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/r/Fosterparents'
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The most popular Products mentioned in /r/Fosterparents:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/Fosterparents:
Notion
Whereby
Trustpilot
OpenDNS
Rosetta Stone
The most popular reviews in /r/Fosterparents:
The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls, Revised Edition (American Girl Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1609580834/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_nk0aGbGPCNW4N
Journals, adult coloring books, art supplies.
Fall or Fly by Wendy Welch does a good job of discussing foster care from a variety of perspectives. Not religious, although one of the people interviewed was a pastor I believe.
Another favorite of mine is Another Place At The Table by Kathy Harrison. This family took many very challenging placements that would be beyond my capabilities, but it's an incredible read from the perspective of the foster parent. I don't recall any religious components.
That’s a good idea. I have a specific idea in mind. A light communicator would be the most inviting and least intrusive option.
I found this:
I have an extra dot I can keep in the bedroom.
The child would have to say, “Alexa turn Brittany’s light (whatever communication color)”.
The expensive friendship lights are not what I’d like either. You set it up with one main color then when you tap you just get that color.
Brookstone has a product that may work also. It has 4 color options.
This book is an incredible resource for figuring out why your cat is doing different things (and how to change its behavior):
Think Like a Cat: How to Raise a Well-Adjusted Cat, Not a Sour Puss by Pam Johnson-Bennett
https://www.amazon.com/Think-Like-Cat-Well-Adjusted-Cat-Not/dp/0143119796
As someone else suggested, using a Feliway plug-in can help cats feel less stressed overall. You might also consider using Feliway spray on the clean bedding itself, since Feliway is a synthetic version of cat facial pheromones (which they use to mark territory by rubbing their cheeks on furniture, walls, etc.). Cats often refuse to urinate where they rub their faces (duh), so if he senses he's already marked the bedding that way, it may work as a deterrent to keep him from peeing there again.
If you think that this has more to do with your cat being uncomfortable with the "intruders" in his home, you might want to buy an interactive cat toy -- those fishing pole-type ones, for example -- and see if your foster child can engage with him that way. Not only will it help them bond, interactive play can help relieve stress and provide adequate mental stimulation for your cat. The book I recommended above has a great explanation of how best to do that.
This is my experience in FL
They didn't say a word about anything in the garage except the laundry detergent (my washer/dryer is in the garage) Detergent had to be locked away. Ant killer, weed killer and other things like fertilizer was ok out in the garage but detergent had to be locked up.
Lock up medication and cleaning supplies. I used these magnetic safety locks on Amazon super easy to install with sticky pads no drilling needed.
They never mentioned knifes. Mine are in a knife block on the counter.
Didn't need any dressers but I did purchase some https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07JG3MX2Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1....Pretty cheap and will work in until I can afford something else.
Fire extinguisher and it needs to be tagged by a professional.
They will do a follow up visit to ensure everything they noticed is taken care of.
I was also going to suggest "Maybe Days", which is good to read to kids and I have found to be a helpful conversation starter. I'd say ages 3-10 maybe? Perhaps even a little older. It has info about what it means to be in foster care, why kids go into care, and the people involved. You can kind of adapt the parts you focus on for any kid's situation, and expand upon some of the ideas if they want to talk more.
https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Days-Book-Children-Foster/dp/1557988021
Ask your mom to install a lock on your door. Something with a combination that automatically locks behind you like this: https://www.amazon.com/Zincker-Interior-Electronic-Apartment-Security/dp/B09TDHN1CD/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=Interior+Door+Lock+and+Keypad&qid=1669942874&sr=8-3
- Almost everyone likes fluffy socks!
- Kids who have just arrived in care might appreciate a mini lockbox
- $5 starbucks gift card (or equivalent for your area) usually goes down well if that's something the kids would have access to.
What kind of budget are you looking at?
I’m just a lurker and I don’t know any resource that can do all of this, but I use (Notion)[https://www.notion.so/] for other notes. It can basically function as a lightweight database and I believe it does have versioning. That would be a good way to store contacts in an organized way.
I recognize that just adds to the patchwork of tools to keep track of but just wanted to throw that out there in case it was useful to someone.
