This app was mentioned in 20 comments, with an average of 1.45 upvotes
It's a common fear. You aren't alone. Build a tool box of safety nets for yourself. For example, i have notes to myself explaining that this is just a thought or just a feeling and NOT me. My husband will remove all guns and lock them in the safe that i don't know the code to. There is also a CBT app that will help you go through your thoughts and feelings and help distance yourself from the and reframe them.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app[CBT thought diary](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app)
I am not a mental health professional, just a mental health customer forced to look for alternatives in the past. The 2 things I normally recommend are MoodGYM and ThoughtDiary.
MoodGYM is a free, online therapy tool. You do it at your own pace and have some choice as to what activities you end up pursuing.
ThoughtDiary is a free app. It is used to challenge any negative thoughts directly, when they happen, in the real world.
See pole vist lihtsalt murepäevik siis? Selliseid kasutatakse kognitiiv-käitumuslikus teraapias ka.
Ma kasutasin enda jaoks väga keerulisel ajal seda. See oli üks olulisemaid asju, mis aitas mul depressioonist üle saada ja omandatud mõtlemisalgoritm siiani paljudes olukordades abiks. Ehk kui asjale pihta saada, on täiesti igas olukorras kasutatav, sest juba asja lahti harutamine ja aru saamine, mida sa päriselt tunned, aitab.
That is painful. Im sorry you are hurting. Your feelings are valid but you need to remember that they are feelings and not facts. It isn't your fault. Please take care of yourself. There are several apps i use for my mental health and i want to share them with you. One is "thought diary" it helps me reframe my thoughts so they are helpful instead of harmful. It really helps. Its like having a therapist. Another one is "seven cups" it is also a website. I HIGHLY recommend it. It is free to talk with trained listeners it also has groups for dealing with grief were you check in with the group once a week and have a meeting and it is really helpful.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app
It's a shame theres no free treatment, but look into cognative behavior therapy. There are workbooks that do pretty much everything a therapist will do with you, and some are free online. It can help you get a handle oc your emotions and not blow situations out of proportion.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app
This app was also very helpful for me!
That's pretty typical of anxiety. One time my cousin told me she couldn't pick me up at the train station about 20 minutes before I was scheduled to arrive. It was easy enough just to take a taxi but I was freaking out. x.x
You should probably talk to a doctor about this. They'll probably want to start you off with Cognitive behaviour therapy.
From personal experience I recommend asking to try something like clonazepam or something from the benzodiazepine family to keep you from hurting yourself until you can find a more permanent solution. However drugs are different for everyone and what works for me might not work for you.
It's scary but I also highly recommend talking about any thoughts of suicide or self harm to your family and your doctor asap. It's a really hard thing to do but the sooner you get this treated and the sooner the people around you are taking it seriously the less trauma you'll have to work through later in life.
Mental illness can build, making itself worse and causing other health problems so it's important you build a strong support system from day one.
There's lots of helpful information on CBT online you can read up on but if you have an android device I'll link you to an app to get you started.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app
It would be something like this: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app
When you start having anxiety from a trigger, you would write down your immediate thoughts. Your level of stress. What would be the worst outcome. How likely that could happen and why it wouldn't. And after write a rebuttal. Then write what you think after and your new stress level.
Every single time I end up feeling much better. It's an exersize to "rewrite" your automatic thoughts whenever a trigger occurs. So eventually when that trigger appears again. You won't feel anxious anymore. Believe me when I say, it really does help.
Also, even if it's only occasional triggers, if you ever feel overwhelmed and that it's holding you back, then I would suggest to seek help. But I mean, if it's something you see that you can handle it on your own then there is plenty of material online that can help too. :)
>Lately I have been working out regularly, I have lost weight and my strength has increased drastically. But aside from taking care of my body which will give me confidence, and help me with mental health.
>I should have graduated this year but I had to take off a year to help my father with our business (which is doing poorly and is contributing to our stress at home). I feel a bit useless but I should be graduating in Spring 2020.
