Hi there! Lemme just say I'm happy to hear you're in a good place and looking to continue healing and learning. Congrats for getting to this point, and I hope your journey goes well from here!
As far as book recommendations go, several people here are reading Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation and come together for a weekly book club thread (run by our very own u/puppydeathfarts .) If you're looking for a good book to dive into with people who can relate, I'd recommend joining!
There is a dissociative specialist that wrote a book on how to help clients get on disability as a provider. Here is a link to his book: https://www.amazon.com/Navigating-Social-Security-Disability-Programs/dp/1440870012
I know several people with DID that are on disability. All of them also have some form of physical disability, though. I do know about half of applicants get rejected without anyone actually looking over their paperwork and then those same applicants get approved when they reapply / reapply with a lawyer. If you apply for disability with a lawyer, they will usually work without being paid up front and instead get a percentage of your disability pay. This means they have incentive to have you win but also means you'll get less in backpay.
I kinda had the same issue as an alter in our system. I would get rid of everyone who was nice to me, who loved me, only because I thought that I didnt deserve their love, care, and time. They were sure to find someone better than me to spend their time with. I changed the way I was using simple affirmations, and doing things that I enjoyed. People who kept loving me, standing by me no matter how miserable I felt were literally the ones who saved me from all the suffering of the fear of being loved.
How do I put it? He is supposed to understand that you dont wanna find someone better, its him whom you wanna be with, and you are hurt as much as he is when he is far away from you... But it will most likely take real time for him to do so. :)
This app helped me a lot:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ns.positive.affirmations.reminder
And I suggest you to talk to his therapist about his fear of being loved, and considering himself as not good enough...
Hope things will work out for you two!!!
-S.
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=clear.serif Here you go! It's made with characters in mind. But it allows you to make a profile for each alter, put some notes under their name, set an avatar and allows easy switching between each one when writing. It also has time-stamps.
That being said, one made specifically for DID with more catered features like is being suggested here would be better. So I'm certainly not jumping in here shooting down the app idea (quite the opposite), but it is something to use to tide everyone over until this one is developed.
In the app page, it lists their email and also the server they use.
You might consider Stranger in the Mirror: Dissociation,the Hidden Epidemic, https://www.amazon.com/Stranger-Mirror-Marlene-M-D-Steinberg/dp/0060954876
and, seeing how you are research oriented, this link to studies of DID that have been based upon use of the diagnostic methods discussed in the Stranger book:
Amazon has some great journals. They have different designs DID Journal
Mixed this powder epectrolyte stuff made for sports into some water and drank it. The numbers are a lot lower than than salt sticks, but same idea and very similar ingredients. My symptoms have improved slightly, but consistently. My fainting, dizziness, and migraine have all become just a bit less obstructive. My muscle tightness even improved a bit! It was enough proof for me the concept was worth pursuing more. I order the Salt Stix Buffered Electrolyte Capsules and they arrived in the mail just a couple hours ago, so I haven't tried them yet. I've never been so excited about salt in my life. Thank you so much!
If you want the book I recommend, I really liked this one (no referral or search info on the link, just the book). Audiobook is free, and while I don't really follow exactly how it's layed out, it's meant to describe living a healthy life as an internal democracy, so it helps explain it's not so weird.
Do these ones look suitable?
I should talk to my neurologist about this.
He will begin to explore your condition and talk about the presence of previous trauma, he will ask you some questions from cognitive behavioral therapy in order to start an accurate diagnosis ... Don't worry it's simple things Each therapist has his own style ....
Take this tool with you, it will help you a lot.
Don't make problems worse, stay ahead and don't imagine yourself as a coward... you are strong. Just try to always think forward.
a helpful tool for those coping with dissociation
It turns out that you have a hidden trauma that you will discover through the diagnosis, recalling the memories of the past with the help of your therapist
Use this journal it will help you a lot....
it helps a lot, honestly just any internal communication or communication with your system can help a lot. communication is part of being human, like if someone gives you a gift and you want to thank them, that's communication, even if it's with a sticky note. if someone does something like rearrange your desk or room and you hate it, you need to tell them to never do that again, by email, text, whatever, and that's communication. my system and i talk a TON in the Inner World but i've made redundancies, like i set up our own email forwarding things with a domain i own, so we have our own emails (they go to the same inbox but appear separate to the outside), i have an app for chatting, and i have plenty of sticky notes and places to leave notes for one another, because it's a huge part of living functionally multiple, at least for us. if you look at The Flash, there's a part where one character has DID with two Alters (it's actually well written and a really great show, even if it's not perfect) and they leave sticky notes for each other, blue and red from each of them. honestly anything you can do to try and communicate could help, and along the way you'll build trust. /gen
i hope this helps, and i hope you and your system have a wonderful day, and hey, Here's Some Sticky Notes On Amazon /pos, lh
You have to be honest, where is the embarrassment in his real news...
