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The most popular Products mentioned in /r/BDSMnot4newbies:
The most popular Services mentioned in /r/BDSMnot4newbies:
Habitica
Threema
Freedom
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skribbl
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The most popular reviews in /r/BDSMnot4newbies:
I'm surprised no one has put this here, but maybe everyone knows about it or maybe it's not exactly what you're looking for.
But I always put down Stjepan Šejić's Sunstone series when I can. But it's more story based I guess...
Plus, there's that "in the moment" factor. Being in a "state of flow". I think that's some of the "feeling alive" and "Feeling Something" for me. My brain is generally so constantly distracted. But not in a scene.
>If a theoretical physicist presents his latest paper to a class of 3rd graders, should he blame the kids for not understanding a word he said, or should he ask himself if he perhaps chose the wrong audience?
Babies like theoretical physics of presented properly
(They're awesome books; highly recommend)
I wrote a mini-series. Its about a bookish-type woman who is into the occult accidentally summoning the dom of her dreams but he is a demon. On the off chance anyone is interested in such a thing 😂
If you want scissors, safety shears are the most effective and safest, that's why they're the standard emergency backup for rope or leather bondage. If you want a knife, get one you don't mind dulling around the tip and rounding the point, just in case.
But my hands-down favorite tool for this is: https://www.amazon.com/Gerber-31-002745-Vital-Zip/dp/B00I9Y74FI/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=gerber+zip&qid=1619831194&sr=8-4. It's my emergency safety tool, safely goes through clothes way faster than any scissors, and is always perfectly sharp no matter how much you use it because of the replaceable razor blades. You can paint the handle black if the orange doesn't fit your scene.
Another option for safer clothes cutting would be a "rescue hook knife" or a rope knife.
It'll be a curved shape where the cutting edge is only in the curve/hooked place (might be a built in or replaceable razor blade) but the ends should be dull so it can go up against skin without risk.
Examples:
(Fixed blade) https://www.amazon.ca/Benchmade-BLKW-Rescue-Strap-Cutter/dp/B0013QVC1Q
(uses razor blades) https://www.amazon.ca/Dakine-Hook-Knife-with-Pocket/dp/B003PCHEGI
i had chronic uti's that were becoming resistant to antibiotics, and through some in-pain late-night googling, found d-mannose. i havent had to take antibiotics since i first ordered it seven years ago. when i feel a flare up coming on, i take 1 tsp in a cup of water, and repeat every four hours for a day, then eight hours the next, then twice a day. mine usually clear up in one to three days now, where before even with antiobiotics i'd be in agony for two weeks.
this is the one i use: https://www.amazon.com/NOW-Foods-733739028099-D-Mannose-6-Ounce/dp/B00JWKDF6A/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=d+mannose&qid=1602179757&sr=8-6
I’ve been thinking of buying those wobble stools with rounded bases to alternate between standing and leaning for a standing desk.
Sitting is rly killing me.
Are you determined to use actual barbed wire? The risks that go with that seem immense.
If you're more looking for the visuals of that sort of bondage, with a tolerable (but not minimal) amount of pain for the sub,, another option that could work is leather barbed wire like this - https://www.amazon.com/Xsotica-Barbed-Wire-Leather-Cord-Yard/dp/B095RY4DQ5
Bonus: It's more pliable, so you'll also be able to more securely tie up your sub and it's easier to get them out of quickly in a code-word situation.
Looks like you can get rolls of leather “barbed wire” on Amazon for a pretty decent price. Thank the Goths for that!
I am literally doing this right now because my submissive has TMJ and larger gags hurt her jaw. I wanted something smaller and compressible that still uses the traditional bit style gag but that she can easily compress.
Here are two options:
- Order a bit style gag. Cut the bit out and throw it away. Replace the bit with braided cotton cut from t-shirts or a smaller bit you create of your choice.
- I ordered a collection of stainless steel rings. I'm going to create the braided cotton bit and then use leather dog collars and rivets to create the back strap.
I hope that helps and if your solution works well you need to share your result.
I bought $5 dropper bottles from amazon. I filled them with scented oils and created paper labels so they look like Dr. Frankenstein's potions. Now they serve as aphrodisiac mind-control potions for our CNC naughty doctor scenes.