You have your shit together. You helped your family in a time of need and you're graduating soon. That is having your shit together.
> My mental health is in an okay state, I don’t get panic attacks or anything anymore. I just have mild moments of my anxiety trying to trick me into believing something is wrong with me.
>I also don’t have a proper sleeping schedule, some days I go to bed at 2 AM or 3 AM and wake up whenever I want.
These two might be linked. If you don't get enough sleep then you'll get anxiety. If it's just going to bed late and you're getting enough sleep there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're productive; which seems to me that you are.
Things I'm Doing Now
Journaling
Mindfulness Meditation with Headspace App
30 minutes of exercise a day. Mostly swimming which helps with timed breath.
Exposure therapy. I find ways of doing shit that scares the fuck out of me and getting use to it. This is fucking hard.
Councilling
Group Support
Talk to friends
No caffeine no stimulants.
Beta Blockers for high blood pressure (I want off of them)
I had to cut back on work and am trying to learn how to have lower standards for myself and to love myself.
I'm trying to get my hands on Universe Sandbox VR (I'm not really spiritual but space helps me feel that grander feeling and that's really good for anxiety.)
I also did the Jordan Peterson Self Authoring program. It was okay, but I wouldn't recommend past authoring for people with PTSD. It's just a writing exercise. I found 12 rules for life to be bad, but that's just my opinion. I personally don't recommend Jordan Peterson for dealing with anxiety, but his future planning and present authoring is helpful.
I also do no fap, but not really because I believe in all of the shit that r/nofap says. It's just a slight edge.
Asserting myself properly. This one takes time to learn. Some people with anxiety just can't say no. I always could and would fight with people, but that's not really being assertive.
Things I Plan To Do
Diet Changes with clean protein(boneless chicken breast, chickpeas, beans, non fatty cuts of meat, salmon), carbs(greens, fruits, moderated startchy carbs), and fats (flax, nuts, fish). I also want to work on changing my gut bacteria. (A good note is sometimes your anxious because your blood sugar is low)
Finding new interests. I literally have nothing I like to do.
Potentially EMDR or hypnotherapy. (These are both controversial)
Been busting my ass trying to get a proper sleep schedule together. (THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) Joe Rogan has a wicked podcast with someone that studies sleep.
Resources
https://www.anxietycanada.com/adults/creating-a-map
Books that I've read that have helped me
Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic, and Worry (Explains the neuroscience of anxiety)
The ABCS of Coping with Anxiety: Using CBT to manage stress and anxiety (Explains how to deal with anxiety)
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love (Talks about relationship anxiety. Super interesting stuff!)
All of those books were written by academics and not just some asshole guru. Mostly phd psychologists, neuroscientists, and medical doctors.
You're pretty fucking hard on yourself. Negative thoughts have purpose and ignore that power of positivity bullshit. Learn to be mindful and compassionate towards yourself because you're going to burnout if you beat the shit out of yourself. There is a mindful self compassion workbook by Kristin Neff Phd that you should pick up.
You don't have to do all of the things I do. I recommend that you engage in some hobbies, talk to some friends, find community, and think about the stuff you did for your dad as meaningful. You have a lot that you've done and to be absolutely honest I'm a bit envious.
Meditation will help with your sleep. Take breaks. Don't spend too much money, and just try to be understanding of yourself man. Talk to someone before mental health gets to be too much.
I have a lot to say about this. However, before I respond, I thought I would tell you a little about where I'm coming from. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder (type 2), and ADHD when I was ~15, ~22, ~25, respectively. I've been in therapy on and off for almost 20 years. The main method of treatment was cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Also, I have a very strong interest in Buddhism.
I'm going to challenge some of those beliefs on those bases.
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>but it seems like the vast majority of people look back fondly at young adulthood (18-30) as the best time of their lives.
Do you know this? Or does it just feel that way? Just because you feel something doesn't make it true. That's emotional reasoning. Your feelings are absolutely valid, but that doesn't mean your line of reasoning is.