If he is a specialist and has previous successful experiences in treating patients, he will help you a lot..
good luck.
Use this tool, it will help you.
These hallucinations are caused by rebound shocks
Associated with dissociative personality disorder.
Try to contact a trusted therapist, and control your levels of depression and anxiety.
Change your daily routine... I wish you success.
A Useful journaling tool.
I'm using this app right now thats helping me develop habits.
you can set it as a widget so you can make "the list" the first thing you see when you unlock your phone.
you can explore the app for all its got, but if you're on your phone a good few times a day like I am, it helps complete some daily to-dos.
and all you have to do then, is open your phone, click the checkbox, and boom! task completed!
it helps cause of how easy and fulfilling it can feel given adhd.
it at least gives my alters the CHANCE to open our phone, see a to do list, and maaaaybe complete one.
like for you, you could put a task list together like:
[ ] brush teeth (morning) [ ] wash face (morning) [ ] eat [ ] drink [ ] make haircut appointment [ ] brush teeth (night) [ ] wash face (night)
and throughout the day, when it starts to look something like this :
[✅] brush teeth (day) [ ] wash face (day) [✅] eat [✅] drink [✅] make haircut appointment [✅] brush teeth (night) [ ] wash face (night)
the adhd for me usually encourages me to "fill in the blanks". or at least sparks a "try" in whoeveralter sees the list at that time.
here's the link to the app. it is free!
TO DO LIST APP: (USE WIDGET ON HOME SCREEN) https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=todolist.scheduleplanner.dailyplanner.todo.reminders
it DOES have what one may say "annoying ads in app" but only sometimes.
you can use this INTERNET DISABLE app :
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=eu.faircode.netguard
to block internet usage for the to-do list app, so you won't get an ad while using it ever again!
wishing you well. :^)
I combined two DID journals that I ordered.
This one has nicely formatted tables for tracking daily symptoms (you write in the symptoms) and triggers: https://www.amazon.com/All-Parts-Are-Welcome-Dissociative/dp/B09M55W8XY
This one is less neatly organized but included similar tables with a thorough list of suggested symptoms: https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Journal-communicate/dp/1692099647/
I highly recommend this book.
It's a really comprehensive overview of the attachment literature, followed by their own method of how to treat attachment disorders, and several case studies, including a client with DID. The authors argue that disorganised attachment is a major underlying contributor to DID/DDNOS, and that directly treating the attachment style is a very effective component of treatment.
I like this method because, unlike other sources I've read, they don't just expect secure attachment to happen through the therapeutic relationship or through logical analysis (it can sometimes, but too slow and unreliable). Instead they propose detailed visualision techniques to directly target the working map of attachment in the brain and body (or each alter's map), adapted to match each specific client. They also look at addressing problems with metacognition and collaboration which tend to be caused by insecure attachment.
I highly recommend ideal parent figure therapy. It heals attachment disorders. Disorganised attachment plus later trauma is typically the underlying cause of did/ddnos, and the authors have found that directly working on internalised attachment maps is a very effective way to treat it.
My therapist is trained in other modalities so I have been doing this myself after reading the therapist textbook. I'm seeing big positive shifts after 1 month of practising the techniques daily. I've tried lots of things of variable helpfulness over 10 years, before getting the right diagnosis. This technique seems very promising for where I am right now.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Attachment-Disturbances-Adults-Treatment-Comprehensive/dp/0393711528
A helpful tool to classify alters.
It looks like a digital version is available on Amazon, if you do business with them.
Amazon has it coming out August 19 2022 in the U.S.
we reccomend this app (speech assistant)
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=nl.asoft.speechassistant
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/speech-assistant-aac/id1139762358
it has some set phrases that you can use, too
(also there are apps where you can make digital flashcards/conmunication cards)
yep .it is normal.
for self-help
No amensia is one of the main symptoms of dissociative identity disorder, according to people's experiences and the DSM-5 .
Help him get the necessary support. Be with him in difficult situations. Don't be hard on him. Get this tool will help him a lot to recover.
