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Hi. Seems as though you are clumping together a lot of tough challenges; while compounding your stress and despair further by imagining today's distress goes on forever into the future.
Right now - you started using alcohol and weed very young and it has done some damage to your body. If this was the only thing you were dealing with - it'd be a lot for anyone. But it isn't the only thing you are dealing with. Because you started so young, the only friends and fun that you know are also deeply connected to drugs and alcohol. If you live in the US - you and your friends are in the minority; most people drink/use less than once a month.
Right now - you are socially isolated, and so you feel bored and alone. You are also facing a challenge as tough as an ultra-marathon or free-climbing a cliff. There are people who embrace those challenges and build singularly interesting lives out of them. Go after that singularly interesting life - take this hard time you are having seriously, while understanding that it is temporary.
Are you a gamer? try checking out https://www.superbetter.com/ for the game and for a different kind of on-line support
Get some kind of real life social support - if you don't have friends whose lives don't revolve around getting high now, that really does suck for you.... join something, anything you can think of for social contact... new friends come, eventually - meanwhile, having anyone who is not using and who is spending time with you, helps. Also, your confidence in your ability to create a good life is going to grow in ways you cannot yet imagine just by virtue of your ability to cope, in a healthy way, with the pain you feel now.
What do you do for work or school? Also; check out r/stopdrinking - it has more users and generally provides a broader range of support than I see pop up in this sub
You got this!!!! We got you. Staying sober minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day is a win.
This is a meeting I go to on zoom. The people are dope af and it’s saved my life. You can legit log on, turn camera off and go on mute if you need to.
7:30 PST
feel free to message me if needed. Stay strong fam. You got this
There’s a daily online meeting using zoom at 12 noon PST.
Jai is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Join Zoom Meeting
Meeting ID: 592 191 919
I hope you get through the day safe and sound.
Dreams come true, if you truly believe it. Have faith on the path, pay attention to the signs….
It's on amazon in the US I think, I'm from France so it's imported here https://www.amazon.com/Hals-New-York-Seltzer-Water/dp/B07G4FZMM2
Creative things are great. Journals, pens, markers, paints, whatever. Also look into some literature for sobriety that aren’t the big book. There’s a lot of good stuff out there.
Also, I have this coloring book and it’s hilarious.
Sobriety Coloring Book: A Swear... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1074295714?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Mate I feel your pain. I have depression and was a heavy drinker. The numb feeling was the only one that felt good. Getting sober for me meant facing my demons. I no longer had the booze to hide behind. It was a fucking painful process and dealing with the depression and lack of focus is still daily. But I am making a shitload of progress, something I never did drunk.
I tried to quit a few times, I read this book and was finally able to do it. Not sure if it'll work for you but it helped me get over the hump and stay there. https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Control-Alcohol-ebook/dp/B07B7QRWTH/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=357TYCS6KEJNV&keywords=allen+carr+easy+way+to+control+alcohol&qid=1668657999&sprefix=allen+carr+easy+way+to+%2Caps%2C123&sr=8-1
The road is long and lonely, be kind to yourself.
Something I think happens when you make the decision to get C&S is that it holds a mirror up to the people around you who are also struggling with addiction.
I was a bartender for many years before I walked away from it, so most, if not all, of my friends were fellow bartenders, barflys, regulars, dealers, things like that. So yeah, when it was time for me to walk away, we no longer had anything in common. I was left out of the loop and I had to walk away and form my own. It can be really hard, because when you think you're just going to be giving up drugs and alcohol, it turns out you're also giving up the people that you've been around the most.
It can be tough to find new, healthy friends, but the internet is great. Subreddits for various hobbies you might have, or maybe a local gym or yoga studio, Meetup.com, or even some dating sites have the ability to look for friends and stuff like that. My recommendation is to also learn to love yourself and enjoy the time you have alone, because in my life, I found that I hated being alone so much, and going to the bar was an easy fix for companionship. I had to learn how to enjoy the quiet spaces as much as the loud, crowded ones.
