are having a pleasant day.
No easy answer where the rest of my clan are.
But to thank you for the shout-out, here is a link to the very best lovemaking book I ever read, and I forced myself to read many. It’s better than any tantra or Kama sutra stuff. Enjoy. And no, I have no financial or personal connection to the author or book.
https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
🏖 ❤️ 🏝
Just go to my completely free website that I made my own financial expense to help people like you and the random gas-station cashier I might smalltalk with somewhere tonight. The site is www.freeselfhelp.org .
And I don’t list this on there, but the very best sex book I read - after diligently reading dozens - is “Slow Love: A Polynesian Pillow Book” by Powell.
https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
Hi priyapaul14,
Thank you so much for the kind words. ❤️
The best document on there I actually removed because it is a sex-tips booklet, and I might go back to being a schoolteacher one day. I will have to show this website in the job interview to account for the time taken to do this.
[That being said, I’m about to put it back on there and will then just remove it before any interview.]
I made the document not only to get past my own insecurities but also to help prevent divorces in the world particularly when children are involved. I figured that it will help create a happier bedroom life for the couple, and as a result there will be less chance that they will split up.
I browsed through many books that integrate physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, bought the 50 best ones on my opinion, and then painstakingly transcribed the highlights of each one into this document, which is over 200 pages and is accessed here from my Google Drive.
You will have to enter this link in manually:
double-u double-u double-u daht tinyurl daht cahm forward-slash MayanWorldHouse
(no underscores)
The very best book on this subject in my opinion is this one, one that I think that INFPs in particular will love.
https://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Polynesian-Pillow-Book/dp/0980029708
If you like the sex document above that I created, I hope you share it with your friends. We will then be that much closer to making everyone in the world a sensitive and fabulous lover.
Thanks again for sharing your appreciation.
Reading the book “Do What You Are” by Barron and Tieger. Back-cover testimonials from Harvard University’s and Princeton University’s career centers. The ENFP chapter resonated with me the most.
Over a million copies sold now.
https://www.amazon.com/Do-What-You-Are-Personality/dp/0316497142
Sorry I’m not done 😂
French Ruled Notebook: French Ruled Workbook Seyes Grid Graph Paper French Ruling For Handwriting, Calligraphers, Kids, Student, Teacher, French Language Graph Paper School Notebook https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1689248254/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_AJ3YA3QHNCB242RETFZW
Our notebooks are seyes ruled, so if you free styling used these notepads.
My pleasure, please share your progress with me ☺️
My pleasure - I’d also try different types of cursive writing if I were you, forward/straight/backwards
Cursive Handwriting Workbook for Adults: Learn Cursive Writing for Adults (Adult Cursive Handwriting Workbook) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087R9NHMS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_Y36917WRVBDJ7BR101QM?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Spotify is a popular music streaming app that’s available online and across multiple electronic devices. A few years back, it expanded its services to include a wide variety of podcasts, as well as the lyrics and song facts for select tracks (through its partnership with Genius).
To organize my to-do list I use Trello. It's pretty visual and I get satisfied when I can move a card from "To do" to "Doing" or "Done". https://trello.com/ This is how I used it http://imgur.com/2vBmHkM
Yeah! This is the one I use Thorne Research - L-Glutamine - Amino Acid Supplement for GI Health and Immune Function - 90 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0797N816M/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_MKN93SBMY8KXCZ6G8CB0
Only as many as I need at any given time. (Best case 1-5, worst case up to 30.) The rest are safely saved with Tablerone and occasionally put to sleep to save system resources. https://tabler.one/
I love how true this is! That's why I use Vivaldi as my browser. After hunting the perfect browser for almost half my life, (I'll never forgive Firefox for getting rid of Tab Stacks) Vivaldi filled all my needs.
It allows for great tab management through the side bar. Also, the history function is robust so I know if I close a tab it won't be too hard to find again.
Now all they need is a phone app that allows me to sync my phone history.
Try this. http://750words.com/ I just went through something super similar and I'm still not out of it. But writing has helped immensely. Otherwise, and I know a lot of people might disagree - but learning to come to terms with how crappy/sad you feel is totally okay. Try not to identify with all of the sadness you're feeling, remember that for there to be a thought, there has to be a thinker - but let yourself be sad and don't rush it. I find when you try and 'force' yourself to do things, or distract from the pain that's right in front of you, you might miss the lesson or even worse, as per the ENFP protocol, jump into an even worse situation. I moonlight as a life coach so feel free to message me if you need a chat. Cheers.
