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Yes, Martha! Her Homekeeping Handbook in particular has so much on organizing and cleaning everything. It sounds similar to the Home Comforts which I've never read.
I heart organizing in my go-to. Lots of tips. She doesn't always just go to the Container Store. She DIYs a lot of her storage. Always declutter before you get into organization to make sure you actually want all of the belongings you want to organize.
I separate tidying into tidying and decluttering. Tidying is the act of straightening up. Decluttering for me is letting go.
Please note, there is a Christian part at the 41 minute mark. The speaker clearly announces this in the video as well. The rest of the video is based on book by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey called "What Happened To You"
This video has stuck with me since I first watched it a few weeks ago.
I just checked your username to try and discern if you were one of my siblings. This was exactly how my mother was as well. I started reading a book called The Emotionally Absent Mother on a plane ride once. Got two chapters in and was uncontrollably sobbing and had to close it. Highly recommend but would also recommend NOT reading it in public!
Go one step at a time and be kind to yourself. It is a journey and it takes time, but it is worth it when you get there. Just make sure you have a friend to hold if you feel like bleeding sometimes. Breaking your inherited toxic habits are hard, but not impossible. A book that helped me was mothers who can't love. It helped me understand my feelings better, why I was constantly furious and anxious, why I behaved in the certain ways I did, and showed several ways how I could deal with them.
I wish you the best on your journey. 💖
This shit is a lifesaver and I use it whenever anything smells remotely funky: https://www.amazon.com/OxiClean-Odor-Blasters-80-Ounce/dp/B01BUNHFAS
Put the clothes in the washing machine, set it to soak in warm water, add a generous scoop to the load along with your normal detergent and stir it into the clothes. Leave it to soak overnight.
Of course! It's called "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by a Manuel J Smith, a psychotherapist - https://www.amazon.com/Guilty-Smith-Manuel-Market-Paperback/dp/B00ZT0TBFQ/
I would stress reading it with a warning that it was first written in 1975 and there are aspects of his examples and phrasing that are sexist. It's a product of its time, but the core principles and advice ring true. Can be a little repetitive, but I found that actually helps because it re-inforces the things you need to remember. There are several key techniques that are used frequently in example conversational scenarios as he takes you through each one and builds on them.
It took me a wee while to get through, but it was really helpful for me for realising how to cope with emotional manipulation. Hope you find it interesting as well!
start with this book, you grew up in trauma, it only makes sense you have (most likely) symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, panic, depression etc. you can get through this, and the best route is the one you take right now. the route that works for you today. If that means reading blogs, books and posting that is your route. No shame, no judgement,
OK, so there's this one that I seen when I was trying to winnow down my own collection:
https://www.amazon.com/Storage-Portable-Carrying-Organizer-booklet/dp/B074PDJ9PV/
So like one binder can hold 192 disks. HOWEVER, bear in mind that for every 2 discs, there's one media pocket. This is good for those BluRay ones that have more than one disc in there, but if you're having those traditional DVDs with just the one case, you might have to cram two cover arts into the one sleeve. This may or may not be a deal-breaker for your dad.
Personally, I just ditched the artwork and crammed all my DVDs in a regular binder with only space for the discs themselves, like this guy that holds 500 discs:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08TCCGQMR/
Mine doesn't hold 500 discs, because I don't own 500 discs, so I got one that holds like 50 or so. But that still made a massive difference.
They make these gel air fresheners for campers that help with moisture. Like this: moisture and odor eliminator
Ok, I’m going to get yelled at, but hear me out. Unless you have a lot of money, do not hire an inspector. There are some who have cleaning services they are selling, who will find any little thing wrong, so they can upsell you on their services. They will threaten to call the authorities on your home and have it declared unfit for living.
There are others who are required to report to the owner of the building. If you’re in a hoarder situation, the landlord can easily point the finger at your parents and blame them. Then they’d be on the hook to fix it.
If it’s your own house that you own outright, make sure that anyone you do hire has a strict confidentiality contract in order before you let them in. Honestly, there are at home test kits that will let you take a swab and grow the mold:
Mold Armor FG500 Do It Yourself Mold Test Kit https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002MPPYVQ/
It’s $10, and pretty straightforward.
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
not 12 step but still every helpful = amazon will offer suggestions based upon the book and send you down a rabbit hole that you may find useful
Hi this is actually from Amazon!
