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Go to your library. Rent out the book, "On Writing" by Stephen King. If you can't be troubled to read a book you can't be serious about writing, so just do yourself the favor and pick it up.

You will find the answers to your questions there. In a nutshell.... 1) read a lot 2) write every day 3) dont overthink you're initial drafts...just write. 4) rewrite...edit....trash it, kill your darlings 5) repeat.

Like /u/qlstrange said, way too wordy. Instead of taking heed to that Stephen King article, go read George Orwell's <em>Politics and the English Language</em>. Specifically, scroll down to his six rules of writing and look at number three. Without changing the sentence structure of your first sentence, I can take out at least three words and make it sound more crisp.

Speaking of Stephen King, if you haven't already, go check out his book, On Writing. It's one of the best books on the craft.

First of all, Congratulations on finishing your first story. Now comes the hard part, write the next one :)

I only got maybe a page in, and like MikeCereal guessed, the sentence structure is prohibitive through out.

You may wonder at the dismissive nature of comments (I only read only page/one paragraph) but that is what editors do, and honestly you could have the most brilliant original story in the world, but if it is not communicated properly, no one will know. Try reading it out loud, maybe record it and listen to it, you will see what we are saying.

Also, 6k words is not a book, it's still in short story territory.

Some advice, if you haven't already read Stephen King's On Writing, and listen to Brandon Sanderson's Writing Excuses. Both provide amazing advice on the craft of writing. One of the best pieces of advice that they both give is, don't give up, keep writing.

You could consider a tiddlywiki and email it to yourself every so often. Nothing to install (other than an html file), runs in browser, name it what you want and put it in your favorites.

I know a friend who used to write things at work that way.

I also know me, who does it that way now.

Congrats on writing a novel!

You say you've been writing it over the last few weeks and aren't finished.

My advice: Don't edit it now. Don't ask others to read it now. I'm a huge believer in letting things sit a bit. (Stephen King says to let things sit for a couple weeks or more depending on length. Check out his On Writing book.) Finish and let it sit for a few weeks. Give it your own edit, then share away.

Just my two cents!!

I hope you don't feel deflated by this! 70k is a lot of work and it takes a lot of guts to share. Work, Guts, and now Patience.

Hope this helps a bit?

Submission:

Unrequited Love

Note:

I hope I did this right. I have not worked with Google Docs before.

WriteRoom and its Windows-equivalent Dark Room are the complete opposite of what everyone here has been suggesting. The program opens up in full screen with no menus and a black background, effectively shutting out distraction and clutter. I'll let you all decide if it's something that suits you or not.

What about all those other erotica writers who have been writing sex stories way before her and experienced far less success? Even BDSM as a central topic in a book isn't something new and in a lot of novels, sex scenes just feel awkward and clumsy.

By the way, I don't mean it as an attack against you, but I thought it was worth bringing up as a point and discussing how she will be responsible for influencing the next wave of authors and telling them how to write. Trying to ignore the issue and stop others reading it or hearing about it isn't going to change anything (Believe me, I'd be out there picketing against the publication of the book if I could!) like it or not, people are going to buy her book and say 'this is how to write if I want to write a best seller'.

Think of all the writers who follow On Writing like their own Bible! But now it's Fifty Shades being looked up to as to what is a successful book and trying to emulate her writing style for success.

Second time I've posted this today. But I feel it's relevant and necessary.

50 Years of Stupid Grammar Advice. A criticism of The Elements of Style.

I feel it's good to see the criticisms of something as well as the praise Especially when you hear almost nothing but praise. And especially when the criticism has merit.

This is my post that didn't show up on /r/writing:

I've always written about the election, and this flash fic reminds me of 2008 when I was into light usage of marijuana and would lament about how Obama was a computer simulation... This one is really bringing the joy back and I need a critique on the personal impact or social relevancy of this piece. I'm sure most of the writing is fine for flash fic, but if you find it particularly bad, I'd be glad to accept style criticisms as well.