You seem to imply that you want your young adulthood to be the best time of your life, but that you think that it isn't. What would make something the best time of your life? Has that changed over time? Would the definition of the best time of your life be the same as a 20-year-old compared to a 30-year-old?
Also, do you want the best time of your life to be behind you? Do you want, after living your entire life, to have lived the best time of your life between the ages of 18-30?
Personally, I want the best time of my life to be right here, right now. I try to do this by unhitching my happiness from anything. If I'm thinking, "I would only be happy if..." I'm making my happiness conditional. To be happy in the present moment means practicing unconditional happiness.
Happiness cannot be part of an if-then statement or else you will always be unhappy. You will eight always be longing for something else (i.e. a new condition), or you will achieve that new condition (e.g. getting a new car), get used to it, and start longing for a new condition.
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>My 20s were spent in a state of anxiety and chronic depression. An almost teenage angst defined those years; I spent countless hours trying to answer existential questions about life that I can't answer.
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>I didn't enjoy college at all;
Lots of people don't. In my experience, they tend not to be vocal about it if they had a bad time. I didn't enjoy the majority of my college experience. I'm sure you could post on r/AskReddit and ask why those who didn't enjoy college didn't enjoy it.
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>I spent 4 lonely years majoring in a subject (actuarial science) that I only chose for the potential monetary benefits without considering if I cared about or liked the field.
Many, many people end up working in careers that have nothing to do with their majors. I wound up majoring in music because I was struggling to manage my bipolar disorder and music, was an easy degree to get (if you did it right) at my alma mater.
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>99% of college students spend 4 years partying, befriending new people, and fucking with the often end result of a corporate career at which they excel.
Do you know 99% of college students do that? Or does it just feel that way? Also, is that what you would have wanted? Do you--the you at that time--think you would have enjoyed those things?
I know I felt pressure to do those things in college, but my last year there I realized I didn't want to do any of that and I never had. I just felt like I should. I was so much happier when I started declining invitations to party.
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>I spent the remainder of my 20s after college frittering around not really achieving anything of note. I drank too much. I tried freelance writing. I travelled to and lived in SE Asia, but I was lonely there so my experiences don't count.
What did you actually do in your post-college years? Maybe you could list them without using any judgmental language, like "frittering."
For example:
After college, I got a part-time job after my K-12 school as a part-time high school teacher. I believed I wouldn't get a full time as a high school teacher. A job opened up as a full-time pre-school assistant. I intended to obtain a master's degree while working full time. I began experiencing symptoms of depression. etc
How do you define achievement? Are you using your personal definition? Or are you using the definition that friends/family/society has given you? If the latter, do you actually agree with that definition of achievement? What is your definition of achievement? Finally, why is achievement important to you?
Your experiences "don't count" because you were lonely? Do only good experiences "count"?
Also, you are minimizing the experience that contradicts your narrative. Traveling is certainly not something everyone gets to do and would not consider that "frittering around." However, Traveling is part of the traditional narrative of partying in college, getting a job, and traveling for vacations. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything like that, I'm trying to challenge your thought process.
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>I thought meditation might help me let my past regrets go but I can't seem to do it even after 30 consecutive days of meditating.
Here's a hypothetical for you. Say there's someone completely out of shape. Haven't exercised in a decade. This person decides to run a marathon. After 30 days of exercise, they think they aren't in good enough shape to run a marathon and so they stop exercising.
Does this sound reasonable?
Meditation is like exercising. You have to do it consistently over a long period of time to see benefits from it. And, like exercising, you have to continue to do it to continue to get those benefits.
When I first started doing mindfulness meditation, it probably took at least 6 weeks before I notice any sort of difference. And even then it was a big difference. But I kept at it. I noticed more and more changes and benefits to doing it.
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>Part of this holding on to the past is that I feel like most others approaching meditation are doing so from an already content position in life. Maybe they have some of the normal stresses, but they lack regrets about how they spent their youth.