Rockin' Green Laundry Detergent is the only thing I've found that could do the trick. For really strong smoke smells, I use their active wear laundry detergent. For the rest I use their Hard Rock (for hard water) laundry detergent, which is quite a bit less expensive.
What sort of resarch is required lol? Go to the diaper/pull up aisle at the store and grab a box. Or order from amazon. If he's larger than the size range for these then adult depends is another option.
The self conscious anxiety about the bedwetting is likely very little to do with the actual bedwetting. It's almost always something else. An easy way to introduce pull ups (I'm betting big money that he's already used to wearing them and might even be so upset right now because they haven't be provided when he so obviously needs them) is to just call them disposable underwear. "These will help you feel more secure at night. You can just throw it away in the morning whether it's wet or not!" Provide a trash can in easy access, one that isn't in the kitchen.
Just one other note I'd add...Sometimes reassuring that something is no big deal makes it feel like a big deal to a child. I've personally found more success by treating it like it's the same as telling them to brush their teeth or put on their shoes. "Ok, time to leave, toss sheets in washer, brush your teeth and get in the car." There's no special focus on bedwetting and it's treated the same as everything else. Sometimes could take a bit of time for them to really understand that it isn't a big deal to have to clean up accidents.
Most kinds of taps can have a child lock put on them, or if you want to stop them opening the shower door it sounds like you would need some kind of latch. If you’re not handy people you could take a photo of the shower door to a hardware store and ask for advice. Examples
He was under a year old and showed no attachment issues which everyone thought was strange - he just acted as though we were the only parents he ever knew. It was quite odd, and we still don't really understand how he adjusted like nothing had happened.
We did print out photos and make little photo books for him. We had pics of his mom and his siblings and then added photos of him with our family members as he met people. He looooves those books. I think it would help older children, too, because it's a very tangible way to show "I am supported, I am loved, I have people" to counteract those inevitable lonely feelings. The ones I linked are also small and lightweight so can be carried wherever kiddo wants. So if foster family has photos all together, I recommend asking and printing some out, or if bio parents are willing to send a few photos (and you feel comfortable including them). It really doesn't have to be fancy but kids generally don't have phones to remember good times which I think is something we tend to take for granted.
Depending on age, maybe showing a little family tree of how you're related could help him to process.
Otherwise, I think a lot of what you need is the standard foster parent advice - have a room ready with necessities but give him the chance to shop/decorate with his preferences. Since he is already in foster care it will probably be easier to get info on him from the foster parents - what he likes to eat and do (maybe even things like what shampoo/soaps he uses or what characters he likes). Moving to a new family is always a shock and having to give up things that he may just be getting familiar with in the current home will be hard, but you can ease that by doing your best to keep some things the same.
One last thing! This chair has been an absolute life saver. We love it so much. Obviously, not a must have, but it is absolutely amazing for going out, traveling, or even at home if our high chair cover is in the wash. 10/10
My family has a set of these wood blocks that last forever. We've had lots of kids play with them, boys and girls. I would know, I'm always picking them up. Even my 9 year old still uses them to builds ramps and stuff out of them to jump his remote control cars over.
Other than that, variety works well. Kids bounce around a lot with what they want to play with. We have one of these toy organizers filled with various things.
Bedbugs suck hardcore.
You can definitely mitigate this for under $2k. That quote sounds like they do the "toaster" method of bringing giant space heaters into the house and just heating everything up to 120 degrees for a few hours to kill them. It's effective but not kind to your wallet.
Get bed risers and put diatomaceous earth in them around the legs of your bed. Bedbugs eat it and the silica tears their evil little guts out. Bedbugs are attracted to the CO2 we exhale, but after they feed it turns into a repellent effect which means they tend to crawl away. Diatomaceous earth will help deal with them if they are living away from your bed/mattress (e.g. in the walls).
To deal with them living in your mattress/bed, get 2 hypoallergenic mattress covers - the kind that zip up all the way around your mattress - and put one each on your mattress and box spring. Line the bottom of them with diatomaceous earth. Leave your mattress and box spring in the hypo bags for a year.
Go around the entire permieter of your bed frame with a heatgun, using an IR thermometer to make sure it reaches 130-140 degrees F. That should kill any bugs/eggs/larvae that could be living in the bed rails or woodwork.