It's a piece inspired of course by Mormonism, and what I need to know is if this kind of writing could ever take off. Easiest way to answer is describe how you were entertained by it. Excerpt follows (from the ending)

>"May you flip the dimensions with this full set of magic hipster gear,

>and may your bungalow not be so bongy, bungy, dungy, and low.

>The collars will fill the skies with the reflections of the gods, my dear,

>And the pumps will, should I be elected over him, set your walls aglow."

here's the full story

In a second I'll critique yours

The descriptive parts aren't too bad, you're using part of them to describe the characters, and even the descriptions of the environment are partly related to character. So that's good. But I want the story to move faster in the first couple pages, rather than just be trapped in the protagonist's head while she muses about all the things she sees. For one thing, she's revealing some personality details about dad and brother, but when it comes to herself, not so much. She's telling rather than showing.

What I'd like to see is that she has a problem. Show she has a nice life so we can identify with her, but also show there's a lot going on under the surface. There's no tension in the opening scenes, even though we learn some type of horrible monster is going to be abducting people tomorrow. Every person in the house would be going through both a collective and a personal hell. Don't rip off the reader by not showing that. "Does it come tomorrow?" Zack asked. If he's 10, Zack goddamned already knows its coming tomorrow. Zack's a bright kid. He's going to say, "It's coming tomorrow." Because it's circled on his calendar. That's dark. Let the darkness in here. They aren't happy playing chess, they're whistling past the graveyard, because everyone knows what's happening again tomorrow.

I think you need to write some character profiles so you know exactly what kind of people you have here. You need to make them real people for the reader, not just placeholders. I know a little bit about the protagonist, but not nearly enough to hook me into reading the whole book.

I think cut down on the descriptions and punch up the dialog. That's harder, but it's a great way to reveal character.

The 2nd paragraph has a change of tense from past to present. The whole work should be consistently past tense, I think.

there are paperbacks via Createspace...I linked to the kindle edition, but the page should have both formats (look for the section near the top titled "Formats"). You can also get the paperback version from Barnes and Noble and directly from Createspace.

That said, my e-books outsell my paperbacks about 100 to 1. This appears to be fairly normal, according to everything I've been able to read about the subject.

Yep. Here's my profile. If you decide to use it and have any questions, just send me a message and I'll try to help out.

There's a few tips I can give you with regards to the ranking algorithm, when to post/update, how to get reads, etc.

And then charge for the second book in the series? Yep, that's a good strategy.

There are tons of ways to use Twitter to promote your book (especially if it's free). Here's a list of hashtags that you can use.

I'd also recommend putting some of the first book on Wattpad since it's free anyway. Wattpad has millions of readers looking for new stuff every day. Readers who like the first book on Wattpad may convert to paying readers for the next book.

Good luck!

Thanks for the feedback, and good catch with the repetitiveness. I'll go through the chapter again and try to fix it up with that suggestion to incorporate more pronouns.

This chapter falls about 2/5th of the way through the book, which is called &quot;Angels and Wormholes&quot;. This chapter is the latest chapter I've released, and it's somewhere around chapter 20. I'd love to hear your thoughts on other chapters if you have the time and inclination.

Thanks again.

Hey there, I took a look at it. Overall I'd say you've done an excellent job of making everything clear. More than anything I cleaned up some long sentences and tried to restructure the order some of the information was presented in to make it a little more clear.

The only other thing I might do is change the format of your initial header to set your contact information and name apart from the rest, but that's an aesthetic decision that's really up to you.

$75 certainly isn't necessary to clean up a draft as good as the one you had. Good luck with the job search!

I have a fantastic realism young adult novella that is already published that I have always wanted to see as a graphic novel/comic. To be honest, it hits pretty much all of the things you listed. It involves an alternate dimension that an illustrator could have an absolute field day with. My publisher and I have discussed it before. Someone did a book trailer for me years ago, which is in the link, and might give you an idea of where it could be expanded (trailer isn’t that great though). Here is the amazon link to the description: In the Storm

You should invest in a copy of the Writer's Market (though it's probably late enough in the year to look for the 2019 edition so you can stay up to date on competitions. Don't feel like you have to buy it every year, though. Having 1 version of it is enough, but if it's your first time buying it, might as well be as current as possible.)