Do you know that most people approach meditation from a contented period of life? Or does it just feel that way? What kind of evidence do you have for that? It seems like you are jumping to a conclusion.
In my experience, it's the exact opposite. I took my first meditation class about 10 years ago. I remember the teacher asking about why they came. We were all suffering to one degree or another and wanted relief.
Many people regret how they spent their youth. You can only make the decisions with the information you have in the moment. Looking back on previous decisions means you are using new experiences and information to evaluate a previous decision.
I wish I hadn't majored in music. I'm using the knowledge of the consequences of that action to come to that conclusion. I didn't know what all of the consequences would be when I made that decision.
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>I was so unhappy and so isolated during those years that I literally feel unique among the world's population in how I squandered that time.
Just because you felt a particular way doesn't make it true.
How are you defining "squandered time?" Are you using the definition you have now? Or are you using the definition you had while you were 18-30?
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It seems to me that you feel like you've really lost something. Perhaps you should try grieving for that loss. Write in a journal, talk to a therapist, write poetry, sit with your emotions, use this CBT app.
Been there. I would try staying away from negative thoughts by keeping myself occupied or busy and leaving no room for them. It would work for a while, but then some random thing would trigger and all the negative things would come back at one shot and make life miserable. However, such things never happened with the positive stuff. One positive trigger never led to feeling a lot of happy stuff. I think you can relate.
The only way is to make the positive emotion strong and make the negative one weak. Actively look out for positive stuff throughout the day and make a note of it. Start journalling. At the end of the day, look back on the day and make a note of at least 5 positive things that happened in the day. Aim to write a page every day. Or 5 bullet points. Whatever, but do it, every single day. When I was going through the process, for the first few days, I found it extremely difficult to fill a page in the journal, because I had to think for half an hour to find out one positive thing. I would have a million negative things, but a positive one would be hidden deep somewhere. As the days progressed, it became easier to notice the positive stuff and fill the page. Then one became two, two became three and in a few weeks, I could find a lot more than 5 positive things every day. Could be something as big as achieving that weight loss target or getting a promotion or something as small and seemingly insignificant as a random stranger returning your smile. Keep doing this for a couple of months and you'll become more sensitive and aware of all the positive or non-negative stuff that's happening to you.
You can't completely avoid negative stuff. They will keep happening from time to time. But you can make it weak to ensure it doesn't have an avalanche effect. There's this excellent app called CBT Thought Diary. It worked well for me and so I'd suggest you give it a shot. It's just a logger. While you can use it for the positive things too, I used it for logging the negative stuff. When you log a negative thought, it'll ask you to categorize it and also ask you how you can challenge the thought or fix it. This step really really helps. For me it made me focus just on that negative thing and not have an avalanche of negative thoughts coming in. I'd highly recommend using this app at least for a week. After a while, the negative thoughts will stop having the compounding or avalanche effect. Do try.
I dated a guy for many years that was incredibly anti drugs, to the point where I stopped using all psychedelics, and even stopped using cannabis because I was so anxious that he was judging me for it. This was a huge mistake on my part, as I was using it medicinally for migraines and it impacted my ability to do school work, hold a job, etc. I developed a lot of resentment towards my boyfriend for this, and while it definitely wasn't the main reason, it was a contributing factor to why we eventually broke up.
First off, I don't recommend stopping unless *you* feel your usage is a problem. It doesn't sound like that's the case, and it sounds like you're getting a lot of therapeutic use from it. Stopping a medicine that is helping you simply because your partner disapproves can cause friction and resentment to build up over many years.
Secondly, it sounds like you're already doing your best to educate her, link her studies, etc. I second another commenter's recommendation of showing her the studies that Jon Hopkins are running. Seeing that many reputable scientists recognize that it has value for therapeutic usage might help. It might also help to emphasize to her that while you know that psychedelics can't replace therapy, they can speed it up - for example, would she rather you go through 10 years of therapy without psychedelics, or 5 years with? Maybe she's worried you are trying to take a short cut.
