What are /r/DatingAfterThirty's favorite Products & Services?

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What you described is pretty much how online dating (and in a sense dating in general) runs. You meet people, go out with them, things seem to be looking great and then poof it's gone and you're left scratching your head wondering WTF just happened. Signing up for meetups at Meetup.com might work, just find something that interests you, there should be a number of singles meetups there for your city where they do a bunch of different activities and stuff (I think the one for Toronto has an Archery Tag event coming up later next week or something). I've gone to a couple and it definitely seems much friendlier than hitting the bars and clubs.

I agree with this notion. To expand on this, keep your eye out for a good samaritan act, person giving money to a homeless person or maybe listening to a canvasser (haha I can tell I live in the city now). Go to Meetup.com groups of topics that interest you, go alone or with a confident friend (that is ok with you talking with other people most of the day). Go to outdoors events. Usually some fit and mentally healthy people will be at the park from time to time, at fairs, and festivals. Craft beer tours and wine tours, tours of cool industries, these you can just call up and ask when their next tour is. At events like that people are looking to network already, you can socially network too! good luck!

Don't feel shitty. It's about HIM, not you. You are awesome. You are amazing. Remember that. Your weight? Eff that. I just saw a guy match me on Tinder who wanted people size 12 and larger. Said he was done with Barbies. So there ya go!

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Online dating isn't real. I'm convinced of this after about eight years. Have I met cool people? Yes. Fuck ups? Yes. Psychos? To the point where I've had to call the police? Yes.

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What do YOU love? Is it writing? Painting? Driving? Road trips? DO THOSE! I'm back on Meetup.com to see if I can find people of like minds. I'm 40+ but act like I'm 14. It's a hard gig, trust me. Most guys I go out with are in shock when they meet me. Think Converse with RipnDip shirts. Hugs your friends. Hug your pets. Heck - hug MY pets if you want and you're on the East Coast!

Please hang in there. I feel your pain. I truly do. I've had so many "I want your sex" calls with OLD that there are too many to mention. And these have been with guys who are well-known in their fields. I guess everyone needs to, well, get their stuff. But I want the real deal. And it seems you do, too.

Exactly!

More importantly, OP, focus on compatibility and maturity. I'm on my 2nd marriage (and last, God willing), and she's a good bit younger. (I still meet the xkcd criteria, though.) But she's very mature, and we're very compatible.

I also recommend a book: Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts

Good luck!

A haaaaa! So that's why! Res = reddit enchantment suite. https://redditenhancementsuite.com/

It's an extension that helps you keep track pf up votes, downvotes, you can set tags and whatnot for other users :) it's awesome!

8 months? Is there an activity date you can view? (Meaning did he just not delete his profile upon entering a relationship with you, but he stopped using it, so the activity date is then?) I would ask him, but its likely hes cheating or trying to cheat. Sorry.

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Fun story: When I entered a relationship with my now husband, I thought I deleted my Match.com account. But apparently I didnt click through all the screens all the way. I think they make it confusing on purpose to have people accidentally not cancel their account. I figured this out when they charged me $300 again several months later. My profile was still up but the activity date on it was likely the day after I entered a relationship.

Meetup.com. They may or may not have some in your area. It depends on the size of the city. It's a way to meet up with people who may share like minded interests. Sometimes they are just general socializing ones. They are often not that big depending on ones you go to. You can always try one out and if it doesn't feel right, excuse yourself and leave. Nothing wrong with that at all.

As someone who has been seeing a therapist myself, one suggestion is to not "hate" yourself for having those fears. Self compassion goes a long way in realizing you cannot just "get over" it. It takes time, and you're obviously doing the work and trying. Being proud of your efforts helps make huge strides.