The above should be done for every bed in your home.
/r/bedbugs is a good resource.
Get a tub of drywall mud because 100% someone is going to kick a hole in your wall https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RY3PQXS/ref=cm_sw_r_apanp_3FfGWWxsarhL2
Door dampers and hush bumps. The door is gonna get slammed this makes it a little quieter
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00C1T0TTA/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
This book is like the Bible for these issues. Should help immensely.
For sure! Another post mentioned hair products for black boys which would include a brush similar to a beard brush and a sponge/pick like this
Also, just saw amazon has Cantu for kids! Though I don't know the difference in that or for adults.
This 5-year journal is my go-to gift, especially for folks going through a rough time.
I’ve been obsessed with them since I found my grandma’s from the 40s. I keep my own, and it’s amazing to see how different things were 1/2/3/4 years ago & how much you’ve grown. And to be reminded of positive little things you forgot about or negative things you overcame.
Rosetta Stone is offering free access for 3 months to students. Learning a language would certainly keep the children occupied, at any age. Also, the ability to speak different languages is a commodity and will benefit them now and in the long run. I would jump on it quickly and hope this helps!
When it comes to computers/phones, look into having someone install PiHole (software that runs on a raspberry Pi) into your network, or see if your router can support an external DNS provider. You can use something like OpenDNS to track usage of all devices on your network and use it to block all or some devices from accessing certain sites and you can use this to block snapchat,skype etc.
On a side note, I don't know what it's like in the USA, but here in the UK we normally just keep social workers informed. If the placement is to risky as it's to accessible by the mother, then the placement would be moved on to a different area to minimise risk. In an instance where the mother or someone else came to your property and your placement tried to leave with them, then I would not interfere but call the police straight away. Here it would be classed as Kidnapping even if she went willingly, as the person would be fully aware of what they are doing. You are not at fault for protecting yourself first
I love this so much.
We have this sticker on our refrigerator:
Sticker - Bumper - PFLAG https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AW3KF5U/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_8EFNRSYNJ9F38Z04PS0C?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
And this hanging up in our hallway outside of our bedrooms:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/824139582/everyone-is-welcome-here-cooties-and?ref=yr_purchases
This is a wonderful selfless thing for you to do, it's amazing. I'm a dv outreach worker so I can add a little to the conversation.
I'll get the worst out the way...he may be a dv abuser already. Most dv abusers seem like nice guys from the outside some even seem like the nicest man in the world. If he is one then your family could be at risk and your son could be horribly influenced. You won't regret preparing for this, swot up on warning signs for an abuser and if you ever get a gut instinct he's one 100% trust it.
Young males raised in abusive homes are at risk for substance misuse, risky promiscuity, self injury, criminality and pretty much any bad thing you can think of. Address any sign of these things immediately, he needs that.
He may freak out at any sign of aggression, but also he may be shocked by differences between your home and his. Simple things like being allowed to choose dinner may shock him. He's likely used to always second guessing the abuser and his life revolving round someone else. That can take some getting used to.
I recommend the book when dad hurts mom it can give great insight but don't let anyone else but your partner read it right now.
Above all stay strong youre doing an amazing thing!
You said it's helpful for him to be reminded every two hours at home, would something like this be helpful at school until you're able to get him into the urologist? Obviously it'd be a temporary fix, but it may save him some embarrassment until you're able to get things figured out.
The Parents Handbook, along with the other parent books by STEP, are great. They are from the 90s, so a few things are a bit dated, but the book is solid and the concepts are timeless. The book helps parents identify misbehavior, why their child is misbehaving, and how to handle it calmly. Its very simply written and all their concepts are evidence based. All authors have PhDs and work in child development. The one author was a pioneer in children's psychology and is a huge part of why counselors are now regularly found in elementary schools.
https://www.amazon.com/Parents-Handbook-Systematic-Effective-Parenting/dp/0979554209
This is a really sweet book: https://www.amazon.ca/Love-You-Right-Here-Keepsake/dp/163296029X/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=foster+care&qid=1619312692&sr=8-3
Personally, I don't make a big deal about reunification. It is often very traumatic. The child is being taken away from potentially the only consistent stable home they've known. The way the system caters to parents, children are often placed back into less-than-ideal situations. Yes, reunification can be good in some cases, but celebrating a potentially traumatic experience isn't ideal. To me it is like celebrating apprehension.
