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I'm reading The Lacquer Screen, a Judge Dee mystery by Robert van Gulik. It's one of a series of historical mysteries set in ancient China.

Life has been stressful and hurried recently, and when that happens I tend to reach for a historical mystery. I love the immersion in a different time and place -- somehow it's less challenging to visualize than the science fiction I usually read -- and the slightly formulaic nature of a mystery makes the book less work.

The Judge Dee novels follow the traditional Chinese mystery format, which is to follow a district magistrate as he investigates three different crimes simultaneously. I like the early books in the series better, because they involve the full stable of characters. The later books all seem to be about the judge and one assistant, so they have less of the character interaction I enjoy.

I'm doing my best to read the series slowly, van Gulik died in 1967 and when I get to the end, there's no more. It's frustrating that a second author picked up the torch and wrote an even longer Judge Dee series, but they're in French with no sign that there will be an English translation any time soon.

I'm still reading Gone Girl. Damn, it's good. It's readable and engaging. Here is a quote I really like. So, yeah. Like I've said before: it's a thriller with the depth of literary fiction, and is the examination of a marriage and its secrets.

Cold read w/ general impressions! https://clyp.it/2n3ky1c4

Summary: Yeah, it does come off as pretentious as fuck unfortunately. Hopefully hearing it read out loud will be somewhat informative as to why.

Personally, I'm a bit wary of Scrivener. I'm not sure it's entirely safe -- and I know for absolutely certain that MS Word leaves backups everywhere the entire time, and its files can be read by just about anything.

Mindmap stuff is cute, but I prefer paper. The tool I've been most impressed with is Write Or Die. It shouldn't work as well as it does, and under pressure, the writing that comes out shouldn't be as good as it is. But it does, and it is. Great stuff.

STORYTELLING

You did a good job at catching the atmosphere. A nervous viking on a raid is interesting.

That said, there were some things I missed. Having access to Gunnbjorn's thoughts made the scene intense. More descriptions of the scenery and what he heard, smelled, or tasted would add to that. I want to feel what it's like being there.

Another thing was that I waited for something unexpected. It might just be me having read too many genre books lately, but I felt like there should be a change in atmosphere in mood and atmosphere at the end that didn't happen. I guess I expected a "BUT THEN"-moment.

Else than that I want to know more about Gunnbjorn than that he's nervous. What's he like? What are his motivations?

TECHNICAL

I noticed some issues with your grammar. A couple of times your intended meaning didn't match the actual meaning of your sentences.

> "Gunnbjorn! Get ready my friend” he looked at me.

Without a comma after 'ready', the literal meaning comes off as 'Prepare my friend'. Also, when you write 'he looked at me' in the way you do it seems it should be referring to the way he said what came before. '"Get ready, my friend," he yelled at me.' is the way that form is usually used. '"Get ready, my friend." He looked at me.' is another way of writing it.

> “It’ll be all right rook. Today’s your first raid?” the red headed Viking said

When not compounded, this sentence refers to a red viking who has one or more heads. Correct form is 'redheaded' or 'red-haired'. I also feel there should be a comma after 'right' here.

> “There she is boys!” Agnar screamed.

Literal meaning: at that location she takes on the characteristics of young males. A comma after 'is' fixes this.

Have you read <em>The Elements of Style</em>? It's excellent. You'll get the comma issues smoothed out in no time.

When I write I write to a word count - 2,000. It's not chosen arbitrarily either - I've done it that way every since I read Stephen King's On Writing, because I agree with his assessments about the count: it's long enough to feel that you've accomplished something, but not so long that it feels daunting. Plus, if you're pushing for 2,000 words, you get far enough into a story to the point that the writing itself becomes less difficult, you get into that groove.

And unless I'm writing the end of a story, I always try to leave myself someplace to start the next day (learned that from Hemingway's A Moveable Feast).

