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How about a book?

The Art of Manliness also has some good stuff including a decent podcast and a club type thing you can join. They say it's like Boy Scouts for men, but I haven't done it so I'm not sure.

Was there bullying going on in middle school? echoes of those taunts may still be with you

Try 'blanking your mind' (a form of meditation) for 20-30 minutes a day (I find watching a nature DVD with sound off, a useful distraction for avoiding stray thoughts, eg. DVD Terrific for anxiety reduction, takes a few days to get into it.

For dark thoughts that are tiresome, see my comments to this Post Such thoughts, if left unchecked, can end up brainwashing us.

Please give daily meditation a good try.

I find the method where you're just blanking your mind for 20-30 minutes a day very effective at settling myself down nicely for a day (and a great help at avoiding upsets getting to me). Took a few days to get into it, and, it was invaluable to have a distraction to prevent my mind from wandering (I watch a sound turned off nature scenes DVD ).

For improved communication, you might find it helpful to read aloud (in a volume that could be heard 20 feet away) a page a day from a book. If your speech could be crisper, you can sharpen it by holding a pair of dice in your mouth during these sessions (one in each cheek).

Now, is there more to it? eg. Are you finding intrusive 'self-talk' recurring many times each week especially bothersome?

>I've made great progress with my anxiety over the past year

Expand on that (any residual anxiety saps our confidence).

I suggest daily mind blanking for 20-30 minutes (a form of meditation), which worked very well for me (takes a few days to get into it, I found watching a dvd with sound off very useful nature scenes ).

hmm, this Friday. That's long enough (several days) to get the hang of daily meditation (blanking your mind for 20-30 minutes) to get your anxiety under control generally. I find looking at a quite DVD playing a fireplace scene a handy way to keep my mind from wandering during a session. example DVD

1. Good Merino wool socks from REI. They're like $15 - $25 a pair but they are SO much better then the cheap cotton socks and they last forever!
2. IN the same vein, some high quality underwear might be a good idea. If you have a costco membership (or know someone who does) their Kirkland brand boxer briefs are cheaper than the name brands, but just about as good.
3. If you and he do not have a Costco membership, that might be a good gift as well.
4. If you have the budget, good hiking boots are a game changer. I'm not talking about the ones you see in shoe stores. Mine cost like $250 at REI and they're worth every dollar!
5. Does he like cars? What does he drive? Does he like to do his own wrenching? Tools are always a safe bet for most guys. If not tools then maybe accessories for his car. Those rain diverters that go over your windows so you can crack them when it's raining are nice to have. See here. Or just put his car model in amazon search. They will have lots of ideas.

> I'm completely wasting "the golden years"

Age 15 is not your golden years and anyone who peaks in life as a teenager is living a rather pathetic adulthood. Most people's teenage years are awkward and at times painful; people struggle to figure out who they are, what they like and don't like in romantic partners, their place in the world, potential career paths, and so on.

> based on my personality type I find it hard to live without caring for someone

What personality type is that?

> I'm currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, but I don't see how anything could get better because some things can't be changed by words

Psychiatrists can prescribe medications so it's not just words. But therapy in general isn't 'just words,' it's a way for people to sort out the difficult issues they deal with in a safe and healthy way. There are Vietnam veterans who got over PTSD by talking about what they went through in the war in groups with other Vietnam veterans and eventually this approach got incorporated into scientific and clinical approaches to helping veterans of wars deal with the shock of coming back to civilian life.

So my point here is don't underestimate the power of words (it's not just words of course, it's compassion and emotional safety as well). You probably felt a little better after the rant you wrote and you'd also probably feel better if you got some useful advice, right? So yeah, words can be powerful and therapeutic depending on how they're used and in what context.

You should read a book or several books by Albert Ellis, a psychologist who is now deceased.

https://www.amazon.com/Stubbornly-Yourself-Miserable-Anything-yes-Anything-ebook/dp/B008FQJOG2/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1B7F7QF1RHMJO&keywords=albert+ellis&qid=1659371910&sprefix=albert+ellis%2Caps%2C127&sr=8-2

When Ellis was in high school, he was very shy and uncomfortable with women/girls (this was in the 1930s or so). He decided to challenge himself to an experiment. According to Wikipedia "At age 19, already showing signs of thinking like a cognitive-behavioral therapist, he forced himself to talk to 100 women in the Bronx Botanical Gardens over a period of a month. Even though he did not get a date, he reported that he desensitized himself to his fear of rejection by women."

