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Babies aren’t complex in their needs. If they’re crying then they’re after one of these things:
- They’re hungry
- They’ve pooped
- They want comfort (to sleep)
- They want to be left alone (to sleep)
Check these things in order and they generally will sort themselves out.
Breast feeding is basically a full time operation in the beginning so expect to do all of the house work and for things to slip a little in that regard.
Sleep train kiddo early, get them used to a pitch black room with white noise (Thoroughly recommend the hairdryer sound from this app it got our both our babies sleeping through within a few months) but consistency is key here, go to bed the same time, get up at the same time, get a solid bedtime routine.
Honestly the new born phase kinda sucked, there were some nice times (like when they fell asleep on me) but it was few and far between, the rest was crying and feeding and pooping and exhaustion. But after a few months you’ll get smiles then crawling then walking then talking and it all happens so fast that you’ll quickly forget the horrible stuff.
Just be present and don’t be afraid, learn to do things like changing nappies (or diapers) early and take as much of the burden away from your wife as you can.
There's Brain Rules for Babies.
The most useful book I read was actually How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids. It gave me a better understanding of what my wife felt like by accidentally falling into the role of "family manager".
I've found that parenting books are really not all that helpful or insightful. Most of them are just repackaging common sense ideas with a funny title and cover to prey on men and women who are in the pregnancy stage and anxious about the great unknown future.
The only real things you need to know are to take care of your wife as much as possible. Be patient and try to always be kind even when you are angry. Get as much sleep as possible once the baby is here because things get REAL stressful when you aren't getting enough sleep.
The best way to make your baby a genius is to give them a low stress environment where they feel safe and loved. Any anxiety will make them less able to learn. There are no real "tricks" like playing Mozart all the time that are going to really move the needle as much as being present in your child's life and making them feel safe and encouraged to learn about the world.
The first few months of infancy are really going to be about taking care of your wife. Your baby won't have a personality yet and you won't have developed a real relationship with them yet either so all you really need to do is keep your baby alive and get enough sleep so you don't rage shake your baby when they're screaming at 3am for no discernible reason.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
It is written by the man himself and filled with a lot of stoic wisdom that has become the basis for many of today's self help books. As a former military man it might strike a chord with him. It also doesn't come across as a "self-help" book since it is basically Marcus's personal reflections to himself.
Sorry about 2nd post Reddit is very bad with edits and copy and paste -
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We used a little miralax mixed in with water, it if goes days we use this and he poops in minutes.
The sleep easy solution. They put on live seminars. They’re great.
Also DR Harvey Karp. https://www.happiestbaby.com/. Not at all fishy.
Both Dr Karp & the sleep easy ladies complement each other’s styles & strategies really, really well.
Both aren’t too expensive ; worth every penny!
I bought this book and I like it for the most part. Some of it feels a bit ridiculous and should go without saying but you have to remember that they are casting a wide net and trying to improve the lives of a partners with very wide array of issues that boil down to some basic, easy to follow things to remember that will help you master your relationship together.
And Baby Makes Three: The... https://www.amazon.com/dp/140009738X?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
This book is also helpful for a more mechanically focused way to improve your relationship by finding the right balance of responsibility between you and your partner.
Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525541942/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_7W3XSQ6X0ME5N6V2SQ8G
Happy to answer more questions or listen if you just want to rant about it. It's hard and nothing is foolproof. You have to focus on what you're building together, whether that's a family, a life, your careers, or even just your relationship into a mutually meaningful and fulfilling experience. Once you have a lot of the basic stuff down you can reduce net stress and increase net affection that is usually fertile ground for sex. There's also a subreddit called r/deadbedrooms (or something) that is dedicated to this issue more generally but has lots of support and advice for a lot of people in a number of unique circumstances.
We had a lot of issues getting my daughter (1st, now 6) to latch and breastfeed. Our problems were with low supply. For her breast milk production your wife should be pumping (if she isn't already). Most medical plans will cover this close to 100% (good ones are only a few hundred dollars). This will help bring in and ramp up her supply, but will also give you guys the breast milk to put in bottles when you do give her one. Not to mention how much you will save on formula by doing this.
The thing we ended up doing to help with the actual breast feeding (on my daughters side anyway, chaffing is a whole different story lol) was to use a plastic syringe and with tube attachment that we got from our home care nurse (this kind of thing but for a human). We would get my daughter on the breast with the tube in her mouth (at the same spot and angle as the nipple as much as possible) and I would very lightly press the plunger to squirt some in her mouth. Then we weaned it back until we didn't need it anymore. If your daughter is getting frustrated at not getting enough milk from the breast this might help bridge the gap.
This book was wicked to read through with my wife. One cheaper a week (only a few pages) and it discussed the milestone of the baby, and your partners development! As well a check list of things to have done etc
Also was just a really special 10 minutes my wife and I spent; 10 minutes every Sunday night reading the week ahead
Mindfulness meditation helped me quite a bit. My daughter actually complimented me this weekend on how well I control my emotions. I was stunned.
I never thought meditation would help me, or that I could even do it, but I did.
Mindfulness for Fidgety Skeptics
Try it, it has real benefits.
Butt Paste! The best thing I've ever used for diaper rash. Invest in this shit, don't bother with the tube, get the tub. Other than that boys and girls aren't really much different when they're newborn, keep an eye on thier sensitive area, excessive redness could mean infection but Mom will most likely be able to identify it.
Enjoy having a daughter, she will be the sunshine of your life, like mine is.