Gotcha. What are your core activities? Go off of those! I am a writer, and actually had fantastic dates with someone who also was a writer. We went to writing meet-ups (NaNoWriMo) and had a blast. We were good friends for a number of years, even though it didn't work out. I think some people focus on the athletic things. Doesn't have to be that way. Do you have meetup.com where you are? There are good activities for couples / groups. What about a museum scavenger hunt?

Yeah, eharmony pretty much bites, at least in my experience. I had just got a new job, figured that eharmony would have "good Christian men" to date, but I live on the outskirts of LA, and had very few matches - I mean there was a REALLY LOW number of guys that "liked" me, and normally that's not the case on any other site I've been on, 'cause normally you get tons even if you're not hot, LOL... And it sucks because I paid top dollar on that site, y'know?

Anywho when I was like "forget this site" I saw the 3 month terms of service and I was like "uh oh"...however I just made sure to set a reminder for 2 months in to cancel the membership, and I was okay.

But it totally sucks that they do this, because you pay a grip of money, plus the commercials make it seems like it's an optimal site and they do algorithmic stuff to make sure your matches are 10/10, but that's a bunch of bullcrap, at least in my case. Maybe my area is full of people that can't afford to pay the eharmony dating fees, that's what I think is an issue as well. Maybe I might try Match.com, but I've been burned from eharmony and other sites, so I'm taking a well deserved OLD break :)

So I broke down and I'm giving Bumble one more shot (lol, said it before). Match.com in my area is just not happening and I really regret wasting $ on the subscription (lots of profiles without subscription, some fake repeat profiles, and alot of what I'm simply not looking for). Just curious, does everyone here "log out" of their Bumble app when they're not using it or do they just close the application?

I genuinely want to find someone but I dont want to give off the "hope, expectations, and desperation" vibe.

I am a female with a male roommate and it hasn't affected me finding someone to date.

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The only time it affected anything was when I read a match.com profile where the guy seemed really awesome until about the 3rd paragraph when he wrote a book about how he doesn't believe people can have friends of the other sex and friendships with the other sex are not acceptable, etc etc. I was going to send him a message up until that point but then decided I didn't want to fight the uphill battle of trying to convince him that, yes, seriously, my roommate is just a friend (kind of a like a little brother at this point) and there is no nor ever has been any sexual attraction or inkling to date.

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I think it's a level of maturity and/or baggage from previous relationships.

I dont really like any of these photos for your main photo, it should just be your head and a blurry background (DLSR) but nothing else (not even your dog, save the dog pic for like your 4-5). A lot of people will only ever look at your main photo and just swipe based on it, that needs to be the best part of your entire profile, so do whatever it takes to get a good looking headshot.

You probably shouldn't use 9 pictures, you don't look equally good in all these photos and you have too many different looks going on. Pick your best 5-6 and keep those. Very basic layout would be: headshot, body shot, group shot with you in the center, then animal or hobby shots.

Use https://www.photofeeler.com/ to figure out which photos are best or get more photos and try and get best results possible.

Use all the dating apps, not just tinder, as a man online dating is all about casting a wide net.

I dont like your beard, I am man though. I would highly recommend either shaving it off or going to a nice barber to help you get a good style for it. You probably look best to me in your second photo, but that isn't a good photo for your main photo.

That’s great you’re getting more matches. I find it interesting how people look in photos some people who I have been attracted in real life I might not have swiped right in them online it’s so hard to tell. I tried putting a couple of photos on photo feeler just to get feedback it was an interesting experiment; some people were kind of harsh. On the website though there are articles about the difference angle and lighting make in a photo. I’ve included the link if you’re interested. photo feeler “unbiased” feedback

I'm 36 and have never had a committed relationship. I read this book and it was just what I needed. I stopped thinking it was me, and realized it's really just a matter of luck. I'd also rather be by myself than with someone just to be with someone. Might be a good time to take a break (especially from OLD) and work on your confidence. Make some female friends that might have some advice.

RE: sex I agree with the comments below that every person is basically a blank slate. Just communicate and be attentive to what they like and it will be great.