It's a massive collection of magazines, agents, publishing companies, and competitions, as well as information about each. They have smaller versions that are more specific to poetry, novels & short stories, and probably also non-fiction. You can easily find them on amazon.

I would actually say the opposite as far as making every sentence error-free goes. The main thing now, in the beginning is to generate. Perseverating over every single sentence will only slow you down, if not stop the flow immediately. When you are just trying to get your juices flowing, you can't worry about spelling mistakes or typos. Those are things that get corrected later when you edit, and yes, it is important to know the rules of grammar and spelling (The Elements of Style by Strunk and White can be a big help at that stage). When you are ready to edit something, read it out loud to yourself, even if it feels stupid. This helps you catch so many mistakes, overly used words, false-sounding dialogue, etc. But for someone who is just starting I think creating a writing (and reading) habit is most important. Even if you're a terrible speller someone can help you with that down the road but no one can help you generate the work.

Xenophilia is an antonym for xenophobia. I would get rid of the adverbs. Since I have read the book: On Writing, by Stephen King I have a strong adverse reaction to adverbs. It is my opinion, not everyone shares it. - I had a hint that he is lonesome. I did not see him looking at moldy photos of people he used to know. I would show the reader what he is thinking. I would make his heart beat speed up when the phone rings. I would make him scramble to answer it. I would make him think a fantasy is coming true. I understand that the commercial is a punch in the face to the character. I like that part. It is great. I am glad you are educating me while entertaining me. Thank you.

Yes, I know it's an antonym, but in this instance, the xenophobic idea is that the xenophilia leads to problems. So he is a xenophobe but the ideas being discussed relate to xenophilia.

I'll keep the adverbs in mind, I'll check out "On Writing" as well, seems like worthwhile reading!

This wikipedia page should help. Adam Smith wrote "The Wealth of Nations". Can't think of a good way to include that info in the story...help there would be appreciated.

The ship sent out in the end was part of Smith's plans, he blew up his own creation in a sort of "public art project," but in space. I'm trying to show the difference between the impact of direct humanitarian work and indirect humanitarian statements.

Thanks for your comments, if you've got any more I'd love to hear them :)

The best way to improve your writing is to read. Honestly. It sounds simple but it's true. If you read and read and read you get better. You see what you like, what you don't. What works for you and what doesn't. Really though, more reading=better writing. Also, write all the time. Constantly write. Even if you this it's shit, just write. Not everything you write has to be good. Also, these two books have helped immensely and I've read them over and over again. They're good for understanding how "writing" works.

Borges, On Writing

Eudora Welty, On Writing

Get of a copy of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. First time I read that back in college, I nearly fell out of my chair. Suddenly, everything made sense! I figured out why some of my prose felt clunky and why my sentences didn't flow together the way I imagined them in my head. It's a short, tiny book, but it can make a world of difference. It's a very good place to start.

You're very welcome. ^^

> And also, do you have any future tips for an amateur?

First of all, read Stephen King's "On Writing," if you haven't already. It is truly wonderful. I have a whole stack of other books I could recommend to you, but they're all in various boxes in my apartment since I am moving this weekend. Once I unpack I'll send you a list. :)

Thanks for the feedback. I wanted to try and give enough writing in regards to the rules. The entire rough draft can be found here on my googledocs.

It's a bit lengthy. The storyline is, at least I feel basic. A man is investigating the disappearance of his sister, the "world" he's in or area he's in isn't what he's used too and he digs a deeper hole as he makes his way further into the investigation. I want the obsessed feeling that he's been doing this for a very long time independently and this might be as close to a resolution as he may get.

I've done a bit of a rework on this. I would really appreciate if you could have a look, please?