Many of us feel that... just be patient and don't give up and everything will be fine. A helpful tool
I feel your psychological suffering from this problem... We are all ashamed of the effects of our turmoil in our dealings with others. But we must accept ourselves, we have no other solution. Motivational journaling is very useful. This tool may help you a lot. good luck.
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Journal-communicate/dp/169210795X
I found this online, it might help for basing a journal off of.
But I think it really depends on what you want from a journal.
I feel like making it yourself might be a good idea tbh. Do you want a mood tracker? Do you want diary logs? Are you still discovering new alters? Tracking triggers is probably a good idea.
What I can personally think of as a recommendation would be coding the journal in some way. Some sort of organization. It’s your mind so it’s your choice how you want to organize it.
You could section it out by alter depending on how many you have, and then reserve space in the back of the journal for any new alters who might appear. Then just proceed by each alter writing in their section.
You could have a more combined layout. Combined daily entries. Though I might recommend having some sort of weekly/monthly statistic chart (like how many switches per alter this month, average time out). Maybe an index in the back. Like, entries by this alter on pages x, x, x, etc. or maybe color code the pages.
I think the idea of tracking triggers and interests and personality traits and memories etc. is good.
I guess mapping out your head to better understand what’s going on. Putting together the puzzle pieces and looking at the bigger picture.
Again it’s all up to you :) just some potential tips I can thing of
https.com://www.amazon.com/dp/1692099647/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_N5Y4TVHB6CK19C1FYXQ6
Dissociative Identity Journal. Available on Amazon for $12. This is what my husband and I bought for our child.
I am new to tracking and stuff. Am not too good with doing that sort of thing online. And I found this journal on here last year. I also bought journals from different other sellers but some where pretty empty (lots of blank pages, I can buy something else for that) and or just not as well put together. I am really happy with this journal. It gives a lot of room for daily use and symptom management, and room for notes (for example writing down who is here)
Thoughts are just visitors let them come and go
This tool may help you
I advise you to look for another professional therapist in your area to give you a proper diagnosis, the issue of forgetfulness related to memory and the problems associated with this matter are present in dissociative amnesia disorder ... so it is better to go to another therapist to confirm it or not....
These tools ( 1 - 2 ) may help you deal with some of your problems...
I wish you a successful recovery journey.
If you want THE book on structural dissociation, pick up The Haunted Self. Fair warning, it is most decidedly not a light read. It’s very academic and brainy, in parts. It can be very dry. It’s also incredibly fascinating and taught me a ton.
Like others have suggested . I’d say start with journaling .
Dissociative Identity Disorder Journal: Journal to manage DID, communicate between alters, create system rules, system maps, manage moods and track ... episodes. With gratitude prompts and more! https://www.amazon.com/dp/1692099647/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_0J8CDBB4XP7JJ958H5YR
This one has helped my husbands system .
Something like this or this may be useful? They're not exactly like a planner, since they are more focused on symptom tracking, but another suggestion is that you could just buy a regular planner that has an extra notes section to write in and designate it to be your DID planner where you log things?
A helpful tool. Wish you all the best.
This tool may help you . I like it.
they come in a little sealed up tube! this is an example of what I mean: https://www.amazon.co.uk/KSell-Fidget-Braided-Marble-Package/dp/B08JGTRR74/ref=asc_df_B08JGTRR74/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=463215581993&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17381802440981467620&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=...
I advise you to go to an experienced therapist to make sure that you do not suffer from depersonalization disorder, because what you mentioned to us is one of the signs of this disorder.
I wish you well, don't get too caught up in things
Do mountain meditation and take a deep breath
And think of other positive things
This tool will help you track strange symptoms
You should make a daily plan for all these contradictions.... The important thing is not to give up and feel weak.... Resist in order to be yourself....Use this tool to adapt and deal with the various bouts of dissociation.
I'd recommend going to https://z-lib.org/ and searching for books on DID. It's a website full of free pdfs of tons of books. I'd recommend 'Got Parts?', it's a self-help book for people with DID written by someone with DID.
Okay, so everyone is pretty much on board with Keep, (I forget to use it, and everything but I like it and knows it works well, definitely agreeing in recommendation!)
Here's another for the thread in the hopes to get more recommendations for things.
Do you like bulletpoints?
Check out Workflowy (this is the best intro link: https://workflowy.com/demo/embed/ ) It does all of that with tags, and searches, you can check off items and even isolate particular lists to the point of not even seeing or connecting with any other list if you don't want. I HIGHLY recommend this for anyone who does well with lists.