Nice excerpt. I can see the story and the main character is intriguing. My main criticism is of the organization. Transitions are sometimes awkward and there are paragraphs which can be more gracefully constructed. Full critique is attached here:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bxf2Axs1FjtyN0hMVE9lUUZ3V3c/edit?usp=sharing

Cold read as requested: https://clyp.it/1dr5n4qf

Also I forgot to read your specific request first whoops, so it's super general. I am the worst at my own community sometimes.

oh my god so many cold reads today

Since this is one of those read-until-you're-bored deals, I decided to do an unedited cold read! Hope you're ready for 25 minutes of stuttering and vague complaints of genericity: https://clyp.it/4s0nbfkb

Cold read and crit! https://clyp.it/iylk4jf0

General takeaway: Lots of small issues mostly involving prose and flow, but the larger issue is that the opening isn't about anything in particular and I don't get a sense of... well, anything just yet. I recommend reading the essay I wrote about openings because it covers a lot of advice in that department specifically.

Does it pull me in / does it flow well: no to both, unfortunately. Brutal, I know, but I'm assuming you didn't come here for people to mince words.

Cold read! https://clyp.it/yezarwv1

Main takeaway: I can't really crit this all that accurately because I don't know what its true purpose is in the overall story. Instead, I describe my reactions to it, talk about what I assume of the character thus far, and analyze its effectiveness as a cold open. Also, don't use the feedback system to ask for ideas or else I will break into your house and coat your keyboard with jelly.

To expand the idea of the character being passive, because I skimmed over that part: By the end of the letter, there is no suggestion of any future action, just defeat. It doesn't give me the impression that the story is going to move - until something else acts upon it, it's going to sit still with its arms crossed and pouting. That's also something that limits my interest, because that means I'm going to have to read on a bit more before a character is going to take any action whatsoever, and therefore progress the story. I guess you could argue writing the letter itself is an action, but from what little I know from the two characters so far, there's no reason for me to believe the letter is anything other than a passive admission of defeat.

Cold read! https://clyp.it/watpxlk1

I think I hit all the major points in the read. The main takeaway is that it's an interesting universe but I feel completely lost/disconnected from it. Also tag your dialogue.

Don't take my frustration as dislike - it comes from a place of wanting to understand, not wanting to hate on the piece.

5,000 words is a lot of words, so I decided to do a cold read of it instead of typing out a bunch of stuff. It turned out to not be worth listening to because it devolved into frustration about ten minutes in. (It's here if you're really curious, but it gets utterly useless about halfway through. Also, I can't pronounce "orchid.")

The main takeaway from it is that you don't have pacing issues so much as you have wandering issues. You introduce a scene, a concept, a character, and then you're whisked away from it the moment you start to give a shit. The story feels like you're just getting further and further removed from the central plot, trapped in an ever-growing stack of anecdotes and irrelevant information. I gave up a few pages in when I realized nothing was actually going to connect to anything else.

Even if it eventually does connect somehow, it doesn't change the fact that it's a frustrating read and doesn't feel like it has any direction at all.

For those who wanted to see the document on Google Docs, Strange Creatures. It'll take me awhile as I have other things do as well. The edges are still rough on it and I'll deliver the updates this way as it'll be the quicker and better way.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.
• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

This story had me hooked. Once I worked out why Lindsay couldn’t say no to Carson, I was rooting for her. It’s scary. I’m never going to have a pet rabbit!

You have some interesting imagery and overall it’s well written. Some parts are too wordy, which weakens the tension, and phrases like she heard/realised distance the reader from the action. You’ve a good close POV, stick with it. Just say what she hears, sees, thinks etc. On the same line, you don’t need to say he said/screamed etc if it’s clear who is speaking.

Watch out for redundant words – then, now; redundant phrases – the reader doesn’t need to be bombarded with the same idea.

Try to vary words and phrases. I found a lot of ‘he looked’.

Two of your sentences are too long and need to be broken up. You misuse ‘laying’ - you can lay something or someone (no sniggering please), but I think you mean ‘lying’. There are plenty helpful websites, do use them.

The above minor are minor and easy fixed, but my problem is Lindsay’s use of the table to batter Carson. If it’s strong enough to hold a ‘petite’ woman, it will be too heavy for her to swing around. If it’s that light, it would collapse under her struggles. She’d have to hit him with a sharp corner or a leg to inflict the kind of damage you’re talking about and I don’t think it could be done.

There's a little too much "tell" instead of "show" You keep telling us Lindsay is petite. Show us - Carson loomed over her/his weight made it impossible for her to move etc. . Two further issues around this last scene: “no face, only stripped skin and cracked bone” and lots of blood, surely? Wouldn’t the blood cover a lot of the damage? I don’t see why Lindsay would feel guilty. She acted in self-defence.