Rejection is inherent in life. Rejection isn't harmful or fatal.

One question I would have for you. Do you have platonic female friends? Are you comfortable with female friendships. If you have zero female friends, you may not not in general how to be comfortable around women (without an ulterior motive - dates or sex). Try to nourish some female friendships with ZERO hidden agenda. Friends only. You need to get comfortable being friendly and talking to women. If you're not comfortable, that nervousness leaks out when you're going up and trying to talk to girls to ask them out.

Philips Series 3000 bodyshave. Use it on the balls and shaft. The attachment for the pubes to leave a bit of hair but no stubble feeling. Philips Series 3000 BodyShave

OP, I’m not gaslighting you. I’m trying to give you legitimate feedback, and you’re super defensive.

And there’s tons of black and white thinking on your part.

“Most people are weird and antisocial.” That’s just not true.

How about reframing that to “The people I’ve met to date are mostly weird and antisocial. I need to find different people to hang out with.”

You’re bemoaning women in your original post and worried about their sexual prowess.

You’re worrying about the wrong things! You know who has lots of sex? Guys who can talk, converse, and hang out with a variety of women - and enjoy those friendships without expectations of sex.

If you’re truly interested in tackling these issues, give this book a read for starters:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008FQJOG2/ref=dbs_a_def_awm_bibl_vppi_i0

I recall that there are six brands of attraction. In no particular order:

• Leadership
• Intelligence
• Peacocking
• Stereotypical
• Morality/Integrity
• Physicality

Any given woman will respond differently to which brand is most important to them. For some, peacocking (looks and how you present yourself) is highly important and they highly desire men who are at least an eight in that category. Others find it more attractive for a man to be more stereotypical (survive in the woods or fixes their own car). The point is that while a woman will focus on a given brand, all six must be present at some level. You might be the most intelligent guy she has ever met, but if you haven't bathed this week or combed your hair she's going to turn you down no matter how much she wants an intelligent guy.

All of these are listed and discussed in detail in Athol Kay's Mindful Attraction Plan. I've read and applied two of his books. Both changed my life for the better. This one I recommend applies to both men and women.

I don't often suggest books, but in this case it's a perfect fit. The book No More Mr. Nice Guy sounds like him. There is a good comprehensive review of this book here. Read over the book review, and see if that sounds like your fiancé. Here is a brief quote:

> The nice guy is afraid of conflict, so he avoids it at all costs by being nice. Since he avoids conflicts, nothing ever gets solved with him. He might disagree, but he doesn’t say it or he might even pretend to agree, just to avoid conflict and arguments.

If it sounds like him, you can buy the book and read it yourself first, and then suggest he give it a read. If you're not willing to read it, then don't ask him to do so. You're in this together, so you both need to be onside. Anyway, read the review and see if it strikes a chord with you.

The truth is, you can rewind the tapes in your head as many times as you want, but the truth is still there.

The guy is a fucking prick, and he is not worth your time and energy. He's taken enough from you, don't let him take anymore. There a ton of people out there, start making friends in a way you feel comfortable with. Look up Meetup.com, look at local events or things happening at your favorite stores. Go to school, hang out with people from work, in a group of course.

The truth is if you really wanna move past this, you gotta step letting prevent you from living your life. You can do this, you just gotta try.

Look up <em>Convict Conditioning</em>, a strength-training program designed by a felon based off of his experience in the slammer where there was no meaningful access to gear or gyms. There are six exercise progressions in there ('girl pushups' being the easiest pushup variation, one-armed pushups being the most difficult) that work all the major muscle chains in the body. Back when I started in April I could barely get to 15 regular pushups and my form was terrible; today I just did 3 sets of 20 diamond pushups. I've had similar progress with my pullups, bridges, abs/core leg raises, and squats. I'm in better shape now at almost 40 than I've ever been and it's only taken 15-30 minutes a day, almost every day since then. Other people started telling me I looked different/better after just 4 weeks or so of training.

I'd also urge you to look up Red Delta Project, Fitness FAQs, Al Kavadlo, and Hybrid Calisthenics on YouTube.