​
"This is Topical Agent Number 23. It will produce a highly powerful psychotropic effect which will drive you into a deep trance. I’m going to place a small drop of Topical Agent 23 on your wrist where it will be absorbed through the skin. You may notice that you skin becomes very sensitive, and some patients report a state of sexual arousal. This is perfectly normal and not a cause for concern unless I were to double the dosage. Patients who receive two drops can become hyper-aroused, their skin becomes electrified with pleasure at the slightest touch, and they may lose all control of their desires. Whatever happens during this session we must be very careful that you do not receive more than a single drop in your dosage."
​
Of course, in the scene she gets two drops; you can't set that up without delivering.
I have another bottle labeled "No. 48" which I haven't decided what I want to be yet.
I've been playing with the idea that has some in-scene planned brat-potential. If it were a potion that would make any man ravish a woman regardless of their professional ethics my bratty submissive could try to steal it on the sly and drip it on me after I've been edging her for awhile. I could place it just out of reach so that she knows if she could reach the potion and somehow use it on me, she could get what she wants... but it's just out of reach.
The authors wrote a separate one for D-types: Mastering Mind
Yeah, I get that. I have definitely done my fair share of that as well. At some point I got tired of dealing with people who couldn't deal with me, and then I realized that I had to deal with me first. Self discipline is hard, but it can be practiced and learned, and for me at least, it has made a world of difference.
Here's the link to broken toys, I really cannot recommend it enough
My submissive loves her blindfold. She's very much driven by touching sensation and removing her vision heightens the experience of her skin. We searched for awhile to find a blindfold that could stand up to our rigorous play, provided total blackout coverage, and was comfortable at the same time.
This is the one we use:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07KC5DWCC
At some point I may try a full BDSM hood but she also wants hairpulling so the blindfold could be our ideal solution.
Not this particular brand. But in my experience most resistance bands marketed towards strength athletes are really strong and can handle a lot of abuse. As long as you do a routine check for tears before you use them (just run them through fingers feeling for any bumps and irregularities) and keep them out of direct sunlight when not using them, I think you will be fine.
Otherwise, look into the German brand Flexvit bands. They are made from fabric and synthetic rubber, and will never snap.
https://www.amazon.com/FLEXVIT-Multi-Band-Resistance-Superior/dp/B087128GVL
I think these are the same belts and you can buy them for $17 per set.
Not amazing quality, but highly practical for quick bondage.
https://www.amazon.com/A%C3%AFcha-Friends-stories-Explicit-interracial-ebook/dp/B099FCRN75/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?crid=30N513BNEQN9F&keywords=aicha+nin&qid=1642696415&sprefix=aicha+nin%2Caps%2C145&sr=8-2 Short erotica stories inspired by real life events. It's good, trust me.
- I have two jobs. I coach a niche physical activity but that would never pay the bills. I support my coaching habit by writing code for one of the big tech firms.
- Rule: Once the ropes are tied, you get it when I say you get it.
- I'm a little curious about what crickets taste like. They sell cricket bars.
A fellow redditor threw the url up on a subreddit and I explored it to find access to books I otherwise wouldn’t have access to. Thanks to this website, I’ve been able to explore many different ideas - presently, The Polyvagal Theory which I’m finding to be so wonderful I can’t help but try to blather on about it to everyone who will listen.
We live in a 24/7 TPE.
We have a scene every day. This began after we instituted a daily maintenance spanking protocol that always leads to lava hat sex.
We talk over a drink after every scene. That is what caused is to create the podcast Kinky Cocktail Hour where we discuss our experience together. It has proven to be a remarkable journey we are on.
The reason we started a daily maintenance spanking is that my Sub found herself getting into her head if we missed days and she would start to bring stories into our dynamic. The truth is that we are meaning making machines, and without being reoriented to the dynamic she would make meaning out of things which in turn would create space in our dynamic. This does not happen any more.
We don't do causal sex at all. Our dynamic is so all engrossing that there is literally no space for another relationship in our dynamic. One day, perhaps, we might take on the idea of bringing another sub into our scene, but its not on the cards.
Checks post fair, yep its allowed.
As for games https://skribbl.io/ is a good pictionary game for multiple people and a custom word list. It would be fun with bdsm words.... A friend ran a board game 7th continent iirc by fb messenger that was really good.
LOL! I found out about this thing called freedom.to. It cuts off digital access to everything so you can be productive, I think? I didn't wanna look too closely cuz ew!!!! Sounds horrible!
It's hard, real life doesn't provide as much instant gratification and our brains are geared for those little rewards.