I started a line-by-line review. I haven’t time to finish it, but you’ll get the idea.

Can I also be added to this? I wrote ~1500 yesterday and these challenges so far are great and extremely helpful.

https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B_nzlo9znF2-NzAyOTdjYWUtYTcyOS00MThmLTg1YjQtYTVhOTc4Y2RlOTY5&amp;usp=sharing

Definitely would have kept reading; my basic critiquing rule is the 5 strikes before I stop (barring small typos and such). Like I mentioned, its also where a real editor would probably stop as it's indicative of the entire work. Because the 5 happened so quickly, i didn't feel it would be fair to you to continue reading as I've already dismissed it.

Just remember to think like a reader/editor after you've done your first draft and go back into your rewrite. It's perfectly natural for first drafts to be too wordy and also to want to get an opinion on it right away - you're proud of it and rightfully so. We've all been there. However as a reader, I want to get to the meat of your story right away and although an extra word here or there may not seem like much, it really adds up.

Can't recommend King's On Writing enough. He even includes a part of a novel he edited and rewrote for comparison.

Your tone is so negative! You finished something! You should be very happy. As far as word counts go, phooey with them. Something I try and keep in mind is a short passage from "Bird by Bird" regarding making a small window with your fingers and writing every day at least as much as it takes to fill that little window. I forget what the passage is exactly, but it's something to keep you going. Writing a little every day is better than writing a lot some days.

Be happy though! Great job with finishing the story.

Nice meaty reviews there, thanks.

"Cryptonomicon" is my favorite of Stephenson's works. He always comes across as very computer-clever, and it constantly throws me out of his stories; "Cryptonomicon" is grounded in the history of computing which makes that read more immersive for me.

"On Writing" works for me in a folky kind of way. Yes, taking a blue collar attitude and kicking precious behaviors is solid advice. But for a book that's so highly regarded I'm astonished at how much he doesn't go into the details of craft. As such, I classify it as "inspirational"--and reaching for inspirational over craft is, how shall I say, a bit precious? To contrast, check out the generous craft details given by John Gardener's "The Art of Fiction," and Jon Franklin's "Writing for Story."

Wasn't able to chime in on the last thread due to lack of internet, so I hadn't expressed any goals. I did, however, do a butt-tonne of writing, and so for the sweet, sweet karma I feel compelled to brag about the fact that I wrote a grand total of 15,000 words during the last week (finishing Chapter 2 of my current project in the process).

Also read On Writing by Stephen King, and was hit by a legitimate spark of inspiration in the process. Feels good, man :D

Goals for next week will be in Monday's thread - going away for the weekend, so I won't have time.

Foundation. Getting out of it that an author's suggested reading order of his works can be a pain in the ass, especially when one wants to read about space, not robots. So fuck it, I'm going for the classic reading order this time.

The Drawing of the Three. Dada-chick, dada-chum was an anthem of my childhood.

On Writing (audio). Plums deify, beeches.

Everything's Eventual (audio). Not getting into it, it's about to hit the abandoned list.

Yes, I think I'm firmly entrenched in retro-reread-mode.

Okay, I have The Elements of Style, On Writing, and another one I personally love which is The Writer's Journey. I ended up getting that after having a more difficult time reading Joseph Campbell's Hero With A Thousand Faces. With TWJ, he takes Campbell's ideas and lays them out simply and relates them to modern movies mostly. It's more of a reference book than a cover-to-cover because it goes over every type of archetype and struggle kind there is. But as a reference book, it is amazing. I never don't write without it.

Are the books you listed as required reading ones that talk about acutally crafting stories? I'm interested into the meat of structure, and I'm not interested in books like "How to Use More Big Words in Your Novel!" (fake title) or "How to Stop Redditing and Start Writing!". I have read/seen all of those kinds and I personally dislike them. I want something I can learn from, as someone who is always learning.