The new version is here

I'm sorry. I had it on the post but it was set up in a weird way.

Here is a link and according to google docs if you have this link then its open to you:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1f47GZYRjytl5qkb_mB0_4nwIBZwN7kqEU4y3fGAzJUk/edit

Thank you! I read in the rules that you shouldn't post the whole thing. Instead of lengthy chapters, I just do small sections. It's hard for me to draw out my writing, and that is one of the reasons why I joined this group.

I will post another couple of sections.

If anyone cares to, the shared link to the total amount (about 50 pages) is below.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A99sDOiiPXKUIrKZS18LTMdVkqgo3NwX1HR_ZMJL8P8/edit

Ah yes, the grandfather is an old character from Part 1 - but in Part 1 he was around 17/18 years old, and with his father Eric, heading up to see his mother Betsy on the mountain.

In Part 3 - hes now a grandfather, some fifty sixty years later - and thanks for the advice, i'm tryin to keep him in the scenes as much as possible and show his relationship with his 'new' family.

I've edited out some of the expositional stuff, especially about how the old towns have changed and instead making them go down to each town instead.

So yeah you helped me move on a little. I'm no longer working on it on that link though cause I keep forgetting what I edit and what I don't. If you are interested in the story as a whole check out: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Bn5eGYNRYeiM-Lxsn_UCEkZsCbFdNbUyhJGBDL9iuoU/edit?pli=1

or cntrl+f "Part 3" to see updated changes.

woot thanks

Heres mine! Self Help

I apologise, as this is a first draft, and a bit rubbish in my opinion and filled with glaring errors (a mix of the cocktail drugs I'm on and the rush to finish), but I had to submit something. Sorry for being so awkward with the date.

Ok so this first one I don't know if it's considered young adult or not But you can never go wrong with Reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

The Book Of Dead Days by Marcus Sedgwick is one of my favorite young adult fantasy books.

The Child Thief by Brom is another book on my Must read list. It mixes horror and fantasy beautifully in my opinion.

Cirque Du Freak by Darren Shan Is another really good book.

I tend to find new books to read on goodreads Just throwing that out there. Hope this helps!

Masterclass is a great starting point for all things writing.

As this is a writer's group, you are obligated to provide feedback on others' work in between sharing your own pieces. If you want to post your updated piece afterwards, then I will likely take a look at it at some point.

Draft 2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PhmQ88UEwOgoqVnGsyMsBtI9Q5v3BMo2W95LA33ntFo/edit?hl=en_GB

Still a lot of major problems with it but it's slowly improving. I shouldn't update with every draft so from now I'll keep it to myself until it's done. Still would really appreciate any critique. I'm used to writing screenplay so my command of words isn't exactly as good as I'd want it to be yet.

Here's a Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&amp;pid=explorer&amp;chrome=true&amp;srcid=0B-SHHrH65LhQOWYwOGExMmMtY2M0Zi00OWIxLTk1ZDktZDAxOTY4MWRiNWQy&amp;hl=en

Thanks for the interest.

I recently listened to the book Reality is Broken, where I heard about SuperBetter. When I read your story I thought this might be perfect for you to help you stay motivated and regain your skills faster. Have a look, and feel free to tell me what you think if you want to :)

https://www.superbetter.com/

>Yikes. Definitely have to go back to the drawing board. I appreciate it.

No problem. One thing to keep in mind is one of the main features that differentiates cosmic horror from other horror sub-genres:

"Cosmic horror generally explores the insignificance of human existence when compared to the vast universe. Lovecraftian horror stories generally explore these themes through familiar characters or entities like the Great Old Ones, a set of destructive god-like figures that exist outside of the realm of full human comprehension. The discovery of these figures thrusts the characters in a Lovecraftian horror story into a place where they must confront the futility and utter insignificance of their lives."

Source: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-cosmic-horror-stories#how-to-write-a-cosmic-horror-story

To be honest, I think you need to think about your idea pretty hard and pin down something concrete about it before you'll be able to progress: if you mostly have a handful of mental images and years' worth of little tweaks but no real progress, it sounds like something has been blocking you from actually writing.

