I took mushrooms with my ex girlfriend and experienced a very intense disassociation episode that she had. It was heart breaking to see her there but not “there”. She was numb to everything including myself. She told me that she had suffered from disassociation before but until that moment I had no clue what it actually was. I took it upon myself to try to help as much as I could. First thing I can recommend is educating yourself as much as possible on the disorder. I bought this workout that has been an EXCELLENT resource.
Coping with Trauma-Related... https://www.amazon.com/dp/039370646X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Secondly, I can’t recommend finding a therapist who specializes in ptsd/disassociation enough. Finding out the core cause of the disorder and all your triggers is huge but having a professional be able to guide you through the healing process will be invaluable. It’s a terrible disorder but it is one that can be managed and overcome through lots of hard work and a willingness to seek help. My best wishes for you in your journey of healing.
If you’re seriously wanting to do breakthrough, there is a special combo of psilocybin and LSD that’s sometimes thought of as an ICEBREAKER for major breakthroughs. It is an advanced technique, so you want to read Psychedelic Psychotherapy—an amazing book explaining how these medicines are used, how to combine them, and things to watch out for:
https://smile.amazon.com/Psychedelic-Psychotherapy-User-friendly-Guide-Drug-assisted/dp/0963009656/
Check out a recent podcast with James Fadiman on microdosing: https://castbox.fm/vd/298712745. The idea with microdosing is that you do not “feel” different but experience the day in a more positive way. At the same time, there’s always a risk, even with meditating. So I’m not sure microdosing will allow you to treat ptsd the way mdma would. But if you can use mindfulness techniques it may help. I’m actually reading a book now call Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness...
well if i may be so bold, there's a ton of mixes on my hearthis page, many of them 3 or 4 hours long, some are more dancefloor, but many are just right for reclining, and perfect for a roll. here's a nice 3 hr.chillout mix, very spacy and dark: https://hearthis.at/sheldondrake/lsbtv150704/
i would avoid cheesy stuff like EDM and trance, you want to go deeper. don't be afraid of dark ambient. the whole Cryo Chamber label has a lot of exquisite stuff, and a lot of mixes on youtube. Mysteries of the Deep is an ambient mix series on soundcloud, top quality.
There is an excellent book on the use of mushrooms and other psychedelics for therapy in the book <em>Psychedelic Psychotherapy</em> which I would highly recommend reading.
With that said, I actually am in a phase where all I’m doing these days is “walking-around” doses (ie small enough doses where I can function in the real world) and then writing down what I’m observing and learning. I’ve found .75-1 gram of Golden Teacher that’s been Lemon TEK’d is great for me. (Lemon TEK concentrates and speeds up the trip, so .75 grams hits like 1.5 grams and 1 gram hits like 2 grams.)
I have a mentally manipulative mother who I have limited contact with and taking a .75 g Lemon TEK dose changes the entire situation when I’m around her. I don’t overthink anything she says or waste time interpreting when she’s being passive aggressive; I just live my life around her and she’s pleased as punch. I, on the other hand, don’t take any new abuse or PTSD from being around her like this.
As for finding someone to do a guided session, your best bet might be to start going to events held by your local psychedelic society. I'm about to go on my first guided trip with someone I met through the psychedelic society here. It's basically a club. Check meetup.com, and see if there's one of those in your area. Then after a few visits, you'll have made some new friends, and possibly found someone to be a guide, if that's really what you're looking for.
https://castaliafoundation.com/kali/MDMA-solo.pdf
These have been the most useful and practical guides for me so far. Best wishes
I'd recommend the psychedelic integration handbook. It is definitely pricey, but it is so chock full of integration techniques and so much about psychedelics in general. I was hesitant to get it at first, but after reading the reviews I invested in it & I'm happy I did. Good luck!
THIS BOOK is absolutely fascinating and gives quite an interesting historical accounting of psychedelics and the battle over legalization. I can't recommend it enough.
Hey! I have experienced a lot of sexual violence in the past, and have done a ton of work on healing. It's tough work, of course, and so worth it. I wish you well on your trip and I'm rooting for you. Psilocybin has been a key tool for me, when supported by ongoing healing practices.
I hope I'm not overstepping here, but I'd like to share a book recommendation with you, in case you are interested in something like that. "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz. It is written for survivors of all genders. Sexual assault causes sexual damage, and this book can really help a person understand and directly untangle that. I have given lots of copies of this book to friends irl because it is so, so helpful. https://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730/ref=pd_lpo_1?pd_rd_i=0062130730&psc=1
Very cool. Regarding the book purchased: are you talking about https://www.amazon.com/Psychedelics-Integration-Handbook-Ph-D-Westrum/dp/173387660X ? I’ve never touched that one - if it’s good I’d love to know.
FWIW I’ve never done anything psychedelics-specific for integration. I just try to pick out one or two main things that I figured out on the trip & then turn it into a mantra. If something on the trip left me with a lesson I cannot figure out I talk to a therapist. And it mostly works, but if there are specifics this book suggests then I am soooo all ears on that 🙂.
Thanks. And again: congrats - it’s always cool to hear of this outcome.
I haven't read it myself, but:
The Grief Trip: Learning To Heal WITH Grief and Psychedelics
Have you used the "Integration Workbook: Planting Seeds for Growth and Change" by Psychedelics Today?
It's between these two I'm thinking about getting.