Wow! Didn't except something so thorough!
I think being less talky is bad advice too but he's a .Net developer and I don't think he can help the professional side of him.
I am on every channel possible and I stay active using Buffer.Instagram being my main source of imagery related content. I need to acquire more emails right now and I'm working with my husband on developing a pop-up for that but it isn't the focus right now. Though, I'm beginning to think it should be. I'm not sure which product should be on my landing page? I am currently using Fiverr for paid marketing efforts but I spend all my time pursuing free marketing options. For instance, I just emailed Alan Thrall, Greg Nuckols and Richard Stallman(he is a long-shot, I know but I like him and I just want him as a customer).
I've never heard of SumoME so I'll be looking into that all night. Thank you (:
I've read that blog post about a year ago but I'll reread, maybe I missed something. I do use google analytics and it looks like I have an average session of 4 pages but nothing going to the checkout.
The great thing about all this is I already have some amazeballs content on my blog but I don't really want to drive traffic to the blog... maybe I should? I mean, would it really be worth spending money if they just read something and then click away? IDK.
I was considering paying a technical writer on upward to rewrite my product descriptions. I read a blog by Shopify about how stories convert to sales so I wrote product descriptions with a story. However, my stories might be unreliable or downright shitty and too ENFP.. maybe getting a technical writer would make a great in between since he would already have my idea to base his edit on.
I use https://habitica.com/ to give me some goals and visibility about the chores. You can schedule tasks to come up on certain days. I find I can do the task but the tiring part comes from manually scheduling and organizing the work. I've set up 'Wash Clothes' that comes up every Thursday for example and then when you check it off you get some EXP for your little dude. It's the best way I've got so organise myself. You know what needs doing and can prioritize tasks depending on how urgent they are.
Invest in a copy of "Just Your Type" by Tieger and Barron and read the section on ENFP-ENFJ couples. Expert advice for this unique interaction in a romantic relationship. https://www.amazon.com/Just-Your-Type-Relationship-Personality/dp/0316845698
There is! And it was written by the playwright. It's got a bit of a unique sentence structure that takes a little getting used to, but it's nothing over the top. It's just as great as the play
This was me for most of my career. I've read two books that have really helped me figure out what to do. The first is "Finding Your Own North Star" and the second is "How to Be Everything". I would hang on to your job for now, because the job market is rough due to COVID. But I would immediately start applying or start testing out other careers that make you happy. I started freelancing and I really enjoy it. I love the freedom, being able to be my own boss, and set my own hours. I've been freelancing since I got laid off, and while it's great, I'm still struggling with financial stability.
I would love to visit Sri Lanka someday, and Australia too, but more so SL. My best friend on my year abroad in London was Sri Lankan. I know a fair amount about the situation there, both in its recovery from the internal war, and the terrible terrorist shootings last year or so. But it is a very beautiful place.
Depending on the level of your English, you might be able to get a job teaching ESL if you want to. I also taught in China besides Thailand. I got my two jobs through this job website, https://www.eslcafe.com/job-center . Mind you that not a lot of places are probably hiring right now simply because of Covid.
For learning more about the world's many places to visit, I highly, highly recommend Lonely Planet's "The Travel Book." It has a page for every country in the world with fascinating cultural-knowledge tips for each country. Also, once you know which country you might be moving to, invesr in a copy of "Culture Shock! (name of country)". Like "Culture Shock! Thailand." Here's the one for SL:https://www.amazon.com/Culture-Shock-Sri-Lanka-Etiquette/dp/1558680691 . It is not a guidebook but rather a how-to on cultural etiquette for that place.
Nice to meet you too. :)
I would be very cautious about this field as an ENFP. But it is EXCELLENT for an ESFP.
By nature - pun intended - we are abstract thinkers. The only course here that would interest us on a professional basis is social studies. Outdoor learning - and being an outdoor-education professional or adventure-travel professional - requires a very good practical sense with hands-on abilities. Like wilderness medicine or mastering the technical elements of securing ropes for rock climbers or the techniques for whitewater kayaking.