Boudreaux's Butt Paste Maximum Strength Diaper Rash Ointment, 14 oz Jar https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LZF07GU/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_4C3TJAY8ZCPZN9VX7ECY
I was so terrified of doing this with our little guy, I picked up this electric nail file and it’s a game changer. Highly recommend and you can’t hurt them with it :)
I read this book 3 times during the first month. I had no clue what I was doing. I don't follow the book 100% but it gave me enough guidance to have things go smoothly.
Check a local library, or find a way to dl it if you don't want to buy it.
https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0345479092
Everything you and the baby's mom needs to know is in this book. It's written by well qualified nurses and it did amazing things for us with our kids.
https://www.amazon.com/Moms-Call-Basic-Baby-Care-ebook/dp/B00AN2JPNI
My little girl was the same way. Some friends told us about this toy and it worked wonders. It does require an extra set of hands, but between the music and flashing lights it distracted her for long enough. She's 7 months and still loves it.
Baby Einstein Take Along Tunes Toy Toddler Infant Music & Sound Toys https://www.amazon.com/dp/B016GOJLEY/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_J4N1GTTRT0KE7HBXNSYT
My daughter will be 13 months old next week, she is super active and loves trying to do things (she is also super interested in our phones like your son). We got her one of these for her birthday and she has been really into it. It's got a ton of different little things on it that they can try to manipulate and move around and it's at a good height that she can play with it either sitting or standing.
I am constantly recommending this book. It may help you. It doesn't just address the child's behavior, but your own as well. It's normally for 2 and up, but you will be there soon.
He's that age where he's going to start expressing those emotions, allow this, encourage it, and talk to him about it. I have found this the single most life changing thing I've done with my youngest.
I always recommend this book it's short and it really helps. It also covers what you're inquiring about.
I always recommend this book. It's invaluable.
Seriously. I've found it incredibly effective. I have both a gifted child and a child on the autism spectrum - it works for both.
Here is some different advice:
Step 1: get excited. Sounds like you have that part under control. :-)
Step 2: Don’t worry about a once a day weed habit. My wife smokes, and our kids have turned out amazing. I totally get the desire to be your best. But if weed does it for you, then do it. I believe it helps her be a better mom.
She only ever does it after the kids go to sleep. Or i’ll watch the kids for awhile so she can restore.
Step 3:
Getting the baby, you and your wife regular (all thru the night) sleep is so critical. Our pediatrician was so great and coached us to have all our kids sleeping through the night by 2 months old. It makes a massive difference in your wife’s sanity levels. You’ll be a safer, more engaged parent if you have sleep.
Here is a book I found on Amazon. Pick a winner and take control of this for your family. It’s an amazing gift to your team if you can make this happen.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night https://www.amazon.com/dp/0071381392/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7dwdBbKNKE0D3
My son didn't have colic but we did give him gripe water with probiotics since he seemed to be really gassy and uncomfortable. He seemed to enjoy the taste so sometimes that alone would calm him a bit.
gripe water (amazon)
I recently found these books, and I was pleasantly surprised how they made such a difference in my day to day parenting. I can't recommend it highly enough.
This will give you hope - worked like a charm with both our kids and had them down to one feeding/night within like a month.
Also echo the Happiest Baby recommendation from the other poster - very helpful.
At 4 weeks old you can't really circumvent it, they're too young for "cry it out" so you have to deal as best you can.
Best things you can try: - White noise - we find the hairdryer sound from White Noise Baby Sleep Sounds app (https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.amikulich.babysleep&hl=en_US) to be the best, but try a few and see what works for you. - Make bedtime as dark as you can - we're talking full black out curtains with no leakage, you shouldn't be able to see your hand in front of your face. - When in doubt change the bum - our little girl will usually stop crying if we take her nappy off. - Routine, routine, routine - try and keep as many things the same as you can every night. - Get a yoga ball! - our son would love to just be bounced up and down on a yoga ball for hours at a time, good exercise too. - Distract then with this video - https://youtu.be/8DILz54aYFU - Good naps in the day = better sleep at night - Accept that right now it sucks, but it will get better!
I actually kinda hated the new born stage, they're boring and just take everything from you and without giving anything back.
Our youngest is now 4 months and she's starting to become much more interesting, she's discovered her hands, she smiles, she's trying to roll and will move her feet when I try to walk with her between my legs, you can play peek-a-boo and tickle her and she'll actually respond.
Our 2 year old is even more fun, exploring words and puzzles and games and bugs and trains and spinning around and everything is amazing all the time!
So yea, you might kinda hate them right now, but stick with it, they'll love you for it.
Personally I found this book very helpful. It presents what you should expect in the beginning in terms of health, development and mental state. Conveniently split to weeks / months.
https://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Babys-First/dp/1561487503
Take turns. Give her as long as possible off duty. Then trade. Sleep yourselves so you don’t go crazy.
This book helped us a lot. YMMV. It probably mostly helped us to feel like we had a plan/routine that we were working towards.
On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep "2019 edition"- Interactive Support https://www.amazon.com/dp/1932740503/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wn.nFbQGPB0WC
Have you tried a susher? It seems to calm down my 6 month old during sleep regression.
Rules for my Newborn Daughter by Walker Lamond. It's more of a novelty or coffee table book done in the style of a 1950s etiquette guide, but has some fun and insightful quips. It's more of a Father's Day gift than a "go out and buy yourself" book. However, I found it inordinately useful. Such fun quips include:
"If a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh"
"You don't drink wine at the ballpark"
"The easiest way to express your individualism is through clothes. It's also the least interesting."
"Check the high-tide mark before you camp"
"If you are going to Florida, you'd better have a really good reason."