If so, I'll buy all the "required" reading books you listed today. I'm always reading (but not more than writing :P) and another stack is always welcome :)

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

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Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
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• DON'T ASK US TO IGNORE ISSUES YOU KNOW ARE PRESENT IN YOUR WRITING. If you know your submission has issues, and you can fix them yourself without outside input, fix them. A post asking for readers to ignore blatant errors is unacceptable. (In this case, being an unfinished draft is unacceptable.)
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Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Include [feedback] somewhere in the title. Failure to do so will prevent /u/JotBot from recognizing it as a feedback thread, meaning you won't be able to give points to anyone who responds.
• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
• DON'T ask if a piece is "worth continuing," or similar validation-seeking questions. The only person who can decide if your piece is worth continuing is you. Feedback may be able to help you make that decision, but no individual person can answer that question besides you, and if this is the only thing you want feedback on, it's not a worthwhile feedback post.
• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Finally, if you wrote this piece only a few hours ago, chances are low that you've looked over it enough to spot issues you could fix yourself before submitting for review by others. If you're really confident in it, you can submit again now, there's no rule against it, but you might find some issues by yourself if you take some time away from the piece first.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).

Additionally:

> If you want to tell me I've got it all wrong, I don't mind, but please take my feelings into consideration as you do so.

From the sidebar (emphasis mine):

> Please keep submissions related to writing. "Feels" about writing are not welcome.

Taking feels into consideration is not something that is done here. If you're uncomfortable with that, don't post. Bear in mind that if you do resubmit and I see that phrase it will be removed again.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

If you did download the file, make sure to download it again from here. The first five chapters have been revised to include some changes. Thank you! :D

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Also, maybe you should finish your piece before you ask for feedback, yeah?

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• DON'T put pieces >500 words in a self-post. If your piece is under 500 words and you do include it in a self-post, double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece, make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).
• Explain the purpose of the piece. Is it an excerpt? A poem? An excerpt from a poem? Something you're going to submit to a magazine? Context helps tremendously. A middle chapter from a novel can look like a pointless short story if you don't tell anyone what it is.
• Tell us what you want feedback on. Are you looking for a general critique? Something more in-depth? Do you want focus on dialogue, pacing, whether or not the plot makes sense? Again, the more you tell others, the more likely they are to give you the information you want.

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Format your piece sensibly. If you're posting your piece in the post itself (only permitted for pieces under 500 words), double-check that you've got the formatting right. If you're linking to your piece (recommended), make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Stories hosted on sites with eye-gouging design will be removed. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
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Thanks for the kind words. :)

I do need to go back to the fight scene and inject words that express the urgency of the situation, thanks for the advice.

As for typos, I wrote the thing late last night and cringe when I read them now. I am sorry to put you through "bear bellies"

I am glad you enjoyed it; I have only written two chapters and plan on introducing a female character who will act as the protagaonist soon (she is mentioned briefly as Bella) the story revolves around her dancing to take care of kids and then losing her kids to CPS because the babysitter who would watch her kids while she worked was abusing them.

If you want to check out first chapter here ya go

I'd recommend the Magic City by E Nesbit for a longer book with a somewhat similar style of prose. Librivox has a good reading of it.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Put your word count in the title. Being up-front about your wordcount will help others match up their current attention span with your work.
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When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

Hello! Thank you for submitting a request for feedback. Unfortunately, this request has been removed for violating one or more of our [rules](/r/shutupandwrite/wiki/feedback):

• Format your piece sensibly. If you're posting your piece in the post itself (short pieces only please!), make sure to add an extra linefeed at the end of each paragraph, as Reddit ignores single line breaks. If you're linking to your piece (recommended), make sure wherever you've put it is somewhere readable. Your story is much less likely to get read if it's posted on a horrible blog template with an eyeball-destroying color scheme. When in doubt, use Google Docs or Pastebin (plain text only).

When you have corrected these issues, feel free to submit again. Any reputation points spent on posting this request have been refunded to you. Thank you, and apologies for the inconvenience.

The Princess Bride comes to mind, but that's probably because The Princess Bride comes to mind any time I try to think of a book. Still, it's a decent example.

First, it starts with an interesting idea: This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it. And from there, it expands on that idea. Goldman uses that opening line as a starting point for the prologue, and going a step further, the concept actually comes up quite a bit throughout the book.

There are plenty of ways to start a story of course. If you'd like to see more (and better) examples, then you could search /r/Books to find threads where people discuss their favorite openings.

I meant that while some authors have a rambling style, they do it in a way that works. Your piece doesn't quite pull that off- I could tell it just hasn't been edited enough rather than being a conscious stylistic choice.