I gave tremendous thought when I was younger to becoming an Outward Bound leader, and I took a week-long wilderness-medicine course. The awareness that I would be responsible for stabilizing newly broken legs miles away from a telephone with just the use of sticks and stuff in my backpack (like on the tv show, "MacGyver") was ... terrifying.
About national cultures and our personalities, I highly recommend this book by Martin Gannon. Australia is a culture for ESTPs. An outdoorsy culture where everyone makes bets and gambles on everything. Finland is a very quiet place for IxFPS. https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Global-Cultures-Metaphorical-Continents/dp/1483340074
This book is good.
https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
From the same author here is a 2 page summary of Si and how it manifests in an ENFP / ENTP. Someone on tumblr posted the transcribed version of this 1990s book.
http://weirdfella.tumblr.com/post/111830098579/in-the-grip-our-hidden-personality-by-naomi-l
Now the amazon book I linked to above is way more detailed with far more information with an entire 20+ page chapter dedicated to Si in the ENFPs and ENTPs but also similar chapters for the 7 other inferior functions, and also 7 other chapters about MBTI in general.
Note the author is part of the MBTI Foundation and sits on the board and help developed the MBTI Step III paid questionnaire in the 2000s^(the one you pay for in workshops and yadda yadda yadda), yet the book I just linked to was written prior to Step III tool being released in 2009.
If you don't like reading, just use an app like Evie which'll turn it into an audiobook. Or, just buy the audiobook if available :)
I encourage you - and all ENFPs - to buy a used copy of this book and read the a ENFP chapter. The back cover has testimonials from Harvard University’s and Princeton University’s career centers.
Definitely take some psychology classes. Maybe an education class or some sociology classes. An anthropology class too.
Good luck.
This book
https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
The chapter for ENFPs is chapter 13, the Chapter for INTJ and INFJs is chapter 11. You should buy said book but the book is also old enough that many public libraries and college libraries may have it as well.
Of course! He is one of my idols in many things. I don't think he was an ENFP though. My guess is an ENTP. He definitely was not an introvert and he loved intellectual challenges, he was outgoing and succesful with women. Niels Bohr liked very much because Feynman was never afraid to tell him in front of him, even though he was a Nobel laureate (man people just wanted to please Bohr and didn't have the guts to oppose him or question him) and Feynman was a young physicist few people knew at that time. Have you read Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman! ? I hope so. It is a great book about him.
EDIT: I lost a word along the way...
I think this is a sign that the books you are reading are not sufficiently challenging or interesting enough. Like The Power of Habit or similar "pop psychology" books usually ARE easy to determine the main point of because lots of complex, often-probably-contradictory research has been synthesized for "mass consumption" and/or to further the author's point or agenda. If you read a "meatier" book (such as a non-fiction book designed more for people with prior knowledge in the field), you will not run into this situation.
Hahaha, I had a friend explain all the concepts of The Power of Habit to me and then give me the book. I didn't read it because I was like, ok, I kinda get this now.
I think that's kind of the thing with a lot of nonfiction. Many nonfiction books can get their point across in about a third of the book length. So, they spend the next two thirds finding case after case to apply the concept to. The first couple cases are interesting, because you didn't expect the new concept to apply in those scenarios. And those first couple probably also help cement the concept for you. Eventually, it's just like, okay, I get it. This concept is a thing. And that's when I stop.
I HIGHLY second Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He's a holocaust survivor and also a psychoanalyst. He insights about those who died and those who endured during time in the concentration camps is profound. Half of the book is on his experience there and the other half is what he took away from it.
This list isn't exactly about self-help per se, but there's a tonne here that will teach you about the subtleties of being human. If you don’t read anything else, read the list below about what’s important. Every book in there is absolute gold and I’m going to guarantee you’re going to get something out of each one.