Spitball. Try writing random scenes, drawing relationship diagrams, take an online personality quiz in the persona of an important character, etc. Try thinking about what the overall theme or message of the story should be, and then think about how various characters might act our or embody that theme in positive or negative ways. Try to find some music that fits the mood you're going for and imagine a scene that would accompany that music track. Write up a plot outline. Try scripting the story in an online format such as Twine, that would allow you to naturally integrate those images that inspired you. Remember that it won't, and shouldn't be perfect; nothing is wasted, no matter how silly, if it keeps you moving forward.

If all else fails, shelve this idea and work on something else. Not every story idea does, or can, become a fully-developed narrative... and sometimes you come back to an old idea years later when you're wiser and more knowledgeable and have refined your mental writing tools.

Plot/structure: I get that you want to start in the middle of the action to capture the reader's attention. But you leave too many questions unanswered for too long. What kind of creature is Sodo? How is he different from the monster? Is this story set in our world or a different one? If it's set in our world then what era is it set in? You can maybe get away with leaving this up in the air for a couple of pages, any longer and readers will just be turned off and confused.

Prose: IMO your writing needs some work. The punctuation is very inconsistent, you should look up a style guide and stick to it. I also think that you use way too many adjectives/adverbs and too many words like "exclaimed, declared." I'd recommend using the Hemingway App as a reference - your writing doesn't have to be that sparse but it should help cut down on stuff like that.

If you have the time, could you read through it again? I've made a good amount of changes

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PgcxscVG2hztkSOliV1O-z7ulEsNJFJI6s5HxJirkn8/edit?hl=en&amp;authkey=CLP9m7YK

I had to do similar contract work in the past--250 words on a topic is an insanely small amount of space. My workaround, and perhaps this would work with this piece, is to just open with a hook-y sort of statement and then flesh out two (or 3, space permitting) examples. I then closed with either a summation or a 'make you think' kind of statement. If it helps, here are two (rather dated) examples of what worked for me: iPhone and New Coffee Sutra

I think what would serve this piece best is a brief compare/contrast of the sequel makers like EA vs. startups such as Rovio Mobile (who make Angry Birds). It would be interesting to see how both companies turn insane profit using two polar opposite approaches.

Start with the characters and their background first. A story isn’t about the plot, it’s about your characters: how they react to external events, and how those events change them internally. A good book has strong characters you can relate to, so if you start with the plot, you’re more likely to create something with little substance.

I’m in the planning phase for my first book, and I’ve found Lisa Cron’s Story Genius to be incredibly helpful. She recommends to first define your “what if” and the point you want your story to make, then create the characters that help you tell that story, and then you can focus on the plot. Since you’ve already defined your main character and their backstory, you’ll breeze through those parts!

In my case, I started with a rough idea of where I want my story to go, but it will become clearer to me once I finish developing the characters.

Hope that helps!

Earlier this year I published a volume of short stories, all sci-fi / fantasy, of various lengths. I think The Metamorphoses or Last Contact would be perfect for a comic. If you take a look and want a copy, send me a message and I'll send you one for free.

Predatory Behavior: and Other Stories https://www.amazon.com/dp/1790407931/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ske5Cb3HWHXJF

Write every day, if possible, and know that much of what you write is not going to be anywhere near perfect, nor will it be destined for publishing. But if you don't write as much as you can you'll never get to the best you can do. Don't treat it like it's so precious; you need to work and practice just like anything else. You don't go from never having completed a story to selling a screenplay. Have fun and try all different genres--fiction, poetry, personal essay, screenplay. . . Don't be afraid to write crap. A great thing to do is just set a timer even just for 5-10 minutes and just write without stopping to think or edit. The more you practice the more interesting what you write will become. Definitely check out "On Writing" by Stephen King (even if you're not into his work it's a great book and so motivational) and "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg. If you like those try "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott. I don't think you can read any of those books without wanting to start writing immediately. If you really have trouble just getting your own going, get a book of exercises -- I like The Writer's Block: 786 Ideas to Jump-Start Your Imagination. Pick a random page, set a timer and go! Bottom line: do the work, give yourself permission to write utter shit, read as much as humanly possible, and DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. (Read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert-a great, realistic book about being creative and you'll see why.) Good luck!