Get this book: Alcohol Explained by William Porter
Read Chapter 2 "The Physiological Effects of Drinking"
It explains everything you are going through and how you are now in Catch-22: alcohol facilitates depression, getting a drink temporarily relieves the depression, but you get more depressed after. Having another drink only exacerbates the problem and leads you on the downward spiral.
Only solution is: stop drinking, allow the effects to wear off, then take stock of your life.
Word on the street: Delta-8 gummies are legal and help serve as a crutch to weane yourself off alcohol.
Somebody posted this book recently as a recommendation, and honestly it's really insightful. I highly recommend it too.
Feeling good in my own skin has been the greatest gift of recovery for me.
It takes time, and the more I got through things that caused anxiety, the easier it became.
I still have those feelings, I don't think it will ever go away, but I now just acknowlege it.
I got big into mindfulness, but a really simple form. I don't do much meditation, but I am much more in tune with my emotions. I accept my emotions, but dont act on them.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Be-mindful-Live-moment/dp/0857084445
This book describes mindfulness in a really simple and practicle way without all the guff I think goes with other descriptions of mindfullness.
Alcohol, is a short term fix for anxiety, but I found that it was causing most if not all of it.
I realize this is an old post, but I'm hoping someone stumbles upon this and gets some relief from my experience. About a week after getting sober I broke out truly 5x worse than I have in my entire life, but got it back under control roughly 2 weeks later. Here's what helped me:
- Started washing my face with Dove Sensitive Skin bar soap, gently exfoliating with a soft washcloth as opposed to just washing with my hands.
- Omitted dairy from my diet
- Began taking chlorella and a liver support supplement. (Linked below)
I hope this helps!
Idk if this will help. But it helped me a ton. It’s a completely new perspective on not drinking. Where it’s not about “Will Power” cause that puts so much pressure on someone. But rather it’s about realizing that you’re free from drinking. — it’s a pretty easy and simple read and helped me a ton. Hope it does the same for you (all) as well.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1784045411/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_288Q7X8DK1GGYJN5T357
Then if you have the funds, do this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WT1A43G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_0WN6ZNPX3TVQR6JRYTAF
Then you’ll have a couple of chips to look forward to as well.
If you don’t have the funds, dm me your address (if you feel comfortable doing that) and I’d be happy to buy them for you. You’ve earned it!
I recently discovered the joy of NA beers as “something special.” I had what I felt was a real fancy NA IPA at a work thing and really I enjoyed it.
May I also recommend the NA sparkling rose white tea and ginger drink. My wife just bought it to celebrate a milestone in our lives and I loooved it.
TÖST Rosé All-Natural Non-Alcoholic Sparkling Beverage Refresher with White tea, Elderberry, Ginger, 25.4 Fl Oz (Rosé, Pack of 6) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08XMRXXGL/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_SABR7CRBE3842ER9CVTE?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
I was where you are 4 years ago. I decided enough was enough, I needed to step up and take control of my life. Booze was no longer bringing me the joy it once did and only causing harm and destruction in my life. It wasn't easy because my entire life revolved around alcohol but I can tell you now, life is so much better.
Two books I always recommend that were super beneficial to me when I got started on my road to recovery were: "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace and "Alcohol Explained" by William Porter.
I ran across this also that I like to share, which really resonated with me. It made me realize that I am the one in control of my destiny. I can choose the path of self healing or self destruction.
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
I quit drinking 4 years ago because this was me. As others have mentioned, you may consider giving it up all together. What you describe is why the majority of us are on this sub, r/stopdrinking and other sobriety subs.
I was the life of the party and my life revolved around drinking. All of my friends drank and pretty much everything I did revolved around it. I can tell you that 4 years later, I have a wonderful life and I don't even think about drinking anymore. Sure, I had to separate from some of the activities I was doing and part with a few friends. I was totally in your shoes - realized I needed to quit but just couldn't imagine life without alcohol. It is possible and you will look back and not regret the decision!
In my first month of recovery, I read the book "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace. It was a huge help.
Best of luck to you.