Third - have you discussed with her that her judgmental attitude is impacting your ability to use psychedelics medicinally? It might be tricky to bring up, depending on her disposition, but if she's a compassionate person, she might simply not realize how much her statements are impacting you.
Fourth - she may never be cool with it. Or, it may take her many, many years. I've remained close friends with the boyfriend I mentioned at the beginning of my comment, and after 15 years, he's finally chill with psychedelics. While he doesn't use them himself (aside from trying them once or twice), he has zero judgement for those who do so responsibly. It's a shame he couldn't get there while we were still together, but he did get there :)
Fifth - You might want to try practicing radical acceptance when these anxious, guilty thoughts come up during a trip (or even while sober!) You are not always going to agree with your partner, and they are not always going to approve of everything you do. It feels scary to know that she disapproves, but try to be okay with the idea, because while this might be the first topic it's happened about, it won't be the last. If it gets overwhelming, try to figure out why it feels so bad - are you worried that you're hurting her? Are you worried that she'll leave you?
Once you've figured out *why* you're feeling that way, you can work to replace those thoughts with ones you know are true. You know you aren't hurting her. You know that she still loves you, and it doesn't sound like she's about to leave you over it.
Something I've found really useful for working through thoughts like these is cognitive behavioral therapy. I used to fill out sheets by hand, but recently I found this app that I really like. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app&hl=en_US
The app is called Quirk. The app is no longer there on play store, there is an iOS version:
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/quirk-cbt/id1447026451
And if someone can compile it or try to complile it from the repo:
https://github.com/Flaque/quirk
The next best thing I found was "Thought Diary":
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app&hl=en_IN
It doesn't have any repetitions and follow up like Quirk to reinforce a new cognition.
My employment document already spelled out the severances. I wanted more. Hence I refused to sign the resignation letter. It was only when they included yearly bonus and more months salary I agreed to sign it. I got a way better deal in comparison to other people who were laid off.
As for the last question - I meant I applied for a senior job at my current (future?) employer. Given the choice I went for a higher post and did not back down because I was laid off and desperately needed the job.
CBT Thought Diary is really great.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/cbt-thought-diary/id1010391170
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app
Okay bro, I'll give you all of the resources that I know of. I have things in common with you.
What you're going through is extremely hard and it's not easy for us to give you advice because we are not therapists.
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Read books. Good books. I don't mean from self help nobodies like Tim Farris or Tony Robbins. I mean books where the author has a phd on the end of their name. Real experts in their field. Here are all of the books I've read about anxiety and depression in the past 5 months:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - And Keep - Love - written by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
The ABCS of Coping With Anxiety (Using CBT To Manage Stress And Anxiety) - Written By James Coward, PhD
Rewire Your Anxious Brain (how to use neuroscience of fear to end anxiety, panic & worry) - written by Cathrine M. Pittman, Phd And Elizabeth M. Karle, MLIS
Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It - Written By Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos - Written By Jordan Peterson, PhD
Lost Connection: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope - Written By Johann Hari
Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries - Written By Guy Winch, PhD
The Body Keeps the Score Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma - Bessel Van der Kolk MD
Mindfulness Self Compassion Workbook - Kristin Neff PhD
The first two to start with would be rewire your anxious brain and ABCS. They speak in great detail about social anxiety, how it works in your brain, and how to cope with it. Once you're done with those books you can figure out your anxieties with women through the books about "attachment". ABCS also teaches you how to properly be assertive with other people.
A good note is that Johann Hari and Jordan Peterson ideologies conflict. They are books that contain anecdotes that praise and are against certain forms of politics. By far the worst book on that list was 12 rules for life for me, but I can see how it is helpful. The idea you should develop is figuring out the balance between a collective responsibility and individual ones.
Important to note: A lot of these books can be found at your local library even in audiobook form. If you're not into reading, and don't have the money, you can find a lot of the books on a torrent site called audiobookbay or even the piratebay. I think the only one you'll have to read is ABCS.