^.^
-Echo and Foxtrot
I just ordered this and my parts are very happy about it. Dissociative Identity Disorder Journal: Journal to manage DID, communicate between alters, create system rules, system maps, manage moods and track ... episodes. With gratitude prompts and more! https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1692099647/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_8X1HC88XE5Q4BW6J5QEH
"Got Parts?" suggests just such a memory timeline. https://www.amazon.com/Insiders-Managing-Successfully-Dissociative-Identity/dp/1932690034
We have a timeline that grounds the memories to video games we played as a child. Turns out, nerds are _very_ good at capturing release dates, promotional materials, and gaming magazines that in turn help both jog our memories and help us build continuity between the flashbulb moments that make up our memory. Hope that helps!
7iPupas Fiber Optic LED Shoes for Kids, Men and Women, Lightweight Sneakers USB Charging Glowing Shoes https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B07FL7465W/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_W9H9HMPPNWG4HCYTWNJP
I’m looking for wheelie shoes for us lol
Try checking out the weekly thread Symptom Management Social for some ideas.
We use Anchors if it’s a familiar environment. Otherwise (or additionally if needed), we use our grounding kit.
We keep a clear makeup bag like this in our purse. This makes them visible and easy to access in a moment of need. Inside, we have a conglomerate of items that different parts find soothing, like:
As a new-ish system we’re still trying to find and communicate better with all our alters - here’s what helped me
1) journal freestyle . With pen and paper . When relaxed . Just let whatever thoughts come out on paper. I connected the most with alters this way
2) playlists . Think about your main playlists. I find that different alters like and connect with different songs. Channel feelings you get from songs
3) meditation . Visualize a place where all of you live in headspace. My inner space is a large house on the mountains with a stream flowing where it’s always fall and all of us live in that house and have our own space . Design such a space for yourself and whichever alter you feel. You’ll find that you get creative and start hearing suggestions!
4) special DID journals to know your parts like this one. My alters started naming themselves and revealing details as I tried to fill out profiles https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Journal-communicate/dp/1692106600
I imagine it's quite hard to find a child therapist who specializes in DID. Are there any psychologists in your area who focus on treating children with severe/chronic trauma? That might be your best avenue--particularly if they're willing to do some additional training and CEUs on treating dissociation in children.
Also, Idk if this will help, but there's a picture book for children who have DID titled All the Colors of Me. It's written by a therapist and psychologist associated with the ISSTD. Best wishes!
I recommend an app called mytherapy (idk if it's on ios tho). there's an option in the settings for it to continously remind u to take the medication until u either mark it as done or skipped (even if u swipe it out of ur notifications!). u can also "snooze" the reminder for up to an hour I believe. there's a progress tracker where u can see if u skipped a dose :)
We personally use this one but it's not the best and I definitely used to have a better one that I can't find again, but basically we just make a group chat on there and we also create a chat for each of us to just put thoughts/comments that's aren't necessarily directed at anyone else
Trigger Point Therapy Workbook by Clair Davis. (3rd edition)
My go to for resolving ANY physical pain issue. The only problem is, reading and doing the work is harder than taking a pill, but it is a true solution, not a band-aid that covers the symptoms.
Edit: 2'nd edition can be had for about $5 used if you're trying to save some money. There isn't a huge difference between the two editions. 2nd edition has some page number errors and doesn't talk about all the newer tools on the market that can help. If you have a thera-cane and a tennis ball, other tools aren't needed.
I'm so sorry to hear that, sounds like there's a lot going on with him. :/
Is he open to reading books, whether about DID specifically or, say, emotions and interpersonal stuff? Like <em>Nonviolent Communication</em>, or maybe some of the books here, to start with?
If you're looking for another thing to try, I'd recommend high-dose Niacin (Vitamin B3), the kind that causes flushing (increased blood flow and warmth to the skin). It's safe (it's a water-soluble vitamin, you could take it every day if you want) and often effective for bringing you down from panic attacks or bad psychedelic trips.
You can get it on Amazon or wherever for pretty cheap. I'd recommend a dose of anywhere between 100mg and 500mg. Make sure it's Niacin (also known as Nicotinic Acid) not Niacinamide (that one doesn't cause flushing, it won't work).
The first time we took it, it allowed us to finally feel safe enough to relax and fall asleep, and that night we were able to process and release a lot of trauma (as described here), which significantly reduced the severity of our PTSD symptoms from that point on.