I put in “Canada” as the shipping location and it did in fact say unavailable. These aren’t as good a deal but I think they should work as well or better:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09R2DCRMY/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_AEQTVQHZZYHGF2X1VSDS
I recommend a brand with multiple forms of magnesium and especially if you can find something that also says it’s chelated
If you look up “magnesium complex” that should help. But you’re saying you can’t buy these?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SSWKMBN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_WCB2MMSQZND26MJRR3DZ
Before MDMA therapy, LSD was researched as a catalyst to therapy during the 1950s and 60s, with some quite promising results. See for example LSD Psychotherapy by Stanislav Grof. https://www.amazon.com/Psychotherapy-Healing-Potential-Psychedelic-Medicine/dp/0979862205
Accessing memories of trauma is a good example of early psychedelic therapy. While MDMA is generally more in body without visuals, LSD can open all sorts of doors. Although your LSD trips so far appear to have been very helpful, I would suggest having someone with you next time. Ideally the therapist, but at least someone you trust who can help you ground you if needed. MDMA and LSD can certainly synergize healing. See for example MDMA solo by Phoenix Kaspian.
I would suggest viewing the recent emergence of memories as a sign that a core part of yourself is ready to heal. With warm wishes for your continued journey ❤️
> What are some methods of meditation that you find to be helpful? I have a very distracted mind and almost always find meditation in the sense of "clearing the mind" impossible, though, this does not sound like the same thing. Can you elaborate in any way?
Simple breathing meditation is a good start. It takes practice at first and can be frustrating like you say, but it's like training a muscle. Meditation has links to the hippocampus and amygdala in the brain, helping to balance them out and stop unruly thoughts taking over over time. It's not so much about clearing the mind - even experienced meditators will have thoughts popping up. It's about using the breath as an anchor of sorts so that whenever you realise you got distracted by thought, you refocus on the physical sensation of breathing and let the thought pass by. Over time, this becomes easier and easier until you can apply it even when not meditating. Personally, I got started with this site: https://www.headspace.com/
One valuable resource on this topic is Janis Phelps’ paper “Developing Guidelines and Competencies for the Training of Psychedelic Therapists” - see PDF here. .
Thank you SO much for sharing your incredible journey! (Reddit was down last night or I wanted to respond sooner). I read a book recommendation yesterday (Psychedelic Psychotherapy) and it also suggested several protocols mixing MDMA & LSD to bypass "psychological defenses," so hearing you echo that with positive results is so helpful. Also I had a friend who tried DMT in her journey of becoming a spiritual life coach and said it was the most profound of all her psychedelic experiences. I'm pretty nervous to try it at this stage but I think working my way up to that like you did could be a path that makes sense for me.
You mentioned how being "done/free" affected later psychedelic experiences, but can you comment on any noticeable changes you experienced in your normal life after freeing yourself through psychedelic therapy?
Try checking out “Psychedelic Psychotherapy” It had a lot of insights that we’ve incorporated ourselves and was a relatively easy read compared to most of the books and/or scientific literature regarding the subject matter. https://www.amazon.com/Psychedelic-Psychotherapy-User-friendly-Guide-Drug-assisted/dp/0963009656
Also if you do end up tripping and need support follow “The Fireside Project” and download their app. They’re a MAPS-funded Psychedelic hotline that was just started this year. https://www.facebook.com/thefiresideproject/
There’s a ton of guidance in here.
Psychedelic Psychotherapy: A User Friendly Guide to Psychedelic Drug-Assisted Psychotherapy https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0963009656/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_CH3Z56JTV85KAVJ8WPMP
According to Psychedelic Psychotherapy a User Friendly Guide to Psychedelic Drug Assisted Psychotherapy by R. Coleman,
> "Most beginners should start with a 3-gram dose of dried mushrooms. This dose can be gradually increased to 6-9 grams in future journeys, if needed. The lowest dose that can be felt is between one and two grams. A single dose provides an effective working period of three to six hours." - p. 26 / 128
I'm not a therapist and also can't speak to quality of info here because idk who R. Colmean is and they don't source any data or research. It, anecdotally, appears consistent with a lot of what I've read about non-therapeutic dosing. R. Coleman claims to have been doing psychedelic psychotherapy for like 30 years.
The book. You can find a pdf online if you know where to look.
Good attitude, do some reading ahead of time. Not like 9 huge books or anything, just a couple of good articles/trip reports on the basic preparation stuff. If you're interested enough, this book Psychedlic Psychotherapy by R Coleman has a very good reputation, and is only like 150 pages. In fact, the section on trip prep is only a few chapters. I've read parts of it and recall it being pretty solid. But again, you don't have to force yourself to overprepare either.
As for not having a sitter, totally your call, most people are 100% ok on their own. Adding another person can actually make things different and harder, cus you will be aware of their presence and that might change your mindset. However, if you do feel a sitter would make you more comfortable your first time, there's absolutely no shame in having a friend chill in the other room and check in on you once in a while.
I agree that solo is how you should start, if for no other reason than you can totally go at your own pace. You could, if you wanted to, start with a low dose of 1.5-2gs, get a sense of what it's like, then a few weeks later, up your intake if/when you're ready. If you go on a retreat, they'll throw you straight in the deep end because, again, they want to give you your $$$ worth. Straight into the deep end can be good for some, maybe not for others. Separate conversation, really.
Either way, learn some basic mental prep, go in with an open mind, don't be afraid to let go, especially if/when things feel tough, just go with it. If you're in the ocean you can either float with the tide or try to swim against it. The tide is stronger than you. Just let go, and you will be fine.