Amazing work. I can relate as I have been sober now since 11/2009 - so great to see your success, so inspiring, you are blessed!
A few friends of mine started an AA zoom meeting every day - posting here to see if you or anyone is interested. Just trying to help like minded people support each other and connect.
Keep it going and God Bless!
I have some great virtual meetings and would also be willing to chat about the different remote options to keep connected in sobriety. Good on you for being able to adapt. Tough times.
Give yourself grace and I pray you stay the course. I struggled with addiction in 2009 and felt stripped of all my free will. Today I specialize in bringing people together and helping people empower themselves through sobriety and networking. Willing to chat anytime if you need an ear. 🙏
Hey, I'm really sorry that you're feeling like that and I completely understand.
Here is the suicide hotline number please get in contact with someone if you are feeling like that, they are there to help https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
I hope these thoughts help you..
- It's not *only* 2 weeks, 2 weeks is enormous!! And quite honestly, the first days are the absolute hardest. I feel like for me (14 months no drinking) the first days are 10000x harder than it is now.
- Take it one day at a time, seriously. Made it a day, or even hour sober? Fuck yes, that is progress.
For meds...
- Ask your Psychologist if they can refer to you a Psychiatrist, they usually can.
Also this book has helped me so much: https://www.amazon.com/Presence-Process-Journey-Present-Awareness/dp/1897238460
i highly recommend writing a list of all of the negative side effects of drinking (hangovers, weight gain, memory problems, impaired judgement, bad sleep, etc.) when i think about it , trading sobriety for a sex life doesnt seem like a fair trade. if your unable to let loose, i would talk to your partner about how you feel. the fact that your both sober might help them rationalize how you are feeling. if not, you might want to think about if your partner is right for you. in my eyes, the fact that you cant feel loose around your partner when you’re sober might be a deeper problem with the relationship. i have personally been dealing with the same problem of not feeling comfortable around my partner when im sober. i think its just something that im going to have to come to terms with to keep my sobriety. remember that 2 years is just a speck of time when it comes too your whole life. think about how much progress you have made in such a small amount of time. you could probably make progress on your sex life if you pit your all into trying to relearn how to have a sex life while sober. if you are willing to wait it out i recommend reading this book (https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Recovery-Meeting-Between-Covers/dp/1616496614/ref=nodl_#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div)
1) i stopped with this book 12y ago - 40 cigs a day - im 54 now: https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155 2) read every single page - in my opinion the smartest approach to drinking on the web: www.stopdrinkingalcohol.com
As a working professional, I really appreciated this book: https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness-ebook/dp/B077VTJC8P
Not sure how this sub feels about it, but it helped me and a close friend. Like night and day. Will be 1 year sober in a few days.
Also, I think there is a pdf version floating around. I was able to get an e edition from the library.
God Bless and you can friggin' do it!
Do ittttt! I go every month these days...
It’s called Ferrasorb by Thorne Research. The reviews, and my experience, speak volumes.
Thorne Research - Ferrasorb -... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0797PJQMT?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Also boosts b6 and b12 if you still have that issue.
similar to smartrecovery, this is the book that got me started:
Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction
Lately I've been reading In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate. It focuses more on hard drug addiction, but it's still been an interesting read.
I also recently tried Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck, but I'm not sure if I'd recommend it. It feels like a very low-budget self-published book. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors, and the author kind of comes off as being very pompous. He also cites scientific research, but doesn't provide any sources, so the skeptic in me has to wonder how much he's making up. He also ends chapters with a screen-grab of someone's review of the book. I made it a ways into the book and put it down.
If you're not sure you can stop, I'll ask you this: are you powerless over alcohol? Once you start, can you stop and stay stopped? Has your life become unmanageable inside your mind and emotions? Has it become unmanageable because alcohol interferes with your home life, work life, and social interactions? If you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable and you can admit these things, that is the first step toward the solution toward recovery. Get a copy of the Big Book and take a look at whether AA might be the place for you. There are excellent recovery centers worldwide and AA meetings all over the world. Let me know if I can help. I'm here to support you.