Please let us know if it helps. <3
Oh also, I highly recommend this book, it is the best single block of information I've seen about this disorder and I believe most of the mod team has a copy at this point.
https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks/dp/0737303948/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2JVQUAMTI9NB9&keywords=the+dissociative+identity+disorder+sourcebook&qid=1559098845&s=gateway&sprefix=the+dissociative+idenity+%2Caps%2C142&sr=8-3
My advice for writing is to always write, even if it's just stream of consciousness garbage. The more you use a skill, the better you get, and eventually you will be able to shoot from the hip and create something amazing at will.
Growing Beyond Survival is not meant to be a companion to the coping book, but I have found it to be the perfect supplement.
So I found some dissertations in my college's library database but I can't publish them here (I think that's illegal, lol) but if you'd like to PM me your email address I could send the files that way.
If you don't feel comfortable with that, no worries - in that case I will recommend purchasing the book "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. Here's the link to the book on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
There is a growing field of research in psychology surrounding the utilization of massage therapy, yoga, reiki, and other body work modalities in the treatment of trauma disorders. Although it is relatively new in the mental health fields, massage practitioners have always known that we carry trauma in our tissues and muscles. The first time I ever got a massage, the therapist touched my shoulder blades and I immediately started sobbing. It was such a visceral reaction from a deep place of hurt that I didn't even know was there.
If you suspect you have DID you should contact a doctor, it's not something you can or should deal with alone.
That said I do fully understand that certain feeling of relief, I was stuggling with depression etc for over ten years and could never really pinpoint why I had so much selfhatered and why I seemed to always manage to fuck things over for myself with my strange and changing actions etc
If you want more information about DID I can highly suggest this book; https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks/dp/0737303948/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1530189382&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder&dpPl=1&dpID=51Xzh...
We found it very helpful in understanding what was going on with us
This one is by the doctor who diagnosed me with DID, it's pretty expensive though: Rebuilding Shattered Lives
When I first started reading about DID after I was diagnosed, it was when the new term was just beginning to be used widely, and a lot of the discussion about it was still along the lines of "is this real or not." I was treated by the dude who wrote this book, and I highly recommend it: http://www.amazon.com/Rebuilding-Shattered-Lives-Dissociative-Disorders/dp/0470768746
Edit: he didn't actually treat me with meds or therapy, just diagnosed me and then consulted on my treatment.
I actually feel the same way, my trust issues are obstacles and as much as I acknowledge that therapy is beneficial I prefer the sideways route. Check out this book: Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation. It's very hands-on with what you're dealing with.
We got some good communication by opening a journal and writing a question and being open to hearing an answer.
We like the DID Sourcebook. Would NOT recommend the book Got Parts, found it condescending and actually a bit shaming if the people on board are secretive, fearful or protective of their names and history.
I'm sorry I don't know how to answer your questions. I have DID, which means I don't know how my friends know the difference between the different parts of my head. It's always been a bit of a mystery to me. But if you're looking for the best information on dissociative disorders, it's in here: http://www.amazon.ca/Coping-With-Trauma-related-Dissociation-Suzette/dp/039370646X
Trauma Model Therapy by Colin Ross may be a good book. It is actually written for psychologists, but the writing style is down-to-earth and it has a lot of useful information in it.
> So, does anyone have any tips for me on... how I can look at all the things in the past and not feel resentful?
The only real cure for resentment is forgiveness. Resentment and true forgiveness cannot coexist at the same time. And forgiveness does not start with a feeling - it's not apathy, it's not "I don't care anymore" or "I'll pretend not to care" - it's "You've wronged me, but I choose to release you from your debt to me. I let go of my claim, I let go of my anger, and I forgive you." The feelings of forgiveness follow that choice.
That being said, it is a difficult choice to make when the other person is not making a visible effort to prevent the problem from repeating.
> ...how I can help him...
Start out with yourself. As already suggested, if you can find a good therapist, then that would help a lot. Try to avoid co-dependency, build a healthy set of boundaries, and become as balanced and all-around emotionally healthy as you can be.
Speaking from experience, it is hard to live at peace with somebody who is in the middle of their own internal civil war. And it's hard to protect yourself from "friendly" fire. This is not an easy road to walk.
May you both find peace.
Could you teach people to use something like Emergency Chat? iOS Android It's really simple and launches a customizable explanation, then has a chat system where you can pass the phone back and forth to talk when you're having issues with verbal communication. It probably won't help the people who don't have words as much, but maybe emoji would be possible as some means of communication?