Buy this book

https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=sr\_1\_1?crid=2H23FU2N99W2G&amp;dchild=1&amp;keywords=she+comes+first+paperback&amp;qid=1635768904&amp;sprefix=SHE+COMES+FIRST%2Caps%2C200&amp;sr=8-1

Start by talking to women you aren't attracted to, making small talk, getting to know them, learning the art of conversation by doing (couldn't hurt to pick up a copy of Dale Carnegie's <em>How to Win Friends and Influence People</em> which you can find free on the internet). Once you get the hang of that, move up to something more challenging/difficult: talk to women you find somewhat attractive but not super-attractive. As your confidence builds up you can ask them on dates just to get some practice with that aspect of courtship without necessarily getting into relationships with anyone. Learn how to spend time with another human being of the opposite sex. Then from there start trying with women you're strongly attracted to.

Just about everything that's difficult, challenging, or scary in life can be broken down into smaller, more manageable, less risky, bite-sized tasks or pieces whether that's learning a new language, building muscle, climbing Mt. Everest, or talking to women.

So move on then. It's real simple.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here. We don't know you, don't know the guy or how long you've been seeing him.

I looked at your history and if I had to bet, I'd say it's been a month, maybe two.

There is a book I think you'll find helpful and eye opening. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_09VMQXVZED841S3GDZH4?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1

Women and men both have their own challenges. But Norah Vincent spent 18 months disguised as a man. By the end she was suicidal and checked herself into a hospital. "It was hard being a guy. Really hard. And there were a lot of reasons for this."

I think that one additional thing you need is to expect more from them as well as yourself. In my experience to an extent we accept the kind of treatment we feel we are deserving. My apologies if that comes across as overly critical as that's not my intention. As someone who has done that exact thing for 20 years since I started dating as a teenager, I say this from a place of experience. Like lost charge said, there's something these sorts of guys are homing in on; but in addition to that there must be something about them that you're connecting with. Part of finding better partners has to come from within our selves since in the situation of different relationships we are the only constant from partner to partner.

One of the things I did about 2 years ago after a brief relationship fell apart unexpectedly that hurt me deeply was I took a hard look at myself to identify what I was doing wrong and what I was doing that was causing my relationships to fall apart. Through that process it was suggested to me to read a book about attachment styles called Attached which I've recommended to several people here on Reddit and friends irl. And so far I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from those who have read it. I think it can really help you understand both the why behind many of your behaviors, as well as the behavior of others.

As someone closing in on 40 and has spent a significant amount of the past few years working on myself to get away from seeking a partner who needed me to seeking a partner who wants me, I think I can chime in here with some helpful perspective.

Men (well, anyone really to be honest) that seeks out someone who needs their them is likely doing so due to their own insecurities or some other personal issue. A secure, self confident, self assured person doesn't need to feel needed. They will need to feel wanted. To be needed is temporary because eventually they will no longer be needed once whatever it is that the need fulfills is resolved or is no longer relevant to the moment.

You seem quite well adjusted and independent. As well as quite secure in who you are & what you are looking for in a partner. You may benefit from reading Attached if you have not done so already. It's a book which tackles the subject of attachment styles of ourselves and our partner. I suspect that much of the book may not necessarily serve you, but there may be quite a fair bit of it particularly around your partner's behaviors which would be valuable and bring you words to describe what you already have seen/felt in past relationships. Sometimes finding those words can greatly improve the method and process in which we undergo to whatever end it is we're seeking.

Overall I don't think it will be challenging for you to find someone who values you. But to find someone who is as secure in who they are as you appear to be from this post however may be a challenge. That said, if it were easy to find it wouldn't be as meaningful.

All the best in your future endeavors!

I use Dr. Bronner's - Pure-Castile Liquid Soap to wash my body and hair. A lot of commercial men's products have toxic chemicals in them. I would wash your sheets once a week, but if you have a woman come over, I would wash them that day.

It's these guys on the internet who give out advice about how to get girls interested in them. It was made famous by this book. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007MAXHUG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;btkr=1.

Even if it is a pick up artist gimick that he is doing, I wouldn't necessarily assume that he's fully immersed in it and using some elaborate system (though maybe he is). If you're a guy and you just google around for advice about dating you're bound to stumble across this stuff at some point. Could be some isolated piece of advice he stumbled upon. But in general if a guy is doing something that is both weird and deliberate on a date I would assume it's some weird piece of pick up artist advice.

What matters more than going to dates wearing heels and a smile is attracting the right men. Before you can attract the right men, you need to describe them.

Make a list of traits your perfect man would exhibit, and feel free to describe his physical features. When you're done making this list of things you want in a man, prioritize those traits.

Get back to us when you've made the list.

Source: Data, a Love Story by Amy Webb