Go to anxiety group supports in your area. Find one you like. Some of them you might not jive with. Get in touch with local services. Hopefully someone can drop some links below. Just keep looking for as much free as you can get your hands on.
Do things that you can control right now. A lot of therapy require basic things of life. Eating properly, sleeping properly, socialization, and exercise. Honestly, I would wager those things will help your anxiety and confidence dramatically. Getting in shape will also help with the ladies ;) Clean your room, brush your teeth and if you have medication, take it. It's sometimes easier said than done, but if you can force this you're already a far way through.
Create goals and build a plan for them. Honestly, this is the best thing that Jordan Peterson helps people with. His self authoring program is good. You should do it: https://www.selfauthoring.com/. However, if you struggle with a traumatic past, I wouldn't go through the past authoring bit and would leave that work to be done with a therapist.
I would suggest doing this after you read the books, but talk to your doctor. There are two potential avenues you can take with this: antidepressants and testosterone therapy. For everyone else, yes, I said TRT. It turns out that many people that have social anxiety have it due to low testosterone levels. There are also natural ways to raise your testosterone levels and should focus on that first if you come back having lower levels, see number 3. For more about testosterone related questions head on over to r/testosterone, Read up on testosterone and social anxiety before anything.
In regards to antidepressants, be careful, they seem like they are becoming more and more controversial. I'm reading more and more that they have become a substitute for a fucked life. But take them if you need them and have your doctor monitor you closely.
Heres all the things I've done here or there. You can read up on them if you want:
Answering your questions
>Should I try to go back to school and is it worth it to go back? (I really want to purse nursing but I feel like I won't do well with my anxiety)..
I would do a lot to work on your anxiety first. You have the time right now. Use it. Take time out of your video games and watching videos and start with those books then actually doing what you need to do.
> How do I make friends again and how to get back into relationship with girls?(after my social anxiety got worse, this feels impossible)
Guy Winch book actually has areas that help with this. I would start by focusing on your social anxiety then move to slow ways to make friends. Things like meetups are helpful, but really just immerse yourself in an activity that you're interested in or try and get a job around people you might like. Therapy can also really help with this.
>How to stop being scared of conflict and being a pushover? I grew up in an abusive family where I got beat for the slightest thing and I'm so scared of conflicts/making people mad now.
A lot of what I've said contains how to do this. ABCS actually talks about how to become properly assertive. But is also good to point out things like the gym can help with this dramatically.
I hope all of this helps. I can't do it for you and hell I can't even be the best guide, but these are the things I am personally trying to do. Just become absolutely obsessed with getting your shit together and figuring your own shit out. Goodluck.
I prefer pen and paper.
However, when i am lacking pen and paper i am using:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.moodtools.cbtassistant.app&hl=en
its decent.. .i also tried out:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=nl.pear.rational
It has nice design but its missing features...
Yep depression feeds itself. You don't cook for yourself for a month because finding the motivation is damn near impossible, then feel awful for not having cooked. You let your room get messy then feel shit for letting it get that way. You judge yourself massively based on things like this.
Things like exercise, diet, socialising, following passions/hobbies, and getting good sleep are all things that can help a depressed person, but when you suffer from depression it can be incredibly hard to do one of these regularly let alone all of them. It's all about taking small steps and getting into habits one at a time. Eating a piece of fruit a day is a great example of that. Doing this on your own is possible, but I strongly suggest seeking the help of a psychologist and if it is deemed necessary, trying anti-depressants and do it now not later. I know how hard it is to do this. It took me almost 10 years of suffering before I sought help. Prior to that I told no one how I felt, even though most days I wished I wasn't alive, and sometimes thought about taking steps to make it so. As with all illnesses, it will be easier to treat if you catch it early, instead of after 10 years that illness effecting you. I'm far from cured, but I think it is helping. I can at least see a way getting past, or at least managing this thing.