Books about What's Important:
* The Truth by Neil Strauss
* Everything that Remains by The Minimalists
* Triumphs of Experience by George Vaillant
* Letters from a Stoic by Lucius Annaeus Seneca
* When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
* Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed
Spirituality (Mainly Daoism):
* Become Who You Are by Alan Watts
* Dao De Jing by Lao Tze
* Zhuangzi's Writings
Practical Books:
* Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher
* Play it Away by Charlie Hoehn
* The Four Hour Work Week/Body/Chef by Tim Ferriss
* The Motivation Hacker by Nick Winter
* How to Raise Your Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Idea-Based Books:
* The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt
* Quiet by Susan Cain
* The 50th Law by Robert Greene & 50 Cent
* So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport
* The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD
* Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari & Eric Klinenberg
* The Education of Millionaires by Michael Ellsberg
* Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Theoretical & Contrarian Books:
* Antifragile/The Black Swan by Nassim Taleb
* Everything is Obvious by Duncan J. Watts
* Zero to One by Peter Thiel
I highly recommend The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark. I think he is almost certainly an ENFP or ENTP. It's mostly about open-mindedness, American culture, religion the beauty of people, etc. I think it's technically written as a Christian devotional but I still enjoyed it very much as an agnostic. I guess if you're not interested at all in religion, it might be a little frustrating to read. A few others that I've felt drew on my personality type specifically are The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, The Book of Love by Rumi, The Elegance of the Hedgehog, and How to Read a Poem. And, of course, Gifts Differing by Myers and Briggs, if you haven't already read/researched MBTI. It's a fascinating and fairly simple read, though it should be supplemented by more recent resources if you're trying to get a full knowledge of the system. Hope this helps!
Something that helped me a lot... You should read the books The Untethered Soul and/or Mindfulness in Plain English. It's a very buddhist approach to things, but completely changed my way of thinking about the emotions and feelings I have and how to control and not be totally affected by them. It's about detachment, but not an emotionless stereotype, just being more emotionally intelligent and aware of your thoughts and feelings as thoughts and feelings, rather than your thoughts and feelings being "YOU." It's really helped me manage the kind of rollercoaster your mind can take in tough times.
Everyone's a little bit different from how they move from the idea to the detail mode, that's the harder switch for sure! What helped me the most with this was when I actually started developing full programs. I think my first game (I made asteroids and added in a couple things like power ups and levels) really threw in my face how different making a full program is from the exercises that school work has you do. I had to take a complicated concept "I want to have graphics (rocks) that move around the screen, break apart, and leave power ups", and break it down into smaller parts. "Ok, I need to draw some graphics first... how do I do that".
From what you've done it sounds like you're in the typical student situation of learning a lot of things but not doing much with them. My suggestion is make a full program. Choose between a very simple application like an asteroids game or a simple windows tool (like a music player that loads mp3s or something). Here's the real challenge though, give yourself a final deadline and make it to a point to where you feel like you can give the final product to a friend and let them use it. You'll learn a lot about yourself and really find the areas you need to work on.
Bonus Notes: If you want to just improve on programming practices, grab the book "Effective C++, Third Edition". It's not written for someone learning c++, it's a more advanced book that teaches you great habits. If you want to improve on your software design, I suggest "Head First Design Patterns".
I read The Stand recently and really liked it. The ending didn't really resonate with me the way I think he wanted it to, but it was still a great book.
I've been reading a lot of books from more mainstream famous authors lately(King, Dan Brown, John Grisham) and I think Steven King is one of the best. Brown and Grisham are both great storytellers but their characters are flat and in the worst cases unlikable (I HATED Clay Carter and Rebecca in King Of Torts) and their go to method of exposition is to just tell you. King has a talent for almost every aspect of storytelling. Of Course there are people who are better at individual aspects of writing than King (like George RR. Martin's characters or Cormac McCarthy's prose) but very few other authors are able to put it all together like Steven King.
If you have even a passing interest in writing I would suggest you read On Writing by Steven King.
It is called the GRIP all mbti types have it, but how it appears is different for each MBTI type. It is you switching the 1st and 4th function of your MBTI type for your 1st function is not solving problems, and your emotional self regulation energy is empty and thus your 4th function becomes a whole lot bigger than normal (note when I say emotional here I am not referring to MBTI's Thinking or Feeling). Your 4th function is something you are not used to using and when you use it like it is the 1st function it is like you are a moody and emotional 3 to 6 year old version of an ISTJ if your type is an ENFP. (with an ENFJ the grip is like a toxic / bratty 3 to 6 year old unhelpful ISTP)
https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
Different types handle specific types of stress, and have different triggers for these types of stress. ENTPs and ENFPs are chapter 13, your type an ENFJ is chapter 9.