Somebody just linked me to this app for chores which could be interesting for the gamer-types! I'm going to try it...when I get the motivation, haha.
My submissive and I have been living together almost 30 years now. We're not a 24/7 dynamic and we have a sort of necessary on-off switch which separates play space from normal space.
It's largely because we're parents and our life requires a lot of work for the kids, their needs, and the chores the keep the household going on a day-to-day basis. So, for us we carve out private time together to engage in our dynamic. We have a very good lock on our door, we play music or ambient noise to obscure any bedroom noises, and we keep a bathrobe handy in the event there is an interruption and one of us needs to go intervene. I bathrobe up, I toss a blanket over her, and then handle any parenting issues.
Sometimes that means we need to stop what we are doing and sometimes we need to reset.
Also, working from home means that my lunch hour got a lot better once school started this year. It also means that I occasionally schedule a vacation day during the school week so we get guaranteed time together.
>I've never heard anyone talk about this before. I wonder how commonplace this kind of "pushing back" is.
In Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook the chapter "On being tied up & being untied" there is a section called "I bet you can't get loose" and the next is "How they get loose". Those two sections count 10 pages between them (out of 315, but the book covers a very wide variety of topics, from safety to knot tutorials to 40 pages on the different types of ropes to the why people are into bondage and then some). The way he speaks about it, it sounds like it's fairly common.
Obviously I guess that's something that should be negotiated (just like so many things in BDSM). If the top makes a good looking tie that isn't meant to be that escape proof, just aesthetic, and the bottom ruins it by trying to escape, there are going to be hurt feelings.
- I celebrate Yule. The return of the sun. The return of the light. Getting more daylight is a good thing! This year, we will decorate a tree with DC Bombshells Cards and Batman tied to the top. We will spend Dec 25 (because we will both have it off) together. Dinner will be something fabulous cooked by both of us. I will bake my famous "Christmas Cookies" (my grandma's recipe).
- I like to shop in person at local stores I like to keep money in my town. Online, i like to keep to independent business owners. I like etsy quite a bit.
- I have never seen that before. It is the best thing ever. I want one. u/Commander_Bluebeard can I have one? please? pretty please?
You're my Pet by Yayoi Ogawa is a pretty good Manga. It's free with Amazon Prime with their awesome comic reading interface.
It has pet play and ownership elements and heavy femdom appeal - without actually calling any of it BDSM. My sub had some problems with it, saying the main character is bitchy -but as a bitch myself, it jived well.
TheraBand FlexBar, Tennis Elbow... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00067E4YU?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
There she is. It’s diabolical. Definitely thuddy. I didn’t know it would help my tennis elbow when I bought it!! Ha ha win win.
My girl and I swear by this stuff and I have had a lot less problems since we both started using it at least once a week. And it smells amazing!
I also drink water constantly. And while the SME's tell you to pee before and after, I personally am fine as long as I pee after but not necessarily before. YMMV.
Obvious (unsolicited) advice is obvious, but I did actually, religiously, same time every morning, use one of those lamps, and it honestly did help. But it takes creating a habit out of it. This was on fervent advice of my shrink, who told me many, many of her patients tried and felt it did nothing because it's a challenge to prioritize it daily. But she also reported (and I can confirm, from my experience), that IF people managed to do it daily -- for 20 min or so, even! -- it did produce noticeable results.
This is the one I have. It's handy. Works great.
Be careful with Calcium Chloride dehumidifiers, as the salt is considered a lung irritant (and some of the dehumidifiers are designed to turn to liquid as they absorb humidity, so there is a spill risk).
In small amounts it's not toxic, but like all salts, too much can be deadly.
The salt is also very corrosive to metal parts.
They can (and do) work well, just keep an eye on it.
You can also get giant silica packs for larger spaces. Here's one pound and they get even bigger (0.0)
I don't know what accommodations they booked, but I know the book that they accommodated was The Fall of Hyperion, if that helps^(can't imagine how it would, to be honest) ;-)
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns.
It's perhaps a little dated now, but the couple who wrote it were in a real life D/s relationship when it was written, and it's got lots of useful information in it.
There is an amazing book I recommend to everyone first getting started called "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns". You can get it here for less than $20. Online resources are great, but I am hugely fond of gifting copies of this to curious friends. It's a paper back, and offers cool pictures to go with the definitions.
It was the first book I ever read from this realm, and is really the only non-fiction book that is specifically kink-related that I still recommend to this day.