For instance, a long, spastic, rambling sentence might be perfectly ok if you are trying to convey a frantic mood for the reader...maybe the character is in a knife fight or something similar. Your word choice and development was good, but the run-on element just seemed out of place and confusing because it didn't match the tone of the piece.

In other words, I didn't mean the piece does not have style, I meant the run-on sentences isn't a style that works with it.

I don't know about reliable websites, really. GrammarGirl is alright and I think she used to have a website. I always recommend The Elements of Style by Strunk and White. An excellent resource. You can probably pick up a copy from Amazon for thirty cents.

I read On Writing without reading any of his novels and I can't recall many spoilers. The ones I do remember were about Carrie and Misery, so you might want to read those two.

Edit: There's also slight spoilers for The Dead Zone and The Stand. No crucial spoilers for Dead Zone (just the first chapter), but Stand has a pretty big plot point spoiled.

I haven't read any of Stephen King's novels, but have been thinking about buying his book, "On Writing."

Does anyone know whether "On Writing" contains a lot of spoilers about his novels. Like, does he spoil the endings, or crucial plot points/twists of his best/most popular novels?

Because, I might decide I want to read a bunch of his books in the future, and it would suck if I already knew all the spoilers, due to reading his "On Writing" book.

I also read his auto biography/writing advice book. I think it was On Writing. Really good. It made me laugh because he perfectly explains what my problem is with his stuff. He admits that he writes too much, and says that his polished short stories are like half the length of the first drafts! Still, I don't think he's over rated. I'll definately check out Carrie!

Moby Dick: Always wanted to read, but I've learned that it maybe isn't for me. A lot of beautiful prose. Still chipping away.

Why Your Screenplay Sucks: Always trying to learn more about the craft. Haven't picked up a whole lot here though. Some useful tips for creating a "sellable" script so far and some tips on structure.

Lies My Teacher told Me About Christopher Columbus: The truth about America's origins. Or something like that.

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt: Learned a lot of useless information about Theodore Roosevelt so far.

The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. Besides the drawing exercise, there's a lot of fascinating insights into hour our brain works, not just for drawing, but in many things: our brain's right hemisphere acting as a catch-all sponge for information, our left acting as a firewall and cache to access information quickly.

The drawing exercises almost get in the way!

I just read "On Writing" by Stephen King. I can link to my blog, if people are interested, but the biggest points I took away from it were shut up and write, and don't let yourself edit until you've finished creating.

Stephen King's On Writing. My mom bought it for me years ago, but I never gave it a try until now.

So far I've just been reading his somewhat random collection of memories leading up to him becoming a successful and published author. One thing that strikes me about his writing style is the way he uses expletives. They are used infrequently but to great effect and never feel forced. I think this is something that many authors "miss."

Rereading IT right now and yeah, it's one of his better ones. I also found a lot to glean from The Shining and From a Buick 8

One of the things I found most interesting was how much he contradicts his own advice in On Writing in his own books: the use of adverbs, the endless backstory that doesn't seem necessary, the endings that never end...

I find I learn a lot of what not to do as well as what to do from his writing.

EDIT: words...

This was great. Thanks! I think I might start keeping a journal again, especially to jot down the writing ideas I have. The other day I forgot one, which sucks.

One book which I am finding really helpful right now is The Practicing Mind. I used to be so disciplined in college. Over the years I've slowly lost it and now I'm building it from the ground up. Since I feel like I'm "good at writing" now, it feels so tedious and like the universe is telling me to quit, whereas the first time I did it, I was less self-conscious and just having fun. Trying to get back to that, and to treat my improved talent as a blessing not a sign that something is wrong.

First Impressions

I see long blocks of text, with a single line of dialog. I'm concerned. This isn't how I like a story to look.

I won't know if my impressions are wrong, until I dive in. I'll be right back.

Reaction After First Reading

I'm going to censor my reaction here. It's not positive.

A character was tortured repeatededly, with magic, and then the torture ended. That about sums it up?

I think fiction should create an emotion in the reader, that's just what I like to read. Honestly, you created an emotion in me when I read this. That emotion was boredom.

Conclusion

I normally do line by line feedback. I don't think that will be helpful here. I'm going to suggest a book, I think it will improve your writing.

Techniques of the Selling Writer

If you don't want to spend money, you can get the bones of that writing advice for free here.

I encourage you to continue writing. Best of luck!