ENFPs lose the ability for themselves to care once they enter the Ne / Si style of Grip.
Aka Ne is no longer giving you free energy, for your self regulation gas tank is so empty that you instinctively as a human are suddenly far more Si aware^(in an unhealthy way), trying to not let the problems in your life get bigger.
All humans have a grip, and there are 8 different styles of Grip, related to the 16 MBTI groups, with 2 MBTI sharing each type of Grip. With EN_Ps both ENTP and ENFPs your 1st function is Ne, and your 4th function is Si, and Si and Ne are supposed to work together as a team in a cooperative fashion to solve problems. But when Ne and Si are not working together as effortlessly as they should, you shift first to using Ne in ways that are not helpful, but quickly swap to using Si in ways that are not helpful. Me as an IN_J have a similar style of Grip that is Ni / Se based, and there are 6 more MBTI types.
Aka look up the Si grip. There are lots of good resources free on the internet, but if you want to spend money and read a good book on this subject, read this.
https://www.amazon.com/Was-That-Really-Me-Personality/dp/0891061703
The book is 15 chapters long, but you really want to just read a single chapter that is dedicated to the Ne / Si grip that ENFPs and ENTPs experience. Now 7 starting chapters is explaining MBTI very advanced stuff (not the basics) but it is actually more helpful to just skip ahead and read about the Ne / Si grip that EN_Ps encounter. Then after understanding go back and reread those 7 earlier chapters, and then reread the EN_P chapter.
And once you understand yourself, read the other chapters about the different styles of grip that other people experience.
You might dig project or product management then! Both would use the CS knowledge, but product management is still a new discipline and the requirements are nebulous. Intercoms guide to product management was an excellent short white paper, and the product managers survival guide (amazon) was a killer read and basically the cliffs notes to the giant desk reference.
I have my favorites, but I usually spend most of my time finding a new album and listening to it 1 to 5 times and moving on. Most recently I listened to this 20 CD compilation of African music across a 50 year span and the whole continent. It was awesome.
I definitely have an affinity for african music as well as jazz and jam bands, but I listen to every genre. I don't do the whole streaming thing and I scorn it for it's low quality and promotion of bad listening habits. I download FLAC files from the internet and listen to those. I've amassed an unholy 250,000+ songs and actually listened to a surprising amount of them.
You should also check out "getting past ok" it was written by a dude that used to work at Microsoft and really did change my life forever. It's a very good resource for all people but I found much to fan from it as an ENFP.
https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-OK-Self-Help-People/dp/1401926975
Okay this is very, very weird. 2 things. 1, buy a practice mute. 2. Is your username in reference to the book by Ned Vizzini?
No worries. If I could recommend, read this https://www.amazon.com/Tao-Dating-Womans-Absolutely-Irresistible-ebook/dp/B003GAMXG0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1479061084&sr=1-1&keywords=Tao+of+dating
I found it fantastic. I will remind you that just because you FEEL like that was your one sweet sugar doesn't mean you're right. Feelings aren't always actual realities. Otherwise we'd call them facts. There are tons of men (or women but without rereading I can't remember if you gave gender), another one will come along. And just because he felt right, I'll point out that he obviously wasn't. Timing needs to be right too.
Also, we all need work and validation. You're being unnecessarily hard on yourself. Listen to a much older ENFP. Granted I'm currently seeing somebody who just might not be that into me, waiting to talk to him to see if this is where I pull my train away from the station to move on to the next. And if so, I've just found the sweet sugar of the INFJ and may need to be in search of my own INFJ.
That's one way of seeing it. In my state, gifted kids were identified based on a 7th grade SAT score. I think someone is gifted if they have one or more of the "gifted traits." Things like being Highly sensitive, being highly emphatic, generally being more aware of what is important. For instance, they're more likely to get bored doing one job, if there is no challenge. Gifted kids tend to have natural talent in some field, others are known for questioning their teacher a lot, and so on. For all the books I've read on the subject, I can't really do it justice. I recommend this book if anyone is interested in the subject.
To an extent, giftedness is a label. But, I relate a lot to it, and I think other people do too.