If you live in America or anywhere else where professional healthcare can be too expensive, there are still options available. There are many online and phone up services that allow you to talk to someone. This can really help. Aside from that, I recommend looking into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and mindfulness. There are many online resources covering these.
- CBT is type of psychotherapy designed to help recognise depressive thoughts or emotional changes caused by depression and find the flaws in them, recognise the type of thinking that causes it, and find an alternative, more positive way of looking at things. This is sometimes related to the inner critic. The inner critic is more of a popular psychology thing rather than academic, but it can help to catch and combat these negative thoughts, so is worth looking into as well as regular CBT. I've found this app pretty good for doing CBT.
- Mindfulness is another great tool at combating both anxiety and depression. The whole idea of it is just to bring your mind's focus to the present. Doing this regularly (e.g. on your morning walk to work) is great, and can help your mental health a great deal. It is also a great tool to help intervene in rumination and worrying thoughts, which are known to contribute to depression and anxiety. The free part of this app is great, can't speak to the paid portions, but I think there is a depression specific one. Just googling mindfulness exercises will bring up a bunch too. A good example is to just focus on what all 5 senses are experiencing (what you see, smell, taste, hear, feel), I like to do this for about 5 minutes as I walk to work since it's quite a pleasant walk. Another that I use to calm myself or intervene with rumination and worrying is just to focus on my breathing (deep diaphragmatic breathing in and out), while I do this I slowly open my hands on the in breath then close them on the out breath. There is some very interesting science behind deep breathing, but I won't get into it now.
Pacifica is another app that I've considered using. It's more of an all in one app for this sort of thing. It seems to include CBT, mindfulness, gratitude, and goal setting/following.
Once you are in the habit of doing those two things, start trying to slowly introduce other good habits such as getting into a good sleep pattern. Habits take a long time to form, so it's fine if you only focus on one or two things each month.
I'm a little late to the party here, but as someone who has gone through therapy for anxiety (one anxiety being mild social anxiety), I think I can speak to this situation. I am also a graduate student who feels very confident during presentations, but I have anxiety during "normal" social situations. I still get anxious sometimes, but it's completely manageable now as a result of the following information (and practice!).
Presentations are usually on a topic that you know well enough that you feel confident on the subject. You're either very confident about the material, or you've practiced what you're going to say. Public speaking is also fairly one-sided and you know what to expect (i.e. you speak and then perhaps answer questions on the subject).
Social anxiety is often a result of uncertainty. Uncertainty that you might do something that would result in embarrassment or another negative feeling. When you are in social situations that you can't control, or you don't know what to expect, you may develop anxiety because you are thinking "what if X, Y, Z happens...that would be so embarrassing". You might be doing this consciously, or sub-consciously as a result of anticipatory anxiety.
Anticipatory anxiety can enforce your feelings of anxiety and preemptively cause anxiety. For example, if you have done public speaking in the past and nothing bad happened, the next time you do public speaking, you'll reflect on those past experiences positively. On the other hand, if you reflect on past social situations where you felt embarrassed (e.g. maybe you felt your face go flush and you thought everyone there noticed and you were embarrassed), you will think to yourself, "ugh, I don't want that to happen again!". So when you enter your next social situation, you'll already feel anxious just thinking about your last negative experience(s). Again, this might be a conscious thought, or sub-conscious.
Practice makes perfect! The best way to get over social anxiety is by exposing yourself to social situations as much as possible to develop positive experiences. Then make a conscious effort to think about those positive experiences and try not to think about the negative experiences as much. Just be compassionate to yourself--try your best to overcome your anxieties, but it's okay to feel anxious.
When you feel anxious about a certain situation, I find it helpful to make a "thought diary" entry. Basically you write down what you're anxious about and challenge yourself with evidence that it won't be as bad as you think. It really helps to write it down versus just thinking about it in your head. Here's an app you can download Android and Apple
I really didn't expect to write so much--sorry for the long-winded response. I hope this helps!
I'm on Android. Do you mean this one?