This is really a personal preference thing, but I always discover my theme(s) while writing. This has the (negative?) effect that I only write about three themes, which really could be reduced down to one. Definitely more of a hedgehog than a fox. Steven King talks about this in On Writing. He uses his first novel Carrie as an example. In the revision process he finds that blood is present in many important scenes and decides examine the idea of good blood and bad blood and turn blood into a symbol. He dovetails this in places into religious ideas that appear throughout the novel. That's just one approach though. You can read Poe's process narrative of his most famous poem "The Raven" and it's the total opposite. Poe starts with an idea (the loss of a beautiful woman), thinks up an vehicle to symbolize (a "stately raven") then writes his Stanza and constructs around.

But my honest advice would be to start writing. When you a couple of chapters or even if you write a few chapters you hate and decided to scrap, the theme(s) your going for will become more tangible in your mind, a ball you can hold in the minds eye instead of a sunspot --floating where an idea flashed briefly once.

I say write the whole thing and then go back. If you aren't up for doing that and are more interested in your writing style, etc - I'll say:

Apply the old "show me, don't tell me" rule.

I think you're so worried someone won't see it how you see it, you're trying to force them to. It's like micromanaging someone's imagination.

Buy "On Writing" by Stephen King and read it.

I have a few so here's my list:

On Writing - Stephen King

Reading Like a Writer - Francine Prose

The Red Sneaker Writer's Books - William Bernhardt (This series is my personal favorite. Each book covers specific element if storytelling and how to improve on it. They are also all short enough to read in about 2-3 hours, and the kicker is that they're $4 each on audible)

Wired For Story - Lisa Cron

On Writing Well - William Zinsser

I love Francine Prose's book and I am surprised to say I am getting a lot out of Ray Bradbury's Zen in the Art of Writing. It wasn't what I expected when I bought it, but the essays on the writing life are very elucidating and fun.

I took a creative writing class 2 years ago, and I absolutely loved it! I'm the kind of person who does well with deadlines and external accountability, so that helped get me motivated. Also, our "textbook" for the class was "On Writing" by Stephen King. It was the shit :)

The first sentence is telling, not showing. Your second sentence is a nightmare. You tend to put verbs before your subject (standing in front of him were two men vs. two men stood in front of him). You're using the passive voice. ("caused them to drop" vs "they dropped").

Buy yourself two things - Stephen King's book, "On Writing," and "The Elements of Style" by Strunk & White.

My advice: cut the crap. I lost interest at the end of the first sentence. I can see onscreen that ellipses are used at least five times in dialogue. There is a character named "Maxxim."

Get a copy of Stephen King's "On Writing"

Reading a lot is one of the most important parts of writing. There are very few people that don't read a lot and still write well. (maybe there are none?)

Some of those tags are redundant and unnecessary. Rule 17 in The Elements of Style is 'Omit needless words'. (If you don't have a copy of Elements of Style I would definitely suggest picking one up. It's rightfully considered to be one of the best grammar books ever written.)

'I asked, curious.' That's redundant, if somebody is asking then it's implied that they're curious.

'she said, before retorting' That's unnecessary, if there's dialog that follows then the reader already knows that she said "Not really" before she goes on to say the rest. And retorting is a bit fluffy I think.

You could write it as:

“Don’t you sweat, Jewls?”

“Not really,” she said. “I mean, it takes a lot more than a little spike in temperature to get my fluids going.”

There are stylistic situations where it could be appropriate to break all of the rules in order to convey some sort of particular meaning. But it's important to at least know the standard rules before attempting to break them.