Walker Edison Fehr Modern 4 Door Bookmatch Buffet, 58 Inch, White https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07BS6YVC2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_KJTYWJYDM1APAJV9TK3C?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
This is what we use for clothes that are too dirty to go back in the closet. I love it because you can hang pants over it like a hanger or thread your shirt through it. I also can’t stand the over door hooks that you can see from the front side of the door for some reason.
If you wear your pajamas more than once, you can fold them and put them under your pillow when you make your bed.
I stopped using hampers with lids because I couldn’t manage to open it and put clothes in it. Now I never miss!
I purge my clothes every season. I try on anything I’m not sure about. I only keep what is right for the season in the closets and dressers. If it’s too far gone to be donated, I cut it up to use as cleaning cloths.
Here's a book you may enjoy, "Nice Children Stolen from Car," https://www.amazon.com/Nice-Children-Stolen-Car-1/dp/1475192630
I read her blog for several years and always thought this would make an awesome movie or series
this deals with the narc side of things- i highly recommend it,i've worn out my personal copy and several of my office copies. The author covers the gaslighting, the mindfuckery, the nonsense and why it happens. (i dont remember if you are a daughter or son but the book is appropriate for both)
While we are having a book club moment, may I strongly, strongly recommend Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents?
It was ground breaking for me, and really helped me process a lot of my emotions and actually helped me let go of the shame regarding my parents that controlled my inner self.
First thing to is become completely financially independent of them.
Second thing is to realise you will be looking after them in their old age & catering to their whims. No.
https://www.amazon.com.au/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703
> Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
There's an app called Tody apple link or android link and it can help you establish habits. It can take some time to set up if you want to add tasks that the app isn't preloaded with, but essentially you add each room in your house and you add each task you would need to do to each room. Then you assign a frequency to each task. The app keeps track for you and can send you alerts when you are past due or getting near cleaning time. You can get SUPER micromanagey if you need to for a few months to really establish good habits- for example the bedroom can nudge you to change the sheets weekly, sweep the floor daily, vacuum weekly, put up clothes daily, wipe down surfaces every three days, clean your duvet cover monthly, clean the fan blades yearly- honestly you can make any task you can possibly want, and for any frequencies you want. And when you start it helps to add really easy tasks so you feel accomplished and get positive reinforcement.
Came here to say that this problem can often be part of ADHD. Clutter blindness is a real thing, and may be more difficult to address than you think. I'm sure on r/ADHD you'll find many people with this issue, and some good mess management tips.
I am also an ADHD sufferer and can get a bit blind to the mess, but have made a lot of progress managing myself. A lot of what I do has to do with not leaving small messes if they can be addressed now.
"If it takes less than 2 minutes then deal with it now" and "don't put it down, put it away" are some things I live by. It took some time to adjust, but now it's reflex.
Some people need a garbage bin in every room to minimize mess. I'm the opposite and prefer one bin for everyone upstairs and one in the kitchen and bathroom. This is because I avoid emptying the trash, so more bins make the mess stinkier if I leave it.
Also, if you keep making a mess in the same spot then make a home there for those things. (i.e. if your shoes all end up in the bathroom then put a shoe shelf there, that's where they go now even though it's unorthodox.)
Take any barriers away, trust me. If you won't take the time to open the lid to the garbage can then take it off or get one that is motion activated. Personally, I can't seem to get myself to put away dishes, so I don't. I got one of these dish racks and all the every day dishes go there. It's easy to manage, I don't feel like there is a step to do before I begin washing dishes, and the only thing to actually put away are pots/pans and mixing bowls which is easier for me to tackle. I'm also more likely to wash the few dishes a couple of times a day.
My therapist recommended a couple to me recently (I haven’t read either yet so can’t personally vouch for them). “Stuff” was one of them and the other was “Buried in Treasures”
This book is recommended by Mr Blocko who has hosted the subreddit meetings - Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0547422555/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_1DBQ64ATZH9E2FHBH6Z4
I hope this can help you understand your mom a bit more
I moved into a place with a roach infestation, and the property management company wouldn’t help. I got this stuff from Amazon advion 383920 4 Tubes and 4 Plungers Cockroach German Roach Pest Control Inse, Brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00730QW70/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fabc_R2b5FbJWT0CS5 and it killed all the roaches we had. I was shocked.
Also, as far as online classes. Get a trifold board (like from science fairs). You can prop it up and voila! Clean background!
Something like this:
Elmer's Tri-Fold Display Board, White, 14x22 Inch https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0072A95WK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_-fDCFbB4GYT8P