My abuser never changed. He still hasn't, though he claims to have. He would just get subtler at it, but it was there alright. I suggest you read Why Does He Do That? It helped me a lot. He argues that most abusers don't tend to improve with therapy, and instead only get worse and use what they learn in therapy to manipulate and abuse further. If you are going to consider giving him a chance, I suggest you are first completely separated (as in, definitely not living together) until you feel safe, not just for a couple of weeks. Not just for yourself, but for the kids as well. Even if he is not physically harming them, just seeing or noticing how he treats you will be very damaging for them too--and trust me they notice. But whatever you do, be very very wary of anything he says. Even seeming change can definitely backslide, as was my experience. It seemed he had changed, but as soon as he felt that I was safely back with him, he started to abuse me just as bad and even worse than before. Please please please be careful, and please don't let him live with you or your kids or pets for a long time.
Here is what I was talking about. You can rename the app or hide it. You can set it up where you hit the power button three times and it starts recording. Then, once you hit the back or home button, the app won't appear to be open or running at all.
It is not yr fault that you are like terrified but their! they do it , I have read about bullying to understand how it s work. I couldnt write everything because that would take all day to write but the bully isolate the victim. and bullying is a behaviour that go with repetition. so you do not need to feel guilty whatsoever.
it s their fault. they should feel guilty. for now you feel fear, it s ok to feel fear. they made you to feel fear. you are strong in reaching out.. In dealing with emotions : they want to keep you in a position of weakness . they are stupid too. often stupid people use violence and mental harassment to gain something. intelligent people in emotional intelligence ask each other; because those stupid mean shitty people arent not capable of basic respect or empathy , they arent asking. you are very great and very strong and very respectful and great super person because you are using law against them not threats. that s how I know that you are very great because I dealt with people of those stupid shitty kind and well, I gained knowledge and then I read more about it.
so dont degrade yourself, I know it s hard because of them but remember it them who are shit and you are great. and you would find help even with time and it would be an awful maybe useful past experience for you, I have faith you would do it and If I might give you an other advice : is to try to relax maybe watch something relaxing too, that you used to watch? something funny? cat video? I dont know : sound about the ocean, the forest, there are song about cat purr : https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/catPurrNoiseGenerator.php
I sometimes listen to sound or music to do a task I dont want to do to help me trough the task.
You could start with the National DV hotline. You can chat online with them and they’ll guide and validate you. Yes it’s abuse. Yes they’ll help you plan your life. Please check out r/narcissisticabuse where there are so many stories like this. This book is really helpful in considering why certain types of men abuse women. The author works with them in groups and knows of what he speaks. The whole book is available online: https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
no problem! let me explain, but first do some research about the 5 love languages, it seems to me that the way you show love is through physical affection, maybe you can explain it to her and also find out why she doesn't like it?
but about the nonviolent communication thing, well sure it's just a book so you need to do all the work, but it offers a new perspective. i used to get angry at people all the time, thinking that they are doing things to hurt me, taking things personally and that made me really mad and hurt, this book changed my views on the situations, to not focus on me, but to try to listen to what the other person is trying to tell me, like for instance if i schedule going out with a friend and that friend cancels at the last moment that would have made me super sad and even mad, but now i understand it has nothing to do with me, maybe their anxiety prevented them from going out, maybe they are going through some other stuff. also during arguments we tend to take things personally, and say things in a way that just creates more hurt, the book can help you learn how to say things in a better way for both people, so that you can convey what you're trying to say in a clearer and less violent approach.
even if you don't want to read the book, take a look at the sample, or even the reviews on amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=