I taught preschool and this book was so helpful in teaching letter sounds with actions to keep it stuck in the kids’ heads ABC See, Hear, Do https://www.amazon.com/ABC-See-Hear-Do-Learn/dp/099857760X
I can't speak to fostering as a single parent but if you feel called to it, definitely make the call and learn more! Even if you only did short term respite on weekends and school holidays, you would be providing a great service.
My favorite foster related book - It is geared more towards rural communities but the systemic issues are universal, at least within the US
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0821423029/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_4AG48EC036JBSHNQZ5XY
I love "Another Place at the Table" (amazing perspective from a foster parent) and "Fall or Fly" (well researched overview of, basically everything, including perspectives from the youth, foster parents, bio family, and case workers.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585422827/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_7E08FbSH56HQZ?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0821423029/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_lF08FbZEKMS1W?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Your jurisdiction requirement may be different from mine. But where I live, if the pond is over 18" deep (maybe it was over 24" deep), it's treated similarly to a swimming pool. You have several options:
- Install a fence
- Install an approved pool cover
- Install alarms on all doors that provide direct access to the pool
When we had our pool remodeled, I did not want to put a gate by the sliding glass door in the master bedroom. Honestly - there were no good way to install a gate. So I installed an alarm on the door. Please note that the alarm should be specifically be made for pools and should be installed correctly. The inspector accepted that solution. Here is the alrm I purchased: https://www.amazon.com/Techko-S187D-Safe-Pool-Alarm/dp/B0046786U4
Once again - your city may have different requirements. I would suggest you check with your building permit office.
Could something like this work for one of them? I would be great for providing a dark sleep space for the older kid, or with a small light inside it could work for the little one without waking big bro.
For now, at least get the older one a sleep mask until you are able to work out a more permanent solution. I've gotten in the habit of sleeping with a beanie on my head (the kind with a deep folding brim) and pull it down over my eyes and ears at night. Keeps me warm and toasty without having heavy blankets or pajamas on, and keeps the light from bothering me. The beanie also helps my earplugs stay in place. Not sure why, but it's been a great solution for me. Even small amounts of light and sound can keep me awake, but with the combo of earplugs, sound machine, and my beanie pulled over my eyes, I can get some really good sleep just about anywhere.
A copy of hands are not for hitting will be your friend as well. You can read it over and over. The kids I've had have really liked the series. (Linked to amazon, but worth checking the library obviously!)
I second this. Also, white board and chalk board. I’m not a foster parent (hoping to be, so I lurk), but my ex’s 8-9 year old used to love her dual bulletin board/white board. It hung in her room and she could re personalize it every time she was at our house. She loved updating it with artwork and notes from friends, us, etc.
I’d also recommend for them “nameplate” signs, which can just be boards of wood with twine, (dollar store, target, Walmart in the arts supplies area) and paint and stencils. Then they could make their signs with their names and hang them on their door or in their rooms.
Outside of art supplies, there are nurturing toys. I recently got this Owleez for my GMa, and it’s interactive, 6 and up. It’s a little inside drone, and kids can teach it to fly. It can also be reset between each kid. Here’s the amazon link!
Owleez, Flying Baby Owl Interactive Toy with Lights and Sounds (White), for Kids Aged 6 and Up https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P6Y6478/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_pBR.EbT8Y9EP5
Ahh. I was going to suggest recreating good conditions in the crib. I have a friend who’s son only slept well in his car seat. So when she needed a good night sleep she put him in the car seat, in his crib.
Swaddle is your best option. There are different swaddle blankets, try a few. We have a 5 month old. When we got him he was 2 weeks old, 5lb straight from the NICU. He would only sleep swaddled really tight in a swaddle blanket that Velcro’d his arms down and held his legs tight. He still will only sleep through the night if he’s swaddled. Our little guy also really loves the mamaRoo more than the swing.
Whatever you need to do to get over the hump, I say go for it. It’s only a temporary solution. Sleep patterns will change as the baby grows.