Sorry, the actual title is "But I Know What You Want" by James Williams - Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Know-What-James-Williams-2003-03-01/dp/B01FIZVT2Y/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1498077998&sr=1-1&keywords=%22But+I+know+what+you+want%22
That's not something I can answer for you. As someone with OCD, I think the idea of TOCD is just bullshit some guy online came up with and tried to get to catch on.
Ask yourself the following questions:
If you could push a button and wake up as a girl – female body and all, with your whole life changed to suit that – would you?
Do you feel jealous when you see an attractive girl, in a "god I wish I was her" way?
As a kid, did you have frequent thoughts of wishing you were born a girl?
Does societal pressure to be masculine make you uncomfortable?
If you answered yes to all of those, I'd say the odds are pretty likely you're a girl. (Again, gender is fluid and you don't have to be one of two things!) Consider asking yourself why it is that you hate trans women right now. "Because people see them as freaks" is not an answer. Do some soul-searching as to where those feelings originated from. If you're down to give therapy a try, 7cups is free and online with the ability to find a trans counselor to talk to.
Thanks for having the courage to open up about this part of you. The safest way to explore the possibility of a CNC is to join your local BSDM group. Some of them are on Meetup.com The membership will be full of people, many of whom are broken, non-mainstream etc. yet have found a way to be happy and enjoy a community of people who accept them. They can guide you on how to practice CNC so that you don't get knifed or choked to death by some random psycho. I hope you find something that can complete you.
Here is a review of sorts about the book. Pretty shocking really as it makes a pretense of being non-fiction (but not sure). I'm surprised it's sold by Amazon. One day someone will make a porn video version:
Hmm? You mean this?
I mean these are obviously posed for the purposes of being stock photos, as opposed to a screen grab from a porn vid or something. Though taken all together, there's enough there to make a small narrative of the unfortunate secretary whose boss gets too handsy and then switches to full-on assault.
Most, if not all of them, I dug up on a google image search for "rape".
I think you're talking about this photo? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4577788/Rape-victims-experience-involuntary-paralysis.html
Which is from https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/close-mans-hand-holding-woman-rape-585951164?src=kLbogcnSc8KT8XhjpOnotg-1-5
Tape can be very hard on the skin this is safe bondage tape that only sticks to itself.
Bondage Pleasure Tape (Black) Only Sticks to Itself - No Hair Pulling or Sticky Residue! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LMHYA0G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_VOUMCb85BSS8B
I really learned to do it from using a g spot toy. Something shaped like THIS . I’m going to be kinda blunt here, so I don’t be grossed out ok. It almost feels similar to the feeling of having to pee. When you start to feel it use your pelvic floor muscles to sort of bare down and that will help you to actually release. If you had ever given birth it’s the same muscles you use to push during labor lol. Anyway the hardest part is that most women feel it coming on and they either stop or clench up because they are embarrassed or scared they are gonna pee on their parter. Once you figure out how it works, you can show your partner how you use the vibrator to do it and they can see what they need to do to make it happen for you. This also helps a ton to make you multi orgasmic because you will have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms instead of overstimulating your clit. I taught my husband how to make me squirt using this method and now he can do it multiple times almost Every time we have sex. The key is in short shallow strokes because your g spot is usually only about 2” in to your vagina on the front wall. For a bonus, if you can work out how to have both a clitoral and a squirting vaginal O at the same time you will have hit the holy grail of orgasms. Good luck, it’s really the best feeling!
I'm referring to making a quick and simple wrap around the hand using cloth bags such as these
they are big enough to quickly go over the hand, you then use the tape to secure the bag around each wrist and then cinch the bags. - it can be done pretty quickly and is quite secure; It's a little more effort but this tiny addition completly foils any ability to use the fingers to pry at ropes or claw at 'anything'; plus the bags are a lot more comfortable than handcuffs