I'm not going to offer a real critique because I don't read this sort of thing normally and have no idea if it was executed well or not. (I liked it, but as for technical aspects, I have nothing to bring to the table.)

What I want to say is read "On Writing" by Stephen King. I think everyone who is thinking about writing should read this because it gives a great sense of what exactly you're getting yourself into.

Good luck for the future, and don't stop writing. (Also, post the rest of this, if there's more!)

> Also, its kind of interesting that you suggest "This is war. Focus," because I had written that initially, but Word yelled at me for it.

Here's a little tip: turn off the spell check and grammar check. They're crutches if you use them for anything but catching common typos, and you're not going to become a better writer if you depend on them. Instead, keep a dictionary handy so you can check your spelling. For grammar, get a copy of Strunk & White's The Elements of Style and make it your Bible.

Thanks again for the continued support. I haven't really talked to writers before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I honestly have been pleasantly surprised by the concern, goodwill, and honesty here.

I'll finally buy "On Writing." I'd been putting it off till I was more familiar with his work, but I need the advice, and reading the book before his fictions will help me see where he's coming from. I've read three Orson Scott Card books, of course one of them being "Ender's Game."

Thanks for the "Dark Knight" example of character relationships. I'll definitely check out Writing Excuses.

Writing has really been affecting me more than I would have thought. It's forcing me to confront and more fully realize my mental and emotional struggles. Writing's actually made me seek therapy, medication, a book on mental health, new fiction, other perspectives, and other writers. I've been socially anxious enough to hide from most other people for years, even forums like these, but committing myself to writing has been a catalyst for many things I've been too afraid to do.

You have some awesome ideas. The pace was good, though the style a little choppy. You switch back and forth between present and past tense, try to stick to just one to ensure a steady flow to the story, unless it's for dramatic purposes(flashbacks etc.).

Like EddieVanHelsing said, read 'On Writing' by stephen king, an excellent brief on writing style.

Keep up the good work!

I feel like all of your sentences are very, very similar in length and in their start--it feels like you have a lot of the's, him's, and he's. When I read it out loud and it sounds almost monotonous and very start/stop.

Have you read this out loud to yourself? I find that it really helps me to pick up on similar words, etc.

Okay, I feel like this is a good start, I like where you're going with it, but it does read as a tad generic. Reading it, I felt that I couldn't distinguish anyone specific behind the words. A lot of the time I feel like that's just a lack of having written things. You're new at this "craft" and with practice you'll develop a sense of style, little quirks that set stories apart. You can give 7 writers one plot and come up with 7 very distinct stories.

I think when you start writing more and start developing your "quirks" you could write some awesome stuff!

My biggest advice would be read writer-ly (I really liked Bird by Bird by Annie Lamot) books and absorb that side of the writing world and just keep writing anything, even if it sounds dumb or something totally not you.

That's pretty good. I like <em>Write Your Novel from the Middle</em> by James Scott Bell. It's short, $4; you can download it onto your phone and read it in an afternoon. There's a certain point in the middle of a book where the hero takes a good, hard look at himself, then decides what he needs to do. Figure out that point, and the rest of the book falls in place.

I also like <em>How to Write a Damn Good Novel</em> by James Frey.

Keep working and post it again. Have you ever read a book on writing? I suggest trying out <em>Write Your Novel from the Middle</em> by James Scott Bell. It's short and costs $3; you can put it on your phone and read it in an afternoon or two. I think he gives good advice, and he's easy to understand.

Agreed with McTheebs. It's not horrible and no reason for you to stop writing altogether. You have some passive voice issues. Trying making your sentences more active. By that I mean the object of the sentence is doing the action. For example "Alex was sitting in the chair." was is a "to-be" verb which you want to avoid. It's preferable to write "Alex sat in the chair." Don't go back and change this, just keep writing foward. You can rewrite after the first draft! A Really good, short book for writing style is

http://www.amazon.com/The-Elements-Style-Fourth-Edition/dp/020530902X

Keep writing!